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[ If you are a man and are reading this profile, you are an idiot. What the hell are you doing here? I am not, nor am I attracted to men. You assuming either is indicative of a staggering lack of reading comprehension. I am so everlovin' tired of being contacted by male doms and/or (who knows and/or cares) subs, I am I about to scream. Let me put this another way: if you are currently in the posession of a penis that is attached to the rest of your body, please go away. Read my nick again. ]
Aaaaanyway.
I am irretrievably bad at describing myself. That might be because I hate to do it. However, let's assume your ESP is on the blink today and that there is therefore no way around it.
I am exactly like Johnny Depp -- until I wake up. Then I am skinnier, taller and have much shorter hair. Also, I don't act and live somewhere else.
My favorite things are laughter, ruling the world, good sex, good food, good drink and finding a large bag of cash. I am doing better with some than others in the actual achievement department. I have been called funny, sarcastic, witty, moody, kinky and that-bastard-that-keeps-parking-in-my-spot. I am multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time. I have also been known to walk and chew gum at the same time.
If you feel you know less now than when you started, I apologize. If you feel like knowing more, just ask.
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You know, way back when I tried my hand at several matchmaking/kink/come-fuck-me-now sites, with predictably mixed results. I wasn't young, I wasn't stupid... throw in my car-crash caliber photogenicity and battery acid charm, and I achieved almost nothing, and found the opposite of what I was looking for.
Am I younger? Had I invented a time machine, would I be writing this blog? No, I'd have a crack team of hot, perverted female sexuologists coming up with new ways they can be nice to me. No, I did not invent one. But experiments continue (insert evil cackle here).
Am I smarter? Of course. I have many more years of experience in what not to do in a social situation under my belt. Of course, that doesn't mean that can literally charm the pants off a woman (again, what would I be doing here if I could? Oh, the ruckus I'd cause at the mall). I'm just a bit less clueless, and can even be seen to be charming at times. Don't blink, you'll miss 'em. And besides, every now and then it is fun to break every do-and-don't in the book just for the sheer hell of it. To me at least, and hey, this is my world. So there.
Do I look better? I'm aging well, but can still crack a camera lens. I don't know what it is about my features, but the only flattering angle is lights out. Trust me, I do look human in person.
Am I more charming? Like I said, I try. Sometimes I succeed. I am still an acquired taste, but palatability has increased. And if you run into me online or in real life, I'll prove it. Yes, prove it I will!
So I just finished filling out profiles. Sweet Jebus, I'm getting to old for that many questions. But I did it, and now I am pooped.
Run dry.
No energy left to be funny. Really. Put a gun to my head and I won't be able to be funny for just a second. Well, that is unless me gibbering unintelligably because of my current braindead state is funny to you. But in that case, you are a sadistic freak and are on the wrong site. Which would also make you dense as a post. Ah, what a lovely combination. Look, it's Elvis!
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One more friend request from a male sub, a dom of any stripe, a person over 10 years out of my age range, a person over 1000 miles out of my, well, range...
And I am going to damned well scream. |
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I've engaged in quite a bit of bickering on CollarMe IRC channels. I am left to ponder: is it because I am becoming older and grumpier, or is it that there are more people to bicker with around here lately?
Probably a little bit of both. But that might just be my old grumpiness talking. |
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Sweet dreams, George.
We will miss you. |
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Yet again I am compelled to write another condescending journal entry. Truly, I would like to talk of other things here, but the red meat of the contemptible of late seems hell-bent on following me around.
I would like to talk about what I call Thesaurus-Doms. Doms that copy/steal/GPL/liberate part or all of another's profile and then spend an indeterminate (I shudder to consider) amount of time with said profile and their favorite collegiate thesaurus, 1:1 replacing perfectly functional words, terms and phrases with whatever sounds most expensive to them. The fun part, the part that they seem to miss every single time, is that not a single word in any language anywhere in the world is a full 1:1 equivalent. To put it another way: Thesaurus Doms have no grasp of idiom whatsoever.
Here's a random sample. What happens often is that several consecutive replacements combine to roll a tautology and pleonasm within ten consecutive words:
"I have not much intention to plaster it all over here openly in specifics".
This is so far from any acceptable idiom, it's so not funny that it becomes funny for not being so. If that makes sense to anyone. Point being, I and (I hope) you can take that sentence, do a reverse look-up in any competent thesaurus and make that nugget make perfect sense. Which, I contend, is probably the original the quoted TD ripped off in the first place.
And no, for the love of Jeebus, don't give me any ESL excuses. I am ESL. I am well in my rights to talk about these things. I am far from magical. If my English is passable, there is no excuse.
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People have told me I come off snarky and condescending in my previous entry.
So, to clarify:
I am snarky.
I can be very, very condescending. I do try to reserve this trait for the deserving though. |
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If I had a dime for every time someone has contacted me about how witty my profile is, or how snarky, or how unlike other profiles it is, or how much it tells people about me, or how much I stand out because of it, or how much they relate to me because I am so much different than anyone else, or how much they are in love with me because of my mind, or how much...
Ahh, whatever. You get my drift. If I had a dime for all of those, why, I'd have quite a few bucks.
I know I am witty. Telling me I am makes me less so since it causes my head to swell bigger than it already is.
I know I am different than most Doms on this site. Thank Jeebus I am.
I know I am different than most people you know. It scares me how people think that that is a universally good thing, but fine -- I'll take credit whether due or not.
You don't know my mind -- you know a very small percentage of the things that come out of it. Again, I'll take the credit... but consider yourself a fool for not applying critical thought if you think that this is a universally good thing. |
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D/s never required love, for me. I don't exclude D/s from loving relationships. Love is a more complex trust. I loved domming for the thrill, the variety, the extremes, the lack of emotional obligation, the intensity, the control, the slap, the sting. I was happy not to worry about a sub's bad habits, inability to commit, propensity for deception, or whether I would ever see her again. I was content in the knowledge that people who say they want a beating or to be tied up really truly want exactly that. It's been hard to let go of those moments of pure activity. |
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