My wrists have been hurting lately - the left more than the right - even with both wrist braces on. So I went to the doctor yesterday and he ended up injecting steroids directly into my left wrist. If it doesn't work, if I'm still in pain, I have to go in for surgery soon. This should be quite interesting. Anyway, I'm off work for the next two days - Doctors orders - so I can relax my wrist and not mess it up even more.

Wow, it's been a while since I've been on here. I see not much has changed, but that's not always a bad thing?

Things have been really hectic as of late. At the moment, I'm freaking sick and now so is my fiancé. In fact, he's upstairs sleeping at the moment and I'm down here as to not wake him up with this horrible coughing among other things.

Yeah, we're still engaged. We finally set a date too. October 18, 2015.

I've been working a lot too. I love my job so I don't mind. Taking the day off though because me being sick will not help anything.

Oh, one last thing; I'm back to writing again :)

How have you guys been?

xoxoxo

Tabitha

Hello everyone, long time huh?

A lot's been happening lately. I'm still trying to hard to find a job but it's a pain in the ass. Luckily, I've been blessed. Last December one of my best friends came back into my life. He was a crush back in high school. Now, I'm honored to say that he is my fiance.

Yeah, that's right, I'm engaged. :)

I hope everyone's had a great Thanksgiving and is enjoying their turkey coma.

I'm thankful for my friends, family, and being alive after some of the things that have happened this year.

I'm doing much better now. Still a long way to go.

xoxo

Today's been a long day and I'm completely mentally wrecked.

You know those times where you're going through something hard but so much else is going on that you brush it off or put it in the back of you mind? When you do that so much like I have a tendency to do it builds up and eventually breaks free.

Yeah, that happened today. I can't remember a time in the last ten years that I've cried so much that I've started to become sick. Now all I'm left with is the inability to sleep, a headache, and a head full of thoughts. Truth is, I don't know what  to do anymore.

Have a great Thanksgiving week everyone. Enjoy being with your friends and families.

xoxo

Tabitha Star

Times like this I hate being the black sheep of my family. I know they judge me and talk about me because of how I think, what I'm into, and how I feel I should live my life. For this freedom, however, I have pretty much lost the ability to truly trust any one in my family because nothing is kept a secret.

A lot's been happening in the last day or so. I let myself open up and be vulnerable in front of two people - one is my best friend whose never seen me vulnerable before and the othere is the one I fear I am in love with. I fear it because no matter what happens I know I can never have him. He will never be mine. But maybe that is for the best, you know?

I don't sleep much anymore, so right now I'm torn. My body wants to crash, my mind needs the rest to begin the healing process. But I still need to cry. I hate thinking of myself as still a child but what I want right now is just for someone to hold me while I let go and tell me that everything is  going to be okay. No judgements, no afterthoughts, no running to tell friends or other members of my family. There are things I like to be kept on the down low, what really, truly effects me is one of them.

I almost lost one of my best friends last night. He was so close to cutting off all ties with the world around him, he was so angry that he told me to leave before my physical safety was threatened, and then on my way home he called me and asked me to go to the ER with him while he talked to one of the social workers there. The fear of losing him was too much. He's been the one to guide me, to help me, to tear me open so I can finally let myself heal. I'm not ready to lose him yet and that fear and how things were last night I'm unable to shake off.

As promised, as of right now I am my number one priority now. I need to heal, I need to focus on myself and what I need. I use the lifestyle as a way to distract myself from the other thoughts I have. I shut people away. I ignore the problems I shouldent. I surpress the emotions I shouldn't. I need to learn, to find my own way, with dealing with this. I don't know how to right now, but I know in time I'll learn. He taught me well, he's given me the keys. All I have to do is apply them.

~xoxo~

So my birthday is coming up (April 8th for those interested). And for my birthday it's been decided that one of my best friends (who is also my former Master) are going to the Sins Center the Friday before and I will dominate him.

I'm looking for a Domme whose willing to teach me about cbt, rope bondage, techniques involving floggers and paddles, clothes pins, strap ons, anal, nipple torture, and a few other things. He knows I want to participate in the domination but he has no idea what all I'm intending.

If you live in the Chicago land area I'd really love and appreciate the help :)

Please and Thank you.

xoxo

So after a 36 hour stay in the hospital I'm back home and on the mend. :)

As I was growing up my father spent most of my childhood in prison. I was eleven when he was released and out of all my sisters I was the only one to ask him what he did that was so wrong that he had to be sent away. He told me that what was right in his eyes wasn't always right in others.

Since then, almost ten years have passed, I have thought about his words over and over. I don't have many morals but I stand by what I, myself, think is right and wrong. I don't choose sides based on best friends and loyalty but their actions and how they handle things. Does this make sense?

For example, say your best friend starts dating someone you know - a distant friend of sorts. Because of your best friend your friendship starts to grow with your distant friend. Then, out of the blue your best friend breaks up with them and gives you the statement that they've been wanting to do it for a while. Why prolong it, knowing you're going to hurt the one person who has grown to love you more than anyone? How cruel can you be? This has been on my mind the past two days and seeing my best friends borderline apathetic behavior and the way he's suffering because of it isn't right to me and I can't get away from it. He's become my best friend as well.. even more, actually. He's a brother and a father.

So I apologize to those I have interacted with through messages if I seem distracted. Between this and the weather I feel emotionally drained and I find it hard to concentrate and commit to most conversations and ideas I've previously found so exciting.

As for those who've messaged me about wanting to be my pet - There are now two individuals I have taken an intrest to. Danny1313 and SlutSeth. Until or if I choose I'm still looking so feel free to message me :)

Right now, there is one I play with in real life. He's one of my best friends and no matter who else I'm with he will always be the closest to me.

Now all formal crap aside, I really, really could use a hot bath and a pedicure. My feet are in such bad shape I'm almost mad at myself for letting them get like that.

So I'm looking for something new... A couple things actually.

First:

I want a dog. To be specific, a man who will take the role of a dog.

21-28 years old.

Preferably, dark hair and eyes.

And who will do whatever it takes to make their owner happy.

Second:

I'd like to finally have my first true experience with a woman. A Domme.

A woman who is beautiful with long dark hair and curves like mine who has confidence and is completely sure in her actions.

A woman who will take charge and teach me, use me, and fuck me as she sees fit.

If you're interested, you're more than welcome to message me.

So I've been looking through everything I have and/or had on this site and went through another cleaning/re-editing mood.

A lot's been going on lately with starting a new job, school, and the never ending hectic part of my life involving friends and family. In the midst of all this, I've actually sort of found an appreciation for a lot of things I never really took the time to notice before.

I'm still a bitch, so don't think I've changed that much. lol.

I just wanted to say hello to everyone. Today's a pretty good day. :)

xoxoxo

~Tabitha Star