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GoddessGigi
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Nature Abhors a Vacuum... Seeking the 'Other Side of the Coin'...
Experienced submissive hard wired for heavy Control, Humiliation and Debasement.
i've had a few genuine D/s relationships- ranging in duration from a few months to 4 years. Each has been completely different from the last and a tremendous learning/growth experience- both in terms of self-discovery as well as what is possible with the right Domme...
For most of my BDSM experience i've always thought i am more of a 'Fetish Bottom' than a true submissive but surprisingly, i discovered in my most recent relationship that i made the transition to a true, full blown submissive that needs a Strong, Sadistic and Controlling Domme in my life on a consistent basis. Vanilla relationships cannot compare with the intensity of a genuine D/s dynamic. i realize now that i am more comfortable in this type of relationship with all it's tasks, requirements, and surrender of Control than in any 'vanilla' relationship...
It's all about CONTROL in all its forms. The more Controlling You are, the more responsive i am as a submissive. This includes both sexual and non-sexual Control. i am highly aroused by the of assignment of 'tasks' in between meetings/sessions to reinforce the dynamic and keep me in a constant state of tension.
CHEMISTRY is, of course, crucial- the most important aspect of any relationship (D/s or otherwise). i thrive more on psychological sadism, boundary violation and torture than physical pain unless it's directed at my balls/CBT. i have a very strong drive to please my Domme and have learned that my Interests are very flexible depending on my Domme's Wants and Needs...
i am open, self aware, emotionally strong, committed and know what i need and want...
If any of the above appeals to You, please let me hear from You.
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And She wrote to me...
"I am actually thinking of you. Thinking of you licking me until I'm wet for fucking, thinking of climbing on top of you concentrating on cumming, thinking of you licking my feet even after you've rubbed them with mint lotion, thinking of you licking my asshole until it's completely clean, thinking of how I'd love to squeeze your balls right now."
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Lunch today:
1 bananna
Some left over risotto (<6oz)
Leftover broccoli & carrots
Sorry no pic today....
I'm beginning to see the 'programming' value of my daily lunch reports. Such a subtle reminder of your constant Control & Total Ownership... I find my natural resistance to Your Control dissipating much more quickly than I would have ever anticipated...
my reaction to this is one of natural loss of fear and control of my own life and handing it over to You- a self-described Sadist, and arousal, exhiliaration and speculation of what is to come... i can't wait until tomorrow... i think that we're ready to 'push' farther than we have so far.... i hope that You feel ready for it as well...
In anticipation,
Yours.
j |
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i'm making more lemon fennel chicken- i can't believe how good chicken can taste if you cook it right.. i never liked it much because it's so bland, but just thinking about tasting it is making my mouth water...
i'd make risotto too but i have enough left over from the weekend to feed a small army...
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***Footnote to Previous Entry***
This isn't a game. This is real life and it's 24/7/365 and if you're going to choose this type of commitment, you need to be aware of what you think and say at ALL times and check yourself if necessary... |
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Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it.... Once we truly understand and accept it then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted the fact that life is difficult no longer matters...
Siddhattha Gotama a.k.a. 'Buddah' (or M. Scott Peck- take your pick)
i think that the above quote is very true but is especially true if you are (or are trying to be) a submissive to a True Dominant. i'm not talking about seeing a Pro Domme for an hour which i am coming to regard as variation of prostitution where you essentially pay a fee to get your rocks off in some bizarre (non-standard) way for an hour or two...
i'm talking about the reality of surrendering your Will and ceding Control of your life to Another in a sincere way. It's a lot of work- day in and day out. Week in and week out. It requires sacrifice. It requires effort and it impacts every area of your life... It requires continuous selfless action in order to Please the Dominant... And it requires subordinating your own desires (and opinions) in order to please Her... If you're lucky as i feel i have been, your Dominant will be very Strict, Demanding and genuinely Sadistic with the highest standards for Performance and ZERO tolerance for bullshit...
This is all very new to me- i'm seeing a side of myself (and potential) that i never knew existed and i'm barely scratching the surface... Even in this short period of time i have known moments of pure joy, ecstacy and deep satisfaction when i know that i am truly making Her happy...
If i sound like i know what i'm talking about, don't be fooled- i don't. Right now i feel like a hypocrite and a lousy submissive... |
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She 'marked' me last night... On top of me, She told me to hold still. She slowly leaned down and bit and sucked on my right chest a few inches from the nipple. An intense moment of erotic pain- like being bit by a vampire... A dark purple spot about the size of Her tiny mouth... i wear it with pride... |
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o·be·di·ence
1. the state or quality of being obedient.
2. the act or practice of obeying; dutiful or submissive compliance.
3. a sphere of authority or jurisdiction, especially ecclesiastical.
4. Chiefly Ecclesiastical .
a. conformity to a monastic rule or the authority of a religious superior, especially on the part of one who has vowed such conformance.
b. the rule or authority that exacts such conformance.
Origin: 1150–1200; Middle English < Old French < Latin oboedientia. See obedient
, -ence
Synonyms
2. submission, subservience, deference.
i looked up this definition because a Domme that i have started seeing recently told me that this is the most important demonstration of my commitment to Her Service. If you substitute 'Dominant' for 'Ecclesiastical', 'Religious' and 'Monstical' the definition is eerily apt to D/s and submission...
One of Her pet peeves is stains on the carpet. Being a bachelor, i had more than a few and it took 3 attempts to clean it to Her satisfaction- this last time being a literal LAST CHANCE or i would be dismissed. i've always considered myself as more of a fetish bottom than a true submissive but i found myself spending hours cleaning, re-cleaning spots and inspecting every inch of my place. Underneath the stress of missing a spot and failing my assignment, i found myself experiencing a profound sense of peace and satisfaction while performing a task (cleaning) that i generally dread and procrastinate. i'm perhaps seeing a side of myself that i never suspected existed- this is definitely a process, not an event... i'm also learning that who i am as a submissive is largely dependent on who my Dominant is and what Her Needs and Desires are... i've never had much interest in feet but i find myself enjoying massaging, kissing, licking and worshipping Hers for hours because She requires a great deal of pampering... It doesn't hurt that She has the cutest feet and adorable tiny hands...
*** Interesting Factoid- Noah Webster published a first Edition of his dictionary in 1806 and began work on a second edition in 1807 which took 27 years to complete. He had to learn 26 other languages in order to complete it. Now that's dedication....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merriam-Webster
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"i am because You are...- African Proverb
From humble beginnings are sometimes tremendous accomplishments acheived... 9/3/2011.
For Miss M:
Thank You for a wonderful evening. You are more than i could have ever hoped for in my wildest dreams and possibly my darkest nightmares... Only time will tell...
For my fellow subs here in CM. There ARE real, sincere, beautiful Dominant women on this site... i have found mine. i wish you all luck in finding yours.. Don't give up. Anything is possible.... |
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di