• I've taken a huge break from the BDSM world. It sounds so cliché but I wanted to find myself. To understand and be able to explain what I desire without feeling defensive.
• I think that I've achieved it. I've read a few of my previous journal entries and don't recognise that girl. I am no longer high on my horse. I am humble. I am silent more often then not. I rarely get indignant.
• I am less bull headed, more subservient. I believe that being alone for a time, and truly trying to know myself and my wants and my desires and what drove me to become a bottom, has helped to determine if this is still the life I long for.
• The quick and simple answer is yes. I do long for a dominant figure in my life. I still won't settle for any dominant....but I know now that when I do meet a dominant I can see a mutually satisfying relationship with long term, I will be a blank slate for him to mold me into something beautiful....

Yet another dominant emails and tells me...oh I like the way you wrote your profile, but I think you don't know what you want....

I DO know what I want. I stated what I wanted in profile. As for guidance, well of course I need that, but from someone trusted and known, definately not from a stranger....

I try so hard to not have my knee jerk "go to hell and quit talking to me like a child" reaction but its dfificult.

Another message deleted.

So here will clarify yet again

-I am NOT a pain slut

- I am not into hardcore sadism

-I am not interested in fantasy online play

-I am not interested in relocating.

-I am not interested in InstaDom/me

-I DO NOT cam verify with everyone and anyone.

I AM interested in D/s play.

I enjoy a man who knows he is HOH, no questions

I WILL NOT be bratty to make him beat me, though I know sometimes correction is neccessary.

I am very much a submissive personality in and out of the bedroom.

I enjoy "serving"...this could mean in the bedroom, out of the bedroom, in public (non sexual of course)

I like micromanagers

I like older men who are confident and assertive.

I am VERY sure this is what I like and dislike...so Dominants, please don't try and tell me I don't know what I like and don't like....I've taken a GREAT DEAL of time to think about this and ponder this, and I think that I would know what turns me on and what doesn't ;) Just saying.

The blindfold covers my eyes completely. The chair creaks a little as I move to get more comfortable. I stop to listen to the soft padding of your bare feet on the tiles, circling me. I quiver as your hand slaps my breast. A whimper barely escapes my mouth through the gag shoved deeply into my mouth. You begin to circle me again, stopping behind me, this time your hand slapping my ass. I move involuntarily and you chuckle.

"Yes my lil puppet, dance for me"

My cries muffled by the gag, ringlets of drool escaping out the sides of my mouth, as you slap my face. I moan and wiggle in my chair. My cunt moist already even though the game has just begun. You pull the gag from my mouth roughly, before leaning forward to bite my bottom lip. I moan into your mouth, vainly trying to lift my cunt to you, trying to voice my need.

You laugh again. It’s insane how this little chuckle and that smirk set in your chiselled features can drive me wild. I know you haven`t given me permission to speak so I wiggle in my chair and plead with you in the only way I know how.

“Does my little cunt need something?”

I nod vigorously. You wait. I know what you expect and what you’re waiting for. It’s difficult to voice it. It has always been so difficult. My breathing becomes more rapid before I sputter Ì need your cock Master. You chuckle again.

“Good girl, see that wasn’t so hard was it?”

Another slap lands squarely on my breast. I moan loudly and fling my head back, the breath nearly knocked out of me. You are relentless. It’s what I love about our sessions. Every single time is like the first time. I never know what to expect. You roughly pinch my nipples and I moan again. My hips gyrating now as if they have a life of their own.

“tut tut tut bitch. Stop the wiggling. I haven`t told you to move a muscle have I?”

Lowering my head I stop wiggling and mew softly to you. It’s always so hard to disappoint you. You’re not moving. It’s so quiet I can hear your breathing. It seems like an eternity since any sound has been made. I can hear my own heart beat in my ear.

Smack another slap on my other breast, I flinch and involuntarily move back in my seat. I hear you moving quickly across the room, your bare feet padding across the tiles. I sit in shock from the last smack. I gather my thoughts quickly and listen to what you are doing. I hear the familiar sound of the crop. I cringe inwardly. There is something so much more violent when you hit me with the crop. And I hear the jingle of a chain. Nipple clamps. My breath is ragged now. My chest heaves up and down as you return to me.

“Slut, you know what’s coming next.”

I nod. It’s all I can do. Nothing I do or say will stop it. I don`t want to stop it. I want it all. Which is why we are so good together. You attach the nipple clamps first. Tiny shots of pain lance my chest. I think I can handle it until I feel the weights attached. I moan and move a little. The chains dance across my chest, and tickle and yank my nipples. It’s maddening. As I settle into the weight and painful pinch of the clamps you start to use the crop. The first few slaps on the sides of my breasts. I try to stop the wiggle. My cunt juices are dripping onto the chair now.

The crop works its way down my side, to in-between my thighs. Harder still I can feel my flesh warming as if ready to implode. I shudder and moan, turning my head to the side. You continue your miniature assault on my flesh. My thighs if I could look down at them would be a bright splash of red. You move onto my buttocks. My cunt is dripping now. You smile and know my agony, but you prolong it. You begin your assault on my buttocks. Tiny shots of pain with each slap. I notice the warming sensation first, and as you continue slap slap slap the pain begins to set in. I clench after each slap.

The seat is suddenly pulled out from under me and I nearly fall, being caught only by the rope. You grab me by my hair and lift me to a standing position, moving the rope tying me in position up until I am on tip toes. You focus your attention on my buttocks now. I focus on the rhythmic sound of the crop on my flesh. My ass feels as if it’s on fire, I notice moaning…and then realize its me moaning now.

The rope suddenly moves, and I feel like a puppet on a string. My arms immediately start to fall downward. You clutch my hair and push me forward, resting my neck on the back of the chair. I know what’s coming next….the crop finds my cunt lips. The sound of slap slap slap becomes less sharp as it’s met with the juices coming out of my pussy.  My hips begin to move, as if meeting the crop would cause less pain. You set a steady pace, I count inwardly two seconds between each slap from the crop.

You lean forward and whisper….”you like that you fucking twatweasle?” I nod. My body just a vessel of all of this pent up need. I am desire. You sneer and yank my head back and say…”your nothing but a worthless fucking whore!! You don’t deserve my cock in your cunt! I think you need a fist up there you fucking pile of shit!”

I can’t say anything. My heart is pounding and my body is quivering. You kick my feet widely apart. I nearly lose my balance and flip over the chair. You right me with my hair. Your hand roughly finds my pussy dripping wet. I feel three fingers at first, sawing in and out. My juices coating your fingers, you slide yet another finger in. My hips buck and meet you. You ask, “Is this what you needed you fucking cum dumpster?”. You slip your thumb in and push. My cunt is entirely open to you now, you fist fuck me roughly. I’m on the verge of orgasm but know if I cum without your permission you will punish me further. I ask quietly. “May your slut cum?” You simply nod and shove the rest of your fist into my dripping cunt. I moan and cum my hips riding your fist fast…until that moment subsides. You slide your hand out and turn me around.

Your standing in front of me with your cock in hand. I gaze at it a moment, the tip glistening with pre-cum, The head bobbing up and down. I open my mouth and take the length into me, a steady rythmn is set now, your huge cock sliding in and out of my mouth. Greedily I feast on you. The head of your cock sliding down my throat. I close my eyes and revel in this feeling. All the while your calling me a nasty whore, dirty cunt, twatweasle, cumdumpster. As you near your orgasm you pull your cock out of my mouth and spew your load all over my face. I close my eyes just in time, as your thick cum spews all over my face. I lick my lips and taste that bitter saltiness that I know is your flavor.

You reach up and let the rope slip from the hook. My arms fall down like I’m a puppet with no strings. You unbuckle the cuffs, softly kissing each mark left from the buckles. You pull me into an embrace. I sigh and forget to notice how sore I am for now. I look up at you and kneel softly, placing my cheek against your boot as a sign of affection from a very adoring submissive wench.

I find myself so disillusioned with this site. I've seen so many potential partners turn into flakes. I am saddened to think that we live in a world where honor, integrity and loyalty no longer have a place.

I am an old fashioned girl. I long for something of substance. Something I can touch, feel, see, and taste. I long for a knight in shining armor to come and sweep me off of my feet and take me away from it all, and yet I don't know for sure what "it all" is.

I long for a dominance so profound that I follow gladly. So many think BDSM is all about the acts.....when in reality it all begins and ends in the mind.

Mental bonds last far longer than physical ones do. I long for a dominance that sways me into the darkness that engulfs me where my deepest darkest fantasy pales in comparison.

A romantic, why yes I`m a romantic....innocent...perhaps.

i have really begun to dislike being called 'girl' by dominants. i am a submissive sure, but why not come at me like i am a female first and foremost. Perhaps some submissives enjoy being talked down to by strangers but i do not.

i am a Female. Please if you feel the need to come at me, please be respectful. Do not request instant submissive. i am not that. it takes time, and comfort for me to get to that space.

Speak to me as you would like to be spoken to. i am educated, i am well travelled, i am sure of myself. I will NOT submit automatically. Do not expect me to address you as Master/Allmighty/whatever else. i will call you Sir, but use it purely in the vanilla sense.

i do not ask for much. Other then the most basic of politeness, and respect for another human being. i really do hope there are Dominants out there who wish to know a submissive who has a mind of their own, and  can hold her own in the world. I'm a BIG Girl. I do not require you to shelter me, but at times i may ask it of you. I can make my own money, I can work and keep myself healthy. but i want somewhere i can go where i can be vulnerable.

geesh i should start a blog.

i am losing hope kinda sorta. i've been getting a whole lotta messages from people commenting on body shape, on things i've put on the profile. To those that are rude. WHY WASTE YOUR TIME? i believe my time is important, so I never waste it. So i would imagine you would feel the same about your time. But perhaps just making people feel bad about themselves gets you off. If thats the case your a sick fuck and i have no use for you. Just know that i automatically ignore and block people who send rude mail. i don't have the time to get you off *smiles sweetly*

(Oh this post was so unsublike of me...lmao)