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| pet to K.
In the outside world, I am a feral, mama, lioness.
But when I'm with my Care Taker, I'm all prrr...
K rules are as follows;
no pictures posted,
no pictures exchanged,
superficial friendships with Dom/Dommes,
deep friendships with slaves, pets, subs,
I may serve in rooms with D's that own property,
in all of this, the focus remains on Him.
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Last week was so ridiculously emotional.
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Since I'm on my phone, the chat requests aren't working. |
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Luckily, whatever craziness has been going on in my heart and head is subsiding. |
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Stay humble, stay soft, stay love... |
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Wow....emotional hangover. |
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Wait a minute....
What if He's sub and I just think He's Dom because He tastes so good?
I think I have lost my mind. O.o |
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He told me He loved me tonight.
I thought I would explode or implode or combust. But I lived. And I told Him there was so much He didn't know about me, good things.
I will tell Him how important pleasing Him is next.
Omg omg omg I hope I can sleep.
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I have been a very good girl today.
Cats fed, birds fed, grocery store done before the ice storm hits. Kitchen clean. Showered and ready.
Now....how to entertain myself until...something?
I should probably do laundry, study Spanish, and shred papers. |
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In the letter, I had stated that I had felt quite secure with my partner having other playmates. But that I need not know when this took place, because it awakens my fear of abandonment.
Months went by, and while laying with Him I said,"will You please not tell me the next time You seek another playmate. It's just understood as part of the package."
He said,"I'm sure if I'm seeking a relationship with you, it's not wise to develop outside interests."
Today as it stands, we negotiate each time He calls, thecontract being for one evening. He never calls unless He can take me to dinner, a movie, and we have time to sleep in late.
Late being 8:30 am. |
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2 months passed with no contact. Then He called. Some semblance of renegotiation started, with me saying,"no expectations."
He said something about me being low maintence and stable.
It was hard not to wish she was a complete psycho bitch and the cause of His financial problems.
We had a fine spring and summer.
Then another young woman. He said He wanted my heart and head to be understanding. I said it was and to go have fun. He said,"really?"
I said,"yes."
and sent Him a letter explaining in the most vanilla terms possible about a poly arrangement.
2 weeks later He called. We met. I had sandals on, 5 inch wedges. The first thing He said was,"you have beautiful toes."
it was hard not to hope He had looked down at her feet and nastiness.
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The contract ran out a year ago. With a more formal release at the end of February, when it was left open ended, open to renegotiation.
How can one have a "contract" with a vanilla man, who knows nothing about this side of me or bdsm?
Well He asked for a comittment at the end of November and me, being the way I am, wanting to please yet cautious said," ok, until the holidays are over."
We met in April 2008, began having soda dates in September, kissed in October, and had sex the first time December 21st.
January found Him far from home. In a bit off trouble with work and money. Ok very far from home in an inhospitable land. And a pretty young thing caught His eye.
Let me back track here; I never consider myself the most attractive lady in the room. However, one will be sure to notice my entry and if I wish, I can take the entire room. Whatever that "it" quality is.
He panicked at His attraction to her. He was not honest with me at all here. Knowing something was gravelly wrong. I dissolved the contract with the renegotiation clause.
He had made vague statements about US being old and predictible.
It's hard to be spontaneous when you have to know when their flight is coming in and they are only in town 31 hours. |
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K,
did I rub up against Your soul?
And that's why You keep me at arms length?
Unless everything is perfect and then You let me rub and lick all over Your body.
I know You've never had a woman serve You.
I know it must be frightening, the difference. But I wouldn't be here at Your feet if it wasn't who You were.
Maybe it was too forward to tell You I loved Your cum and found it soothing and craved, craved the feel of You in the back of my throat.
Maybe I shouldn't have sent the picture of me playing dress up in my room.
But you asked for sexy pictures.
Does it....scare You to believe this creature could love You and never leave You?
That I could live in Your home and You could come home and find me like that and that I'd bathe You and be on Your arm for dinner and suck You to sleep?
I mean, how could that possibly be real? |
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I did get to see Him tonight, at a social function, but that was all. It went on too late and He gets up very early.
We each arrived seperately and no one knows we are seeing each other, just that we know each other.
He showed me the thankyou texts from His children. He gave me my present a week ago.
I still have His.
Last month He said I brought Him great comfort. This month He said I was a big part of His perfect days.
Our contract ran out a year ago, on New Year's Day.
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Living trust and freedom.
I have been free for 7 years, physically, from ownership.
However, now, I find only my soul chained.
It's....odd. |
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