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And now for something completely different. I have gotten more than a bit dissilusioned about what's out there for submissive women. Experience has led me to the conclusion that there are only three types of submissive women... liars, broken, or taken.
My tastes run toward strong, confident women. While I know there are submissive women who fit that description, they are few and far between, and inevitably TAKEN. I know a few dom/domme couples, and they seem to be quite stable and happy. I also know a lot of dominant women who spend a lot of time wishing that they could meet just one submissive man with a clue.
So I'm willing to try something different. Note.. the multitudes of low self esteemed women who have discovered that entitling themselves "mistress", or "goddess" would get equally desperate men to talk to them do not interest me. See sentence above concerning strong, confident women. On the other hand, if you ARE one of those strong confident women, and not taken, and are interested in talking with a strong, confident man, then write me a note and we can talk. As my Yiddish Grandmother used to say.. "It cudnt hoit!".
I only listed a few of my vanilla interests. I have to keep something back to talk about. :)
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Reprinted with permission. For Issue number 24 Thursday, June 01, 2006 Flake Bait By Jack Rinella I think that flypaper has some kind of smell in it toattract flies, just like the smell of cheese attractsmice to a trap. The question, then, is whether topshave some kind of built in smell (musk?) to attractflakes.OK, I’m going to be petty and bitchy but being stoodup usually makes me feel that way.Additionally my good friend Sam thought I ought towrite a book about dealing with flakes, as heexperiences the same kind of garbage from them as Ido, which is a surprise to me since he isn’t online,doesn’t aggressively pounce on the nearest bottom, andis much better looking, in an Old Guard way, than mostof the tops I know. Even he, in his very attractiveleather, is hit on time and again by flakes. “Oi Vay,”they say. “What can one do?”Well, folks, if I knew what to do I would do it. It’sas simple as that. Instead I sit here at home likefresh cow manure in the hot sun attracting flies. Orshould I say I sit here next to a stagnant pond like asweaty guy from Minnesota attracting mosquitoes?OK, disclaimer time. It’s ever been thus. Don’t foolyourself that the world wide web created flakes. Inthe “good old days” (read NOT) I would answer twentyDrummer classified ads at a dollar each and get noresponses. Of course I was too naive to know that halfthose ads were placed by the publisher so he couldcollect his dollar per response payment.The other disclaimer is more difficult to admit. Thereare times when I don’t show up, when I don’t answer anemail, or when I just flake out because what the hellam I going to say anyway and I really don’t want tohave to tell the guy that “I’m not interested.” Youknow, we are human, even if some of think we aren’t.Now on to the serious stuff. So Sam really wants me towrite that book. It would be all blank pages, exceptfor this column, of course. After all, I do have anopinion about everything and that includes dealingwith flakes.First off, let me define my terms. A flake, in thissituation, is someone who “ “. You see, my dictionarydoesn’t have an appropriate definition, which puts youat my mercy. A flake is, in Jack’s vocabulary, “aperson who is undependable, untrustworthy, and wholets fear, doubt, and/or circumstances intrude on whatthey said they would do without the common courtesy oftelling the recipient of the aforesaid saying thatthey have changed their minds, remembered a previouscommitment, or just don’t have the intestinalfortitude to keep their word.”I, of course, feel like flake bait because I’m alwaysfalling for their commitments in a way that is muchmore serious than the way they make them. When theysay they’ll call, I wait for the phone to ring, whenthey say they’ll be there, I take a shower, tidy upthe dungeon, and put everything else aside whilewaiting for their arrival. Hell, I even pace on theliving room rug wondering when they’ll ring thedoorbell. Seven out of ten times, according to Gallop,they don’t. (I’m only kidding here. I have no ideawhat the real statistic might be.)So, Sam asks, how do I deal with flakes? I keeptrying.Pick your reason: 1) You’ve got to kiss a lot of frogsto find a prince; 2) Every “No” gets you one no closerto yes; 3) You’ve got to turn over a lot of stones tofind a salamander; 4) They deserve the benefit of thedoubt because if that weren’t the case, where wouldyou be? 5) If we don’t allow the flakes we’ll neverfind the gems.It is, after all, a case of remembering what it waslike when we came into the scene. Lots of guys cut meslack, that’s for sure. I don’t think I was any prizeand I certainly didn’t know what I was getting myselfinto. Maybe I looked good because the bartender hadyelled “Last call.”All that’s to say that there is probably no avoidingthe flakes. We are the bait and they are attracted tous. What we can do is to be ourselves and to presentan authentic self to them. Still we can raise the bar,gentle, kinky folks and not settle for second best.Practically speaking raising the bar means that weexpect respect and when we don’t get it, we remindthem that it is their duty to give respect where it isearned. When the “flake of the week” calls, havingproven himself to be just that, I will tell him hestood me up and that I can not tolerate that behavior.Honesty, you see, is the best policy.Oh, it’s a lot easier to play his or her game and topretend nothing happened, but by doing so we encouragethe game-playing (as opposed to dungeon-playing) tocontinue.It means that we set real guidelines at the beginningof our negotiations. We tell them what we expect andthat there are consequences to inappropriate behavior.We remind them, and ourselves, that actions speaklouder than words and if they say one thing and doanother, we will listen to what they do.It’s easy for us to moan and groan about the wateringdown of our lifestyle, that it’s being sanitized or“dumbed down.” What is much harder is to admit thatany degradation “in the lifestyle” occurs because wesettle for it. We tolerate loud talking in thedungeon; we expect people to be late; we don’t remindpeople that they said one thing and did another.Yes, I cut slack and I’m glad that others cut someslack for me but there is behavior that’s notacceptable and by pointing it out we have the chanceof changing it. By our silence we say all too loudlythat it’s OK that way.Now I am not encouraging that we correct flakes byflaking out. Correction needs to be polite, quiet, andpersonal, not a loud, self-righteous, and publiccomment that puts down and humiliates. I’m suggesting,rather, that we take the flake moment and make it ateaching moment. I’m not going to say that the lessonwill be learned but I will say that, if my advice isfollowed, the flake will eventually have to wake upand smell the coffee, he or she will have been warnedwith guidance on how real (solid as opposed to flaky)leather folks treat one another.You see, we have a responsibility to help flakes learntheir way in our midst. If we don’t we’ll have onlyourselves to blame for our being surrounded by so manyof them.Copyright 2006 by JackRinella, all rights reserved.------------------End of rant. Now. Are there any women out there who don't lie whenever their lips are moving, and want to live life in the real world instead of hiding behind a computer?Submissives, see above.... |
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Her(submissive): I love you. I want to be with you. I want to belong to you. Him(me): It's too fast. You aren't used to this kind of intensity. Let's take it slow. Her: NO! I know this is real. You don't have to hold back from me. I'm not like all those other subs. Him: If this is real, let's do it right. There's no reason to rush things. 3 days later..... Her: I'm ending the relationship. I'm not ready for this. I'm sorry. It has nothing to do with you. Him: This is exactly why I wanted to take things slow. This happens every time. Her: I'm not all those other women, but if it makes you feel better to think that way, then go ahead. Him: No. You are nothing like all those other subs. You just say the same things, do the same things, and flake out the same way. How could I possibly see any simularities?.... So here's the deal. You want to submit to me? Fine. I'd be delighted to beat the shit out of you and satisfy all my baser sexual needs. You want a relationship? Find another sucker. If I'm going to share my life with someone, it's going to be with a woman who doesn't lie to me, and who isn't too afraid of life to live it. And for those who might want to ask if I've ever stopped to wonder if maybe the I should look in the mirror, i've reprinted a wonderful column by Jack Rinella in the next journal entry. |
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