Been talking with a friend of mine about my considering taking on a nice subbie boy or girl for NSA housekeeping and some minor maintenance (swap out a ceiling globe, hang a towel rack, snake the dryer lint and it would really impress me if you know how to replace window flashing in my Florida room) around the house. While they do not need to be a sissy, that is not a deal breaker. I like the idea of flexing a little domination over someone while they do chores.  

Too bad there is not a handbook about how to go about this adventure without falling into any ickies. 

If anyone reading has previous experience, on either side, and wants to send advice, thoughts, warnings, hints, tips, tricks, resumes or Coke and Banana Slurpees feel free! 

I wake up early and my first thought is about what is heading my way. I take my time in the shower and ensure that I am as ready as I can be for you. I put on my short ruffled skirt and tank top, adhering to your rule of easy access. I grab my toy bag that has been packed for a week and I head out the door. 

This must be the longest drive ever. Your words running through my head like a sound track. Am I really ready for this? Will you want me once you meet me? Will I be able to be pleasing and submissive enough. Can I let go and follow your lead? What will it feel like when you run your fingers through my hair and grab a fist-full? Will my knees survive it?

Finally, our eyes meet, you erase the rest of the world with your touch and erase my past with your kiss. We take a few minutes to just be in each other's space together and it feels so right. The joking and talking comes just as natural as it did prior to this moment. 

We spend the day with you leading and my following and whether vanilla or kink, it all just works. You speak with your hands and listen with your eyes. You push and stretch and show me what I have been asking for is such a small part of what is possible when there is trust earned and trust given. 

The sun rises against my wishes and it is time. Time to get back in the car and head home. Time to say goodbye and not know when I'll feel the sting of your care and concern again. When I will see that look of surprise and disbelief when I get cheeky. That laugh when I try to push boundaries and limits. Time for more trust. Trust that you will continue to lead and I will continue to follow. 

Trust that I will wake up and no longer just be dreaming.

Well that hurt. Went to meet a gentleman I had been working with for lunch and found out that the week I thought we had planned to begin together on Monday was off due to him falling for another girl. 

I understand, and I wish him well, I just wish he had been an asshat so I wouldn't be disappointed. 

This was going to be my first "play date" ever so it looks like I am still stuck in newbie land where everything I have experienced has been virtual. I am not going to rush out to find a replacement Dom.. this is not some script where you can plug in another actor and have a voiceover at the beginning of the date. "Tonight's role of Dom will be played by Second Choice Dude." and then everyone pretends that they don't notice.

I am very grateful for the lessons he taught me and the work he put into helping me get towards my goals at work. I will be forever appreciative of his time and energy. I wish him the best of luck with this girl he has fallen for. He deserves to be number one to someone who is available to give him her whole heart. 

Happy Channukah to me!

One of the themes that repeats with each morning meditation ritual has been Graciousness and Appreciation. I am working towards being more gracious and expressing my appreciation more readily.

Along those lines, I wanted to take the time to express my appreciation for some of the little things in my life that make it so much better.

• My work commute is ten mins. 
• I love the team that works for me. Each one has a wonderful work ethic.
• My car is running great and I love driving it
• I have had a week of good hair days
• My office smells like fresh coffee every morning
• The feeling of being snuggled by my 14 pound monster cat when I am settling in for a good nap.
• Fresh baked banana bread
• Coming home to a clean house
• The feeling of Tiger Balm 
• My nice heavy comforter in these rough Florida winters.
• Florida winter weather

Well it seems that we are supposed to list our wish list items on the site and hope that someone with too much money and not enough sense will just give us what we want, so here goes:

1. A large Banana and Coke Slurpee™

2. Interesting mail message from someone who wants to just be friends

3. Tall peppermint mocha from Starbucks

4. Sewing pattern for a cute little girl foofy skirt for a curvy amazon

5. Link to some good bed time stories

6. Someone to get the rusty bolt holding on my fog light free so I can change the bulb

7. Someone to put together the two bookshelves I bought last week for my sewing room

8. URL links to affordable play clothes for curvy amazons

9. The answer to why there is such a plethora of Dom men on CM who message that they want to be topped

10. A spreader bar for tall people. (Just the URL to a good wide one would be nice.)

OK, I think I have completed the required journal post now.

I was browsing profiles last night while I couldn't sleep and read a lot of ladies complaining that men email them lude and crude messages off the bat. I must say that this is something I have yet to experience and for that I am grateful. It makes me wonder though, what it is that triggers some people to approach others with that mentality.

I also read a lot of men that were complaining about how so many of the Domme on this site are gold diggers and fakes. Now may not be a good time to judge, as it is the holiday season so I saw a lot of Amazon wishlist links, but I did notice that a lot of women on this site, both Domme and subs have wish lists posted. Is this normal? It would be out of my character to ask for a gift of anyone, especially someone I only know online. I guess I'm an odd duck... oh wait, no.. I am a cheeky monkey!

Back to work before I get my hand slapped

Was talking with a friend and fir the first time the idea of being able to switch from top to bottom and back felt natural and possible. To see that it can flow organically and not have to be forced to work was enlightening. That I don't have to choose permanently to express one or the other is freeing. Seems more than a possibility that this cheeky monkey may actually be a switch.

Went to my first power play social event last night. I went to a meeting for subs of any flavor. I had a great time. There were ten of us and everyone I met was really awesome. Y'all can breath..  I am not giving up any personal details about the meeting other than saying that I can't wait for the next one. 

I still don't know what box I fit into. The only one that sounds like me has such a negative connotation that I hesitate to claim it. So for now, I am sticking with "Greedy and Sassy Alpha Chick" and hope the right one figures out how to work with that. lol

Was supposed to clean out the garage or my sewing room today but instead I am laying here in bed with husband snoring softly and one kitty under my arm and across my lap while the other is wrapped around the back of the laptop purring happily. How could I get out of this bed and not enjoy such sweeties?

I think I am going to stay in tonight and sew a bit. I have some stuff to make for a mommy to be at work and I am still trying to work out a pattern for some fun lil girl skirts I want to make that I can tame enough to be work appropriate but then slip on a petticoat after work and be ready to go play.

My foot is still healing. I finally got the hydrogel I put in the rx for at Walgreens three weeks ago. Of course the insurance doesn't cover it so I have 100 times as much as I need for $54 dollars. But whatever it takes to get me back into my heels before the end of the year I will do. I miss real shoes. Don't get me wrong. I love my hot pink Chucks, but wearing one shoe and one medical boot is NOT sexy. My next appt is Tuesday afternoon so hopefully she will have good news that the MRSa is gone and it is healing fast again. I can't take those antibiotics for a third time. They mess my tummy up. 

Wed night is hair salon night. Wonder what colors I'll walk out with this time. I think Kris is going to keep the main body platinum and we'll throw in some hot pink, burgundy and a pinky purple color. Maybe some honey blonde bits or some plum purple.

K

So... be a long strange week. Lots of lessons learned; the greatest of which is that EVERYTHING done on this site seems to have a second meaning. It would be nice if you were assigned a study buddy or given a handout.. a cheat sheet, something?

My IMs are quieting down. It seems if you are not willing to cyber all day every day when you have other things to do like work.. folks aren't as interested. Go me! Way to weed them out!

My husband is starting to come around to more power play at home, which is a fun bonus. Of course, anything that ends up with him getting more head is going to be interesting to him lol

Heard of a local group meeting tonight. I am going to attend and see what it's like. Tonight's meeting is for subs so that should be a good place to ask some of my questions.

Is it the end of the week yet? :) 

Anyone into cleaning out garages? I can entertain you while you do the heavy lifting. I have cold beer...

I must be broken lol. Here I am on a site called CollarMe, listed as a submissive woman and yet I am not submissive. I am an alpha female. I am the protector and fighter. The leader of men and the decider of futures. I am the Joan of Arc of Technology and Development.  I crave a natural alpha male I can curl up under and who will take up the sword and fight so I can sip my scotch and put on the apron and high heels and make dinner and be sweet and playful. To put on a collar, kneel at his feet and enjoy having my head scratched and my nipples pinched while he watches the tv.

What label fits that?

so.. what do all of the different color combinations on user names in the inbox mean? I can't seem to locate any info under Help; a legend of some kind. 

Thanks iamnotyours for answering!

Today was a 5 hour on site babysitting job. It has been worse, it is always better when the other guy handles the code push to production. Was spoiled as usual by my girlfriend at work who brought in sorbet to snack on and a neck rub to enjoy. 

Thank you for checking in on me. 

Had a very candid conversation tonight and surprised myself with how easy it was to be honest and share some information I am not comfortable admitting to myself yet.

It's like Dove chocolates know me.... 

Be fearless 

Indulge your every whim 

Remember your first everything 

Give a little love today 

Let your sensuousness shine through 

Love every moment 

It's definitely a bubble bath day

Or just wants me to get laid lol

I don't think I need to be "broken" or "trained" to let my armor down. I think I just need some help finding the latch. I'm kinda a smart cookie. I think if shown the way, I can figure out the how fairly easily.

Learned so far:

1. It's not my place.  

I don't have to always offer suggestions or advice. Things will continue to work even without my input.

2. Always define "rough" with someone new. 

Use quantifiable words whenever possible. 

3. Don't assume.

Don't assume that the other person is looking for more than a fun evening.

4. Does this need to be said. Does this need to be said by me. Does this need to be said by me at this very moment? (stolen and mutilated quote from Collin Ferguson)

See item 1.

5. A Sensual Dom may have a better chance of getting through armor than someone trying to beat the walls down physically. 

I am a why kinda girl. Show me why you're the boss and I am more apt to believe you and follow than showing me you can cause me pain. Pain has a good place for it, but I don't think it is the way to break me.

6. Even in the presence of a dom/master I don't naturally feel subservient. 

I thought that I was supposed to feel that he was above me, instead I still feel like equals and that I am allowing him to play with my body for mutual pleasure. 

7. Spanking for endurance brings out my anger, not my submission.

After the point is made, continued spanking only seems to make me angry and mentally throw up more walls.