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Dark and psychopathic as I may sound, that's because I am. Though compelled by, but won't act my desires, as for any sane mind, which I still am. I desires all these to my most innate crystal core as clear as the honesty I henceforth write an account of.
My name is honorific to the least, to whichever name you bestows upon me, I'm a cold hearted masochist, void of the feeling of love, it was never meant for me, for the normal human spectrum never grew out from infant, cursed by brain growth anomaly, destined for death in the fastest way, And death, is the only thing I truly can feel and so, relate. For satan's got a grip of my soul. Dragging me to hell. Where its either master or slave, there's no middle ground.
Made alive by the feelings of pain, the alert for degeneration that leads to death. Though contrary to popular belief, is not what I seek ultimately, I seek rather the purpose of pain of which is death, which is the greatest thrill.
Every inch of pain I feel, brings an inch closer to my ultimate goal. Not forgetting that self-destruction comes through various channels, of which pain is only one, as all channels leads to the ultimate goal, so all channels are pleasurable to my soul. Suffering, sorrow, lousy, pitiful, lowly, degradation, all thrills me to death literally.
Gathering much ambition in life therefore becomes a chore. The sorrow I've caused to my parents of great expectations is much sadder by utter far, than myself. So my profession will not be of your interest.
Occurrences in my life change me throughout my pilgrimage on earth, specifically my mind. My brain chemistry was altered when I was medicated, henceforth and therefore these days I feel stronger while having lesser bouts of depressions. But since it's my soul that's masochistic and through it, affects my brain, no medication can truly save me. For even ambitious, happy and alive as I may be now, however it only changes my mood, and not my defects. Now and then my masochistic nature would surface, by which also, my sexual release depends on.
My ambitions (of self-destruction) in the form of sexual expression, expresses in my yearnings to be a slave, with damaging sacrifices for my Goddess till the moment I expire in the course for her. While dwelling in the love of, and breathing beneath Her soles I'm also, incline to be the pedestal where my Goddess stands, physically and also more on emotional and mentally. Looking up to Her always, as Her slave forever, we are never equal.
Activities that illuminates masochistic tendencies illuminates through many forms to inflict pain and it all meant life to my core. Though stuffs that's too dirty are also too much for me to handle and public is a problem due to the fact that I have other aspects in life other than bdsm, and chances are, I'll be paranoid whenever I'm in public paranoid-ing that someone might have seen me, by which I would lose social benefits coupled with a chain reaction which btw, is also the cause of nuclear bombs. Similarly, in the light of the effect that the flutter of a butterfly can bring, this can be disastrous. Simply, I'm a slave but not to everyone, rather only to the precious one.
Though I'm not easily a victim to relationships, I'm not lying about my sexual accounts, base on the fact that I can only orgasm within the boundaries of what's mentioned, for which I claim to be.
My favorite genre of text, movie and music are driest textbooks, tragic romance and sorrow classical.
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