Sub frenzy is something I hope to never experience. 

All rational thoughts fly out of the window. All one can think about is the encounter. Will the dominant handcuff me or will they use rope? Put the fold over my eyes or my mouth? Do they use a whip or flogger; how wide, how long? How many times and where? Just the ass cheeks or all over the body? Are they a spanking enthusiast or a real sadist? How am I supposed to call them? Will they take it easy or go slow? There is so much I want to do I want this and that and this and that...

Just writing that segment out made my heart race. Yuck. 

There is nothing more agonizing than having to lose weight. But you do it anyway.

It's a dreadful thought, but no one is pleased with an unfit person. So off I go to the gym and an hour of cardio is on the list. 30 minutes on the bike, 20 minutes on the elliptical, 10 on the treadmill. Sweat pours down my face and down my arms and I gasp for air through my mouth. In a way it is punishment for all of those years I spent sitting in front of a television when I should have been running around outside; for sitting in front of a computer, sitting at a desk, sitting, sitting, sitting. Sitting in the bleachers during gym class instead of participating in the group activity, sitting on the bench during recess instead of playing games, constantly sitting.  I didn't want to sit, I wanted to join in, but since I was bigger than the rest, I sat anyway. It hurt inside and it seemed only food could heal the wounds. 

But instead of healing, it added onto the damage. Endless amounts of sugar and fat I consumed until I thought the pain went away only to come back later in the form of fat rolls. Hohos, Nutty Bars, Twinkies,French fries, even plain cups of sugar down, down in my mouth, in my throat, in the stomach, out to fat tissue cells to line around the organs. Sickening, sickening, sickening. 

This isn't the first time I've lost weight; in fact I consider myself a professional yo-yo dieter, going from 160lbs to 240 lbs and various numbers in between. It's maddening, it hurts deep down inside because the old methods worked but with bad habits the weight comes back. Have to break these bad habits. 

Gone with the cookies, cakes, candy, ice cream. Gone with the soda, flavored water, and alcohol. Gone with the meat, the wheat, the rice. Fruits, veggies, nuts, and berries. Water and hot tea. Detox all of it out. 

Is it worth it? I hope so. I'm tired of being passed over for smaller, thinner girls who don't try. Who can eat boxes of sweets and not gain weight. Who rarely work out but thanks to genetics somehow remain in the acceptable range. It hurts inside for someone like me, who eats their veggies daily but is still overweight and fat. 

I enjoy cooking, but not eating. I cook lavish meals, but go away when it is time to eat. Or I don't eat much at the dinner table. I clean after I cook and wait until everyone is done to take a taste or sample. Mmm, delicious, flavorful, salty. No, no I can't take anymore. Into the container it goes and in the fridge. 

A daily fast broken at 1600, then painful agony abounds. What to eat? How much to eat? The thought of eating food sickens me after the fast. Ugh, disgusting.

Yet I do it anyway. To have people look twice at me in public is a reward for a job well done! So fast I must. Work out I must. Deny myself the good meals I have cooked I must. I must, I must, I must! Only then will I be able to be good enough to look for a partner. 

The price of vanity is bitter sweet and delayed. 

Based on the feedback I've received, seems like the primary interest is embroidered leather collars. So, I am going to go offline for a long time and re-emerge with a collection. 

Thank you for your input! 

The best thing you can ask a potential submissive or slave is to be him or herself. 

It is very easy for one to "act" the part of submissive/slave/bottom in order to please the top but in truth really begrudgingly hate it. 

Most the male Doms here are actually quite sane.

In wasting my time viewing Dom profiles (well, at least those with pictures), I find most Doms to actually be on the friendly side in describing themselves and what they want out of a sub or slave. 

Also (knock on wood, please), I haven't met an onslaught of messages, but I've learned that from past experiences that posting pictures of your boobs, ass, and pussy garner over 100+ messages. I don't know if it is the same with penis pictures (I would imagine it does the opposite, quite really). 

And my only conclusion is that there are  not enough Gay Male Dominants so men feel the need to portray themselves as women to get a Dom to talk to them. (Beats me)

So if you hear horror stories from sub women about men instantly demanding submission, probably check their profile first. After all-

Like attracts Like 

It's difficult being good when everyone drags you down.

It's difficult being nice when everyone picks on you.

The good girl gets smeared as being dumb,

While the bad girl is admired as being knowledgeable. 

Marrying for money  sounds immoral,

But if it glamorized in the media, why wouldn't a girl follow through?

The size of a man's penis should not be The Factor that indicates his sex drive,

Though porn and erotica makes it to be a pretty big deal.

Oh how difficult it is to be a young woman growing up

In an age where being a "bitch" is better than being a "saint".

"Well behaved women rarely make history" is a common saying,

However it should not imply that girls should be bad to draw attention.

When outside forces influence you to be bad,

All you want to be is good. 

If you're viewing my profile, feel free to entertain me with some funny stories.

One of the reasons why I'm not looking for any kind of relationship is because well, I'm fat. I'm not going to euphemise it by stating that I have curves in the right places (they're in ALL the wrong spots), that I'm voluptuous (I don't have an hourglass figure), call myself a BBW (I may be big but I'm not beautiful), or adorably "chubby" (I detest hugs). I will be bluntly honest and state that I'm fat. 30-40 pounds overweight, which would probably put me into the obese category. Sickening, isn't it? 

If you put any kind of rope on me, it will look like you are ready to cook some extra fatty pot roast. And I hate beef. 

Suspension, St. John's cross...those things will break under my weight. No kidding. 

So yes, I'm doing the "get fit" thing before delving into any kind of relationship. 

I walk 3 miles a day 5 days a week, lift weights twice a week. Once the pool opens, I will integrate  swimming into my routine. I love bellydancing, but I really want to take a live class instead of using a video (and that requires driving to the piedmont area). 

Thank you for understanding. 

If you're viewing my profile, feel free to entertain me or ask me any questions about my jewelry.

Happy Hour Delights..

No, I do not know why girls play tricks or games. My theory is that they were deprived of playing "make believe" games in kindergarten. 

I don't know why people post up fake photos. My guess is that they're so inexperienced with Photoshop that they just decide to snatch a relatively GOOD Photoshopped photo and put it up without thinking "Hmm..people might think it is a fake."

Ok, really. Blurred photos are an #epicfail 

(However, if you would like me to Photoshop your photos free of charge, I would be happy to do so! But I can't  make neither your boobs nor your penis larger. ) 

What is a "true" Dom or "true" sub. Nothing is true nowadays, just look at the media. 

By all accounts, slavery is illegal. Well, I guess if the person consents to it, it really isn't slavery, but rather servant hood. 

Why are you trying to entice me when my profile clearly states NO PLAY OR RELATIONSHIP. Nada. Zilch. I'm not meeting you. Ever. Ever. 

About my jewelry

What I post on my profile are samples of my work and will be in my Etsy Store coming soon. 

My pricing ranges from $15 and up depending on the intricacy of the design; this does not include the 3% fee that Etsy charges (but it does include shipping costs). 

If you would like a custom-made collar, please message me with the following stats:

1) The submissive's neck circumference

2) Material (Not limited to: satin, silk, leather, etc.)

3) Decorations (Faux pearls, beads, rhinestones, gems) 

Embroidery not available yet.