Dusk
Unless you are at the same point in life's journey as I am you won't understand this entry.
Unless you haven't had the the void in your life for years I have had you won't understand..
Unless you find as the bright exciting sunlit days of your youth are ebbing you won't understand.
You will if after your vibrant years are now filled with emptiness and are now feeling lost in life.
Many are going through a phase in their life like I am. I had two titles in my life. Chemist and Mother. Both consumed my life and days. Nothing else could fit in with both of those. All my thoughts and energy went into them a hundred per cent..
Folks now say "What do you do for fun?" I had no time for passions or interests other than my two titles and the obligations that went with them. So I have to find what fun is. LOL
So who am I now? Not at my job or profession anymore. So I can't say I AM a chemist. I was a successful one for decades and still could go back. I'm not a Mother so to speak. That job has ended with two successful independent children with lives of their own. No grandchildren will there ever be so I will never have the title of Grandmother. So I seem to be an empty vessel, needing to be filled with some passion. Yes, charity work does fit it into the picture but I need a passion to devote my time to. To be frank I would like that passion and nurturing to go to someone. I have so much time on my hands now and I enjoy nothing by myself. A meal or even a sunset is not enjoyed without someone by your side.
My creativity, thoughts, nurturing and love needs to be devoted to someone but I can't find him. I don't seek marriage. A ridiculous concept today unless you desire children or financial balance. A ring and a piece of paper means nothing. Fidelity comes from the heart not those. Of course separate interests and space are required by both in any relationship. And those are so important to keep things fresh and exciting. Each expands each others horizons and new discoveries, quests and adventures is what makes life so thrilling. Feeding off of each others interests and passions. Enriching and teaching each other things neither might have ever discovered alone.
I guess I'm just asking for time with someone.
Time is so precious when you get my age. Nothing is more precious. I always tell others when giving a gift give time. A memory to keep forever. Doesn't have to be but an hour. A walk together with a friend and a bagged lunch. Or even a little more time like an afternoon discovering fun places with shared interests. Nothing costly, just some of your time. It can't be lost, stolen or broken. It will always be there to reflect on and experience anew just by memory. So easy to go out and pick up any old something, wrap it up and say "Here ya go!" Your gift might have cost a great deal but your time to them would be priceless.
My entire life has been spent intently on specific purposes. It's like I'm at my Senior year in college. All my requisites are done and I have electives to choose. My concentration has been so intent on my "majors and minors" I have given little thought to anything else. I need to expand my horizons and it would be so much easier if I had someone to open my world with their passions and interests. A mentor and teacher to lead me down the rest of life's path. To open my eyes to experiences and things I have no idea even exists.
But where is he? Does he have the time to devote to such a task? Would he start the journey and then become bored and leave me standing alone after a time? He would have to make my world spin backward. From dusk spin my world to daybreak. A new life to begin. I feel like a lost sheep who needs a shepherd. A devoted little sheep he would find who would follow willingly. After all, I am a submissive whose life's goal is to follow and be dedicated to fulfilling and making her Dominant as happy as she possibly can. I guess that right now is my only title, Submissive. And that is one title I hope to hold for all my days. I am proud to call myself by that and am looking to dedicate myself to someone who will appreciate and cherish a devoted little subbie like me. If any of this make any sense let me know. The thoughts here have been bubbling inside for a time and I had to put pen to paper. Thanks for reading my little entry. DD
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