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I always want something I can't have or that is just slightly out of reach. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm just as naive as I apparently seem. I've never thought that seeing the world with rose colored glasses would kill me this way. I want too little and give too much. |
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There's something very intoxicating about the click a switch blade makes combined with an intensely stern stare. Everything you've done in the last 5 minutes rushes back to you, you panic as you search for the moment that maybe you said something a little too cheeky and it pressed all the wrong(well, mostly right) buttons. There's no danger here but you should feel very threatened. I'm addicted to that. |
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I miss having online kinky friends. They all stopped talking to me now that I have a boyfriend😪 |
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When he says something about rape play but doesn't do it 😩 |
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Nothing like a Dom who cares about making you cum🙏 |
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This website never ceases to amaze me, I forget that people are very self assured that they're the greatest thing since sliced bread. |
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It's interesting to me that sometimes the things we think we want are not what we actually want. Or need. |
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I haven't felt this serene in weeks, which is rather odd because late nights are usually my downfall. Thank god for making list and the stars and this sense of relief. Thank god for my friends and slow acoustic music. I've gotta work on being so intense all of the time because I honestly lose track of all of these little blessings. Now all I need is forehead kisses and my night would be complete. |
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I know that I use this journal for more feelings things than BDSM things but those tend to go hand in hand for me.
I'm never going to want a partner who can't put up with my mental health and the fact that I will always struggle with it.
I think too often we treat any sort of relationship as a band-aid for mental health, inadequacies and self worth concerns and I can imagine in the D/s dynamic, some people may feel it even more strongly.
Being loved has never been about someone "fixing" me and this sadness, rather more of someone making being sad much less scarey.
I understand that I'll have bad days-a lot of them, I'm sure- and sometimes I think that's more worrisome for those who love me than it is for me.
I don't know, I have a lot of mental health feelings right now.
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I'm pretty blessed with this continuous feeling that the universe will only ever give me what I can handle. I never feel hopeless and empty for too long and sometimes even when I'm confused, I still know things are gonna be okay.
That same feelings also fuels me to try to figure out every reason anything has ever been put in my life, it eats away at me sometimes to not know what purpose something serves.
Gotta get this brain in check though...I'm a stronger person than anything that's gonna get thrown my way. |
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I'm so crabby, so apologies in advance to everyone who has to put up with me today, y'all the real MVPs. |
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Smarty pants on the weekends, mindless sleep-deprived granola fueled weirdo Tuesday-Friday. Something has gotta change. |
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I could sleep for days. Absolute days. I need to be spanked until I cry and then cuddled, which I know I've kind of wrote about 17394837498374 times before but I need it right now. Hella. |
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overload of emotions, holy fuck. |
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If there's a way I can acquire food and still stay naked and in bed all day, that'd be preferable.
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I don't know what's going on, or why the Universe has put me on this path but that's okay. I'm not worried-for fucking once in my life. |
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I identify as 60% bratty teenager, 40% willing and eager submissive. The struggle is real. |
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It is clearly not my week for electronics... |
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Worked my ass off today with color corrections AND my new hair looks cute as fuck. I'm sick and sleepy and need spankings and to do...bad bad things to someone. Oh well, new relationship goals, I suppose🌙❤️😈 |
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My phone decided it was gonna drink some tea today. Yay for being disconnected from the world! |
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Shout out to me for putting my mental health first and saying "fuck you" to dudebros. In the words of Hannah Montana "everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days", forgive for your own wellbeing and be strong, fellow subbies. |
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Nothing like roleplaying an elf princess as neutral good to make you feel better about life and more large and in charge. Come at me now, motherfuckers:) |
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Things I'm good at: being the girl everyone wants to fuck but no one actually likes. *sigh*
Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time I got a message that says "whoever ends up owning you is so lucky" ugh. |
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Things is still need to remember:
1. Be a princess, don't let anyone treat you like anything less.
2. Don't waste time on boys who don't care if you cum or not.
3. Text them first once. If they can't send you a "hey, how are you?" as courtesy, remember that someone out there will.
4. If they can't clean up after themselves, walk away. You're a sub and a girlfriend and a human being, not a fucking mom.
5. If it seems like a lie, it's probably a lie.
6. Sex is great. Sex is wonderful and beautiful and hot. But if they can't listen to your feelings, what are you doing there? Sex is better when they can deal with you crying anyway ;)
7. Ambition is sexier than any other thing on the planet.
Sometimes I get really caught up in someone and I forget that I have standards and guidelines as to what's acceptable to me in a relationship. In this, I often become so hurt that I become cruel and pessimistic. I forget that people, boyfriends/Doms/friends, they make mistakes. No one is always at the top of their game and forgiveness is not only the key to healthy relationships, but to being a healthy person. |
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It exhausts me that people think I'm less of a person because I choose to reserve my emotional connections for a special person.
I feel like people in general see my interest in purely sexual play as me being callous and, ugh, I dunno, stupid. To be honest, it's easier for me to make someone cum and to let someone physically hurt me than to let someone pick my brain and know me inside out. While I enjoy so badly having that mental connection, I'm terrified of it. And that's why I'm closed off and silent to start with, I need people to put in the work for my feelings. |
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I am so fond of being friends with D/s couples. Like, it gives me hope and profound joy! Eeeeeee, you're all so cute! |
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On that note, if I started a subbie tumblr based on my awkward experiences with the BDSM culture and funny Internet stories and vlogs, would anyone follow it? I'm curious haha. |
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On the internet I am this mystical sub creature that everyone wants to talk to and hit on but in real life boys hate me and think I'm gross and boring. It's crazy how it changes d00d. |
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Everyone wants to know my type. My type is Nick Offerman, haha. |
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Watching stand up alone because my roommates are sick:( wahhh. |
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Need to go to the library and get felt up while I'm looking at books. Shit. |
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Okay but the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack is pretty great. Which makes me angry. |
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Does anyone else get that feeling where they need skin on skin contact desperately? Like I just need someone else's hands on me. It's crazy, I've never felt like this before. |
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IF I HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHY FIFTY SHADES OF GREY IS BULLSHIT AT A HOLIDAY GET TOGETHER ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I WILL LITERALLY DIE. MY CHEST WILL CAVE IN AND MY HEAD WITH EXPLODE AND I WILL BE DEAD. |
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I get to go celebrate Christmas for an hour or two and come home and peruse the Internet. This is gonna be interesting. |
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Someone actually thinks I'm not real? And is telling me they're going to report me? Am I really gonna have to do one of those stupid pictures with the "I am real" signs? Fuck, |
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Just picked up some new make up and brushes as a Christmas present for myself! Retail therapy is almost better than being tied up. Almost. |
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It's funny to me that the hardest part about submission for me is the mental and emotional part and yet, I'm so so addicted to that part. I could handle being spanked all day and being black and blue but letting someone inside of your head is terrifying and telling people about your feelings is the worst. That vulnerability is nerve wracking and puts people in such an open spot. You can ice bruises but you can't just shut someone out of your head.
It's obvious to me that I'm due for a spank-until-crying sort of play date because I've got a shit ton of emotions overflowing my body and I need to let them out. Waaaah |
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Holy hell, I'm crawling out of my skin. |
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I just want cuddles like a motherfucker. Like, what's at about. One second I want to be choked, the next I'm dying for cuddles and head rubs. Ugh.😳 |
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I'm hungry, the boyfriend and I broke up and I'm sad. Blah. |
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Green Bay is mentally exhausting. I need a new life. Blah. |
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Men on here who message don't really get instant D/s gratification. I know that's hard for some of you but if you can't be my friend always/first and foremost, how am I supposed to want you as a play partner? Patience is the key word:) |
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Someone keep my brain busy, please? |
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Where are all the Sadist Daddy Doms into mental bondage before the physical cause fuck, that's my type. |
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I've got a lot of D/s thoughts moving around my brain right now. I'm a pretty needy partner, I'm curious if this is due to my submissiveness or just me being a human. Is it okay for me to needy for attention when the Dom in question isn't giving me the attention I want? Is that a bad habit that needs to be broken or just a trait of me being eager to serve? Ugh. |
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Sexual frustration makes me real fucking crabby and angry and let's just say I'm glad I've never had to deal with Orgasm Control cause that's a real fucking horrid punishment. |
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My brains is really foggy and I'm kind of bummed. I'm just gonna drink and sleep:( |
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Listening to Death Cab, making dinner and wanting to talk to someone:3 |
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My brain is fuzzy, I just want to cry from mental exhaustion and too much thinking but I have to go to work. Being an adult is hard sometimes. |
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My thoughts on Dominants and people who pretend to be them.
You want a sub that you're interested in to call you "Sir/Master/Him"? Yeah, I guess you can tell them to address you as that, you can tell them to kneel and that they should fall all over themselves to please you but:
A. That sub is probably not gonna be in it to win it, going to probably skip when things aren't butterflies and kittens, and probably doesn't have the "healthiest" mind set when it comes to submission. I say this because if they're willing to call you "Sir" on the 'first date', if you will, who else has she just called 'Sir' haphazardly. To me, and this is my personal opinion, this person needs more guidance than just "Call me Sir and let me fuck your brains out and make you do things out of your comfort zone." They need to understand why they are giving that submission and why they have let you have such power over them.
B. You want a me to call you Sir? Give me a reason. Show me that you're superior by pushing your way into my mind, make me want to do things for you that I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole for anyone else. Until you've proven you deserve that submission from me, you're not gonna get me to call you "Sir' because you're just another person. You aren't special because you "noticed" me. Do you know how many messages I get a day? I'm sure this is similar for other subbiies.
Thoughts? Questions? Concerns? Please fucking message me about it because I'd love to shut down some stupid people. |
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Making dinner! I don't have the patience to cook rice! |
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I'm such a sucker for a cute face and a low voice😕 |
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If you're trying to get at me, you've got to understand that I will compare you endlessly and ruthlessly to someone else that has set a precedent so you better show up and be amazing cause otherwise I can't manage to give you any thought, |
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I'm usually not so aggressively open about my sexual feelings on here but I need so badly to be whipped until I'm begging for it to end and to being fucked so roughly I cry. I need this as therapy. That's what this is for me, it clears my mind and empties me, leaving me to sleep and breathe again. |
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People always want to complain about no one wanting to fuck them but if no one wants to touch your dick, maybe there's something wrong with you? |
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I'm curious about other's thoughts; can two subs be in a healthy, successful relationship? Can we love people we feel we don't want to submit to? I'm interested in what other people think. |
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Longest day ever, someone entertain me until I fall asleep?! |
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Just to reiterate: if I'm not your sub, don't treat me like I am. Respect me or gtfo. |
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Begging is a wonderful thing. |
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Holy shit I think my boyfriend is submissive. Holy shit. |
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Realizing I am attracted to ruthless , dangerous men with surprisingly gentle tendencies. I've got a taste for men who have a taste for violence. I want someone who will make me cry, scream, run and hide and then will tell me I'm a good girl and rub my head and give me cuddles 5 hours later.
**this is not a call to action, i just like thinking out loud on the internet. |
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I am *this* close to making a video journal answering the same five questions everyone seems to want to ask. The only thing standing in the way is me and wifi. *sigh* probably next week. |
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Having emotions and living in this world is hard and I just want to have friends. |
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It's been a long time since I've had such a heavy heart. Someone cheer me up? |
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Does anyone know how to post a video journal from an iPad? I know I sound old but I can't find the button!😝 |
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Off to watch Pride and Prejudice all alone cause my boyfriend has left me to go play D&D at his friends house, waahhhh:( |
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How the fuck am I supposed to sleep now. |
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My body has never shaken from fear and disgust. I feel like my body is subconsciously telling me to flee but I can't and I feel so weak. |
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Sub tip of the day: joking about punishment is not* funny, apparently. |
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And in today's adventures some Dom told me I was "too much work" because I didn't want to sext him and I'm not sitting around waiting for him to cum on my face. I've come to this sudden revelation in this past week or so that being a sub isn't about just listening and doing what your Dom wants you to do because it's easy and it's not always about what you want, but you do these things expected of you because you respect and you want to serve your Dom properly. Which leads me to my conclusion that I will not settle for a Dom that wants to own me and my body but will not have my mind because you need to show me that you deserve my service. There are people who will give you all you need and want but you have to earn it. |
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You want to send me dirty messages but do you want to talk about things besides my pussy? Is the answer no? Then delete the message and go jack off to someone else's pictures. |
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It's awfully frustrating when I post in my bio that I have a boyfriend and yet I STILL get dudes messaging me, saying things like "I can be discreet" or "what are you looking for?" Friends. Read my bio. Please. I don't want to serve you and I don't care about how big your dick is; leave me alone if you're not gonna play nice. |
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My brain is so fuzzy with things I song completely understand. |
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I feel like my heart just fell through my body and then I had to swallow it again. Jesus. |
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I should have gotten a degree in listening to The Weeknd and being consistently amazed. The kink world is always teaching me knew things about myself. I wish I had more subbie friends, I feel like I could sort through my feelings much easier. |
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