I have managed to pull myself out of the funk I was in a few days ago. I couldn't have done it without the help of my friends that have been with me to lend their support when ever I may need it. I lub you guys!

I just want to scream out loud yet it feels like I've lost my voice. My brain cannot process the confusion and pain. My chest constricts from the burdens of my past.  I feel toxic yet empty. I need this to stop but I'm terrified of what will take its place. I paint a pretty picture, no? Ugh!

How shall I trust you with all these red flags you keep dropping? I need you to stand by your word. If you tell me you're going to do something then by God do it. I cannot stress enough that honesty is first and foremost with me. If you can't be honest with me, how am I ever going to trust you? Earning back trust and respect is so very difficult. Sometimes I find it's not even worth the effort.

I'm feeling kind of jaded today.

I am asked from time to time "what are you looking for"

I was told by my father since I was about 13 and became interested in the opposite sex that "it's not proper for a young lady to chase after boys" with that being said let me state for the record...I am not looking, but prefer to be found BECAUSE I am a treasure!  That in no way means that I won't seduce you once you are near me though.

Is it to much to ask that if you are interested in getting to genuinely know me that we talk about something other than my bra size or if I swallow? All in good time gentlemen! 

*sighs* I need taken in hand, hair pulled, put to my knees,  and used repeatedly dammit.

It's frustrating! What good is being submissive if there is no one to dominate? 

I have quit smoking since I returned to IL. I'm using an electronic cigarette which isn't exactly healthy but not nearly as bad as all the tar. I'm also walking on the cross trainer for about an hour and a half a day.

For those keeping track, school is going very well. Thus far I have maintained a 4.0. Yay!

I have been back in Southern IL for all of 5 days but it feels like 5 weeks. LOL I don't know what it is about this place that makes me an emotional wreck. Maybe the memories of a happier time? I'm just gonna keep on keepin on. I have decided that I won't relocate (out of Southern IL) until my 14 year old is out of high school. I have to do what is best for him and that is living near his family, friends, and what is familiar and comfortable for him. 

So, being alone sucks ass but I'm not gonna settle for something less than spectacular. I'm not! I'm all for a long term relationship to start with as long as there is a plan to be together within an agreed amount of time. Honestly, if I want to be alone, I'll stay single. Thanks but no thanks.

I'm getting ready to move back to my hometown in Southern IL. It's bittersweet actually. Part of me can't wait but the little girl in me doesn't wanna go cause there's a Daddy here in FL that makes me feel okay about who I am.

I have this huge lump in my throat about leaving here. I know I'm gonna be alright though. I think I get to see him before I leave. That makes me happy, giddy even. I don't want to have to deal with the influx of emotions that I know are gonna happen when it's time to say goodbye. Bleh!

I realize that there are allot of fakes, flakes, and scammers on here but don't ya think after chatting with me for a time you'd be able to determine that I'm not one of them?

I understand this concept may be foreign to you but there are still women like me that are more impressed with what a man IS than what a man HAS. 

The cat is outta the bag, now ya know...I'll wait patiently now. :P

It's frustrating wanting something, needing something so desperately and not being able to do a darn thing about it.

I'm a challenge, I know this. I'm scared to death that I'll never have anyone again because of it. But I'm not desperate, just lonely. I'm not needy but I have needs. I do want the whole darn package but I also want to be the whole darn package for whomever I'm with too. 

So, I'm intrigued okay.  *wink*

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I am working full time, I am a hands on active mother to a 14 year old boy that is my heart and soul, and I attend online business classes. In addition to this I attend church services on a regular basis. It seems like I have allot on my plate but yet I am missing a key element to my life.