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Pansexual Female Submissive, 45,  Northern neck, Virginia
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bestheadyet - submissive

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Last Online:


 Submissive Female

 Northern neck 


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Change is to human life what the metamorphosis is to the caterpillar. It is the inevitable cycle of life.
If there is no change there is no life. The Art of Changing
....Not sure of what i'm seeking....but my eyes are wide open... often and get distracted by real life. ..
i am a student....i am a caretaker...i am a mother....i do not know where my life is heading!!!!  its my journey though, to take.
i am on a weight loss journey.... .... that includes exercise classes and doing lots of other things i am not used to eating properly and watching everything i put in my mouth(food too!!! lol)
i have issues....i have fears....i want to be loved.
i want to be loved as much as i love.... ...because it  seems to always return  in spades.

 i like the forums and my new community friends!!!
it isn't easy as i live an hour from Richmond.. .munches aren't convenient to meet people and learn more.

i have made wonderful internet friends here...but i long for more..

a REAL relationship that has vanilla and bdsm characteristics ....i do believe THAT is what i seek!

 I AM...gonna be who i am.
i believe long distance  relationships can only be friends only....unless there are miracles and magic...and ... i have seen those come to fruition a time or two.
I  have dreams though......of how i wish my life to be'll only find them out if you become my friend.
i have a mini me....that could be great or horrible depending on how you view me...or children.
i have the mind of a clear thinking woman with the heart of a child that is as breakable as porcelain.

i am new to the lifestyle and have bumped through it roughly thus far....i know my  journey will not be easy  but it has to be taken.
i am a definite trip without a map.....most of the time i am hysterically funny ....when i'm not just plain hysterical*wink*

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Journal Entries:
9/18/2011 5:23:12 PM

sent to me from a sweet sub...."WOW... i accidentally ran into your profile while looking at another person's profile ( you were on their friend's list... ) and i cannot tell you how refreshing it is to read another person's profile on here written with such sense of self and self worth... a sense of who and what they are ( even though you say you are not sure... it reads loud and clear that you you DO know who you are and for that, my sweet friend, you should be quite proud of yourself)... i cant tell you how much i truly enjoyed reading it and i wanted to thank you for sharing yourself with the world of CM... ( truly, a world with its own identity, giggles )"

7/15/2011 4:14:32 AM

i'm really only on here playing the classic games!! yeah  right lol.

went thru and cleaned out the friend list....those i kept are either intriguing,gorgeous, or an interesting forum participant....i do accept most friend requests when i am asked....doesn't mean i have or will fuck them....geez people. that message of 'gee you have alot of friends" gets really old.



4/8/2011 7:57:17 PM

i will never understand why i can not be honest enough with myself to admit i am my own worst enemy.

its scientifically linked that heartbreak can cause physical damage. its all becoming clear sick i became last year.....3 different episodes of illness following losing my first Master. Granted i'm no slave but the loss was no different than if someone died.

i am lonely...but im going to be fine...

3/18/2011 6:13:36 AM

“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.”


3/11/2011 6:21:09 AM

is there a place where i would never have to make a decision??

1/13/2011 4:47:42 AM

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”

1/8/2011 7:39:07 PM

“Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain  
nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being  

12/27/2010 3:22:25 PM

 met a wonderful lifestyle M/s for my Christmas. I was given candles for my home....AND a wonderful new experience .

Absolutely no pressure and my release emotionally and physically as well as getting reacquainted with a real bi lady was all the present I needed!!! kisses to D and g!!

11/9/2010 4:52:38 PM

to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.....ralph waldo emerson

11/9/2010 3:51:40 PM

It is easier to let go of a human than a hero.

11/9/2010 9:21:25 AM

back to the gym after being so freakin sick...omfg its like starting over!!!!

11/1/2010 6:14:01 PM

somehow i have to comprehend that i will never meet Paul Stanley....and generally life is not fair.


10/26/2010 7:39:48 PM

got fukked over by my best gf



10/26/2010 1:31:57 PM

sent to me from a sweet sub...."WOW... i accidentally ran into your profile while looking at another person's profile ( you were on their friend's list... ) and i cannot tell you how refreshing it is to read another person's profile on here written with such sense of self and self worth... a sense of who and what they are ( even though you say you are not sure... it reads loud and clear that you you DO know who you are and for that, my sweet friend, you should be quite proud of yourself)... i cant tell you how much i truly enjoyed reading it and i wanted to thank you for sharing yourself with the world of CM... ( truly, a world with its own identity, giggles )"

10/24/2010 12:43:53 PM

day 4 of antibiotics....death refusing to overcome

10/19/2010 11:58:27 AM

nice to be back online....not so nice to be the non-fun way lol

10/9/2010 9:02:42 PM
a week into my 45th year...alone like its fucking Christmas.

10/1/2010 5:24:43 AM
45 ...doesn't feel TOO bad(esp when u don't look it!!)

9/30/2010 7:38:25 PM
somehow i thought that my birthday would be spent having fun.....tomorrow is going to come and go like every other fukking day of my life.....


9/23/2010 11:38:53 AM
what befuddles me immensely is how so many posers or wannabes remain on this site.
i am grateful for the true friends i have made....very educational few months here and i have even come to terms with the loss my M.
recovery from any loss isn't easy...but i have done fairly well.
i would hopefully meet that potential owner that understands that 45 years of habits do not change overnight....but i have a desire to change....even while fearing it!!!

9/11/2010 8:40:40 PM
Its not how you weather the storm,,,,  but how you dance in the rain

9/9/2010 6:01:13 PM
i was described as 'bodacious' the other day..........i really like that ....its one of those 'southernisms' that really is a flattering one when you look it up!!!!
i'm proud to fly the banner of bodaciousness!!!!

9/1/2010 8:39:30 PM
throwing myself to the wolves....or the Dominants that really are who they say they are. yes this is a challenge!!!! i need to be found as i see myself as an unused vessel waiting to be called back into service!!!

8/20/2010 1:08:29 AM
received this nice comment about my profile....with his blessing to re-post it here.
You are what you say...very funny...and fun. Your funniness though is very honest and sprouts from a connected center.  That's not easy, and a great plus. You must be hurt alot in life. But you must have a large amount of friends, and a few good ones, and family who love you dearly, and your heart of gold.  Good luck. "Watch out for parking meters." Movers, users, fulltime losers."
considering my emotional roller coaster i thought this was the interpretation i intended.

8/12/2010 4:49:35 PM
i love the lifestyle....however i never knew it would be so hard to let go of what i never had.

8/4/2010 4:29:54 PM

8/2/2010 11:00:50 PM
dont let someone tell you youre no one

sick puppies 'odd one'

7/23/2010 6:37:15 PM
“Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.”

7/20/2010 5:19:06 PM
you take the breath right out of me.
you left a hole where my heart should be.
you gotta fight just to make it through,cuz i will be the death of you.

breaking benjamin

7/19/2010 9:14:01 PM
this is from an email this evening.
Wonderful, entertaining profile..

its so cool when others appreciate your efforts!

7/17/2010 9:55:19 PM
the waiting is the hardest least thats what the song says

7/16/2010 7:04:43 PM
did a very classy,grown up lady kind of thing today!

selflessness has its place but it was great having a ME day!

7/14/2010 6:06:05 AM
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

7/14/2010 6:01:31 AM
a stalk of corn has sprouted under my birdfeeder.....awesome lol

7/13/2010 2:24:28 PM
can someone pass me the manual?

7/12/2010 1:34:10 PM
our challenges are our blessings 

7/10/2010 6:36:42 PM
at rest.....breathing....simply breathing.

work is tomorrow.

i can actually be still.....its an effort...but i can do it.

7/6/2010 8:40:08 AM
interesting message sent to me from far away.....from someone ive never met...spoken to etc....

I wish I had the answers for you but I don' of the saddest things that seems to happen to those of us who have big hearts is the big heartbreak that goes with losing someone you love and want and care so deeply about.

I'd like to tell you that time makes it better and in a way, I suppose it does.  But I sometimes wonder if it is really time that is making it better or is it just that our own sense of self-preservation kicks in and makes things a bit..."softer"...around the hard edges.

I am old enough to know that it will get better but not in the way that so many speak will be put away in a room in your heart and a new door will open for another to come jut won't open quite as far as the last one did...or the one before that.

7/5/2010 7:58:08 AM
i had a OCD cleaning session yesterday....
exhausted today though.

love serving....even if its my family i serve.

gonna worship the sun today at home!!

7/3/2010 2:26:52 PM
our challenges are our blessings

7/2/2010 8:39:12 AM
how many exercise classes does it take to fall over from exhaustion so i dont have to deal with my sadness?

7/1/2010 5:20:15 PM
when will it stop hurting?

7/1/2010 4:30:45 AM
there has to be peace in knowing you have done all you can do

7/1/2010 3:45:51 AM
i hope i feel better soon.

had my heart handed back to me last night in pieces.

i am willful
but i can't learn the role of a slave from a distance.

my mouth has always caused me trouble.

ive accomplished so much for Him to have me it will be hard to stay on the path.

i own what i said.
was trying to help only.
foolish heart here and foolish pride there.

i hurt so badly.

6/30/2010 5:14:15 AM
whatever tomorrow brings....i'll be there
with open arms and open eyes.
whatever tomorrow brings i'll be there.
i'll be there.

lyrics....brandon boyd

6/28/2010 4:11:14 PM
there is no hurt so severe that steve  perry

or brandon boyd can't fix!!!

6/27/2010 8:41:28 AM
what is it about a kiss that rules me?

6/24/2010 10:13:48 AM
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat.
(As common as a cold day in LA.)
Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.

lyrics by brandon boyd (incubus)

6/24/2010 12:55:05 AM
there isn't one thing positive about insomnia.

6/23/2010 10:42:26 AM
Master says i engage my talking gear and forget to engage my editing gear.....see why He is so good for me?

6/23/2010 10:02:10 AM
in  this new life i am happy one minute and devastated the next....i swear i am not bi polar!! shut up you shut up! lol oh yeah thats schizophrenia bad  ....LOLOLOL

6/22/2010 1:33:44 PM
i think i'm on earth to keep God amused.

6/22/2010 9:07:14 AM
its been noted i distort issues in order to turn things how i dont want them to be.......
it is mistrusting of me to have done this...disrespectful of the attention ive garnered.  i can only step back and do my  work.....and wait. i hope i havent hung myself. if i have i deserved it. i never shut up.

6/18/2010 9:37:17 PM
the only security is uncertainty........figures:)

6/16/2010 4:19:40 PM
when your heart wants someone, there is no logic to it

6/14/2010 10:11:54 PM
Love doesn't come with a contract
You give me this, I give you that.
It's scary business.
Your heart and soul is on the line.
Baby, why else would I be standin' 'round here
so tongue tied?

If I knew what I was doing,
I'd be doing it right now.
And I would be the best damn poet;
Silver words out of my mouth.
My words might not be magic,
But they cut straight to the truth.
So if you need a lover and a friend,
Baby, I'm in. I'm in.

Baby, come on in, the water's fine.
I'll be right here, you take your time.
Just let me hold you.
And we'll both take that leap of faith.
It's like I told you, there's no guarantees when
you feel this way.

Baby, come here next to me
I'll show you how good it can be
I'll breathe each breath you breathe;
I can pour out everything I am,
Everything I am.

lyrics...Keith Urban

6/11/2010 4:31:24 PM
It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

jus' sayin'   lol

6/8/2010 6:50:59 PM
i am owned.
once my head engages with my heart and soul,i'll be ok.

6/8/2010 10:59:22 AM
and then i let my mouth lead over my heart and head......again.

waiting for forgiveness or punishment

anything other than this void

6/7/2010 7:50:23 AM
the only thing that could make me any happier would be receiving my collar:)

i'm starting to have understanding,i'm learning new things daily,and there is love in my i give....and love i take.
i am blessed.

5/21/2010 8:10:32 PM
Yeah, its plain to see
That baby youre beautiful
And theres nothing wrong with you
Its me
Im a freak
But thanks for loving me
Cause youre doing it perfectly
Yeah there might have been a time when I would let you slip away
I wouldnt even try but I think you could save my life.

Just dont give up
Im working it out
Please dont give in
I wont let you down
It messed me up
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, Whataya want from me

lyrics....adam lambert 2010
for someone very vital and special:)

5/21/2010 6:54:06 AM
survived one month.....i hear im even doing fairly well. lol
all i know is i adore Him. Heaven Bless Master for finding me!!

5/18/2010 1:48:09 PM
i ran across this today.....

if you have faith will happen

God always rejoices when we dare to dream.         in fact,we are much like God when we dream.....He wrote the book on making the impossible possible.

Eighty year old shepherds don't usually play chicken with Pharoahs...but don't tell that to Moses.

Teenage shepherds don't normally have showdowns with giants....but don't tell that to David....And for sure don't tell that to God.

max lucado

5/18/2010 5:24:31 AM
i am okay with friends.....but i have been found by Master.....He is all this girl's ever needed. this slave has made so many changes in just one month at His requests. my submission is surprising me and is daily turning me into a LADY while at the same time this girl is His slut. so much to learn and experience.....slave continues to seek guidance....wanting to learn to incorporate my slavery into daily living. slave loves her Master and though its His choice this slave will find time daily to have quiet time and ask the Power that leads know that slave wants no other for the rest of slave's life.

5/16/2010 8:32:25 AM
i am completely in amazement on the turn of events in my life.

i have a tattoo.....a black heart and a red rose.....
the black heart was meant to represent women who have nasty attitudes and are cold  and mean to men....they are usually bone rack skinny with made up faces and clothes i couldn't afford and stilettos...the girl that laughs in your face when offered a cocktail or dance....those were the type of women i saw that got the flowers in life ...the roses per will do anything for THAT  woman....i aspired to that and never made it to nasty and cold hearted and mean.....or materialistic.....or vain.   i thank God that  i didn't...
He led my Master to me....
been the best MAN...the best human...i have known since 1990.
its been a long time ....a lifetime to grow up and make mistakes.....i have made several.
happiness..... is a decision..i believe love is also.
time will tell

5/12/2010 3:46:36 PM
today is my second day of solid smoke free sobriety.
hard to admit that i have been an addict for 30 years. cigarettes have nicotine....nicotine is a drug.
i am not suffering but definitely need something else to focus on.....
my house is spotless!!!

5/3/2010 6:26:26 PM
i quit smoking today. to sum it up i am feeling good about the decision,but i am craving like nuts.

4/27/2010 6:06:51 PM
there is a comfort zone,just spending time online with Him,that usually takes a long time to get to.
and we are very cool.

4/24/2010 3:56:39 PM
being new.....its so scary. my heart is exposed wide open....most of the skeletons are out of the closet....i am flawed,broken and confused yet i am happy,joyous and excited.
i'm so pleased to be owned.....yet i am am scared to death i may blow it. i've done well this week but i am always doubting myself.
i want Master to accept be pleased....and come to love me. things take time i know but i have an open heart......fear and starry i feel good ....mwwuwahhahahhaha

4/23/2010 1:30:39 PM
missing Him already.....actually just jealous of His

4/23/2010 8:21:27 AM
My new Master is going out of town.This girl will be terribly lonely but she has tasks to accomplish which in completing them will please Him....she knows this.She's glad for her new position......having a purpose brings much joy and satisfaction. Belonging....This girl is now a very cool!!!

4/18/2010 8:37:27 PM
i'm in a happy place!!!
changes being made!

4/13/2010 1:02:12 AM
guessing i suffer from being melancholy.

4/9/2010 9:49:12 AM
i really can not understand why i feel inferior. no one tells me i am. admirers think i am beautiful. for some reason i feel i am not good enough for anyone. maybe that's my nature. maybe i am sick. maybe i just needed a place to whine about feeling this way.

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