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well, well....
thoughts run constantly through my mind. i spent yet another set of holidays alone... i crave and desire so much but reality is i will not now nor ever settle for less then what i deserve. i was asked if i am capable of surrendering myself to another. once i have that trust established i know it is possible. i am a pure person with a good heart. i am here to find something real and without games. please, leave all the bullshit off to the side - i don't need it. i want what i want and again won't settle for less. too many people do just that - settle. why? what for? why become an angry miserable person - is it worth it, really? i'm not giving up hope... i believe in the possibilities... i lay in bed night after night... feeling your arm around me, your breath down my neck, hearing your heart beat and even an occassional snore... knowing fully that you are here to protect me and care for me...as when i awaken - sadness grows as it becomes apparent that you aren't there. it wasn't real... dream or hope - i still won't allow myself to give up... decisions, decisions - what to do? i'm here seeking warmth and comfort as well as protection, trust, safety, honor, honesty - just to start. for this i offer loyality... for this i will surrender.
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