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| Though I feel I am not actively looking for someone, it seems I find myself continually pulled back into the distinct, magnetic curiosity and interest in pursuing this lifestyle, since it has been something I haven't been able to yet fully experience.?
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That being said, while I am very much researched and interested for a couple years now, I have had only but slight tastes of being in an actual 24-7 lifestyle relationship with a Dom.?
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While many people may not hold these type relationships in the light I do, I see having a Master as a wholehearted commitment which must intrigue, captivate, excite, and possess me in all areas of my being: not simply be used as a sexual/physical excuse for kinky hookups/playtime. However, I do look forward to having those moments with him. I fantasize about them. I wish for them. I yearn to see him at his darkest moments, at the core of him which he hides from others on the daily surface of his everyday world.
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I believe in the duality of things. I am fascinated by the psychological and sociological inner workings of what drives us to find and explore this part of ourselves, the side hidden from the "us" we present. The fact that behind that sophisticated, successful, friendly, refined, confident man--lies that sadistic, dark, irrefutable Dominant who knows absolutely what he wants, refuses to be denied, who must possess his one and only, ideal Submissive girl to feel complete. The pleasure I imagine my submission giving him to own me, to keep me close, to train me and protect me, and make me his in every way he wants--these desires thrill me and dizzy me with a want and a need to pursue, to find out, if that dream can possibly be this tentative Submissive's reality.
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I would respect him, and love him. I want desperately to please him. I want to be praised by him. I want the contrast of the softest gentle touches he would give me, to the violent fire of the touches when his other, so-dangerous side surfaces toward me alone. I dream of the kindness of his warm smile, but the cold glare of his eyes in the dark. He is a gentleman in every way, yet he is also--at experienced heart--a Master whose eyes or touch or a word alone shake me to my bones, and make me yearn with every fiber of my being to please him.?
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To have someone I can and do trust completely with every part of me--I'd have to find that particular chemistry with them to truly immerse myself as theirs. Since I view this lifestyle as such a center, prioritized, sacred portion of my life, and would give my Dom my all in every way I possibly can, to ever-please him no matter what, he and I would have to match so succinctly well.?
While perhaps it is only high hopes, I come on notes of fantastical optimism.
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As stated, I'm actually?not?actively looking for someone. I know what I do want, and that may be impossible to have for the moment. However, I am interested in meeting and talking to others interested in the lifestyle, and definitely would be open to making sincere friends and learning from them, as someone inexperienced myself.
So please do feel free to contact me if you feel you are along those lines~?
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[.what I actually want.]
Be relentless. Have not a glimpse of a second thought. Be decisive, and permanent. Lock the door and do not look back. Don't look to me for guidance, or hints, or signals. That is useless to you, for you are absolute, and nothing else matters. Walk towards me with all the decision in the world pulsing through your thin body, sparking with unseen energy that vibrates out of you, ready to destroy, palpable to only people as attuned to it as me. Only pure potential energy that has surfaced, unable to remain hidden behind thick layers of society's acceptable construct. Look at me with eyes sharp enough to pierce the deepest parts of my being, where I am lost and cannot breathe because of your feelings, radiated so strongly I am paralyzed. If I cannot be you, you must take that role for me. You must become it.
There must be no hesitation, not even the faintest touch of it--in your stare, in your steps, in your body. If there is, I will know, and it will ruin everything. You must know what you want, and be ruthless, and absolutely willing, to do anything and everything to obtain it. Ruin my senses with the grip of your fingers. Make the echo of ripped fabric fill the blackness. Breathe and moan and grunt and curse. Let it drip off your lips the more you lose yourself. Adrenaline, desire, electrifies your taught muscles, strengthens you to far more than you look capable of. If my back hits the wall, your hand hits it even harder beside me. Not in anger, but in something just as dangerous, just as violent and volatile that mimics it almost identically. There is no doubt. There is no hint as to what you will do next. Be unreadable. Be unimaginable. Be unafraid to do everything you have not before. Embody everything--every dark desire of the world. Be unlike anyone or anything else has let you before, until we are brought to the tipping point, brimming with vibrations until we want to explode into a million energized fragments. Be all that you never were allowed to; feel all you were always holding back, not ever quite permissible, until now. No hesitation. Only dark fire. Only vibration.
This is what I dream. |
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