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| So, I had taken a break from RL and was looking for online only. That wasn't working out so well. So I am trying again. I am looking for a Dom that is more local to me and closer to my age. I love the mental and psychological aspects of bdsm, having my mind seduced as well as my body. I do have some hard limits, but everything is open for discussion. Some of my limits depend on "to what degree" you wish to carry them out. I am married and only available to play/serve during the day. Emailing on nights and weekends is ok. I am a full figured woman, I am not obese. I carry myself very well. I like to dress professional, conservative yet sexy. When I am being casual I still like to always look my best, I can often be seen in a fitted pair of jeans and a dressy blouse, some rockin boots or my favorite sexy pumps. Aside from all of that, I am educated, sexy, fun and playful. My life is very busy and demanding, but never full of drama. Not much gets me down and I never sweat the small stuff, life's too short!
Oh, and I hate saying this, but I have to, if you contact me and your profile says your 50 and a Master, please be 50 and not 70 and actually a Master, lying about your age, experience and position just wastes other peoples time and yours. Also photos are welcome, appreciated, safe and respected. If you are not comfortable sending them here I will provide an email to send them to, for serious inquiries only. I don't mind sharing pics of myself, I just don't like to advertise them to the general public. Feel free to ask me for one, My pics and my jokes/articles on here are for my own enjoyment as well as yours, I am hoping they will give you some insight on my personality, which is a lot more that a list of likes and loves.
If you don't like my profile or my life choices, please graciously move on to another. I don't need you to tell me how I should live or how my profile should look. Work on your own issues, not mine. Haters are not welcome here. Period. I don't judge people for their choices & I expect the same in return.
Please enjoy this little laugh while your here..
THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN. I ACTUALLY HAD TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE WHILE READING IT!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOO FUNNY!!!:
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat. I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn’t have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect ~
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