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| Dom male with some sadistic tendencies, older (and wiser just because I continue to survive on a daily basis) interested in just seeing what's out there of interest:) Possibly nothing, maybe something, not 'burning with desire' to find someone...but narrowly, very subjectively open to the slim possibility that it could conceivably happen...and then I still may not want it. I'm not convinced I need it. Perfection doesn't exist. "Close enough" probably doesn't either. And again; I'm older now. Needs change, wants change, and sex isn't everything. I've already had so much of that in my life. My back hurts:) Middle aged men do in fact get Arthritis in the spine from years of sex...that is; a lot of sex. But there is much, much more to a relationship than sex.
I've come to the conclusion over the years that people of our ilk (2.5% of men, 1.5% of women) know that the core of our 'difference' which is the core from which the yearnings and screaming needs originate is in the mind, heart and soul. You see it written about all over boards like these. Granted; the majority is just bullshit come-on's looking for sex, pretenders and fakers and scene players. I'm talking about people like us. Not them. We usually end up living lives of quiet discontent alone in our shells. That's as it should be just based on the logistics of our nature: There are so few of us. That's life. Once acceptance is complete humor follows. The joke is on us. Finding that soul that justifies and validates it's existence by the exchange agreed to by your natural fellow opposite is what makes us the same, makes us complete, the two half's that need to bond to be whole. You've heard it all before. But if you be a true member of the 2.5/1.5% you know being born 'that way' is different from the herd around us in this so-called lifestyle. It's a lifestyle to them; our essence of being to us. And I enjoy lurking and stalking about reading the various posts and profiles on occasion just to amuse myself, continue my personal study of how the world is changing in our corner of it, reaffirming my personal belief that the occasional relationship that does occur is mostly by accident. The particulars are only important at first and as with most human beings morph and change as time passes. Your need for brutality today becomes your need for only minor discipline or stern boundaries later...and visa-versa with others. And with others just the right look is the same as a caning. That's not the point. The trust that our darkest, innermost needs (for a lack of better words) is being entrusted to the right person. We really do need that person to "complete each other".
The natural masochistic submissive female with at least some small needs/yearnings for physical/sexual pain/use/abuse possesses a soul with an open, seeping wound that can only be healed by being allowed to expose that wound through constantly seeking approval, proving herself constantly with the acceptance that enough does not exist as it is never good enough hence the obsessive need to offer herself for continuous use by a Dom/Master/ect that (if he's part of the 2.5%) will want to use her for one of two reasons: 1.) His disdain for and/or inability to feel anything with this being the pursuit of feeling something. Or 2:) His overwhelming drive and desire to completely control everything in his personal life, to have complete power over all within his living sphere, his obsessive desire to demand proof of absolute commitment and surrender of all he allows close to him...he can not trust or accept anything less and he sees your wounded soul offered to him to inflict whatever varieties of pain, degradation, humiliation within a structured life dedicated to him as your sacrifice to him; all acts of willful submission that screams "I will be the one you can trust, bring close, allow in and share in your life with you." It works because you are saying the same thing with your offering. That's the basics of the 'exchange' and in my life I can say there is very little else to it. All bullshit and 'scene' nonsense aside: We are two broken people that need to find the other that is broken in like ways so the pieces fit or we don't form a committed relationship and move on looking for others. Really pretty simple. We just think we're special. Doesn't everyone? Everyone paints a false picture of themselves or they couldn't stand the sight of themselves. That's why our type need each other even more. Our shared psychological/emotional survival depends on it. We suffer a life of sullen misery and solitude otherwise; and many of us do. And we don't want to change. We like it. And why not? What difference does it make? Not to sound snobbish; but at least we know who we are. At least I hope we do.
So, no; I don't think I'll "find someone" here. Coming here lets me touch bases with the 'Demon' within...the one I was born with. Reminisce about the past, continue to muse and grow in introspection. It would take an unusual sub/slave to open this door. And I've gotten old enough to know better than that. But I do enjoy passing through from time to time:)
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