I took a little break from this site and now I clearly remember why.

Lingerie party at the Black Phoenix tonight.

Should be a revealing time.

Being a priority is not an option.

I don't call many friends.

Those are a select few who have proven they deserve a front row seat in my theatre of life. The rest of the seats are filled with acquaintances, to come and go, as they please.

My friendship with people is not to be taken lightly. It's earned by mutual respect and loyalty and being there for each other at the lowest of your low moments. They lift you up when you are down. They encourage you to be the best you can be. They don't judge you for being you. They accept you as you are, flaws and all. They don't try and change you. They drop everything and make you a priority, in your hour of need, even if their own life is a mess. They are considerate. They are kind. They support your decisions, even if they know its not the best for you and most of all, when you fall, they pick you up when you don't have the strength, dust you off when you don't have the energy, hug you and tell you they love you no matter how fucked up and crazy you are. They stick by you through thick and thin. Total unconditional love.

One of my front row seats was just vacated. It saddens me to the point of confusion, frustration and sometimes down right anger. I want to lash out because the hurt is so painful, at times, I just can't believe it that you are no longer in my life. Then I think about how the respect and loyalty wasn't mutual but only a convenience to you, when you needed me. This gets me through the those moments when I want to cry and then I say to myself, with friends like this, who the hell needs enemies.

Then I smile and thank you for walking out of my theatre because guess what...

you're not worthy of a friendship with me.  

I hope the door hit you hard in ass when you left.

Saying goodbye to you is going to be so hard!

A piece of me will be moving with you to the West Coast.

Philly will NEVER be the same without you.

I'm seriously going to miss you brother and so will the Community.

Be well and spank on!

Looking forward to the Ultimate Slave Circle today.

This evolves from the MAsT meetings, where after the group discusses a topic, we then break off into groups of Tops, Doms, Masters and bottoms, slaves and submissives to further discuss the topic. Usually there are so many people there, that we never really get a chance to hear everyones thoughts. This time around, the group is smaller and more intimate with no topic, so anything goes.

Should be a great discussion today and lots of learning!

I see they let the crazy, fantasy, wannabes, out for the day.

Insta-Doms...just add water.

*rolls eyes*

Looking forward to getting out this Saturday to the munch at Michael's in Bensalem.

Perfect opportunity to see some old friends and meet some new people.

It feels like i haven't been out in ages.

The response looks good over on the other site.

This should be fun!!!

Why do some people take self photos in the bathroom?

Don't you have a mirror anywhere else?

"Now you're just somebody that i used to know."

 "There is no amount of pain that you could administer to me, that is greater than the internal pain i have caused myself, knowing i have disappointed my Master."

 This is my thought process and where my slavery lies , so if you can't understand this...you are definitely not the one for me. 

 Why would someone add you to their Admirers list and never say hello?

 What's the point? 

 my chat function doesn't work for me here. Something about an erroneous nickname.  If i'm interested AND think we have something in common to work with, i will offer you my yahoo ID.

*HUGE EYE ROLL*

 DUMBinants are a dime a dozen here. Can someone point me to where the sincere, non-cheating, non lying, non players are?...cause, other than the few i know and met personally, on here...this site gets worse everyday.  What a shame for the authentic Ones, who really have something to offer, get overshadowed by the fake ass, wannabes. 

i don't know what i want anymore or who i am. Every now and then, i question myself and the decisions that i've made.

 my needs are very basic, yet finding someone and having them met, has been like looking for a needle in a haystack. i often wonder if there is really someone out there who gets me. i think about how many years, i denied my submissive tendencies and how i longed to find that one, who would come along and make everything fall into place. 

 i was so sure i found him and then that turned to shit, for reasons, that i'm still trying to understand and while i do get why, to some degree, i have those moments, trying to wrap my head around it and how you can walk away from  unconditional love. Isn't that what we all want...someone to love us unconditionally? i know i do.

 i hate all this questioning, of exactly what it is, that i need from a man and this lifestyle.

 i'm starting to feel that i'm never going to be happy and it certainly seems, that i'm not going to find what i'm looking for.

UGH and GRRRRRR!!!!!!! 

 Wants vs. Needs

i want a lot of things...

but i need very little.

Geez...it's been awhile since i played with someone. i'm not a pain slut, per se, but on occasion, i like to bottom for a session and get to subspace, so i can float away for a bit. Thats what the pain does for me.  

Nothing sexual, just a good mix of some sensual and light sadistic play...okay, maybe not so light. lol

 i need a release soon or i'm going to lose my mind. i've been feeling all out of sorts lately.

 Someone said to me...you are very picky and my response to that was...and your point is what?

 i see nothing wrong in listing what i am looking for and standing firm in my preferences. 

i don't want a mind fuck

i want someone to fuck my mind...

to know me better than i know myself,

to seduce me,

to control me from within,

to hollow me out and fill me up,

to find the things i have lost,

to nourish my soul, as well, as my body.

Is that to much to ask?

 i'm overwhelmed by Your messages and unfortunately, i am not able to answer them all. If i don't answer You back, it means i am not interested. Plain and simple. Now on occasion, i may read an interesting email or profile and forget to respond, so i apologize in advance, for that. i will get back to You, as time allows. i have a life outside of CM and have limited time on here and while i am searching, to meet my One, i'm just a busy girl and real life takes precedence over my search.

While i don't expect You to send me, a majorly long introduction, just saying Hi or sending me a picture, is not going to cut it. Liking my profile is nice...but please, tell me a little about why You are interested in me or why we are a good match.  Okay...now that that is out of the way, i'd like to expand on a few things, that i mentioned in my profile and a few others that need to be mentioned.

 Cock shots....seriously? Unless your cock can tell jokes or dispense cash, you've seen one, you've seen them all.

 EXPERIENCE...be ready to explain where You acquired it. Having had 6 collared slaves screams VELCRO! to me. i have references, do You? 

 LOCAL. If you live more than an hour away, i consider that not local. i'd like to be able to get in my car and drive, half way, to meet you for coffee or kisses, or come and cook You dinner and watch a movie, but if you are 3 states away...that's a little impossible to do.  i'm not a weekend warrior or in the bedroom only. i think i made it pretty clear, that sex is not the be all end all, so if Your dominance is available only during those times, sorry...not interested. Long distance doesn't work for me, at all.

 i'm pretty active in the community and would like for You to be, as well. That means, having the willingness, to attend MAsT meetings with me, along with private parties and some public events. This shows me that you want to grow, as an M/s couple.  i am a real time slave looking for a real time Master. .i'm not here to make friends, so please don't request me. i am not here looking for online chit chat ONLY. If by chance we exchange pleasantries, know in advance, that is all its going to be. Please note this!

 NO LONG DISTANCE...been there, done that...and won't do it again. Period. End of story. Definitely worth repeating.

 NO MARRIED MEN! NOT INTERESTED.i'm not here to help you cheat nor do i share. i'm greedy like that. 

i am monogamous and want an exclusive relationship. And i'll add, i will not banter about that statement and will not let your definition, of what you think a slave is, define me. 

 NO POLY, or COUPLES and definitely NO SWITCHES. i'm a slave through and through.

 Hope this clears up some things.

Just a few things i ponder, in reading over lots of profiles.

 How is one an expert in collars and leashes? Please explain that one to me. 

 How is submission a gift?

When i give my submission to someone, i expect something in return, in regard to power exchange, so i don't understand how you can compare that to gift giving. i expect more than just a thank you back. 

 WOW! Lots of responses in a few hours. i guess my friend was right when He told me that i'd be overwhelmed.

 Thank You all for viewing my profile but its impossible to get back with each of You.

 i am looking for local, so if You are not within my area...i will not be responding back but wish you luck in your search.

 For those who are, i will get to You as time allows. i will say this...blank profiles, married, couples or switches...sorry...not what i'm looking for.

 Once again, i am looking for real time and local to my area, so please, do not waste your time and i hate being rude, cause thats so not me but i will not answer your email.