Conductor….all aboard?

I can’t close MY brain. It’s like I'm open for business and she’s the only customer, sent to me in a dream. She thinks of me more than we should; the gods have heard MY plea and sent me MY own medicine, sweet to the taste, but to what end? It’s an itch I can’t yet scratch, she breathes inside ME and dammit only takes ME only so far; Questions, challenges from this enigma laden riddle/glory-box with silky soft hair and  she smiles, deep to MY soul..

Where were the dreams?... they were gone for sooo long?

But, half master-man,. who am I to run screaming to the night? My head tells me to. My heart rules compellingly, the rest of me drags behind knowingly, like when you watch a scary movie and the Freddy is ready to carve the heroine…your brain screams to her...”Don’t open that door! Ahhh she always does…

here I am… knocking? Are you there are you there?

A peek into her soul, tortured and bleeding, she sweetly smiles, "just one more please"? Is she the one?... the last frontier… will she run the race? …Do the distance and have the love/courage/strength? I know she wants everything but, fear itself. Damning I curse the maggot/man before ME who took her heart and crushes it still. I know she wants, but where does it go? where does it end?

Thunder-struck lightening sizzles at the thought/touch of her. Symbiotically-sex-thrashing about, mouths inhaling sweet torture, awaiting word, when the two hearts give up the ghost, and surrender to courage of passionate enticement. The whip comes down but who indeed holds the reins?

“I don’t wanna fall asleep, I don’t wanna close my eyes cos’ I’ll miss you babe, and I don’t wanna miss a thing”… lulls me to sleep always after she gives away to exhaustion/her first  real moment to herself…smiles in her sleep..

Awakening...We?/I am here “it’s not time to go already?” on both our lips? Sighs...

 …and does the train jump the tracks?…hear the whistle moan in the distance… it’s calling…..”Here are your tickets folks…take it…take it”…with a gaping toothless smile he says…”Yawl come on back..?” Fade to un-ending devotion…tracks running on forever....not a cloud in the sky...

I sit up in bed awakening suddenly...sweating and alone...her scent still lingers

© All rights reserved A.Tual 7-27-06

Heart’s Star

Glow of scared hearts, warm us on a cool night

Both crushed by others, in our past life’s flight.

Invisible to each own, hidden, words are unspoken

Lovers’ hearts bleeding fear, we’re afraid to be broken.

Ah will we win, and dare we ask why?

Will it take its spot in the night summer sky?

It’s lost in the dark, will our star be born?

Or fade to dust, leave us scattered and torn?

He’s half-man, she has struggled and fought

Hearts ablaze lust rages, between the blood thoughts

Gone are the days where speech is now free

And grey-matter-knowing, is it best to agree?

Ah will we win, and dare we ask why?

Will it take its spot in the night summer sky?

It’s lost in the dark, will our star be born?

Or fade to dust, leave us scattered and torn?

As we walk the dark beach, my mind does it wonder,

to her touch, loving looks, hair all asunder.

That night we knew, it’s for us the stars shine

Our hearts all-a-thunder, me an this little one mine

Ah we win, we win! And now we know why

It glistens and glows in the night summer sky!

We’re not lost in the dark, Hey our star is born

Not fade away lost, or even scattered or torn.

Later on…

O Smile girl smile

I held my heart up to you for a while

It’s not yours now. Take care; it was for you that it beat

I accept what you can't give, as you kneel at my feet.

©Atrick Tual 2006

Just Crackin’ Time

The whoosh in the air sends me the thrill

As the whip comes down, and the blood does spill

Like the cries that are locked from your sweet lips

Jackhammer blows to your ass to your hips

Bitch! Crawl to me and begging… cryin for more

As you proudly bend your head towards the floor

Strangled gasps that choke from your throat 

Crooked smile, never saying don’t… Baby don’t

Part of me wants to hold you and stop the pain

Why do you like this? But you do, that is plain

We’re alone now; it’s just you and me

It’s all part of our sensuous tragedy

Where does it go? Where do we end?

I can go on and on your body I do spend.

And we’re alone again, with fire in our eyes

You ask….Where you been all my life, as we spin by and by…

7-17-06

© Atrick Tual

All Rights Reserved

Red Dream

...I can tell by the far away look in her eyes she was miles away...in another time and place. her body was here taking what I gave her but I sent her to where she was now, but only because she longed to go there.

We had skirted around the issue since we first played. her first slave question resounding in my ears. "Master, can you give me what I need, what I desire?" It went unspoken until much later. I thought it was a good whipping, or the humiliation, yes that did well for a while but then occasionally she would allude to more...much more.
As I got to know her better and she told me of her past thought I knew what it was. Like a dream when you awake in the morning you cannot quite remember. She finally showed me the scars from the razors, knives and even a cute demonstration of how to defend myself with a knife. She even complimented me on my choice of kitchen cutlery.

As a Dom, I too had my limits and told her I did not think I could mark her like that. To know I put that mark there forever? Perhaps yes perhaps no... When she became dearer to me and this heart it SOMETIMES was hard to think past the bruises and watching her move slowly, carefully the next day due to the pain.

Then the rage set in. I became harsher and she became tenderer. Then I did something stupid. I fell in love with her. It was the one pain she could not bear, the possibility of heartbreak. We separated soon after, as I felt in my head all along. Warning bells going off inside my brain that my heart overrode. I always asked myself, "What does she want with you old man? She's young, vibrant and smart. Whats the attaction? Was it doomed from the start? I dunno...

As I fell asleep thinking of her again...I drifted...we were in my room. Candles were all around and the patchouli oil burned in the lamp or maybe it was her scent everywhere. Her screams of passion and delight ringing in my ears.
I knelt before her in the semi-darkness. That unmistakable scent, stickiness covered my hands and most of my face. Her eyes seemed to glow in the dark as she chanted," Master, Master oh Master!!!!!!!"
I must have blacked out the act or perhaps she did it. All I know as the blood oozed from two spots just over each or her nipples. It was smeared© on her tits, belly and all over me. I was possessed. I could not stop eating her as she continued to rub the blood all over herself and me as she came and came and came. My cock grew as stiff as it ever was, I wanted her.....


Sitting bolt upright in bed there was a wetness all over me, For a moment I thought she was there, her and the blood...it was my own fluids on me...she was never there...just in my dreams, again

© 9-2006 Atrick Tual All Rights Reserved

Things To Think About

The lives that are tossed

The things that gets lost

Of shiny gold and lives that get crossed.

Of oak groves forgotten

Like leaves of memories begotten

How I’d look to that window, see trees a blowin’

The coming of winter the cold winds knowin’

Things to think about…things

Promises kept, promises broken

Of past lives, and demons spoken.

Tender kisses embrace so dear,

Of recent love, and things that we fear

Leaky eyes, knowing smiles,

Songs that we sang, sing the notes if we can.

We ride together for just a short while,

The things she said, her eyes, her smile

Things to think about… things

Secrets secrets, please tell no one

Of how I felt, when our numbered days were done

A tender touch that no-one can do

How can I fix it I haven’t a clue?

©3/97 All rights reserved

Armageddon

The present scathes me, unknown fate awaits me.

The clock presses to my brain, searing pain

Falling like rain did on that cloudless night.

That drifted o’er my consciousness.

No rest for the weary time traveler.

Merlin’s confidant sealed in his lair,

Bugged knots tangle his hair

Screaming at the god Nostrodomos

As he casts his spells

Time floats by, seers and doers

Fly by night as eons pass and centuries fade to the future.

Ring the bell! To with no one hears

Gideon rides after dark angels

Back to cry to the masses

Armageddon is here, the time is near!

Tis the time to peel back the onion skin of man

Expose naked soul bowed down before me

Seeing only me in the mirror, not as a man,

But as a ever changing chameleon.

Houdini himself presses one more trick into my trembling hand.

It reads “The time has come for all good men to hitchhike on the backs of angels”

Fly-fly away shape shifters to haunt me no more!

Toll the bell! Toll the bell!

For men are not here…gone chasing smoke and mirrors

To false gods on winged flight.

You can’t hide they will find you. Swinging inanely by the sword

Of Damocles singing loudly…so-proudly we hail…

St Georges dragon lives, breathes fire into me once again.

©1997 All right reserved

Cinderella Lost

He can’t stop the spirit

Evil decay spews from her jaws of jealousy and deceit.

The cock crows, and buzzard’s fly-by-night,

Through the gaping hole of her eternity.

She pushes buttons on the mind-panel of near-and-dears,

And they writhe to the notes of a malignant tune.

Boundaries crossed, heavens lost!

The knife naked of its sheath drips ooze

From the backs of the wounded,

Mortally afflicted by the tongue of the demented.

Can the piper be paid?

Can wrongs be righted?

Does the naked prince ride the horse just once more?

The dark clouds pass quickly o’er his heart,

For all that was lost, was forever lonely in his mind.

Cinderella dances in the moonlight,

To trip, and crush the glass slipper on his beating heart.

Can the sword of revenge ever be held in his hand?

Or will he turn to stone,

 With the laughter of the evil one rings in his ears?

Cinderella, Cinderella I told you he was lost

Lost in a pink cloud ever one demented,

Not just the Great Manipulator,

Not even a bit player, but a man naked

To the truth of his own faults?

Not a prince, not a pauper

Just a heart surrounded in a veil of tears

For the love…

Of days gone by.

©2004 Atrick Tual

 All right reserved

Fever Dream

A hospital clock ticking into my ailing brain,

It sends me reeling screaming in fevered pain.

I soar out a window on a dark dreary night,

O’er drugged dreams lost in crazed winged flight.

O ring the cracked bell, to which only I hear,

Gideon rides Pegasus near me ever so clear.

And reads his book of Armageddon to all,

Is this stage set for St. Peter to call?

I marvel for life, the onionskin of man,

To peel back my spirit, is this my master plan?

Do I smolder in hell stoked by Pompeii’s flame?

Or bleed by Caesars lance, and Jesus’ pain?

Who will come save me this I know not,

For me the die is cast what is my lot?

I yearn for my hero a savior to come near,

Who will come revive me and quiet my fear?

Suddenly Merlin rescues me sealed in his lair,

Bugged tangled knots crawling entangle his hair.

He shrieks at Lucifer, as he casts his grand spell;

He reaches through time, and saves me from hell.

Now the wizard presses a card trick to my hand, 

And whispers it’s time, time for his devious plan.

For me to hitchhike on the backs of angel wings,

I scoff, “How does a conjurer know of these things?”

He says “You cannot hide they will find you here”

I quiver and I ask, “Wizard, you sure the coast is clear?”

I run, they find me, a sword of Damocles I swing,

At the dragons of death, and the doom that they bring.

Dodging and hiding, through the magic mirror I run

It’s shape-shifting me a to a giant chameleon

I barely peek through my tearing green eyes

Squinting and writhing am I just going to die?

I awake with a start, worried, pouring in sweat

I laugh at me; I been sick-it’s not my time yet.

It’s just a fevered dream that much is clear

O Look!  It’s Merlin’s card, what’s this I find here?

©2002 Atrick Tual All rights Reserved

Long Yesterday

She paints me as a muted soaked sponge

On a black sheeted canvas of abandon,

Questions questions in our midst,

As we trust and turn and writhe the minutes down.

Crescendos crashing,

Lights flashing,

Thrusting, thirsting our lips locked,

As we splendor spasm the night away

New showers of a beginning

As old days or last hurrahs?

Do we sail past each other?

Lost on a sea of twisted dreams?

To take one more ride

Never to be one again?

I don’t know.

I don’t know

O be sixteen again hiding, screams quieting,

Who shall we tell? The bell tolls…

As the dream begins, or does it fade?

No power shall I rent from her

Only Gideon in the nightstand,

Smoke smolders our thoughts

To the fan circling our resistance

Can she believe in me again?

Heart or head, which one will win?

I don’t know I don’t know.

The lonely one waits,

In a jungle of thoughts,

Tangled dreams and emotions,

Cresting and falling like waves on the beach.

I remember the first time we kissed

Then we twisted and turned

A life day-by-day

And I know I will love her still

Like it was a long yesterday

©3-04 All Rights Reserved

Tumbling

Where she finds me, I can’t tell, don’t know,

My mind drifts and wanders

Asleep-at-the switch, here at the daily blah

She can’t see me, I can’t fault her

It’s the lie that dooms me

For that I fell from the horse

White knight I was,

Blinded by the untruth, of course.

Curls frame her and eyes so bright

I can feel the sadness there at times

Others can’t… it’s not right

That a heart so true can be so blue

The music played on that night

Not for us, missed the bus

The blues… the blues it went on

Benched and talking… was it better for us?

Still spinning out of control

I can’t tell what’s what day by day

Wonders if it will ever be true

Me and her, lovers tumblin’ away.

©2003 Atrick Tual All rights reserved

Things To Think About

The lives that are tossed

The things that gets lost

Of shiny gold and lives that get crossed.

Of oak groves forgotten

Like leaves of memories begotten

How I’d look to that window, see trees a blowin’

The coming of winter the cold winds knowin’

Things to think about…things

Promises kept, promises broken

Of past lives, and demons spoken.

Tender kisses embrace so dear,

Of recent love, and things that we fear

Leaky eyes, knowing smiles,

Songs that we sang, sing the notes if we can.

We ride together for just a short while,

The things she said, her eyes, her smile

Things to think about… things

Secrets secrets, please tell no one

Of how I felt, when our numbered days were done

A tender touch that no-one can do

How can I fix it I haven’t a clue?

©3/97 All rights reserved