lovelyliljenn

Im not asking the moon.  Just a man that is honest, forthright and wants similar things to me.  How is that so hard? 

Now what?

I'm waiting for the impossible.  Ok, I take that back...it's happened before..I have found intelligent men that aren't simply interested in my cup size or if I can "give head" with verve and ...well, you get the picture.  This is a BDSM site not Match.com.  I want to know that your IQ meshes with mine, I don't want to meet your penis via Skype in the first 10 minutes.  I know, I know...it's asking the moon; rational, adult behavior.  

Reading mail entries can be so interesting.  Such a short (and sometimes lengthy) "tell" into who the person is that is emailing you.  I shant bother with the standard "one word emails will be deleted speech" but I honestly don't read or respond to them, ditto to cut and pasted ones that have my nick inserted in all the right places or not.  I'm not looking for some magical, just right, gotta be JUST this way intro, but really people...lol.   Making someone feel like they are important, noticed...is what gains attention. Just my opinion.  Your mileage may vary.

I guess its time to start over.  I dont get a choice.  I just get to start again so thats what I will do...this is me, starting over.

Overnight with friends to a play party and had a great time!  Lots of scening, discussions, flirting, and fun had by all!  Way too tired to come home so I spent the night there and drove home this morning....

Cure to being out of sorts?  A couple days of stress therapy with a couple.  My slave friend and her husband and I are going to take a couple days of adult time for a short mini vacation so I can get my mind off some things.  I am so thankful for great friends!

Confused?  yes.  Hurt?  yes.  

A bit of kvetching.   Friendships online can really suck.  I mean just simple friendships. like a casual girlfriend.  You expect people to be straight with you when you are friends, not to lie or circumnavigate the truth.  If you ask a simple question, shouldn't the answer be just as simple and truthful?  THIS is why I prefer men as friends to women...men generally are far more straightforward then girls.  Lying bitches.  Yeah, I know I'm a chick but apparently I put a lot more importance on my friendships then others.  End rant. 

Had the most amazing erotic dreams last night, so vivid that I woke up in a daze of confusion and arousal.  It's been a while since I was a teenager but it almost felt like the female version of a teenage wet dream.  Not complaining, mind you, but it sets the day up to be rather flustering, lol. 

Why do melons get married in church?  Because they CANTALOUPE!

So many things are out of my control lately....Odd thing for a submissive/slave to say but when you are speaking of work, etc   it makes sense..lol.  Before anyone comments on the slash between submissive and slave I will just say that while I refer to myself on my profile as a submissive, I feel defined as a slave but have only recently embraced that role.  Anyway, I'm quite sure all the whirlwind nuttiness will die down soon, chaos can only reign supreme for "SO" long, right?  RIGHT?  

A friend told me a short story about her Dom and his devotion to her...it cut to the core of me.  Her devotion was equally as strong, of course...it's a two way street that makes things work.  

I'm a little left of O.K. lately.  I seem to be struggling to keep my place and be the person I need to be.  

I really have to get this off my chest...Im so sick and tired of...  NOTHING!  Im perfectly happy and smiling but I have been reading through profiles and so many of them are filled with people rambling on and on about negativity.  They are tired of players, posers, their lives, their inability to find someone, they are bored, constipated or something!  

What ever happened to surrounding yourself with as much positive energy as you can, believing in yourself, not looking for the quickest fix possible, etc?  Are we really THAT instant gratification oriented already?

Be happy, be positive, be real and be present in your life.  It's the only one you have.

If he is indeed wise, he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind. -- Kahlil Gibran

Newest pet peeve:  CM messages that are... Hi!, Hello, Hey there, Yer cute, etc.  Seriously?  What is the response to that?  Uh...Hi?  Do you like me? Circle yes or no?  Sheesh.

Off to see the wizard in the couple days.  A week of nothing but fun, yahooooo!

FRUSTRATED!

Halloween is coming!  What shall I be this year?  Let's see.  How about...A Dirty Secret?

Last year of school before I have to become a total grownup.  I'm semi panicking over the idea that I need to be mature but then I remembered that I'm a Daddy's girl and immaturity comes with the territory so I'm covered no matter what.   *laughs*

Whats the sweetest thing you can hear as a girl?  Any guesses?  I love you?  I need you?  You're mine?  Wanna collar?  Nah.

Bitch...who's girl are you?  oh...yes.

I day dream about those private moments between us, the romantic touches only we understand like when you shove my head between your legs and gag me on your cock whilst watching football.  When you bend me over the side of the bed and ponder whether to use lube or not before driving yourself into my ass.  When you smile at your trophy and tell her to hunt for you.  *smiles* 

Once upon a time a princess kissed a thousand frogs.  One day she met a new frog, this frog was different...he croaked differently, jumped differently, caught flies differently.  He also refused to believe the princess was actually a princess and no matter how many times she patiently explained her lineage he just shook his frog head and laughed.  The princess became smitten with this frog and slowly saw things his way, she began to see herself as he saw her, not as a princess as all but as something quite different, something evolving.  Then the frog went away and the princess evolving was sad and then angry.  She wondered what she had done and pondered what she should do...then decided that there was nothing to be done but try and forget the frog.  Years passed, the kingdom went on as kingdoms do, there was joy at times, smatterings of hope, perhaps, but never the depth of feeling she had with the frog.

The princess went for a walk in the garden one evening and lo and behold there was the frog.  She was shocked!  She didn't know what to do or say so she fled the garden, mind reeling.  On another walk she spied him again and worked up the courage to speak with him, asking him to leave her garden...there were many others...why must he be here?   The frog cleared his throat, as frogs do so grandly, and offered to leave if that was what she wished but he wanted to stay, to come back, to start over, to begin again.  They again spoke of important things that only princesses and frogs would understand for hours on end, rebuilding their nest.  He again reminded her that she was never really a princess to him; he saw her through a darker, more wicked looking glass and she knew she was home, never to see the world the same again.  Why would she want to after all, the frog was who she had been searching for all her life.

You can try.  You can ask.  You can wheedle and you can promise the moon.  

A girl always comes home to her Daddy  :)

Who is YOUR Beck and Call girl?

Rainy, icky day.  Had some down time to think about a few things, however.  I've decided I will never like brown, that turkeys are ugly but not as ugly as hyenas, and that masturbation leads to orgasm.  That is all.

Can lightning strike twice in the same place?  

Interesting when you see someone you haven't thought of in ages,,,then suddenly you do..think that is, about them.     

I'm tired of being patient.  5/18/12 addition..I didnt mean on CM specifically.  I have gotten a lot of emails about how hard it is to find someone on CM and I was speaking in general terms...hope that clears things up, lol.

I'm sorry if I don't answer all emails.  If you write me a canned email or a "hi" or something similar, I likely won't answer.  I'm sure you can understand why.  Sometimes I just miss some, please feel free to email again.  Good luck with everyones searches!

Midterms done.  YAY!  Tomorrow is Sunday and I am going to sleep and sleep and sleep more.  Changed the sheets on the bed (my highest thread count sheets), washed all the blankets so they smell of bleach and outdoors.  Girl loves her bleach for cleaning, lol.  Got my sleep mask ready for when it gets a little light out, the fan blowing gently...Waahoooo!  One or two things could make it better but by golly I'm gonna enjoy the heck out of it anyway!

I ache for the touch of my Daddy.  The words only he knows to whisper to me.  Those secrets we alone keep.  He understands what makes me tick, what makes me ache, what makes me who I am.  He exploits them, because it suits us both.  My Daddy knows how to move me, manipulate me, make me writhe.  Simple stuff. 

I am sorry if my profile frustrated some people.  I am not interested in delving into the minutiae of my desires in a general way.  They are private things for the most part and I share them when I feel ready :)

Worked on some homework tonight then sat down to the guilty pleasure of watching this TOP CHEF season.  I am a frustrated chef myself and watching them brings me inspiration.  Food, like sex, should be a pleasurable experience.  They are both (or should be) sensual in nature.  A teasingly tempting flavor on the tongue..a bold move..food porn :)

Worst words you can hear on NYE?  Sorry to cancel but I'm sick and can't babysit for you Jenn.

UGH!

I need to explain that I am very much NOT a pain slut...the previous entry only mentioned it because I have no issues with having a wax done..SHEESH PEOPLE!

Went to get my legs, underarms, and a couple other things waxed today.  The girl next to me had never been waxed before and OMG the screams..LOL.  You would have thought she was being eviscerated.  I feel like such a pain slut now..lol 

Being nice is overrated.  I try to be decent and kind to people but I'm beginning to think that my evil jenn needs to rear her head more often.  Other thoughts:  Thanksgiving was great, ate too much, same as everyone else in America.  We need a holiday that is celebrated with Prime Rib or Porterhouse.  Theres a holiday I could look forward to!  Ponders this

Henceforth and heretowith (just go with me here) it is proclaimed that November 29th is the Holiday of Beef! Throughout the land there will be a feasting of rare and juicy meat, the likes of that the world has never known!

Beef day!

You don't like it? Create your own holiday :) 

I have found that the more you look, the less you find.  I am all for the surprise, the gift, the wow moment when you finally find someone that *gets* you.  Here's to the wow.

"You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked a clear question." - Albert Camus, "The Fall"

If you understand the dynamic of "Taken In Hand" then you know a bit about what I desire in life.  If not, use the almighty Google, that might help clarify it or simply ask me.

Instantaneous submission?  Hogwash.  We talked a little and now it's ok to just forego niceties?  Don't think so.  I don't live on planet D/s, sorry, I prefer to get to know someone BEFORE chatting up a storm about what I like beaten and why, what my psychological profile is, or even what position is my favorite!  Come on, you remember conversation, polite conversation?  If you can't be bothered with it, don't bother me :)

I have waited, wondered, whined.  Im done with that.  I want to find mine.

If I asked you to be my Daddy, would you?

If I explained why I needed a Daddy would you accept that?

Are you sure?

Do you know the implications of becoming a Daddy to someone?

Do you know the challenges?

Take every answer you formulated in your head and throw it away. 

Started back to work this past week, it's been odd since I've just been doing school for so long.  The Fall semester is starting and I'm taking 3 full credit classes.  I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew... Fulltime work and 3/4 time school plus a kid a house and...stuff? 

"Modern feminism's most naive formulation is its assertion that rape is a crime of violence but not of sex, that it is merely power masquerading as sex. But sex is power, and all power is inherently aggressive. Rape is male power fighting female power."  - Camille Paglia in Sexual Personae

It's all about taking what you want in that caveman way, isn't it?

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Jennifer Nettles nailed it.

Ive been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall..and ive been laying here praying she wont call...

and ill be beggin you baby..beggin you not to leave..

Why dont you stay...im down on my knees..im so tired of being lonely..dont i give you what you need...

Before anyone says anything..i KNOW the wallpaper in the second picture is hideous...laughs...it was taken at a friends house..

Flu abounds at chez jenn...sighs..i am waiting for winter to be over...  

i spoke to someone the other day and the conversation resounded with me..it was a discussion with meaning..true meat to it.  How often does that happen, laughs.

The sum and substance is not as important as the idea itself.  That we waste so much time never really seeing the other person..even if they are right in front of us..even if we are with them every day...how awful...how wasteful.
  

Gold for the mistress, silver for the maid, copper for the craftsman, cunning at his trade. But said the baron, sitting in his hall, Iron, cold iron, is master of them all.

sent to me from someone..i love it.