I'm not what you're looking for. I don't fit in your boxes. My appearance doesn't fit your norms. My scars are not badges of honor. My grey hairs are not a sign of wisdom.

I'm too tall for you; I'm a fucking Amazon. And I wear heels.

I'm too fat for you. I'm curvier than curvy. My breasts arrive somewhere moments before the rest of me.

I'm too smart for you. I will challenge you and expect you to hold up your end of a conversation. I want to talk about more than kinks and cocks.

My body is substantial, but it is also fragile. Years of cancer and other illnesses have taken their toll. I can no longer kneel at your feet for hours at a time. I bruise more easily and heal more slowly.

My soul - my heart - is scarred and slow to open up again. I no longer trust implicitly or love blindly. I will not believe your words of praise unless your behavior backs them up; but your scorn and derision will lodge into the dark corners of myself and I will be unable to prise them loose.

I am not a blank canvas you can mold into your ideal submissive. I have layers upon layers from years of life, years of use and abuse, of joys and sorrows, love and loss and pain.

The world is busy telling me that I am not enough.

Not thin enough. Not young enough. Not pretty enough.

I'd like to think that who I am - mind, body, and soul - are worth getting to know. That some people might look beyond the size-double-zero ideal and see a body worth exploring, worth holding through the night. That arguing philosophy or religion or politics (or, more likely, some combination of all three) over good food and drinks or tea actually sounds better to someone than a night watching tv. That someone might want to stand beside me and be a helpmate and life partner, rather than just a kinky playmate.Someone who'll support me when I'm down, who'll help me up if I fall, even as I do the same for them. Someone who will do the laundry when the muscle spasms makes the stairs to the basement difficult to navigate.

Perhaps the world - and those of you who agree with it - are right. I guess time will tell.

But for now, if you're going to tell me all the ways I don't live up to your ideals... just take a number and get in line. There's plenty of folks already ahead of you.