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I am a criminal mastermind looking for a suitable accomplice. These days, more and more of my nemeses have accomplices, sidekicks, or other partners in crime, and in order to pull off the crime of the century, I've realized I need one too.
Maybe you're a gorgeous femme fatale, a highly paid assassin, or secret agent gone rogue. Or the heiress to a multi-billion dollar conglomerate with its tentacles in every corner of the globe. Or the wife of a wealthy arms dealer and we're using each other for our own twisted ends. Or a super villainess with a useful superpower. Or a sexy computer nerd who can hack into NORAD with a Speak N Spell, a hairclip, and a payphone. I'm not picky.
You must:
- have your own secret lair, moonbase, space station, fortress, or apartment, or at least have cool roommates.
- have a burning desire to take over and/or destroy the world, make them pay, show them all, see who's laughing now, etc. Failing that, at least be amenable to supporting my plans.
- be immune to British secret agents' charm. I can't stress this one enough. I've lost some of my best accomplices this way.
- have a back up plan. More than one, actually. When you've been thwarted and foiled as many times as I have, you learn to have as many backup plans as time allows.
It would be a plus if you:
- have firearms/weapons/martial arts training. The more obscure the martial art the better. Karate is OK, Jeet Kune Do is better, Kung Fu Tiger Style even better. Perhaps it's something I've never heard of. Maybe you have a signature weapon, like a lipstick gun, stiletto heel knife, or flamethrower.
- have a stunning low-cut little black dress with garter belt holster for small caliber pistol. I would be particularly impressed if it's entirely non-metallic and can pass safely through a metal detector. The gun, not the dress.
- have a foreign accent. Not important which one.
- be able to instill fear and admiration in subordinates.
- have a funny, clever, or unusual name, and/or a title. Something like Anne Thrax, Ann Archy, Jen X., or Missy Tightbottom. Baronesses go to the front of the line. PhDs and other doctors OK too.
A little about me. Dark, brooding, contemplative type. Ruggedly handsome. Occasionally anti-social, with flair for dramatic when necessary. Collect coins, books, knives, weapons, scars. Above average sized ego. Eccentric, brilliant, perhaps crazy in ways I can't detect, able to fake being normal reasonably well. Underestimated. Charming in my own way. Probably not in it for the money. Enjoy visiting national landmarks, cultural centers, and various public venues and studying them for vulnerabilities. Enjoy watching spy movies, superhero movies, et al and critiquing them. Currently working in the government to destabilize from within (remember that one time the government screwed up? That was some of my best work). Occasionally funny. Nonsmoker, caffeine abuser, social and anti-social drinker, possible social disease(s), otherwise DDF.
If world is still intact, I am still looking. Bots, scammers, undercover spies, please don't waste my time. Please put name of favorite superweapon in title so I know you're not spam.
No weirdos.
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