OK its 2/11/14 and i have now been with the one my  heart says is my true  Owner  but can my heart lie  try to fool  me  in to thinking i truly matter   or do i let my walls down and  try  to   do what i know  as a good  sub/slave  should do i want to run and hide  because seems all i find is wanna be  fakes and people to hurt me which  is worse  the pain from not trying or the pain  from the heartache the failure the disappointment would it not be best to  walk away  before either  gets hurt just close my heart  up  and live the rest of my days as a unowned  girl who  means nothing to  no one  i have spent all my life  looking for him and  now  i have found  him im scared so many have told me  im the sub they desire  or need  or want to  just  be a distraction  from one they  truly want i  don't wanna be a distraction i want to be the one who  makes him feel special the one  that when i kneel at his feet  he knows the one that understands the worst punishment for me is  the look in his eyes that i have disappointed him   i try to change my views on  myself  forget the  past   but it seems to  follow me reminding me  how worthless i  am all ways from birth have been  i have lost the will as  the sub i am to  keep  trying  to keep  wanting to  please any one even less myself  i  keep trying to find a reason to   try  a  reason to care i thought i  had found that  and  then i realize  im  dreaming  that some one  could  want  me  or  even  think i  could make a good person   but  one day at  a time  i will start to love myself again with or   with out  a Owner  for  to be loved i must love myself  i have been told  so   im going to do my best  in loving myself 

ok as of  the 20th I will be another year older and  still cant find the Master  who  completes me   so    will keep looking  was hoping to have some one to spend m y birth day with  but who is better than spending it with mysefl

ok is there ever a perfect  body shape  that  has the mind of a sub and not superficial. i  do not see  that the outside should matter it is the subs heart  to  serve and please  that should matter looks can fade or be taken away  but a true subs heart  to serve you   in any   way  to  please you as her Master is worth more than a  size 4 body od so i think