ROFLMAO...No Drama Tags. No person is an island. Everyone has other people in their lives and pasts. With all of that comes some level of drama. How can anyone expect that those around them be drama free? This makes no sense. I can understand when people say that too much drama is a bad thing ( I too have family and they are drama whores) but at the same time they are my family and I would not walk away from them due to drama. I have learned how to make the drama less dramatic and less hectic on my life; but to expect them not to have drama is basically living in a fantasy world.

How about this...If you are new in my life maybe be a little less forth coming in involving me in unnecessary drama. If it is important to you and I am seriously interested in you I would want to know what is happening in your life. Does this make sense to others? It makes perfect sense to me (maybe I am just insane).

Just an opinion.

I read a profile today that spoke of the fact that BDSM is being used against people in court and people are being labelled abusers because of something that should be a private part of their lives. This sickens me. This is why contracts are important. I am not claiming that contracts will hold up in court but if you have something saying what was agreed to, it is easier to protect yourself.

Speaking with someone tonight I learned that I assume more than I thought I did. One of the first things I learned in service was how to bathe my Dominant. I assumed it was something that every sub learned. One of the most submissive things a sub or slave can do is take time to bathe their Dominant, in my opinion. In the Bible it was a way for people to show respect and reverence to wash the feet of someone. It shocks me that it is not something most subs and slaves know.  

I spoke with someone the other day who did not understand my desire to submit. As we spoke I tried to explain to him that my submission is no based on sex or my desire for kink. If that is all that I wanted I ave plenty of friends that would be willing to take me there without any other connection.

The connection I am seeking (when I do seek a Master) is the dynamic of the relationship first. Sex is really the last thing that I look for, simply because to me it is the least important. Most of what connects me to a person is not the physical sex act. When I seek I look for one who can make me feel something that others do not, a deep desire to please them over everything else in my life. I need Him (and yes only Him) to be strong enough to pull my mind from the everyday drone of life and focus it specifically to Him purpose. He needs to make me feel safe before I can focus on service.

 Just because I am submissive does not mean that I am submissive to everyone around me. In most parts of my life I have to be in control and when I am with Him I want to feel like I can finally close off that part of myself and just relax. I do not have a need for discipline just to keep me in line. I love discipline for the purposes of remembering my place and even to endure some pain for His pleasure.

Most of the things that I love about the kink portion of the lifestyle most around me would be shocked to learn. But that is the icing on the cake. The Master that will keep me will understand that it is ingrained in me to be pleasing and the idea of being displeasing breaks my heart. He will understand that it will take me time to grow from a simple submissive and reach my potential through His guidance. He will know that once I am His I will be fiercely His, desiring His control in all aspects of my life.

As we discussed this in detail I could see that my friend was beginning to understand that this part of me that he had thought was low self esteem and something to be fixed was something else entirely. It is really good to know that he is willing to learn and be open minded. I hate to hide who I am from those around me and most of the time it is people's close-mindedness that causes me to walk away from them. I am not perfect, I make mistakes but I expect those in my life to accept that we are not all the same and that is what makes life interesting. The one thing I know for sure is that in order for me to reach my full potential as a person as well as a submissive it will take the Master that pushes me to grow in more ways than new kink. I do not have to have a Master to keep moving along, I need a Master because it is who I am and how I relate to the world.

Closing my eyes for the night. I think of You. Are You resting? Are You dreaming? Are the dreams of things W/we spoke of earlier or different things all together? My mind races with O/our previous conversation. How am I to sleep when I cannot stop thinking? I close my eyes but they pop open as I wonder if I should write You something to awake to in the morning. I take a deep breath, I am exhausted, the day has been terribly long and I need sleep. I shut my eyes once more and whisper softly, good night and blessings on Your day tomorrow and gently drift off to slumber...awaiting the dreams...

Willing Slave 

The moon shines down

My mind is going to chaos

My heart races, too fast

My body is overrun

All thought is destroyed

That voice a low gravely growl?

I feel so vulnerable- I desire to bow

I begin to run but You catch me in an instant

Trapped and lost in the scent of lust

You can smell me, fear and blood

Into Your eyes I perilously  look

I am now entranced

The hunt is over for You

You have  captured Your prey

Willingly I offer You my everything

No longer myself.

I am Your willing slave

The days stretch on and for one reason or another I find myself not having the time to sit down and write or talk. My privacy is limited and my situation is such that I cannot get away just yet.

I have many plans but first and foremost is taking care of my transportation situation. After that I need to find a new job and these are my current focus points. I do not mean to ignore anyone but real life simply has me in a vice grip at this moment.

I sit here and consider last nights conversation. I was so shocked when I figured out that something was different than it had been in the past. I barely knew You. I found myself instantly wanting to talk more. When we spoke on voice chat, You had a voice that sank straight into me. Thank You for everything.