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Well, I am fairly new to the world of bondage and BDSM, but what little experience I have had I have enjoyed very much.
I am married, albeit unhappily. My wife has lost all desire for sex. She would be perfectly content never kissing, making out, or having sex for the rest of her life. Unfortuantely, all passion has gone out of the relationship.
Believe me, I have tried. I have tried massaging her, doing extra chores to impress her, leaving sweet notes, buying flowers, and a whole bunch more. All that ever results in is a thank you, a smile and sometimes a hug followed by "you're so sweet."
The truth is that she has an awesome personality, which is why I married her. She is pretty and I want to have intimate relations with her, but after being rejected time and time over for 3 years, I am terribly frustrated.
I have 3 kids and I want to take care of them, so I am not looking to leave my family, but I am looking for someone who might be in a similar relationship. I am looking for someone who knows what it is like to be in a relationship and be completely neglected physically.
Discretion is important, but I want to have an ongoing relationship where we can also chat and share our emotional stress with each other as well.
Probably a lot to ask and I am sure I will offend 99% of everyone on here by what I am looking for, but I would rather be up front than be a pretender who is making things up on this site anyways.
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So, I read this article that someone had posted the other day about why people have affairs. It was very interesting. The article pointed out that people when they choose to get married have a list of things in order that they like about the other person that help them make the decision.
For instance:
1. Sense of humor
2. Great looking body
3. They like the outdoors
4. They are smart
5. They are very passionate.
6. They are very considerate.
etc.
The other persons list may look something like this:
1. They are smart
2. They are considerate
3. Sense of humor
4. They are good looking
5. They work hard and they have financial security.
6. They like the outdoors.
etc.
Then after marriage, the reasons why the got married change a little over time. But what if one of the top reasons you married them changes. What if they, suddenly are no longer considerate and romantic, what if they become verbally abusive? What if they stop working and supporting the family and become a bum? Marriage is supposed to be a lasting commitment, but what if the reason you married the person changes?
The person writing the article pointed out the silliness of the idea that men get frustrated with the level of sex. The author said "Isn't it ironic that some wives will toil in the kitchen for an hour or more to make a great dinner for their spouse, or that they will clean the bathroom for them so that the house is clean. Some will iron their clothes and some will do their laundry, but the husband would do all those things and more for just one hour a week of sex with their wife." The author then said "Ask the wife which activity they would rather do off that list and almost always they will say sex with their partner. Yet why doesn't it happen if it is really that easy?"
So I read this article and I felt like it really struck a chord with me. Maybe I am taking things personally, but I began to ask myself why doesn't my wife want me physically? Why is she more content to make dinner and cookies for me rather than make love to me?
I don't know how to sort out my feelings of whether or not it is better to "cheat" on her and keep the rest of the checklist unchanged and keep the family together or whether it is better to endure unahppily for the rest of my life and see that unhappiness slowly erode my personality into a grumpy old man. But, I have been going thorugh this intimacy drought for over 3 years and it isn't getting better no matter how much I try to do.
I'm sure most people would say that it isn't okay to cheat, but have you ever been in the situation? Would you leave a verbally abusive spouse? Would you leave a spouse that no longer wanted to work and just sat around all day? Would you leave them if it meant breaking up your family and fighting over kids? What if they never touched you any more?
Just some ponderings. There is no perfect marriages, I know, but even if I had one tenth the number of intimacy, life would be a whole lot better. |
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Well since I have been on this site I have learned a couple of things. Most women are getting bombarded with messages and have little time to respond. It is also much harder to find someone with similar interests than I originally anticipated. The ratio of 10 guys interested in bondage for every girl, really doesn't help my odds either. :)
I have also found that many people don't really want to hook up in person, they would rather chat and become friends. Although this is nice for many, it is frustrating for those who want to have bdsm experiences. I guess that is the problem of living in Utah instead of a big metropolitan center, there are fewer people who will have the same interests and desires.
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