Checking in, and observing, but still searching for that "one..."

B.

I think it is true, that men want sex, as often as they can get it, and sometimes kinky, or otherwise.  And, so you women have to always be careful with the guys you meet.  You need and want a better connection and sometimes a better commitment then just that afternoon’s encounter.

Yep, there are some real creeps here on collarme! Even in my Village, we have a sex offender a few houses down. The local moms keep a close eye on him though. The guy is afraid to even go out during the day to cut his grass. He did his time. Is he still diddling little boys? One can only guess… In any case, he is only a threat to the little boys in the neighborhood, and not the women. They simply aren’t his thing! Moral of the story, there are creeps where ever you go. So here, there, on line, off line, on the BDsM sites, you still have to be vigilant.

You have to realize, collarme is a public forum. So, you do have to take care in posting what you would only want known in public. Pretend that you just did it on TV. And you get the idea. Some channels are pay per view, and not everyone is interested or gets them. But, does your neighbor tune into that channel? You never know! Myself, I never use my real name age, personal numbers, location, etc. But then, one of my degrees is in Computer Sciences. And, I still do not do online banking!

Once, I was a guest at a local BDsM  club, trying to understand their protocols. I thought some of what I saw going on to be pretty odd behavior. But, I also observed that most of the women did seem to be enjoying their treatment. No one was getting seriously harmed. So, I did not interfere. A few didn’t enjoy the attentions they were getting. But, when they said “no thanks”, the guys were usually gentlemen, and politely dismissed themselves. This particular venue also had a couple of Doms present as proctors (sort of like bar bouncers) , to whom the subs could take up any complaint, and get it resolved, quickly. The policy was quite simple, “cause undue upset, and you are no longer a member.” Once the guys observed someone getting tossed on their ass, outside, they usually got the picture figured out, and started to behave, appropriately. The host sets the tone for his play place. If you do not like the tone, it is time for you to leave. It is that simple.  Most of the clowns here on collarme, are just ignored.

As a sub, the choice of venue is always yours. You don’t walk into a biker bar, and expect them to be drinking tea, and keeping polite conversation. It just doesn’t happen!  Curse words are the order of the day, while the women dress and act like sluts.  A church lady just isn’t going to be successful  at getting her rules enforced about “polite behavior”. In fact, she would be laughed right out of that bar! So, when you want to talk about the bible, you do not go to a BDsM club, web site , or activity. It just ain’t going to happen! That is,  unless you and your play partners happen to be dressed up like priests and nuns for that session…;0) 

Now the guy that is into degrading  women, needs to find a woman that is in to that, and otherwise find a better way to discover that than, walking up to someone and saying  “Hey bitch, why aren’t you on your knees?” There are women who enjoy that, by the way. But, if she don’t let them know, by telling them, “Sorry, but this is not my thing!” Then she is in for lots of rude behavior in her presence.  When you got your rude behavior, were you standing there with your teddy bear, wearing a cute little skool dress? That should have been a big clue for a Daddy Dom to approach and behave as a Daddy would for you. 

But, some of the newbie guys might goof it a few times before they get the explanations that you are “interested in a Daddy, and not a Sadist, so run along sonny!” Were you standing there in a slave rag? Then the approach would be expected to be quite different! “Does a slave have to be told twice, in the presence of a Master, that she should be kneeling?” You get the picture… The Dums get it all wrong, the Doms understand there are preferences, and subtle clues as to what that might be.  It used to be colored hankies…

Anyhow, a sub is there, on collarme, or in a BDsM club, and she is not ready for play, then the safe thing for a guy to do, is just to be polite! And, then strike up a pleasant conversation, one that will lead eventually to her likes and kinks, dislikes and hard limits. Then, should she find the conversation pleasant, she can drop a few hints about what she might like to do with you…

Bedazzelled

A woman has to be careful entering this world of BDSM. Find someone you trust, that has similar interests. It helps if you are attracted to them. So taking a few minutes thinking about what you like in men, helps you figure out what that man needs to be or look like. You have to be practical, if he is out of your league, you will have difficulty approaching or keeping him. How does he behave? Have there been some men that behaved in a way that you found exciting? These are some more clues to the right guy for you.  Ok, so you have a list of what you want in your guy, so you look for him.

 What do you do once you find him? Go slow! Seriously, you need not be in any hurry to get involved. And, if he is in a hurry, you should not get involved, because he has already demonstrated that he will not take your needs into consideration, and that he will not delay his gratification. A man that cannot delay his gratification, is no Master!

 Does he take the time to get to know you? This is important. Will he make his life accessible to you, so that you can feel safe with him? You really need to check that person out, his history, and does he have a police record? Has he ever been involved in shady deals, or sexual exploits? Many local state web sites have police records accessible online. Will he make his correct name, address and birthdate available? IF not, why? Is he poly or monogamous? A string of divorces is usually a pretty bad indicator. How does he treat his pets, his children, his employees? Does he have financial problems, drinking or drug problems, these are also bad indicators. This will tell you what kind of a person he really is, and will help you weed out the bad boys. Don’t make excuses for him, just because you like him at first. Your job is tough enough, already!

 Ok, your guy checks out, good. Now what? Talk. Talk about your interest, and his interests. What does he enjoy? What does he think he might enjoy? What do you enjoy, or think you might enjoy? Do theirs fall pretty close to yours, or are they too diverse? This will help you decide if it is the right person for you to get involved with. If not, run! Well if you did all the previous homework, a simple “I don’t think this will work out” should suffice, and you go your separate ways.

This is important, you should do all this checking him out, in public. You do this in places where you do feel safe, where there are lots of other people around, and where a few friends may be found close by. You might even bring along a friend, and let them know that you are meeting someone new. And ask  them to help you , and to keep an eye on you from across the room, in case any thing creepy seems to be happening. They can give you a good excuse to end off, just by stopping by and asking how things are going at your table, if you are in a bar or restaurant, or at a park.  IF things aren’t going well, they simply tell you that you “have to leave now, to go do  that other thing, that you needed to do…” And you leave.

But, should you decide that this guy is exciting, similar, safe, and you haven’t already found yourself in bed with him (you naughty girl!  You didn’t heed my warnings! lol) , then you need to set up a session.   This is an opportunity to go play, and experience the kinds of things you crave. This first time should also be at a BDsM club, where there are people to bail you out if your safe words (look this up if you do not know what that is) are not being respected. OR, if you decide it is safe, maybe you meet at his place or a hotel. You have that friend, give you a safe call. They  phone you, or you phone them, to let them know how things are going, and have a code word that lets them know that you need help, and fast. And, if they miss that call or can’t get through to you, then they have instructions to get some to you , quick! You did provide them with all the details, like where you are going to be, and for how long, how to reach you , and what to do, in the event of (something unexpected)?

Ok, so you did all the right things, so you should be safe, and have an enjoyable play session, the one that you discussed, and detailed, prior to going off to play.  Did he follow that script to the letter? Did he make changes on the fly? Were they good changes? Did he get your agreement while he was doing that? Now, how did he respond to you afterwards? Did he follow through with after care? Did he ask you how things went, and how you felt about all this?  Did he discuss what you would like to be different? Then you may have a keeper…Enjoy!

Copy rights reserved 2013 Bedazzelled

Accept what you are. Accept what I am. You are submissive, and I am Dominant. Or, WE, are not.

It is about the journey, and not only the destination. This will consume most of our efforts, and has the greatest impact. This lifestyle is not about instant gratification. But, rather, it is about our beliefs in whom or what WE are, and OUR enjoyment of where that takes US.

I set the rules and goals for play. And, it is my task to make my intentions clear. I take the time to make the relationship work, and to understand my sub’s true nature. My intentions may run the gambit, but should always be pure, and also focused on my sub’s path. Not everyone will understand this lifestyle, but it is still my work to understand my sub, and her lifestyle choices.

Command and command presence are not the point. Are my directions within my sub’s reach? Do they follow safe paths? Do they bring enjoyment for her as well? IF not, then I have failed as a Dominant

True submission requires both, My time and My care. There should always be boundaries and limits. And, these must be respected. Within this lifestyle, one can find their way, or become lost. It all depends on the path WE choose. Do WE also chose the path well marked? If so, then it will be a safe and pleasing journey. WE work to understand the partnership, and how it fits into our lives. Doing so, We, should become much more than either You or I. Without synergy a BDsM relationship becomes simply two people, fooling around.

Honesty remains the code to be held above all else. Purpose, Loyalty, and Respect, are also important elements of that honesty.

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For those astrology types, with enquiring minds, I’m a Leo, Pisces rising, with a Capricorn moon…

While my martial arts are enjoyed, and I have military experience, I have never killed anyone. I preferred to reason with the bad boys , first. I was a communications specialist. So, I did make sure that the fire from heaven could be called down, upon a moment’s notice.

I prefer sports touring over cruisers, but I have owned both. If you can’t take the top down, it had better be a truck. But turbo charged Roadsters are so much more fun! And, two sails are definitely better than one! So, make mine a ketch, with reverse transom!

Now that we have dealt with the social niceties, shall we dance? Or, would you rather I just tied you up, and then fucked your brains out?

Copy rights reserved 2013 Bedazzelled