To say that J and I underwent a post-summer drop would be the understatement of the decade.  As August flamed out we seemed to be finding our way.  We were close, affectionate, emotionally connected.  We were having lots of sex, mostly kinky.  I was focused on pleasing J, especially by doing more of the little things to lighten her load.  J’s subtle assertions of authority outside the bedroom helped keep the sexual energy flowing.

Then the school year hit. Like a tsunami.  We have two kids, one in elementary school, the other in middle.  A tidal wave of sports practices, games, chorus performances, band concerts, violin recitals, increased demands at work, and stressful hours assisting with homework and school projects blasted away the fragile structure of our foundling female led relationship.  One day we seemed to be heading in the right direction.  The next day it was all over. 

The Addisons, in their comments about FLR on their “Around Her Finger” website, state that “A submissive husband craves sexual energy (which you can read as sexual attention) from his wife as much as or more than he craves physical sex.  He can go without physical sex for extended periods of time, but he needs the sexual energy to feel satisfied.”

 This is accomplished by sexual playfulness and the ongoing acknowledgment of the wife that she has control over the relationship, and her husband.  It certainly kept the sexual energy going in our relationship.  But that playfulness, along with J’s assertiveness, are both gone now. 

The knowledge that our love could be so much deeper and more satisfying makes the loss of the framework that made it possible hard to accept.  But that is where we are.  J has made no effort at all to pick up where we left off, despite my encouragement.  So we drift apart and slide back into our old ways, J once more in a torpid malaise and I in sulky disillusionment.

J has done so much lately to keep our sex life exciting, and I am delighted with her for doing so. Last night is a great example.  J had me order three DVD's featuring all bisexual action - her favorite fantasy. It was Saturday night. She had been looking forward to watching one of the new movies and humiliating me by forcing me to watch it with her.

After I got the kids to bed and J had taken a shower, she met me in the basement where I had set out some of her toys, including her Magic Wand, and a glass of her favorite wine. She had told me I could do anything I wanted while I was waiting for her to dry her hair.

Wanting to get the evening off to a solid D/s start, I stripped and knelt before the couch. I fastened a recently purchased humbler onto my balls and cuffed my hands in front of me with steel, police issue handcuffs. I was kneeling there when J arrived in the basement, freshly scrubbed and beautiful. My preparations had the desired effect. She was definitely turned on. She sat beside me, tilted my chin towards her and kissed me. Her roaming hands caressed my body, soon finding their way to my swollen, stretched balls. She stroked my erection while she kissed me. I hope she felt as dominant as I did submissive. I was blasting into subspace at warp speed. She pressed my forehead to the carpet. My swollen balls jutted out behind me and I felt her cool wet tongue licking the my shaved scrotum. Her tongue wandered to my ass briefly before she sucked my balls, one at time, into her hot little mouth.

After a few minutes she said she wanted to watch her DVD. I pressed the play button on the remote control and knelt there naked and bound as J reclined on the couch.

The scene on the DVD started out ordinarily enough.  Two handsome young men and a very attractive young woman in a living room. They kissed, petted, stripped down, and started making out. Soon she was on her knees sucking one boy's cock while the other fucked her from behind. Meanwhile, J scooted down from the leather couch to the floor, propping her back on several pillows, her legs spread. I kneeled beside her as comfortably as I could with my hands cuffed and my balls in the humbler. She shrugged off her negligee. I was trying to work my head between her legs when she ordered me to watch the screen. The trio had switched positions. The boy who had been fucking the young woman was now sucking his friend's cock.

J said that's what she was going to do to me. She was going to bring a man home and make me suck his cock. This clearly was not his first time. He was sucking his friend enthusiastically and with evident skill. She said she was going to teach me out suck cock like that. I turned my attentions back to her cleft, trying my best to slide the tip of my tongue under the edge of her panties to get a taste her delicious pussy. After a few minutes of cock sucking, the trio changed positions again, and J ordered my attention back to the screen. One young man sat on the couch facing the camera. The other boy lowered himself onto the other's enormous erection. The young woman pressed her hands to his shoulders, slowly pressing him down until his friend's cock penetrated his tight asshole.

J was beside herself at this point. This is her ultimate fantasy. J asked for her Magic Wand. I had already plugged it in, but I had to crawl across the room on my hands and knees to bring it to her. She began to work her clitoris with the Magic Wand. The humbler was doing an excellent job of limiting my mobility, too much so, actually, in that it crimped J’s plans. She told me to take it off and come lick her pussy. I was eager to oblige. I had the humbler off in seconds. I pressed my lips to her luscious sex and proceeded to kiss every inch not blocked by the vibrating Magic Wand before beginning to lick and tongue her sweet cleft.

A few minutes later she ordered me to watch the screen again. The young woman was lowering herself onto the boy, impaling her own ass on his jutting cock. The three of them began to ride each other with surprising grace. I watched for a few minutes and then slid back between J's legs, this time to tongue her ass while she brought herself closer and closer to orgasm with the Wand.

Soon, J told me she needed my cock in her pussy. Once again, no problem. She turned a bit so she could still watch the television. She continued to work her clitoris with the Magic Wand as I eased into her. Having to accommodate the Wand put me in an awkward position. I said nothing to J but the Berber carpet was tearing up my knees. J was in heaven. She told me that's where she wanted me, in the middle of a three person butt-fuck, and asked rhetorically wouldn't I like a fat cock up my ass. I didn't answer.

J was soon on the edge. She told me she wanted me to come with her. I tried my best but the pain in my knees distracted me and soon J was writhing and moaning her way through an orgasm as her wonderful pussy spasmed around my cock. It was fantastic sex, even though I didn't come, and I was proud of helping her to such an obviously satisfying orgasm.

We were laying there, J basking in the afterglow of her orgasm as I floated in subspace when J apologized for coming without me. She seemed to think she had let me down somehow. I assured her it was wonderful for me. But as I lay there I was suffused with a tinge of sadness. J picked up my emotional current and asked me what was wrong. I said nothing, and in doing so I missed an opportunity to tell her how I really felt. Her apology was what had made me sad. It reminded me that while J is trying so hard to be the bedroom Domme of my dreams, to satisfy my kinky desires for dominance and submission, that this is sill just a game to her, just something she thinks she has to do keep the wheels from falling off the marriage. I have no right to complain, of course. I'm getting more than I have any right to expect. I have a beautiful woman willing to do some fairly twisted things for me.

So why am I complaining? Because we have a history. Because we tried this once before. Because we spent six months in what I had thought was the beginning of a new life together, with loving female authority at the core of the relationship – before things unraveled.  As I see it J was focused then, as she seems now, on what she should do to me to stroke my kinky side that she lost sight (if she ever saw at all) of what I can and should do for her. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love what J has been doing to me. It's awesome. But knowing our history I believe this arrangement is sustainable in the long run only if J embraces her authority, and uses me to satisfy her needs, and I don't mean just in the bedroom. I want very much to serve her, and for her to expect my service, day in and day out. Yes, I can and do anticipate some of her needs, and I will keep trying to do so. But I cannot anticipate her every need and want.  I want her to be more demanding of me.  Otherwise, I fear she'll burn out, and our relationship will go down in flames once more.

 I never imagined J would like fucking me so much, or that so much of our sex would revolve around her forced bisexual fantasies.  And even though that was never one of my own desires, I love that it is hers and that she feels comfortable indulging it so freely.

In "Loving Female Authority," Elise Sutton writes about a submissive husband who was reluctantly transformed into his wife's full-time sissy maid. He had never imagined their relationship would take such a turn, and in an interview said that although he did not want to be feminized, he did want his wife to dominate him.  In time he came to love being driven so deeply into submission in such an unexpected way. J's fascination with ass play and forced bisexuality is like that for me. I never expected to get fucked so often, or to enjoy it so much. Although the reality of such a relationship, should it ever become more than just a fantasy, scares the hell out of me, the thought of being bent so completely to J's twisted will, of being objectified and thoroughly used in gratification of her own kink, is a HUGE turn on for me.

J and I tried a Femdom relationship once before.  It was wonderful.   For about seven months we were like kinky newlyweds, buzzed with passion.  But the wheels fell off when we hit a rough patch.  I don’t really remember what we were fighting about.  I don’t really recall a fight at all.  I think I was just stressed at work and was curt with her.  Then, rather than consolidate her newfound power and use it to put me in my place, she got mad, disengaged, simmered, and then moved to the guest bedroom.  Silent days became resentful weeks, indifferent months. 

Well, we are on our second Femdom honeymoon right now.  Everything is great.  I am trying so hard to be happy, eager and submissive to J, to do things for her to show her that I really do want to serve and please her.  This past weekend I washed and waxed her car.  I do small things too like making her coffee and smoothies in the mornings.  On Sunday night I gave her a head to toe Swedish body massage, which I am quite skilled at giving.  And J gives what she knows I want – she dominates me.  Last night at the bar in our basement, after fastening my collar and leash, J plugged my ass then ordered to my knees to worship her cleft while she brought herself to a toe-curling orgasm with her magic wand. 

We are so very happy right now.  So close and intimate.  But the true test of our Femdom marriage will come when the honeymoon is over, when we are under pressure, when we have our next big fight. 

J and I are simultaneously re-reading Elise Sutton’s “Loving Female Authority,’’ and I want her to know that it is okay to punish me the next time she is angry with me, not with a passive-aggressive withdrawal of affections, but with a Femdom-aggressive crack of the whip.  Not because I am a “do me” sub but because I want her to have the tools to train me to be the husband she wants and needs in a head-on way that brings us closer together as a couple, instead of farther apart.

I almost came in my pants the first time I read Elise on stopping a fight with her husband:

A wise woman will walk away from him, collect herself and return with a strategy. That strategy depends on her husband's submissive nature. Through the female domination lifestyle, she has come to know him better than he even knows himself. What is it that stirs his submission?  Does he have a leather fetish? Does he have a foot fetish? What is it that  turns him submissive? The wise wife will get his submission to overpower his anger so she can reconcile with him first, then she can punish him for his temper tantrum.

I know my husband has a strong leather fetish. After I cool down, I might dress in a sexy, leather outfit, return to him and order him to his knees. I can see the struggle within him as his hurt and anger wants to

continue the fight but his submission wants to bow before me. I love watching that internal struggle within him. I will order him again in my most bitchy voice to bow before me and to kiss my boots or feet. Notice, I do not mention what we were fighting about. I  approach it as a regular D&S session. Usually, my husband will submit and once he is kissing

my boots or feet, his anger begins to leave his body and passion and submission will overtake him.

If that does not work, I go to another weapon that I know he cannot resist. I will walk over to him, hug him and kiss him. I will not say a

word but I will lead him by the hand to our bed. I will lay him face up on the bed and I will proceed to sit my tush on his face and I will order him to kiss and worship it. This will cause most men to melt into submission.

The face sitting also prevents him from speaking, so that will defuse the argument at least momentarily until his submission overtakes his anger. Regardless which approach I use, my goal is to get him into a submissive state. Then I bring reconciliation by telling him that I love him. After that, I might make him confess his place in our marriage. I will make him tell me how I rule over him and how I have authority over him.

Once I see that he is in a submissive state, only then will I re-visit the argument by making him apologize to me. Again, I do not seek this apology outside of our D&S session or else it might re-kindle the argument.

After he apologizes, I will tie him face down on the bed and now it is time to punish him for his behavior. He is already in a submissive mood so I will give him a spanking and that is when I let him know how upset he made me and he will feel my displeasure through my loving but firm discipline. My husband says that he can feel the hurt and anger leaving

his body as I discipline him. Afterwards, I will hug him and love on him as we confess our love for each other. It works like a charm.

Oh my Goddess!  What I wouldn’t give to end a fight with J like that!

By April of 2009, when I set up this account, J and I had come to the brink of divorce.  Again. 

Our 22 year marriage almost ended two years ago.  Then, in desperation, and with nothing else to lose, I gave J the Addison's "Around her Finger," and shortly thereafter Elise Sutton's "Loving Female Authority" and "The Femdom Experience.”  I knew if J embraced the LFA philosophy it could save our marriage, because it would give her the tools she needed to get exactly what she wanted from me.  (I didn’t do enough around the home, she said.)  And it worked.  At first anyway.  I took over most of the cleaning and household chores and began to submit to her. I was hers to command.  She began orgasm denial and had me order a strapon and various implements of discipline.  The change in our relationship was immediate and profound.  I reveled in my submission to her. I/we were in love again.  Everything seemed perfect, and for seven months it was. Or so I thought.

During that time I talked to J about trying to join ClubFEM.  I said it would be reaffirming to get to know others in female led relationships, and that we could learn much that would help us deepen and strengthen the new dynamic of our relationship.  I begged her to send, or allow me to send, an email to the nearby ClubFEM chapter inquiring about membership, and she initially agreed.  I wrote the email, but she then she balked and would not allow me to send it.  She said she would never be comfortable letting others in on our little secret.

Soon after she stopped everything and moved into the guest bedroom.  That was 11 months ago.  We lived separate and apart in our home since then.  I tried to talk to her about it.  She said she felt I was pressuring her to do things she wasn’t comfortable with.  She would not resume the dominant role.  She said she wanted a partner, not a submissive.  She never understood that I could be her partner/lover/husband AND her submissive.  She also said imposing domestic discipline did not match her self image. The irony is that had we spent time with others living a Femdom lifestyle she likely would have realized it is a perfectly normal -- and very successful -- alternative lifestyle, and she would have become more comfortable with it.  

In April, it became obvious to me our marriage had crashed and burned, and I joined Collarme to see what hope there may be for me when the ashes settled on what seemed to be an imminent divorce. 

Then, last Saturday, July 11, 2009, we talked for hours.  I made it clear that I would not go on like this.  That life is too short to spend it in anger.  There was plenty of blame and recrimination.  My main complaint is that when she gets mad at me, she punishes me indirectly, in a passive-aggressive fashion, by pulling away, by withdrawing her affections, by moving out of the bedroom, by going silent and not dealing with her concerns head on.   The result is that she simmers in resentful silence, the distance widens between us, and nothing gets resolved.  As a result, I would become resentful and much less likely to do whatever she wanted.  This would aggravate her further as it would ensure her needs were not being met, and around and around we would go in a negative cycle of response and counter-response that had brought our marriage to the brink of ruin. It seemed divorce was the only answer. 

We also talked about how wonderful things had been during our seven-month experiment in a Femdom relationship.  After hours of talking, yelling and crying, J said she really did not want a divorce and that she would do anything to make our marriage work.  And, since my submitting to J had really worked, she decided to give it another go.

The last week has been one of the best weeks of my life.  I feel like I am having a second honeymoon.  I don’t know why serving J makes me so happy and fulfilled, but it does.  The love and romance are back.  And yet I am holding my breath, waiting for the backlash.  It was like this once before, after all.  We were so close and intimate and happy.  Then, at the first bump in the road, at the first fight, instead of asserting her power and authority as head of our household to put me in my place, she fell back into her old habit of pulling away, of moving out of the bedroom, of closing down communications.  I so want this to work, and am so afraid that J will pull away again, and all will be lost.

Only time will tell. . .