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pomonagirl

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Hi Everyone! Born in 1977. Live in Southern California. Love to attend Dungeons and other BDSM events and socials! i love floggers, riding crop, bondage, dungeon furniture, sensory deprivation. Although i am listed as submissve, i mostly enjoy bottoming for scenes (There is no option for "bottom" here). It would be nice to experience submission to a Dominant who is right for me again someday.

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2/24/2024 11:13:45 AM

Lunar New Year Play Party


It was so fun going to SAKE (one of the Dungeons close to me) and get flogged & paddled on a St Andrews Cross in a Jail Cell! Perhaps a bit anachronistic, but hey, i'll take it!

 

my friend Grail did a great job. Although he is not new to attending events (play parties, munches, classes) he IS new at playing. Since our first practice session earlier this month, he has been practicing at home with his floggers and it showed. (He is the person i wrote about in my recent entry, "A Unique Opportunity To Give Back").

 

We got there early in order to be able to get a nice area to do our scene and avoid the crowd (noise and distractions). He did a great job and the few times he made slight mistakes, he noticed and corrected himself. He communicated with me a lot and, after a warm up, was confident enough to give me harder strikes in between the more mellow ones. He also used different floggers as well as a "sensation stick" i had gifted him (a long wooden back scratcher which is fun, stingy and versatile), my Bat-Crop and my leather paddle. 

 

He decided to end the scene after a while when he noticed his aim was getting a bit off. While in aftercare mode, i told him at that point, he could have repositioned me if that would have helped. (There was a bench/bed in the cell, too). He hadn't thought of that. 

 

Repositioning the bottom can be a useful thing during a scene for many reasons: the Top is able to have access to different areas of the body, as well as have different angles for striking. It can be fun to use different positions within a scene to create a more full, varied experience. But, overall, i am glad that he chose to end the scene when he was starting to feel "off"---this is part of a Top's responsibility to not play "over their level", in order to help mitigate risk of a mis-strike landing somewhere bad.

 

Later in the night, Grail also told me a bit about his perspective of the scene. How it is so different to have to be paying attention and focusing on what he is doing. How, when he went to choose a different implement, he likened it to choosing a different paint brush or color to apply to his "canvas". Creating art. Conducting a symphony. Leading an experience. All things that us bottoms and subs love our Tops and Dominants for! 

 

We were also able to meet up with a lovely young lady who had messaged me a few weeks ago on fetlife. She is brand new to BDSM and attending events and was so nervous to go to her first play party! But by the end of the night she was smiling, laughing, observing scenes, talking with all kinds of people, and hugging her new friends goodbye. 

 

It really is amazing how, for a group of people that like to hurt each other, we are generally pretty friendly and mellow.

 

Thank you Grail for the fun, relaxing, exciting and cathartic scene last night. i really needed it. i hope that you enjoyed the experience as much as i did. 


2/22/2024 11:36:14 AM

i don't have fantasies. i have goals. pt.2 

But some of them still pushed.

"But don't you want to be a slave someday?"

"What makes you orgasm?"

"Shaved or Natural?"

"Why aren't you owned?"

"How many Doms have you served?"

"When did you know you were a sub?"

"How much can you take?"

"Are you bisexual?"

Ummmm yeah, so first of all, NONE of that is your business, and second of all, there are many more ways to explore BDSM rather than the newbie sub to being owned by random internet dom pipeline. It'd be laughable if it wasn't so damn potentially damaging.


So yeah. What's my fantasy? Currently:

--to be in a better position financially to go to more Play Parties & Social Events...

--to see my Munch grow and prosper and become a long running, trusted thing for the community...

--to find a more private venue for different types of Social and Educational Events....

--to find my new favorite Dungeon/Play Space/Play Party Group...

--to continue to give back to the Community in different ways that i can...

--to foster relationships with cool Kinksters whose company i enjoy...

--and maybe, someday, to fall in love with someone who loves me the same way in return (not holding my breath on that one!).

You know. Boring shit that doesn't have to do with your dick. LOL!


2/22/2024 11:33:10 AM

i don't have fantasies. i have goals. pt 1


It gets a little frustrating sometimes when i am hit with that question, "What's your biggest fantasy..." Or worse yet, when someone just barges in to my inbox, telling me in detail their fantasy.

Truth is, i really do not focus on "fantasies". Sure, i have them and (ahem) use them in appropriate settings. But i rather focus on reasonable, achievable goals, done with people that i trust, respect and can be myself around.


Oh how the tide of my inbox turned, once i got involved in the community and was no longer a wide-eyed newbie who believed that everyone with the title of "Dom" or "Master" had gone to "Dom" or "Master" school.

my answer to the question of "What's your biggest fantasy? What are your goals?" became things like:

--to explore more of the Dungeons in and around LA
--to go to more Classes and learn all i can about safety and techniques
--to get Flogged and Tied by highly skilled people that i trust
--to give back to the Community in whatever ways that i can

Boy oh boy did that quickly dry up the lightning-round, 20 questions style "interviews" from all the anonymous Internet Insta Doms!


2/21/2024 1:33:46 PM

TL;DR: Please let me know if anyone at (or through) the PVSC Munch is giving you trouble....making you feel uncomfortable....or just plain "seems off" to you! i take the comfort and safety of our guests very seriously. But i can't do anything about it if i do not know about it.

i think that a lot of us were taught to be nice, to give people the benefit of the doubt, to shrug off minor (or major!) "Red Flags" as just a one-off thing, an isolated incident, or something we are blowing out of proportion, etc.

Something that i have learned during my time in the BDSM Community is that...if something seems "off" with someone, YOU PROBABLY AREN'T THE ONLY ONE THINKING THAT. 

Each choice we make affects not only ourselves, but those around us. Sharing information can help not only YOU avoid/get out of a potentially bad situation, but others as well.


With my @PVSC

 Munch----i do ask that ANYONE who has any concerns, problems, questions----to PLEASE come to me or one of my Co-Host Team and let us know. You can always come to one of us before, during, or after the event. Nothing is too small for us to not take it seriously.

One of my biggest goals with the Munch is to continue fostering a welcoming, fun, low-pressure atmosphere where others who are into, or curious about, Kink & BDSM can gather together for some good food and quality time.


PLEASE remember to always trust your gut and don't let the ingrained training of society override your instincts and your right to be comfortable as you go about your daily life.


If it's any consolation, you are probably not the only person it is happening to.

How many times have i been approached by someone who shared something "off" about someone, and what they shared, matched up EXACTLY with what i have experienced, or heard from others? The answer is A HECK OF A LOT.

Our reputations are formed through our actions, and the "vibe" that we give off. If someone is consistently "off" in these things, why deal with them if we don't have to??

Kink & BDSM Community Events are things that we do to add positivity to our lives. If we feel isolated, stressed, or worried...that makes it really hard to want to go!!! Please remember, you are not alone and the @PVSC

 team cares about YOU.


2/17/2024 1:24:31 PM

So much is taught about safewords. We are taught the standard ones and encouraged to use them. Some articles even talk about Doms or Tops using them (which is great---Doms and Tops have, and need, boundaries too).

 

But in my eight years of exploring and learning about BDSM, i have seen little to no information, discussion or education on what should, could, or may happen when a safeword is used.

 

For those of you reading this who engage in BDSM play: i encourage you to think about what happens when, and after, a safeword is used. Think about it clearly, drawing both on your past experiences and your ideal experiences. 

 

Then, be sure to include this information in your negotiations, especially with new partners or in pick up play scenarios. 

 

Sincerely, a person who has been extremely damaged from using a safeword and having unexpected things happen.


2/12/2024 11:14:45 AM

he's threatened to "post all my texts on my pages so that the community can see how spiteful i am being"...

let him expose my pain, anger, sadness and confusion if he must.

it could hopefully be a good lesson for submissives to steer clear of him. it could hopefully be a good lesson for "bedroom doms" and swingers to steer clear of BDSM submissives.

i know that others who have a true understanding of BDSM will understand the pain when a D/s relationship ends, and the responsibility of the Dominant when that relationship ends.


2/10/2024 3:06:41 PM

A High Protocol Dinner Party 

 

Attending the High Protocol event at one of the local Dungeons was such a unique and interesting experience!

It was truly so special to be able to have a different type of Dungeon/BDSM experience. my 2nd year in a row celebrating my birthday by attending a Dungeon/BDSM event that is a little out of my normal routine.

And geez. How blessed am i to be able to say that some Dungeon/BDSM events ARE in my usual routine.

It was certainly bittersweet with the recent breakup with my Sir and i...we were supposed to have gone to this event together. But i feel lucky to have been able to ask a Dominant friend of mine to go. He was so very happy to oblige and enjoyed being served by such a beautiful and graceful submissive (that's me, if you don't know already). 


Best of all was being able to spend time with a few friends and acquaintances that i don't get to see very often. To see them in their "Dominant" or "submissive" mode.

A very special thing to witness and sacred energy to be around.


2/7/2024 1:29:05 PM

vessel pt 3 

Still Water in an Old Fashioned Glass.

We move back to the bedroom. i change into my lingerie.

He puts on his sexy playlist. i ask if he could put on an album by Tricky. The first one. "Maxinquaye".

Sad, but sexy.

i pose for him, i do all the things for him.

A few thrusts, and it's over.

i lay in his arms.

We sleep.


Pre-Dawn. A Vessel.

i'm sleeping peacefully, deeply.

i feel his hands on me. Rubbing the parts of me that he loves to touch.

my eyes open, briefly. i'm a little dizzy, fuzzy feeling from the cocktails.

i want to move, to roll over, to interact, but i can't.

He knows that this is ok. We have discussed it before.

It is part of what we do.

When he is ready, he puts me in position, and takes me.

After a few minutes, it is over.

Hoisting myself to a seated position, i gulp down the rest of the water on the side table before letting sleep overtake me again.


Tasting Notes.

An empty glass. A discarded bottle.

A sadness masked by a smile.

A familiar feeling that no longer brings pleasure.

A worn out, used up vessel.


2/7/2024 1:25:21 PM

vessel pt. 2

 

Chinese Food Dinner on Ceramic Plates.

Donning our coats, we go out to pick up some food. Chinese food, to go with the old school cocktails.

He prepares the drinks while i set the table and fix our plates.

We talk, enjoy the food and the drinks.

i'm feeling a little better. The alcohol helps.


Zombie in a Tiki Mug.

He's been working up to this. Gathering ingredients and making others.

Researching recipes and comparing notes.

It's time for the Zombie!

The drink is strong, and bitter. i laugh to myself, i understand the look on everyone's faces when i was at the Tiki Munch last December. The face that those with a Zombie made.

At first, i don't like it. Yet, as the glass is drained...i find myself asking for another.

He looks at me cockeyed.

"No" is the answer.

Instead, we have a little rum tasting before cleaning up the kitchen.


 


2/7/2024 1:10:26 PM

"Do you want to come by for some Tiki Drinks this evening?"

Of course i did. He's deep in his Tiki phase and i am here for it.

And besides, i need to take advantage of any benefits that i can from our dysfunctional situationship.

i arrive. He greets me in the foyer. As he embraces me, i can feel the tears start to well up. It hasn't been an easy week. i try to hide my face but he lifts my chin.

He asks me if i am alright.

He looks me in the eye. "You are here with me tonight. OK?"


The Kitchen.

The counter is overflowing with a myriad of bottles filled with different types of rum, fresh fruit juices, homemade syrups. A freshly cut pineapple rests on a cutting board.

He takes in the sight of me.

i straightened my hair, did my make up, selected a dress just for him. Things i know that he would like. i spin around for him. He draws me close, kissing me and touching me.

He has me try some of the "Don's Gardenia Mix", which is a sort of whipped butter. Also the Falernum, and some other concoction he had made in preparation for tonight.

There's a bowl of ice, a blender. Fancy toothpicks and bamboo straws. Some absinthe in a dropper bottle.

"We are going...to a hukilau..."

His exotica playlist in the background.


Polynesian Pearl Diver in a Brandy Snifter.

He says he likes how i look holding the glass. He says he likes how i look with the straw in my mouth.

We move to the bedroom. We do what we do.

As much as possible, i turn my face away. i try not to cry.

i sip my drink, enjoying the cold, delicate, fragrant quality. The precious and exotic liquid.

i please him with my body, my mouth, my hands.

He kisses me, but it never quite lands. i've gotten out of the habit of kissing, these past six years.

 


2/5/2024 5:35:47 PM

a unique opportunity to give back pt 2 

 

Of course the idea that i'd pressured him or coerced him was a concern, but honestly i knew that he just needed a little extra *push*. When it's a good opportunity with a person you can trust, sometimes you gotta "Just Do It". 

 

After our "scene" ended, i thanked him for taking the leap of faith and for the lovely "massage". Letting him know that he did great, and that he is ready. Reiterating my "aftercare" for this type of scene: we'd make some time to talk a bit on the phone tomorrow and check in with each other. It was really important to me to make sure we could talk a bit after he'd had time to process things and think about what happened. i wanted to make sure he still felt good and confident about it all.

 

********

 

i am far from perfect but, as an experienced bottom/sub, who has invested time and energy into learning via reading, observing, talking with others, attending classes and workshops, and playing with a wide variety of Dominants, Tops, Switches and Sadists...i do have a solid foundation and understanding of how to go about TTWD in a "safer" manner. We can always go forward with play: go deeper, harder, more intense, more intricate NEXT TIME. But if we go to fast too quickly and someone gets hurt, confused, or feels in over their head, betrayed, lied to or worse...it's nearly impossible to go backwards and repair that broken trust.

 

Once i began attending events, my biggest goal within BDSM was to be able to give back to this community that has given me so much. i've said it before: if i had not begun attending events, i would have ended up leaving BDSM entirely, or ended up in a hospital. Attending events and becoming a part of the community saved my life, or at least saved me from a mental breakdown. 

 

To be able to be of service to others who might be in a similar situation as myself (needing certain things but not being able to go about them in a safe, or safer manner) was my goal. i didn't know how it would eventually manifest...but i knew it was something i would pursue as the opportunity came up. 

 

Now, five years later. i am able to give back and be of service to the community in very real and tangible ways. 

 

Of course, my altruism is peppered with selfishness..."service" is a Kink of mine, after all. But it is such an honor, so fulfilling, and so humbling to be able to facilitate things, help others, all the while learning so much about myself and about human nature in general. 

 

Constant reminders, constant challenges...yet also, constant victories, meaningful experiences and the opportunity to meet so many cool, unique and diverse people.

 

********

 

Thank you so much @SirGrail for taking the leap of faith, for trusting me, for allowing me to be your first flogging canvas!! Most people that would hear about this or read about this would think that i helped you out. And yes, i did. But having your trust, vulnerability and honesty helped me out in ways that i will cherish and that feeds my soul. Whatever you do in the future with BDSM, whatever shape your path takes, just remember: you are doing just fine.

 

Keep doing what you are doing, be cautious yet open to good opportunities, and more good things will start to happen.


2/5/2024 5:34:20 PM

a unique opportunity to give back part 1 

 

*i had a wonderful opportunity to help a "newbie" out over the weekend. NOT someone who randomly DM'd me asking me to "show them the ropes". So don't even try that, random horny dude on the internet, especially if we've never met in person.* 

 

********

 

Last summer i ran into him at a Munch. He caught my eye and i looked him up here on fetlife the next day. i messaged him saying hello and expressing my hopes of running into him again and chatting sometime. 

 

Over the months we ran into each other a few more times at Munches and Socials. i was surprised to learn how "new" he was to the scene. And that, even though he spends the time to go to quite a lot of Munches, Socials, Classes and Play Parties, he'd never played.

 

It was such a nice surprise when, last month, he asked me to chat over coffee or lunch. Meeting at Munches and Events is great, but given the nature of most of these events (tons of people...tons of distractions, noise and people to talk with) it can be hard to really get to know people on a deeper level.

 

At lunch, we had a great time chatting one on one and near the end of our time together, i asked him what could i do to help him on his BDSM journey. Sit down together and do a "Mock Negotiation"? Allow him to practice some Impact Play on me? Do a little scene at a party sometime? 

 

Even though we are more like acquaintances than friends, he always struck me as someone calm, thoughtful, easy to talk to and sincere about being involved in this lifestyle. In short: someone worth helping out and supporting, in whatever ways that i could. 

 

********

 

He was very enthusiastic about the idea of doing a "Mock Negotiation" and so our second time getting together, i told him to bring his toys, and after dinner we could go back to my house, sit down, go through the toy bags (mine and his) and i will show him how i handle this type of negotiation.

 

We went through a pick up play-style scene negotiation for Impact Play. We'd often break off into tangents and anecdotes relating to the topic at hand. He asked a lot of good and interesting questions. It was an absolute joy to go through the process with him. And good practice for me, as well.

 

Even better was when i saw his two floggers. Both were very nice ones made by local LA toy makers. One, i saw it and the handle gave it away. That beautiful, colorful, exotic wood grain...was that made by Lumbersnackster? Yes, as a matter of fact it was. i had been admiring his floggers for a hot minute now.

 

So we go through our Mock Negotiation and long conversation. i know it's getting late for him---he has an early schedule---but i just HAVE to ask. Would he like to give me a few practice strikes with the floggers? Not a scene, mind you. Just a little practice. Let him get leather on flesh. 

 

He's reluctant and names off a few good reasons why he is saying no. i understand but i also know another reason he *isn't* telling me: he's just plain apprehensive about it all. Which i totally get. Sometimes we need a little push to just do the damn thing. 

 

So before he packed up his bag, i ask him one more time, and he said alright. 

 

********

 

i kept a thin layer of clothes on: leggings and a tank top. i figured this way i'd be a bit protected "just in case" he was very heavy handed or too erratic in his swings. Also, it seemed more appropriate and relaxed this way. i braced myself on the spanking bench, leaning over enough to be comfortable and to give him good access to my back and buttocks. 

 

He ended up using one of his floggers on me and he did a great job. Honestly, i knew that it would be just fine, because of his temperament and who he has shown me to be through his actions as well as his dedication to attending events. 

 

Even though i was helping him by giving him this practice time, my motivations were not completely altruistic: if i can help in the development of more good Tops in Los Angeles, that is a plus for me (and for the whole community in general). And...obviously the girl that claims Floggers to be one of her most favorite things in life, did not want to pass up an opportunity to get nicely Flogged by someone she trusts. 

 

As he struck me, i alternated between settling in and relaxing into the sensations, and actively communicating with him. i kind of wish there'd been a mirror set up so he could have seen my big happy grin. His strikes were very light and, if he was missing his aim a lot, i was not the wiser. 

 

After a while, he asked if he could try to go harder, which was fine with me. He started getting a nice rhythm, throwing in a few harder strikes here and there, as well as experimenting with sensual techniques of lightly running the falls along my body. He'd paid good attention while at classes and play parties and it showed. 


2/4/2024 1:33:43 PM

*When i talk about this, i'm not talking about all the low-effort, fantasy-based, spam messages from random weirdos online. i'm talking about "real" BDSM, Kink and Fetish play from people that really are involved.*

 

It can take a lot of courage to ask someone to play.

 

These things we do...they take vulnerability, and trust, and certain skills. There's a reason it is called "Kink"---it's out of the norms of society. It's not vanilla. It's something *different* that i need (and if you are reading this, you probably need it as well). 

 

For me at least, it takes a lot of courage to ask someone to play. No one is invulnerable to the hurt of rejection, even if that rejection is given with the utmost courtesy and care. 

 

At best, it's a small wince of momentary pain and we move on. At worst, it affaspects our ego, our confidence, our feelings of self-worth, self-perception, self-esteem. 

 

When i am asked to play, as long as it is asked in a thoughtful and respectful manner, i am flattered...i am floored...i am honored to be considered as a potentially good candidate for a scene. 

 

i think about how much courage it can take, especially if you have a lot of respect for, a friendship with, or a crush on the person you are asking. 

 

But also, i have to think about whether i want to do the scene...and whether i want to do it at this point in time, with them. There are a lot of factors and moving pieces. But beyond all the factors, beyond all the "it's me and not you" (or conversely, the "it's definitely you"), i always try to remember how much courage that it took for them to even ask me.

 

When i am asked with thoughtfulness and respect, i always endeavor to show the same thoughtfulness and respect in my answer. Sometimes it's hard because it is not a "Yes". 

 

Especially for a "people pleaser", it can be incredibly difficult to say "No". But being honest, respectful, kind and empathetic will serve everyone much better than saying "Yes" just because. 

 

Spoiler Alert: sometimes i ask people to play, and they say "No". Or sometimes they say "Yes" but it never happens. Crazy, but true. 

 

It can be hard sometimes, to not take it personally. But then i reflect on the fragility of human nature. Of all the moving parts that i am, or am not, aware of. 

 

In Conclusion: always endeavor to treat each other well. With kindness, respect, empathy, understanding. Remember that these things we do take so much vulnerability and trust. And it is an honor and a privilege to have someone open themselves up to you, to share something personal with you, to be allowed a peek into their private selves.


2/1/2024 10:27:59 AM

usually, this soreness i am feeling would be a good thing.

 

the pain and soreness would remind me of the wonderful session we'd had, would remind me of him, would remind me that i am his.

 

i would think back to all the delicious details. all the pain, and pleasure. the anticipation of the next time i am back in his possession. the anticipation turning to warmth...tingling...a fire that burns within me, turning into a sexual desire that consumes me.

 

and the marks. serving as a beautiful reminder of the passion and commitment between us. the bond, the trust, the closeness. how i'd send him a picture, daily. so that he could see the progress of the blossoming, then fading colors. so that i could bask in his admiration, affection and appreciation.

 

but now, now that i know it is over, now that i know i am not worthwhile to him.

 

the pain, the soreness, the marks, the memory. 

 

it is a burden, a hardship, a constant reminder. the pain no longer transmuting into desire. the pain is just...pain. in my heart, my body, my psyche. a discomfort, an itch, a nagging burn that wells up until the tears spill from my eyes. 


1/31/2024 9:25:23 PM

once again i am reminded that i'm not worth it for the long haul, not worth putting in work for, not worth having a relationship with.

but then again do i want to be having a relationship with a "Dominant" who sullies the title by not taking the responsibilities of power exchange, S/M, BDSM seriously?

and do i want to be having a relationship with a "Polyamorous" man who refuses to love any of the women in his life?

i may not be worth it but omfg neither is he.


1/30/2024 12:25:43 PM

So i spend some time in a very small, very esoteric BDSM chat room. i've been frequenting it off and on for maybe 5 or 6 years. It's had it's changes, like everything. Over the few years membership has dropped sharply...i figure a big reason is because of the rise of other chat platforms like KIK and Discord. 

 

Anyways. i still spend some time there and this morning a familiar screen name popped up. A Domme who lives across the country, who used to run her own room there in the chat, which was dedicated to discussion of topics relating to BDSM and Fetish. A person with a positive energy, lots of knowledge from in-person, first hand experiences. 

 

In a nutshell: a breath of fresh air in the oftentimes strange world of chat rooms.

 

It was great to see her there and have the chance for a brief, but lively discourse about the changing "community", different national parties/conventions, some pros and cons of pick up play. 

 

It reminded me WHY i first logged on to fetlife, and why i first logged on to that chat room. To gain knowledge, to hear about others' experiences, to share some of my own. To get real, first hand knowledge from people who have been there and done that. To not feel so alone in a world which judges and ostracizes us. 


1/23/2024 12:08:25 PM

Currently Looking For, In Pomona, California (NO Long Distance, Online or Relocation):

i identify as being somewhere in the Ethical-Non-Monogamous/Open/Poly relationship-spectrum and am currently involved in a D/s relationship with an amazing Dominant. He wants me to be happy and fulfilled, and to seek out play in safe and positive ways.

In this spirit, i am always looking to meet quality BDSM Lifestyle Dominants, Tops & Sadists for sessions and possibly a relationship. Although i am straight...when doing casual/non sexual scenes, sexual orientation and gender is not as important as if i like you, respect you, and feel like i can easily communicate and trust you.

i am primarily seeking partners who are experienced with things like Floggers, Riding Crops & other Impact Toys, Bondage, Sensory Deprivation, Sensation Play, Building a Scene and Negotiation. i strongly prefer to play with people who have (or actively) attend events like Classes, Play Parties, Dungeons, Munches, Discussion Groups, etc. i love to bottom for scenes, and if i am in a relationship/Dynamic, i also love things like Protocol and Service.

Things i am currently open to, with the right people:

--Open to non sexual/casual, negotiated BDSM play scenes at some of the Dungeon Clubs around Los Angeles (or in private IF i trust you)

--Open to going on dates with men who really capture my interest (i do not drive more than 10 miles for a first date or first meeting)

--Open to a deeper relationship involving some level of Kink/BDSM

--Open to saying hello if you ever happen to see me at a Kink/BDSM event. i LOVE to meet others at events, it's so much easier for me than trying to ascertain mutual interest online.


1/12/2024 12:49:04 PM

When i was just starting things with my Sir, and everything was so full of excitement and discovery, i was chatting with one of my Kinky BDSM Lifestyle friends about it all.

She is very experienced and has led an amazing life (both in Kink and Vanilla). So i believed her when she said, "If you play your cards right, all your dreams can come true."

So very much has happened with Sir since that conversation with my friend. Good things, awkward things, challenging things. Intensely satisfying things. Surprising things.

With time, trust, respect, willingness and communication...maybe all my dreams WILL come true.


1/12/2024 12:46:48 PM

Several years ago, when i was much more of a "newbie sub" and figuring out what i wanted out of BDSM (well, i guess i still am figuring that out)...

i was dating and playing with a local Dominant who REALLY liked me. i liked him too, but he liked me a lot more and wanted a lot more from me.

The first time we spent the whole night together (at his insistence) was also the first time that a large wooden paddle was used on me. He had made it by hand...it was a traditional kind like you see in old school or fraternity movies. Large, long, thick and drilled with holes.

He used it so well on me that night and i LOVED IT!!! i was in love...with the paddle.

That night as we slept side by side, i cuddled the shit out of that paddle, but not him.

Lesson Learned: if i like his toys more than i like him, it's time to move on.


1/9/2024 10:16:51 AM

To Escape or Not To Escape? A Rope Bondage Story 

 

This morning i saw a great post about "Escape Artist Subs"...meaning, s-types or rope bottoms that enjoy "escaping" or wiggling out of rope bondage. i think that this is an important and not often talked about topic. Something that should definitely be negotiated before doing rope scenes.
 
Here's my little story on the subject: 
 
my first Dominant had few rules with me but one was: any bondage item he placed on me (ie, collar, restraints, rope)...HE would remove. So i was trained to keep things on as a sign of respect, ritual and power exchange.
 
So imagine my surprise when, being tied by a friend after a munch/in a social setting, he does the tie then tells me to "Now try to escape"....my heart dropped and my mind raced in confusion.
 
Once i recovered enough to answer him, i just said, "Oooohhhhh i'd just like to stay in it for a little while." 
 
As i basked in the snug, secure embrace of the rope, the sun shining through the window, everyone commented and smiled at how blissful i looked.

1/6/2024 10:51:37 AM

so i've been getting to know my Sir for about six months now (well, longer if you count the months we talked on the phone before finally meeting in person)...and let me tell you, he is full of surprises.

the other day we were on the phone scheduling a day to spend time together. He asked me what i had planned for the weekend and i told him that i'd be seeing my "vanilla guy".

i was NOT PREPARED for him to ask me to send him pictures or videos of he and i together sexually!!!

Sir claims that viewing pictures and videos of his partners enjoying sex with others is part of his "Compersion".

i dunno. i'm no expert but, i would call that just plain "Perversion".

LOL!


1/3/2024 12:07:24 AM

Hi Everyone! Happy New Year. i just wrote a new photo essay blog, it is posted on fetlife in two parts. Part one is fairly wholesome and part two is where it gets dirty and exciting! 

 

Feel free to check it out here: 

 

Part 1: Writing by pomonagirl | FetLife

 

Part 2: Writing by pomonagirl | FetLife


Thank you to everyone that has supported my writings by giving them a love, follow, sending a nice note or just by reading them. i really appreciate it. 


12/27/2023 2:38:37 PM

💜 He remembered that i like weird movies 💜 Poor Things, 2023 💜 another first for me: going on a date to the movies with my Dominant. even better that He had my panties in His pocket. even better...what came later. 💜 what a special way to close out this year. with hopes of abundant prosperity and joy for the next. 💜


12/27/2023 2:32:15 PM

He makes it so easy to want to be His good lil' girl. 


12/24/2023 9:26:02 PM

Something that i try to remember about my BDSM journey: what is a limit now (or a limit with a particular person) may change over months and years.

For myself: i have to honor my current limits and parameters, because not trusting yourself is just a fool's gambit.

So, it is a balance of honoring my current limits, stretching my limits when the time is right, and evolving again when the time is right.

i have found if a Dominant wants to rush or force this process, we are not a good match. i need to go at my own pace, and only if i eventually feel comfortable with him.

Sadly, there are more "bad doms" than good ones so the good ones know it all takes patience.


12/24/2023 9:03:10 PM

once i began my BDSM education at Dungeons/in the public community...i started to become annoyingly level-headed and realistic about play.

but, over time, if you allow me to see your true character...if you can respect my boundaries and play within my parameters...

if you can create a space for me to feel safe, then all those boundaries start to fade away.


12/11/2023 11:27:53 AM

My Daddy Rex or: How i Learned to Stop Worrying and Love D/s 

Having the opportunity to assist my Sir in organizing and running a Kinky Holiday Bazaar held at Sanctuary Studios was...amazing!!! Amazingly difficult, demanding, tricky, stressful, and...most of all...super fulfilling and a wonderful learning experience. 

 In my vanilla life, i have experience organizing different types of events but very little on this scale and nothing that is so BDSM-focused (let alone, held at one of Los Angeles' best known Dungeon Clubs). 
 
Throw that in with my role as assistant, co-organizer and vendor coordinator to my Sir...
 
Taking on this project not only as assistant and co-organizer but as my Sir's submissive was a whole other angle. It's one thing to be a Boss Lady (i prefer the term, "Natural Leader") in my vanilla life: to have a vision, to work with my friends and team, to make all the decisions and be in charge of all the details (and to delegate the rest). 
 
But doing this in a D/s framework was a huge learning experience in a whole other way. The challenge of being used to taking charge and doing things my way, yet needing to defer to him and run things by him before making decisions. Knowing that i was representing not only myself and the venue, but him. Wanting to please him as his submissive while balancing the responsibilities of my work and daily life. Learning A LOT about him in a very short time (we pulled all of this off in less than two weeks). Heck, learning a lot about myself in the same short time span. 
 
Everything i learned was so positive. Not perfect or like a fairy tale. But better because it is real, day-to-day life. Some of you know that although i have really dove deep into exploring BDSM over the past 7 years, i haven't had much experience having "real" D/s relationships. So much of Sir's and my relationship has been new experiences: officially having the conversation with him about it and our intentions for it...receiving a play collar from him...not only having sessions with him but being involved in each others' social lives...having our relationship "Fetlife Official". These are all things i haven't experienced with a Dominant before. 
 
So organizing and running the Holiday Bazaar: another new experience, this one with high stakes. Not gonna lie, there were more than a few times where i thought about pulling the plug. Telling Sir that i couldn't do it, it was too much. The relationship AND the event. All the stress and pressure. PLUS i haven't even mentioned the fact that this would be my first time meeting his long-term submissive as well as several of his other partners and girl friends. It all added up to a lot of unknown factors. Could i handle it? How could i manage my emotions, my jealousy and insecurity, alongside all my responsibilities and duties as event co-organizer? 
 
i wasn't sure how or if i even could. 
 
There was one moment in particular as the event started coming together and more and more details were being added (each detail meaning more responsibilities and more potential chaos) where i was starting to really freak out. i was on the phone with Sir voicing my...mounting concerns. "you have to trust me." He said, calmly. 
 
His words snapped me back. It's so hard for me to trust. But he was right. i DO have to trust him. If i don't, i can't work under him as his assistant and certainly can't work out a D/s relationship with him. After our phone call i reflected on the last 4 months of knowing him (8 or 9 months if you count all the time we spent talking on the phone before meeting). 
 
Has he ever given me a reason to NOT trust him? Has he ever pushed me to do things that i wasn't comfortable doing? Has he ever made me feel like if i didn't, or couldn't do something...if i made a mistake...if i felt emotional or unsure...that he would somehow "punish" me by leaving me? 
 
He hasn't...not once. Although i am still working out rectifying certain ects of his lifestyle, he has never made me feel bad, or unwanted, or less than. When we are together, i feel special. When we are not together, i hear from him often. To the best of his ability, he comes through on the things he says that he will do. Whenever possible, he goes above and beyond for his friends and loved ones---and that includes me. 
 
So, i needed to trust him. Not just in an erotic kinky way. This is different than a hot bedroom scene. This is real life, day to day D/s. This is putting my money where my mouth is: can i trust him, can i follow his lead? Do i want to? Can i put aside my ego, my fears and my agenda in order to help fulfill his? 
 
Not gonna lie, the internal struggle is real. But with him, at every step, the payoff has been worth the struggle and sacrifice. 
 
It's not always been easy but has always been worth it. 
 
*** 
 
So yeah. i learned so much these past 2--3 weeks. i learned a lot about running events, i learned a lot about him, i learned a lot about myself. 
 
i learned that it's safe to trust him. 
 
i learned that everything is do-able when you have your homegirls with you. 
 
i learned that although i talk a lot about wanting to give back, wanting to serve, wanting to achieve things, to actually go through with it is another story. It takes a lot of stamina, fortitude, clarity, wisdom, honesty, courage and strength. 
 
i learned that i have those things, maybe more than i had thought.

11/29/2023 8:25:24 PM

Los Angeles County December Kink Events:

Sunday, Dec. 10th: Kinky Holiday Bazaar at Sanctuary Studios in Los Angeles! 

i am helping my Sir coordinate a Kinky Vendor Fair at Sanctuary Studios. If you are interested in being a vendor, volunteering, or performing please feel free to message me! 

i'll have a booth with Crystals, Gemstones, Jewelry, Art, Rope & Handmade Leather Collars & Cuffs. 

Here's the event link: https://fetlife.com/events/1410447

 

Tuesday, Dec. 12th: Pomona Valley Social Club Presents First Annual Christmas Munch! 

Whoo Hoo! i'll be hosting a special Christmas Munch on 12/12. This time it will be held at an indoor venue: Michael Angelo's Pizza in Ontario. There will be a free raffle PLUS an Ugly Sweater Contest!

Here's the event link: https://fetlife.com/events/1410855

 

Sunday, Dec. 31st: Kink In The New Year Marketplace! 

Brought to you by Dark Magic Society. This is a free event! i'll have a booth with Crystals, Gemstones, Jewelry, Art, Rope & Handmade Leather Collars. 

Here's the event link: https://fetlife.com/events/1405248

 

ALSO---if anyone is interested, i am now an official Mobile Kink Boutique!!! LOL!!! Let me know if you are interested purchasing any Sadistic Rope---i currently have Coconut Rope and Sisal Rope in stock. $5 per 20'. PLUS i have some beautiful leather and vegan leather Collars & Wrist Cuffs handmade by my Sir starting at $25. 


11/27/2023 10:47:17 AM

In Response To That Age Old Question: Have You Found What You Are Searching For On Here Yet?

 

Hi [Insert Masterly Screen Name Here],

 

i am working on it! 

 i am currently in a non monogamous D/s relationship with a Dominant who lives in Los Angeles, around forty miles away. It's been going good and is a new experience for me. Having a Dominant who is also like a boyfriend, more than just a play partner. Even if it is a non traditional relationship.

 The Munch that i host and organize is also going quite well and it is very fulfilling to me to be able to give back to the community in this manner and meet so many diverse, eclectic people. 

 In December i have some neat events to attend: i'll be having a booth at a few Kink Marketplaces at some Dungeons, a few Holiday Socials/Parties to attend, and i might go to a big Play Party on New Years Eve!! 

 Overall this year has been a very good one for me in regards to BDSM. 

 

i began 2023 at a Dungeon and counted spankings as the crowd counted down the New Year. 

 i became involved with a more private house party group and met some super cool ass people who i now consider friends. 

 Starting up and building up my own Munch. 

 Having more courage to ask Dominants and Tops i know about playing. 

 And of course, meeting my Sir. 

 

At the end of the day, i do think it's better to pursue what i can and enjoy, learn from, and grow from each opportunity rather than to always be searching for the things i do not have. 


Like my writings? Check out more here: Writings of pomonagirl | FetLife


11/24/2023 11:28:33 AM

"A Very Thoughtful Sadist"

 

So there i am, on my knees, doing all of the good girl on my knees stuff, when He pauses and asks if my knees are ok.

 

"Oh how thoughtful", i think to myself. "He is worried about me on this hardwood floor." 

 

"Yes Sir" i purr. 

 

Instead of continuing, He reaches over towards the bed. 

 

"Oh how thoughtful", i think. "He's going to get a pillow to put under my knees so that i am more comfortable!" 

 

The light is low and my glasses are off so i don't even really pay attention as He bends down and gently lifts one knee....

 

AND PLACES A HANK OF COCONUT ROPE UNDERNEATH IT!!!

 

He guides me back down and repeats the action with my other leg. 

 

He's thoughtful all right, but maybe not always in the way i first imagine.

 

 

 

 


11/21/2023 5:22:05 PM

24 Hours 

 

she reflects on the past 24 hours. 

How she arrived to His home. How she had to tell Him something.

How she was so worried about it. 

Would He not accept her limits and needs? Would He ask her to leave? 

"Maybe i will not bring it up", she thinks to herself. "Not tonight." 

she isn't so lucky. 

 

He brings it up. And she ts it out. her keyed up, overwrought emotion coming through in her voice. In her words. 

But it's real. And He hears her.

And He listens.

And He says that it's ok, and that she is a good girl for expressing how she feels. And that she pleases Him so much.

And His hands are on her body and His lips are on her lips and, hours later, they are sated, cuddled together, resting on the big, soft bed.

 

****

Early the next morning.

"Sir, am i still your good girl?" 

"Yes, you are."

 

****

Later that morning. 

He tells her that He wants to try something else with her car. 

He's been going through some basic trouble shooting steps to try and fix her broken AC.

On a whim---or it's instinct, probably. He checks her fluids.

"Before you go, we're going to the auto parts store. you are low on oil, transmission fluid, brake fluid..."

 

she sits a few feet away on the porch steps, watching as He works. He is in His work clothes. On His back, laying on the driveway. 

Tools scattered all around. He is working on her car.

Reverently, she takes the moment in. The sunshine, the breeze. The soft hum of the passing traffic. The sight of Him. 

What He is doing for her, and what it means.

 

****

she's never had a man in her life help her like this.

she never asked Him to, just a passing comment, the first time they'd met, back in the heat of mid-summer.

How hot she'd been on the drive out, all four windows rolled down.

"I have to make sure my baby's car is working so that she can come and see me" He says, in his lighthearted, jovial way. 

 

****

The drive to the auto parts store. 

she is quiet, but her mind is working. 

Yesterday evening. How frightened she was. How ready to be dismissed.

she is used to not being enough, and being discarded.

she is used to men saying that they care, but not showing it.

 

This, she is not used to.

 

she hopes that it is real, and that it will last.


11/16/2023 6:12:10 PM

"Take me to that place" pt2 

 

He tells me to lay down on my back. my legs dangle over the edge of the bed.

He begins to whip me with the pair of floggers. He strikes my thighs, my stomach. When He strikes my public mound i shudder and cry out, sharply.

He moves in closer and strikes my breasts.

He climbs on top of me. He grabs my nipples cruelly, stretching and twisting. He brings both nipples into one hand. With the other, He strikes the sides and bottoms of my breasts. Over and over again.

i cry out, over and over again. The burn of his hand, the sting of the flogger. The close contact.

It's a lot. i breathe deeply. i keep my eyes closed and arms down. i become small, and pliable, and will myself to continue.

Because i know if i say "Stop", or "Red", He will stop. And even though i hate it in the moment, i need this. i need the pain, the catharsis, the handing over of power. The trust, the intimacy.

i need to be taken to that place where only a Sadist can bring me.

The torture is cruel, but He is not. Eventually, he releases my nipples from His pinching gr. He instructs me to turn around on the bed on all fours.

i breathe deeply as the floggers fall on my backside. my back, shoulders, ass.

But it's not as intensely painful and my cries are minimal. Sir is winding me down and soon, the scene is over.

"you were a very good girl" He purs. He lays beside me, again cupping my face in His hand. "you have made this Sir very proud."

"Oooooh Sir, thank you for using me, and for hurting me..." i half-whisper, there in the low light, as the pain turns to warmth which spreads across my skin like ripples across a dark, still lake.



Like my writings? Check out more here: Writings of pomonagirl | FetLife

 

11/16/2023 6:09:29 PM

"take me to that place" pt1


The light is low. The music is mellow. i am naked, save for my collar, seated on the edge of the big bed.

i am facing Him.

As He picks up the first flogger, i lower my gaze and lightly close my eyes.

The first strikes are so soothingly soft. If feels like...feathers across my skin.

Slowly, He ramps up the intensity, then the pace.

The soothing sensation turns into dull thuds against my exposed breasts and stomach.

"i bet you didn't know that rabbit fur could feel like that, did you?" He says.

i smile. The rabbit fur flogger that He made recently. How could something so soft hurt?

The second flogger is raised. The metallic red leather falls glint in the low light. There are several strikes in rapid succession. i raise my eyes and watch Him. He is using a matching set.

The feel of them is more intense. Now, there is a sting along with the thud. Over and over, He strikes my breasts, my stomach, my thighs. i start to squirm with the pain.

Suddenly, i feel the bite of leather on my face.

He is whipping my face with the floggers. Each individual fall feels like fire across my cheek.

i've never been whipped like this. Is this right? Is this ok? Do i like this? Will it bruise my face?

my thoughts begin to race as my anxiety rises. Once again, i lift my eyes. i see the metallic red leather flying towards me. i see Him in the background.

i start to back away. i raise my arms to protect myself.

He doesn't stop, instead the falls begin to land on my arms and my body.

"Sir, please....please...." i beg. i'm whimpering now and scooting back on the bed.

In a flash, He is there. He holds my face in His hand.

"Sir, please, when i start to back away, or raise my arms...i don't want to stop. But i need a moment to ground myself."

i feel His hand on my face, on my neck. He kisses me deeply.

He tells me that he hears me, and understands me.



11/13/2023 8:22:33 AM

sometimes, it all begins to feel like a dream. 

 

the time spent with Him---is it real? 

 

or is this thing called "daily life", "real life", actually the dream? 

 

...or just stasis...

 

a fugue state 

 

until once again, i am awoken in His arms 


11/1/2023 11:42:12 AM

She is pinned beneath him. Her happy place. She revels in the intimacy and the sensations. 

She feels him thrusting in and out. Fuck, it feels so good. She feels his strong hands on her body. Pinching and slapping her breasts. She holds the vibrator tightly against her clit. 

Eyes wide with wonder, she looks into his face. So close above hers. Her man, her Sir. She begs for the pleasure he can give. For the pain that he so tenderly inflicts. 

She looks up at him and starts to ask a question. 

"Sir, please, please, will you...will you..." 

Suddenly, she can't find the words. Between her drunkenness and the hotness of the moment. She can see the action in her mind but the words escape her.

Even without words, he listens and understands. He looks back into her pleading, wide eyes. She tries one more time to voice her request but falls silent as his hand gently caresses her face. 

"Thank you Sir" is all she can utter before he lifts his hand and strikes, slapping her face once, twice, thrice. 

 

"Yes Sir, thank you Sir..." 


******


Like my writing? Check out more here: Writings of pomonagirl | FetLife

 

10/26/2023 7:35:15 PM

He enters the bedroom, surveying her in the low light. 

She is wearing nothing but a lacy black camisole. She eyes him, nervously. 

"Take that off", he growls. 

Swiftly, he crosses the room. 

Wordlessly, she obeys. All of the sudden, his hands are on her naked body, twisting her, laying her flat on her stomach, pinning her to the bed. 

In a flash, he enters her. His hard, thick cock slides in easily but makes her pussy ache. It's raw and sensitive from all the hours of fucking earlier in the night, but it doesn't even cross her mind to complain or ask him to stop.

Instead, she purrs, "Thank you, Sir..." 

She melts into the sensation while he is above her, on top of her, fucking her like the possession that she is. Stinging slaps on the ass or cruel twists of nipple or breast punctuate the violent tempo. 

She is in bliss. 

"Please Sir, take what's yours..." 

 

After an indeterminable amount of time, he pulls out of her wet, swollen pussy. Suddenly hands again on her body, forcing her up on all fours now. Spreading her legs, pushing her head down. 

He begins to rub the tip of his cock against her asshole. 

She takes a deep breath and tries to relax. She wants this. She needs this. She just has to work through the pain of the first entry. 

He begins to thrust his lubed cock into her small, tight entry. One slow, deep, thrust and he is halfway inside. She begins to whimper with the pain of it.

"Sir, may i please touch myself?" 

"Yes you may" is his growled reply. 

 

One more push and he is all the way in. Immediately, he begins to thrust. It takes her breath away. She closes her eyes and embraces the sensation. 

"Ooooh thank you Sir for fucking my ass..." she cries, as his thrusts gather speed.

She is aware of nothing, nothing but his hard, thick cock pounding her hungry ass. She isn't even aware that she is thrusting back onto him. His hands grip her hips and thighs. 

Tomorrow, there will be a cluster of fingertip shaped bruises, but now, the touch barely registers. 

 

His thrusts gather speed as she begs him to take what's his. 

"Please Sir, do it harder...Please....Please" 

She writhes and moans, lost in exquisite pleasure and pain. She lets her body go and becomes limp in his gr. A toy, a vessel, a thing, a slave. 

His breathing gets louder as his excitement mounts. 

Again, she begs, 

"Please Sir don't stop, please fill me with your cum, i need it Sir..." 

He fucks her hard and deep and fast until she hears him start to shout. She tightens her muscles in order to better feel him cum inside of her. 

She is rewarded seconds later as she feels his cock pulse inside of her. He yells out in a pleasure so primal it is beyond words. 

He takes what is his, filling her, marking her with his seed. 

 

*****

 

Gently, he guides her down on the bed and lays beside her. Instinctively, she nestles into him. Her body feels electric and pulses with energy. His hand begins to stroke her long, soft hair. 

"Oh Sir, thank you for using me tonight" she purrs into his chest. 

 

"Thank you for taking what's yours..." 


10/26/2023 10:43:55 AM

masochist questions pt 1 

 

(sits down with cup of coffee and winces) 

"Oh shit! That's right. Sir decided to not only tie me up with that damn evil Coconut Rope, but also to hit my ass with it." 

 

(grabs phone and texts Sir) 

"Sir, why do i hate it in the moment but love it the next day?"

 

(reads His response) 

"Perhaps...because...when you feel it the next day, it takes you back to that moment in time." 

 

(sips coffee and smiles) 

mmm. indeed.

 


10/16/2023 8:22:43 PM

The Curious Sadist

 

It was so great to reconnect with my Sir last night and induldge in some quality play time. 

 

As we continue to explore our new relationship, he often tells me that my masochism is feeding his Sadism. As his imagination runs wild, he is able to open the doors of creativity. 

 

Laying in bed together this morning, cozily cudding and talking, i mention how a certain position he had put me in had started to resemble a predicament bondage

 

"A what?" He asks. i can see the curiousity lighting up his eyes. 

 

"Sir...i may regret telling you this, but...you should do some research on the topic..." 

 

If you don't hear from me for a while...it's because i am....ummm....all tied up....



like my writings? check out more here: Writings of pomonagirl | FetLife


10/7/2023 8:48:11 AM

she met him at the edges where fear met trust, where pain met pleasure. 

 

where passion burned and shimmered, suspended in timeless mist.

 

where she wanted to stay forever. 


like my writings: read more here: Writings of pomonagirl | FetLife


10/6/2023 1:02:39 PM

"I feel like I should send flowers or candy to OK Cupid," He says. Actually, he has said this a few times.

 

"Sir, i am so grateful that we met there. But. You can send the flowers or candy to me, instead. You DO have my address, right?" 

 

(giggles)

 

Like my writings? Check out more here: Writings of pomonagirl | FetLife


9/29/2023 12:52:48 PM

Slow


"Slow...go slow..." He said as i worked my mouth up and down his thick, hard shaft.


i pause, looking up at him. "Sir, what does slow mean?"


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9/26/2023 12:31:22 PM

Hi everyone! If you'd like to learn more about me, fetlife is the best place to do so! i have LOTS of blogs, photos, and information about myself and my BDSM journey & adventures posted there. 

 

pomonagirl - Kinksters | FetLife


9/25/2023 9:07:13 AM

We got to talk for a while on the phone this morning, Sir & i. It was nice to catch up and to hear his voice. It was especially nice that, although he had a busy day ahead, he took the time to speak with me.

Especially meaningful was his story about attending Sanctuary Studios' "Decadence" party last night, and telling me that my name came up.

"It did? How so???" i ask him.

"I was speaking with my friend & his submissive, and she mentioned, 'I saw your sub Mona's post with your collars'..."

This confused my Sir. "Oh, I don't have a sub named Mona...???"

She clarified. "pomonagirl..."

Sir went on to tell me how nice it was to hear someone refer to me as his submissive. i could hear the pride in his voice, which made me so happy.

"Hahaha, yes, Sir, it's really happening", i said.


 

9/14/2023 3:30:21 PM

The List Pt 2

He resumes reading:

"Rubber bands...uhhh...To wash/bathe you...oooohhhh!...Rope bondage...Pussy Spanking/Slapping...UHHH..."

Hearing my written words spoken aloud by him, now punctuated by guttural moans, is incredibly hot. All these dirty, beautiful, intimate things seem hang in the air as i continue to suck his cock.

i don't know how he does it but he makes it to the end of page two. The last one is funny and he can't help but laugh:

"To have sex in the hot tub---not forgetting the lube this time---then afterwards collapse back into the water and sip a glass of wine."


The next 45 minutes are a . There is his voice. His bed. The immense pleasure of our bodies joining together. There is pain, too, and joy.

There will be more, much more, as the night, the weeks, and the months wear on...

 
 

9/14/2023 3:24:44 PM
the list pt 1

"Oh Sir, i have something for you."

Crossing the cozy, boho-themed bedroom, i pluck the purple envelope from my toy bag. i walk back to the small couch where Sir is seated. i hope i'm not blushing too much as i present it to him.

Sir looks amused as he opens the envelope and removes the three sheets of unlined white paper.

"Dear Sir," he begins to read aloud.

"Presented for your entertainment, imagination and consideration..."

"Some things that i would like to do or try with you..."

"Thank you for an amazing month,"

"With hopes for many more to come."

Then, turning the page, he continues to read.

"The Big List, Version 1, Page 1"

What follows is a lovingly handwritten two-page list of all kinds of wonderful, strange, and sexy Kink-activities. i'd taken my time to curate and write the list, making sure to include some things he'd mentioned, and even getting some ideas from some friends of mine in a BDSM chatroom. It had been so fun to compile, but i did not forsee sitting a mere two feet away from Sir as he read it aloud.

Sitting back and adjusting his glasses, Sir's smile grows as he begins to read the list.

"Wax...Chain Bondage...Spreader Bars...Collar and Leash Play..."

As he pauses to take a breath i make my plea. "Sir, you don't have to read it all out loud."

If he hears me, he doesn't show it.

"To spend time in a cage...Gags...Clothespins..."

He's only halfway through the first page when he reaches over and takes my hand, placing it on his crotch. Through his jeans, i can feel that he is rock hard.

He looks into my eyes, smiling wide. "See what you do to me?"

i can certainly feel it and very quickly i can see it too, as Sir unzips and pulls down his pants. This time, it's me who is smiling big. i slip down from the couch and approach him on all fours, taking his cock into my mouth.


8/31/2023 12:53:51 PM
2023 summer's end. highlight reel.

all things considered, i've had a pretty awesome summer, both in my vanilla life and in my kink life. probably the best since 2019, before the dreaded COVID and all the shut downs.

this summer i finally took the plunge and got serious about creating a Munch/Social Group for the Pomona Valley area. we have had two events so far (next one coming up in a few days) and it has been an overwhelmingly positive experience. thank you to everyone that has come to an event or given me any kind of advice or support. i appreciate each of you so much and can't wait to see how this Munch grows.

i also went out of my comfort zone and attended a few private-ish spanking parties with this amazing group, Spanky's Spank Joint. Spanky is fairly legendary among long time BDSM people in LA as well as spanking enthusiasts. He is taking a break right now from hosting but his parties are amazing! i truly felt at home and feel so blessed to be able to have been a part of his group, even if for a short time. i am grateful for the "trail of breadcrumbs" that brought me to his profile and group page.

and of course if you've been paying attention to my posts, you will know that i recently met a Dominant! after several months of talking via phone calls and texts, we finally met in person in late July and have been spending a lot of time together all this month. it's been amazing and i hope that things continue to progress well between us. it took a long time for me to be open to the idea of meeting & getting to know a Dominant again, and then, actually meeting someone that i felt this type of connection with. a long wait but worth it.

finally, i recently reached out to a local Rope Top and Educator who is always looking for people to practice tying on a regular basis. i have met him in person on a handful of occasions and was always impressed by his serious yet laid back vibe and demeanor. our first practice session is next week. so much different than a play scene, or play relationship, i view being a "practice bottom" or "demo bottom" as a role that can really give back to the community by giving people an outlet to practice (the more highly skilled & confident Tops & Dominants our scene has, the better!). plus, i get to sit around and be tied up!! so it's really a win-win-win.

One thing that the long "COVID hibernation" taught me is that i really can not thrive without BDSM and Kink in my life. Making the necessary moves to have more experiences, opportunities, as well as seeing how it increasingly dovetails with my vanilla life has truly been inspirational.


8/30/2023 7:14:35 PM

to wear a man's marks is hot and all...but to mark his heart is what i am after.


8/28/2023 3:21:38 PM

cake.


So a few days ago i baked a cake, making sure to reserve a few pieces to share with my Dominant. After dinner last night, we had some for dessert (after which he had me for a second dessert, but that's a different story). 

There was enough left over for him to keep and today he sent me a text message telling me how much he is enjoying it. 

my response: 

"Perhaps it would please you Sir, to imagine me, in whatever state of dress or undress that you desire, feeding it to you...either by utensil, or fingers..." 


hmmm, perhaps you can have your cake and eat it too.


8/27/2023 10:40:59 AM

"The Storm Pt 1"


It was on dark, stormy, tempestuous nights like this that she felt edgy, uncertain, filled with unease. An abnormal energy stormed thru her as the rain beat a heavy drum on her windows. 


As the lightening clapped and the thunder rumbled, she would be pacing, pacing. Filled with an insatiable desire for...something. 
 
Something to fill her, to focus her. To not only direct the energy inside of her,but to subsume it. 
 
Something to make her feel alive
 
***********
 
She didn't understand this feeling, nor did she ever find respite from it, until years later, when she met Him. 

8/19/2023 1:03:35 PM

i decided to say yes pt. 2

Our third date. After a lovely evening out, we arrive back to my house. It's his first time over which makes me extra nervous. In preparation for his arrival, i had cleared as much open space as possible in my bedroom, and brought out my spanking bench and flogger stand. Out came my toy bag, too, filled with things he had seen as well as some things i hadn't shown him yet.
 
He looks me in the eyes. "I think that you are wearing too much clothes."
 
Lowering my eyes, i lift the short sundress over my head, revealing my plunging bra and panties. Suddenly it's hard for me to look at him and i am grateful when he instructs me to mount the bench.
 
As i lay into the specialized piece of furniture i relax, enjoying his touch, and the alternating smacks and caresses of the various implements. All too soon, he tells me it's time. 
 
i sit up slowly, not wanting to fall over in my half-dazed state. *"Chair?"* i manage to mumble. my sturdy old wooden desk chair should be perfect for the next phase of our scene. 
 
Now in just my panties, i sit facing him. As he slowly removes his black leather belt, i again find it difficult to meet his gaze. As he begins to sensuously slide the soft, worn-in leather over my skin, i close my eyes. 
 
Taking my exposed breasts in his hands, he leans down, and kisses me. 
 
Almost immediately i feel my body, and my mouth, start to respond. i want to drink him in. i'm not used to a Dominant kissing me...certainly not like this. But it's nice. i love it.
 
As his hands begin to knead and pinch my breasts, i feel like i've made the right decision. i feel like i am in good hands. 
 
He takes his time, warming me up with his hands, before taking the belt from where he'd left it dangling around my neck. Still taking his time. Teasing me, running the edge over my neck, shoulders, collarbone, breasts. 
 
Instinctively, i lift my head and cl my hands together behind my back. Exposing myself to him further. 
 
Presenting his canvas.
 
A small flash of panic as i realize that he is going to use the belt on me. But as soon as the frightened thoughts come, i push them out. This man is not those other men. i am safe here. 
 
------------------------------------
 
The belt lands on my pale, delicate skin, over and over. Punctuated by harsh slaps, pinches and squeezes. my eyes are mostly closed---i can't bear to watch---but after what seems like only a few minutes, i look down and see the raw, red, abrased skin. But my torment wasn't quite over yet.
 
He remarks at how quickly my skin is marking. He continues to strike me with the belt, now doubled up in his strong grip. i think about using my safeword a few times. But he reads my body and reactions like a pro, and by the time he instructs me to on all fours on the bed, i'm flying. 
 
________________________
 
Afterwards, we lay together in the quiet stillness. Music floats up from the hi-fi, punctuating the calm, peaceful energy with a wistful, lilting melody and soft rhythm. 
 
"Then please don't be surprised, when you find me dreaming too."
 
He tells me how proud he is of me, and how much i pleased him. 
 
i thank him for using me, and for marking me. 
 
 
 
 
Reply
8/19/2023 1:00:31 PM
i decided to say yes. pt. 1
 
"Next time, I would like to mark your beautiful body. Would you like that?" 
 
Oh wow. i wasn't sure what to say. On one hand, i do have a love for heavier play that usually leaves at least some marks or bruises. But on the other hand, it had been so long. Maybe 4 or 5 years. my previous Dominant having had a style that typically did not leave more than the faintest traces of bruising, plus my bad experiences before him with men who marked me up brutally (too fast, too soon, not great situations) left me questioning.
 
Did i want to endure that type of scene? Could i? my submissive side wanted to say yes, to please him. But my cautious side said, "i'm not sure."
 
_________________________________
 
Over the next few days i think about it, processing it. Our previous sessions had been great. He seemed to be a good communicator, respectful of my limits. The type of Dominant who is in this lifestyle for the enjoyment of it---not to actually harm or damage the sub out of a sense of misplaced anger or a twisted need to feel superior by beating up a girl. 
 
i liked him, and wanted to please him. He said that he liked me, very much. That he wanted to keep me. His actions seemed to back up his words, at least in this phase of our developing relationship. 
 
As i rewound our previous sessions...the passion, the pain and the affection...my body started to ache in the most delicious way. 
 
i decided to say yes. 
 
"Sir, next time we are together, will you please mark my breasts?"
 
i can feel the heat rising in my body as i send the text. 
 
He responds quickly. He tells me that he is pleased, and what instruments should he use. 
 
"Whatever i can handle" is my meek reply. 
 
He lets me know that i can withdraw my consent at any time. He tells me that i make him happy. 
 

8/18/2023 11:14:59 AM

white light 

 

she feels herself being carried away in the rush of the wave. the pain. the passion. 

white light, white heat. 

 

she tries to keep from being swept away but oh, how she yearns to be pushed, to be consumed, to be rent into a thousand glittering slivers of iridescent light 

 

to let the tidal wave take her, drag her, drown her 

to suffer beautifully. 

to face oblivion. 

 

she does it all for a chance to once again glimpse the refracted, shimmering, pulsating light that lies within the pain.


8/18/2023 3:18:46 AM

the drug. white light.

 
she feels herself slipping into the warm, heady rush of the drug. the pain. the passion. white light, white heat.
 
to be swept away, to be pushed, consumed.

torn into a thousand glittering slivers of iridescent light
 
to let the tidal wave take her, drag her, drown her 
to suffer beautifully.
to face oblivion. 
 
she does it all for a chance to glimpse the refracted, shimmering, pulsating light that lies within the pain.

8/15/2023 4:28:46 PM

maso daydreams

 

about the next time i will get hurt 

about all the strange and beautiful ways to be hurt 

about burning up in flames

about being consumed 

about being used 

 

about the bliss i will feel during, 

and the ache i will feel after


8/12/2023 9:53:20 AM

A little PSA before sending me a message. 

If you do not like something that i say in my profile text, there is no reason to message me and tell me that you don't like it. 

Sure, exchanging ideas in an established conversation can be fine. 

But opening a random message that is just telling me that they do not agree with what i choose to do with my BDSM and Kink life is not welcomed at all. 

If i want your opinion i will certainly ask for it. 

 

 


7/13/2023 9:36:01 PM

PSA: i pretty much only meet others who are involved in the lifestyle at events. 

my physical, mental and emotional safety is more important than your need for privacy. 

 

#sorrynotsorry

 


7/13/2023 1:35:19 PM
Honestly, I just want to find a romantic partner/a play partner/a Mentor/a Dom/a sub/someone to show me the ropes. Should I attend a Munch?

"Honestly, I just want to find a romantic partner/a play partner/a Mentor/a Dom/a sub/someone to show me the ropes."

For those that have been involved in the Kink Scene for any length of time, we have all heard a variation of this statement. And it's not a bad thing at all!

Everyone who attends Kink & BDSM events is looking for SOMETHING:

--A safe(r) place to play or to meet others
--A partner
--Education & Advice on certain Kinks & Lifestyles
--Friends
--Etc....

7/6/2023 3:12:33 PM

 

"Munch" Meet Up & Film Screening this Tuesday July 11th in Claremont California

Hi Friends! me & my good friend DarkWillow are hosting a meet-up before the Studio Ghilbi Fest screening of Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind on Tuesday, July 11th. The film starts at 7pm and we'll be meeting up in the public square/seating area right in front of the Laemmle Theatre starting at 6pm. If you don't already know us, just look for the red & black balloons to find us! There are some cafes and restaurants if you want to purchase a cool drink, snack or light dinner before the movie. Or you can bring your own.

Things to remember:

Since we will be in a public area, we need to be mindful of the vanillas! That means no fetish wear, and be mindful of conversation/volume if people/families are nearby.

Just like at a Munch, discretion is a must! Do not "out" anyone that you may know from your vanilla life. Details of the meet up and who you met there are not to be shared with others. Not everyone is "out" about this part of their lives. No photos or videos of other attendees allowed without full consent.

This is a social/casual gathering---NOT a play party or pick up event/meat market. The goal should be to have fun while meeting others who are involved in Kink and BDSM. And of course, to enjoy a rare chance to see an animated classic on the big screen!

Where & When:

6/11/2023 1:28:27 PM
a few thoughts & a small anecdote about "Informed Consent" vs "Consent" in regards to BDSM/Kink Lifestyle

When i was a newbie, "informed consent" (or it's variant, the "enthusiastic, ongoing, informed consent") was something that the elders of the scene spoke of in reverent tones and a wistful look in their eyes.

It took a while for me to understand the difference between "Consent" and "Informed Consent"---which makes sense as i was totally new to this world of BDSM and Kink, so had little-to-none of the "Informed" part to go on.

You've got to gain experience (or at least, knowledge) to really know what you are saying yes to. It's a corundum that can have a lot of negative lasting effaspects on a newbie (my experience is as a sub/bottom, but i imagine that these types of "learning curve" problems can really affect all roles).

One thing that happened kind of recently that reminded me of this issue was not during a play session, but at a munch.

i was talking with a small group of people (myself, a Sadist, and a D/s/DDLG couple). The "D" of the D/s couple said that they'd gotten a new toy lately, and did i want to see a picture of it? Of course, my mind (and i think the Sadists' mind, too) immediately went to something more like an S/M type toy. Maybe a new whip or flogger. Maybe even a piece of furniture or some exotic piece of bondage gear.

So imagine my surprise when he hands me the phone and it's a picture of a vibrator, in between the "s" part of the couples' legs! i am only grateful that the "s" was shown clothed (the picture showed from the waist down and i think she had on panties, a leotard or maybe leggings). So it wasn't technically a "pornographic" or "explicit" image...but still...it wasn't what i was expecting to see, and honestly didn't have an interest to see.

All in all, it was a good reminder to not assume things, and to ask qualifying questions before saying "yes". If i had taken a moment to remember "Informed Consent", i would have asked, "What type of toy?" He would have said, "Vibrator". And i would have said, "Oh cool! That's awesome but i don't need to see a picture of it." (Then later, i probably would have privately asked the "s" type if she likes it, and if so, to send me the make/model. i mean, when it comes to vibrators it's all about word of mouth recommendations!)

Just a little anecdote and reminder about "Informed Consent" vs "Consent" not only during a play scene, but with all types of interactions with Kinksters.


6/6/2023 10:13:09 PM
my ideal BDSM play party---what is yours???

my ideal play party is at a venue where it's large enough to be able to wander around, with multiple rooms so if there's stuff going on you don't want to see, you can distance yourself. Also, a nice, large-enough social area where there is no play going on is a must!

If there is a Demonstration, Performance or Class before the party begins, even better. Something to watch or learn about. Inspiration!

Multiple play rooms with multiple stations. Lots of the classic Dungeon furniture, in good condition, plus some more unusual and creative pieces. Plenty of cleaning supplies in each room. Enough light to see and the music at a low enough volume where it's not distracting, and communication is not inhibited.

As far as what would be allowed...i do enjoy the rules and structure of a Dungeon club, but can feel intimidated or restricted when there are too many rules. Micro-managing is a buzzkill. i want to be able to feel safe and have enough information to know what i'm getting myself into. But, i also want that balance where the venue is running on the basic principles of personal responsibility and informed consent.

There should be staff presence but hopefully they aren't sticking themselves into situations unless a safeword has been ignored.

So we have the most beautiful, well appointed venue with loose-enough rules and cool staff. But what about the attendees?

The attendees should be educated on basic BDSM Dungeon Etiquette---it should be a must that anyone attending a play party should go through an Orientation class first (or be a guest of a member/regular). That way people are on the same page about how to go about things. Even if we all have different Kinks, the basics of no loud conversations in play rooms...asking for consent before touching/sitting down next to someone/engaging in play...keeping a respectful distance from a scene should be practiced by all attendees.

A large-enough group so that there is energy and a good amount of play going on, but not too large where it's super crowded and hard to find a station for your scene. A friendly, respectful and diverse cross section of people: different ages, different Kinks, different gender identities, ethnicities. And of course a good ratio of Tops and bottoms!! And a good ratio of seasoned players and newer players is important. We were all new once, and having the influx of "new blood" is important so that a venue doesn't die off or become too insular.

Basically i'm describing Lair De Sade----wow, i miss that place!

What are some elements that you LOVE about a play party or Dungeon? What's your ideal venue or party?


5/24/2023 9:06:15 PM

Part 3

He began over my skirt, which was nice and felt good. The smacks felt unhurried and well paced, which was totally in line with the calm demeanor that he gave off, and my request for "the kid gloves". After several minutes, he carefully lifted my skirt and now the real pain began! Even though i know he was going easy on me, i found myself struggling a few times to keep my breath steady and body composed. Every so often he would verbally check in on me asking if i was ok. "Yes", i said, until it was getting to be too much and we stopped. Within moments of sitting up, i start to feel the delicious warmth spreading across my cheeks and through my body. "Oh yeah, this is why i do this!" i think, smiling happily.

After a few hugs and murmured reassurances, i rejoined the party, now in full "swing". It was getting late and everyone was "warmed up" in one way or another. It was great to see the expressions on everyone's faces and feel the way the energy had shifted. Gone was that strange tension from when i arrived. The joint was swinging.

At around ten til seven an announcement was made (end time for the party was 7pm) and people began to line up to make "to go" plates of food. i was sad that things were wrapping up, especially since people were finally feeling a bit more courageous and open about asking to play.

But, all good things must come to an end, and it certainly was a good thing for me that i attended. Each time i attend a Kink/BDSM event, be it a munch, social, class or party, it's like part of a puzzle. Each time i attend, i challenge myself, i learn something new, i meet new people and, i like to think, i grow a little bit. Both in my Kink Life, and my vanilla life.

Attending a Spank-centric party was definitely a bit out of my comfort zone and normal type of play party that i seek out. Although i do like spanking, i missed the feeling of a scene with more variety (not just hands, but floggers, riding crops, bondage, etc), as well as some of the amenities of a Dungeon, like benches and crosses. But the good company, good food, casual atmosphere and most gracious host made up for those things and i would definitely go to another one of his parties!

To all of you reading this that were there: thank you so much for being there and for being yourselves. It was truly an honor to meet each one of you and to be able to share space in this way.

5/24/2023 9:05:20 PM

Part 2

i tried to put off a calm, self-possessed, confident vibe but i'll be honest. At least two separate times i was seriously thinking about bolting!! i mean, i don't suffer from much social anxiety, but, being at a crowded house party where i didn't know ANYONE, and throw in the Kink element? It can be a lot to take in!

Speaking of anxiety, this was my first time attending a play party without bringing a toy bag and WOW did i ever feel anxious without it! i think i wasn't the only one, as others began talking about their various prized toys such as Floggers, Whips, Dragon Tails, and Paddles. The "show and tell" of looking through other peoples' toy bags is one of my favorite things about going to a Dungeon. It's so fun to see what other people bring, and to hear their stories about their favorite pieces.

Soon after the Jenga game ended, the spanking began. There were two open bedrooms as well as a low couch off the side of the living room. It was fun to see the skirts fly up and hands go down. And down. And down.

i definitely wanted to play, but was so nervous and shy about bringing it up to anyone. But after a few hours, the host asked me if i was ready (we had briefly discussed the idea of playing together online in the days leading up to the party). i was so nervous and reiterated that it had been so long and play had been so scarce the last three years since covid. i begged him to go easy on me...to be nice to me. i was only half joking!

Once a room opened up he led me inside, sat down on the bed, and signaled for me to lay down over his lap. "Oh boy, this is REALLY happening!" ran through my head. i took off my shoes (mostly as a last-ditch effort to stall for time) before laying down as instructed.

Within seconds, it began.


5/24/2023 9:03:16 PM
So over the weekend i went to my 2nd ever house party and 1st ever spanking party!  PART 1 

As always, i was extra-nervous about the idea of going to a house party. But i had had some online interactions with the host and a few people that i know/trust had nothing but good things to say about him. So i felt pretty safe to attend...that everything would be above-board and there wouldn't be any crazy surprises once i arrived.

Upon entering, there was no way to mistake that i was in the right place! Even without the presence of fetish clothing and rolling suitcases (we had been instructed to dress casual/vanilla and keep the "whips and chains" at home), the odd assortment of eclectic people and the palpable tension made it obvious that i had arrived to my destination.

Slowly more & more people filtered in as introductions, small talk, and trips to the potluck buffet were made. Within the first hour, the host called everyone in for a brief overview of the rules/expectations, as well as an introduction circle.

i love how he framed it as, "A house party where spanking sometimes happens." We were encouraged to socialize, relax, and if the spirit moved, to spank. i also especially liked how he made a point to mention that it wasn't a contest of strength or masochism, and that a casual, "getting to know you" spanking was totally appropriate, especially given how a lot of us didn't know each other or had never played with each other.

After the introduction circle, an ice breaker game was announced: Jenga! Of course, it was a Kinky Version, because why wouldn't it be?

On each wooden piece, a spank-centric action was written. "Spank the person to your left." "Receive three swats with a paddle." etc. Even though it was made clear that you could decline the action (or nominate a proxy), it seemed like a bit too much for me to handle at the moment so i bowed out of playing.

As the game got underway, i perused the potluck fare and found the patio---this place is in one of those old neighborhoods of LA, built on a hill and with a great view. i made the rounds and tried to introduce myself to everyone in attendance.

 


5/19/2023 10:41:30 AM
Hi Friends! i will probably not be checking in here too often anymore. i will miss my friends in the chatroom but i just never know about this website. LOL! i am still findable on fetlife under the username pomonagirl. cheers!

4/25/2023 6:55:45 PM

so the other day at the bar a guy calls me a "good girl" and omg did i realize how long it's been since i've heard that and how much i miss it {#emotions_dlg.innocent}


4/20/2023 12:30:05 PM

written in 2017

So one of my on/off boyfriends got in touch with me the other day. I hadn't seen him in a month or so. I'm just crazy about him and the sex and chemistry between us is off the hook. Wish I could see him more often but I always enjoy greatly the time we do get to spend together.
He's not kinky, or at least never been exposed to kinky activities. We've been off and on for 2 years or so...in the beginning he couldn't even really spank me lol...he still has trouble calling me dirty names/dirty talk in bed (nothing like being called a "dirty bitch that needs to be fucked" then hearing your man giggle LOL!!!). But he tries and I always just tried not to push him about it much. The sex and chemistry between us is so amazing and we are so close, and that makes up for a lot :)
So anyway, yesterday I had met up with him briefly at a local café in the morning, which was nice and such a tease...seeing him again, kissing him and feeling his arms around me. We both had work and errands and stuff (aka "adulting" ) so had to leave each other. He hit me up later and I met him after his shift...he gets off work around 11pm. 
So I go pick him up from work. We're driving down Holt Ave and talking and flirting. I'm thinking...I'm not sure if it's just because I have been on fetlife this past month and am more in touch with certain things...or if he is acting differently. But it's nice and I like it and am trying to go with it, enjoy it and try to match my energy compliment his. He's acting...just a bit more...dominant...and sweet....and sexual at the same time. And it's driving me a little crazy and I'm loving it. 
So we get back to his house and are smoking some herb and enjoying some craft beer while soaking up the lovely weather and view from his back yard. And occasionally he's saying something or touching me or kissing me in a way that is just screaming with that subtle dominance that is somehow new (or just more pronounced?) yet a natural part of him. So we're talking and getting faded and eventually he gets this look in his eye, lowers his voice, leans across the table to tell me something. The look in his eyes says something good is coming and I practically tingle with anticipation. Looking around to make sure his roommate is not within earshot, he says that he recently read an article that talked about how it's very common for women that are into horror movies and "being scared" (he, like everyone I know, knows I'm a huge horror movie/literature/Halloween fanatic)....are also usually also into some level of pain/restraint/dominance in bed. He looked so delicious, cute and sexy telling me this. His subtle shift in certain actions all suddenly made sense. :)

I can see his natural dominance meeting then rising above his natural shyness as he squared his shoulders and said, "You know, at first, with you, I didn't get it. And, I was scared. But now, I'm not. I get it." 

OOOH did hearing that make me melt. <3


4/16/2023 10:37:13 PM

i'm craving that type of sleep that comes after a REALLY good session...the kind where you are really worked over, not once but twice, broken down and rebuilt, satiated in all ways and every itch resoundingly scratched....


4/16/2023 9:47:24 AM

i got a booth at the first ever Kink Swap Meet at Serenity Studios in Riverside, California! Saturday, April 29th from 1 to 7 pm. i'll have some gently used Kink Gear & Clothing, as well as a variety of Crystals, Gemstones & Jewelry. Hope to see you there! 


4/11/2023 11:22:57 AM

The Epic Story of my First Munch Pt 3 

The hostess went first. i'll never forget how she threw off her barely-there top as she took a seat on an ottoman in the middle of the living room. A total flower-child, through and through. Of course i had already gotten an eyeful of her small, pierced breasts and natural body hair at the restaurant, as her deep v-neck blouse kept listing to the side. So, yeah, make that a flower child AND an exhibitionist.

The rigger tied her upper body. It was really interesting to watch someone being tied. Before this, i had only seen photos of it on fetlife. It all seemed very fun, lighthearted, and non-sexual. After he was finished, he told her, "Now try to get out of it!" She happily wiggled and squealed her way out, the thick, shiny, navy blue rope falling from her lithe body in degrees.

i was definitely interested to take a turn in the "hot seat" and the rigger was happy to oblige. i kept my clothes on (luckily i had learned at this point that not all rope play and not all ties equal nudity). He did a similar tie on me, going around my shoulders, upper arms, breasts, lower arms, torso, hands. This was the most intricate rope bondage i had ever been in and as soon as the tie started to take shape, i was in heaven. Suddenly i felt transported, i felt different, i felt comfortable, at peace, safe, and warm.

my reverie was interrupted by some spontaneous giggling from the hostess. i open my eyes, a bit confused. "Wow...how your entire demeanor has changed!" She exclaimed. Everyone agrees, murmuring their surprise and enjoyment of the dramatic change in my face and body language. It was a special moment and a good lesson for me in my BDSM journey. Realizing a bit more what bondage and rope means to me, what it does (or can do) for me.

Tie complete, the rigger steps away to admire his work. A few photos are snapped (with consent, of course!) and i'm just basking in the feeling. A feeling of being safe, being hugged in a warm ray of sunshine. i could just sit there for an hour being happy.

But then the rigger gives the same instruction, "OK, now try to get out of it!"

This catches me off guard. i had been instructed by my Dominant to NEVER remove any bondage or fetish items that he had placed on me. To wait for HIM to do so. Also, i'm not naturally a fighter, a "brat", a primal in my submission or bottoming. i do these things because i love it, because it makes me feel good to feel the sensations of being bound, of being flogged, of being at a the mercy of a trusted person.

i tell him about my previous instructions and that i just can't bring myself to try and bust out of the rope!! Since he is also fairly new on his own BDSM journey, this is a new scenario for him, too. It really is funny: we all may do the same, or similar things, but we all have vastly different reasons for doing them!!

Eventually, he unties the rope. i'm a little sad that it's over, but so happy i got to experience it all. And am definitely kicking myself for not attending munches sooner!!

Disclaimer:
This was definitely not your average munch, and i don't exactly condone going back to peoples' houses and/or playing with people that you just met at a munch. But sometimes the Kink Gods smile upon us and a unique opportunity comes up. Developing one's own Risk Profile is very important and in hindsight, if anyone there had been out of control or had nefarious intentions, it all could have gone REALLY badly. But, as it were, i felt very safe and comfortable and had my wits about me.

 


4/11/2023 11:22:04 AM

The Epic Story of my First Munch Pt 2 

The guy i was seated next to was in his thirties. Man, i gotta tell you, he talked nonstop! i really mean it too. Looking back, i'm not even sure how he ate any of his lunch.

During the course of his monologue, i picked up on the fact that he lived on the same street as me...a small street in a small residential neighborhood. Turns out we live two short blocks away from each other! i also learned that he is an artist, and a beginner or intermediate rigger (Rope Top).

Then there was me, just trying to make sense of it all.

Even with the very different, very strong personalities there (or maybe, because of), the conversation flowed and it was really pleasant! It really helped that i already knew the hosts via online connection, and had met the younger guy in person. And after listening to the rope enthusiasts' life story, well, after an hour i certainly felt like i knew him, too.

After the good food, beer and good conversation, i was feeling expansive, generous, and wanting to keep the party going as they say. i knew that the hosts smoked weed, so i mentioned that i had some, but didn't live alone so wasn't at liberty to invite everyone over.

They took my hint and offered up their house, a few miles south of the venue.

All five of us got in to our cars and convoyed over to the hosts' house. As the smoke drifted, so did the conversations. The hostess showed me some of the art projects that she had done. i made fun of the young guy who, having no tolerance for weed, promptly started to fall asleep sitting up on the couch. The host ("daddy") was always there in the background, seemingly just waiting for the action to start.

i finally got a word in edgewise to the rigger, and let him know that we were neighbors, and that i was a bit of an artist as well. And also that i had a strong interest in rope. For a few moments at least, he didn't talk and took in what i said.

Of course the hostess heard this exchange and of course, she had some rope in her extensive toy bag. It just seemed natural and very agreeable to all that the rigger do a few ties on any volunteers!


4/11/2023 11:18:40 AM

The Epic Story of my First Munch Pt 1 

So i'd been building up more confidence in attending events. A munch was somehow the scariest thing to me...i just imagined the awkwardness and horror of being at a dinner party and not knowing ANYONE.

But this one looked do-able...not only was it at my favorite restaurant/pub in Pomona, the hostess had messaged me months prior here on fetlife, so although we had never met in person, i knew we had some things in common and she was kind of a friend. So, at least i would know SOMEONE, kind of!

As i rounded the corner and drove past the venue, i caught sight of the hosts chatting with another attendee. Of course i recognized my hostess friend and her boyfriend. They saw me as well, and waved at me (oh no, now i couldn't back out and leave like i did the previous time, i'd already been spotted!). Upon closer look, i see that the guy they are chatting with is someone i'd met a few years ago, when i was brand new to Fetlife. What were the odds!

i quickly find parking and walk up to where they are all gathered. i see there is now another man as well. So there are five of us, total. Everyone seems to know the host couple---at least the hostess. Which doesn't surprise me, she is very outgoing and friendly. A real "free spirit".

So much of a "free spirit" that you could definitely classify her as a "hippie".

She had messaged me months prior to the munch. She was kind of new to the area, having moved down here from one of those bastions of hippies/free spirits..Portland, San Fransisco (maybe both!). Seeing that we lived close to each other, she had reached out, wanting to make friends, contacts, see what good places were to go. She had been involved in some Kink and Sex Positive communities up north and was looking for "her people" down here in So. Cal. i told her about some nice art-centric places as well as some Kink/BDSM places and we kept in touch a bit on fetlife.

Now her boyfriend (her "daddy"), on the other hand...he was more like the type of guy who just wants to have sex with as many hot and freaky women as possible, without putting any effort into it. i know this for a fact from looking at his fetlife posts where he literally says things like, "I don't want to meet you for coffee or get to know you. I just want to fuck. Why you trippin?" Their differences were further highlighted in the way that she had gone about befriending me---on a platonic, genuine friendship level, while with him, well, the first time i ever directly heard from him was also via a private message...sent randomly, in the middle of the night, containing more or less those three dreaded letters..."DTF?"

So, meeting them in person was definitely interesting. She: the social butterfly trying to create a community and be herself. He: quieter, level-headed, waiting for the clothes to come off and the freaky times to begin.

In retrospect, the strange combination really made it seem like they were there to recruit people to have sex with/create content with. This was before the rise of OF, but they listed their cam and porn sites on their profile pages. Nothing wrong with creating content, camming and amateur porn, but then again, you don't want to go to a munch and feel like you are at some sort of bizarro sex club time share seminar, either.

So we all walk in together and sit down at a long table. On one side, it's her and her daddy. On the other side, it's the young man i had met before on one end, the other guy in the middle, and me on the other end.

The youngster that i had met previously was in his twenties (a youngster to me!). Physically young, but also seemed really young mentally/emotionally/socially. i had gone out with him before i really knew how all this Kink/BDSM/Fetlife stuff worked...but once i met him in person, i could see that he was a nice kid, but no one i could ever take seriously or would want to play with.

He seemed very sheltered and controlled by his parents, the type of modern young person who lives their life online (he was always going on about weird, intense drama involving people he knew from chat rooms) and didn't seem to have experience with women, sex, jobs, careers, being skilled at hobbies or social interactions, or achieving goals. A completely different type of person and growing-up experience than i was/had at that age.


4/10/2023 7:40:01 PM

Munch Etiquette: "Do's and Don'ts of Munches"

So you are ready (or ready-ish) to attend your first Munch---congratulations! It can be intimidating to attend, so kudos to you! i think if you go to enough Munches (and other types of lifestyle events) you will find that the benefits can be manyfold. This information applies to most things that are called or considered munches....i've heard stories of "munches" that are vastly different, though, so if you have any questions about a particular munch, i highly suggest messaging the host for clarification.

A munch is typically held at a cafe, restaurant or pub. Oftentimes it will be held in the banquet room or other "off to the side" area of the building, to be able to have some privacy away from the "vanillas".

A munch IS NOT a play party. Think of it more like a dinner party or social gathering: a place to meet others who are involved with, or curious about, different ects of Kink and BDSM. 

Be mindful of the vanillas and staff. This includes what you wear (no fetish clothing) and what you say (keep conversation vanilla around non-munch attendees and staff).

At a munch, socialization is encouraged, but be sure to ask for consent/permission before sitting down with a group, joining a conversation, or touching someone (this includes hugs and handshakes).

Use discretion! Some people are very open about their involvement in BDSM/Kink, others are not. Some people may be at risk to loose their job or family due to their involvement in this lifestyle. This is why "outing" and "doxing" are strictly forbidden in this world. Do not give anyone identifying details about people that you met at a munch...honestly, if they are vanilla, don't talk about the munch with them at all. Also, if you see someone at an event from your vanilla life, don't rush up to them and tell everyone how you know each other...that person might not be comfortable with that.

A munch SHOULD NOT be used as a hunting grounds, cruise spot, speed dating, or to recruit for your own events. Go with the attitude to make friends and have nice conversations with people.

If the munch is held at a place that serves alcohol, do not overly imbibe. Getting too drunk/intoxicated can lead to bad situations and a bad reputation.

You do not have to give anyone any information about yourself that you aren't comfortable with. It's nice to have conversations and that oftentimes entails questions like, "What is your name? Where do you work? Do you have a family?" Although it is fine to ask these questions, do not push back or be offended if someone is vague in their answers or does not wish to answer your questions.

Don't feel pressured to talk to anyone that you are uncomfortable with. This includes getting "cornered" or "pinned down" by any individual or group. If you need assistance, you should be able to go to the Munch Host or other attendees.

Don't go down the RSVP list and message every person that you find attractive before an event. It is generally considered creepy and predatory. Instead, try to introduce yourself and talk to lots of different people while at the event, and if you wish to keep in touch with them, ask for their Fetlife name and send a message after the event.

If you bring friends or partners to the munch, be sure that they know all the rules, etiquette, and what to expect. Do not bring people who would be upset or angry about people that live different types of alternative lifestyles. Make sure they are open and comfortable with topics like Sado-Masochism, Polyamory, Swinging, Age Play, Power Exchange, Non-Binary & Trans, LGBTQ, etc.

All munches are different---different level of attendance, different vibe, different structure. If you like the idea of having a low-pressure, social atmosphere in which to meet and talk with others who are into Kink/BDSM, i do suggest attending a few different munch groups. If you don't enjoy one group, you just might enjoy another one!


3/28/2023 12:53:29 PM

Arriving to your house, I'm surprised as you usher me into one of the unused downstairs bedrooms...something about some repairs being done upstairs, so you are crashing down here for a bit. I enter the room, near empty except for a cheap desk, lamp and single, tiny mattress on the floor.
Something about the sparseness and the seedy nature of that mattress on the floor...sends my mind reeling. Pure sexual desire as I step into that near-bare room. Maybe it's the lack of distractions...or the fact I haven't seen you in a few months. Whatever it is, I'm enjoying it greatly and decide to go with it.

With no furniture to sit on, I slide to the floor, back propped up against the tiny, hard mattress. We chit chat and catch up as you set the music...but soon, even before you are done fiddling with youtube, like a magnet I'm on my knees and nuzzling my face against your crotch through your jeans...I back up to watch you remove your belt, in this bare room with nothing but you, the music, and the mattress on the floor.
Pants and shorts down...you take your cock in hand and I let that magnet attraction guide my mouth. On my knees on the floor, legs spread and hips writhing. I'm in my place pleasing you and loving it. Eventually, I withdraw, panting and smiling, as you bend down to remove my clothes and put me in position.
Another of my favorite things...when you put me in position. Feeling your hands, rough or gentle, guiding me. Feeling the heat from your body as your lust mounts. The anticipation of what is to come. How you will first take your pleasure. Tonight you bend me over the mattress on the floor, knees on floor and belly, torso, face laid flat on that meager bed...I feel your strong legs parting me more as you lean in close and low and enter me. The feeling is amazing, intense with the different angle and even though I'm starting to fly...I feel grounded...on that hard mattress and floor. So different than enjoying a soft large bed.
After you satiate yourself in this position, you guide me to lay on my back on that tiny, hard, old mattress. Your extra, seldom-used woolen blanket that is laid across the barely-concealed springs is scratchy and rough. As you mount me and stretch your lean, strong body over mine, the weight pushes me deeper into the metal springs, no cushion at all and as I feel those springs start to dig into my skin I decide to just breathe and enjoy this different sensation.

One of my most favorite positions with you, good ol' missionary, with you stretched on top of me, close and loving. My legs alternately spread wide, high, or wrapped around your back to enjoy all the nuance of sensation you can give me. Normally by this point I'd be bucking and moving like crazy under you, but the hard metal springs through the old, thin mattress top inspire me to stay still, partly out of comfort and partly to greater experience this new feeling.
Staying still is driving me wild and I can see this tiny mattress on the floor is inspiring you as well. The closeness, darkness, bareness of this little room where all that exists is you and I, and the mattress on the floor.

After we are spent and satiated with dilated eyes and sweat-glow skin, deep kisses shared in the darkness as we arrange ourselves on this tiny single mattress...cuddling is always something we shared in our most intimate moments but this single, hard mattress takes it to another level as our bodies and limbs intertwine and we fall into a deep sleep, scratchy blanket, springs, lack of pillow and all.

Waking up with you like that, naked and so tangled and so very, very close, one of my most cherished memories of you and our time together. Such tenderness, peace, comfort, painted over with such a blazing hot eroticism my skin flushes at the memory.


3/26/2023 5:19:35 PM
fuck that guy

You know that "spam" or "filtered" inbox in your vanilla social media accounts? Yeah, i didn't either. Well, i was aware of it, but i haven't been in the habit of checking it very often---with long stretches of time where i'll even forget that it is there.

But recently i went through it and found a truly heartbreaking string of messages from a woman, sent to me over the course of summer 2020 all the way through til mid 2022. Unfortunately, at this point i can't message her back or even see her name...maybe she blocked me at some point, or was messaging me from a since-abandoned sock account.

In these heart-wrenching messages was a tale as old as time: Her boyfriend is giving her reasons to not fully trust him, and it tears her up to see him leaving comments on/giving attention to other women.

A problem old as time...even though the public nature of social media could make it so much worse for a woman in this position.

If i could message her, there's so much that i would want to tell her:

No, i never had feelings for him, and we NEVER had any sort of relationship beyond a platonic, casual friendship based on nothing more than our shared love of some very niche/obscure musical genres. Since i worked at the record stores as a music buyer, he would contact me with his special requests for new releases. A few times over the years we went to music events together as platonic friends.

i am SO SORRY that any comments he may have left on my photos bothered you. i honestly don't pay much attention to photo comments, but i can see how much it bothers you...and if it were me in this position, it would bother me, too.

No...he actually never told me that he was married...but then again i never asked. Due to the casual nature of our friendship, it really never came up and i never felt a need to ask him about his family or personal life.

Reading your messages, the pain you are going through is tangible. Even though we have never met, i consider you as my sister. And as my sister i can tell you that in the past, i HAVE been put through a lot of crap by a few ex-boyfriends. Why i stayed with them so long when i was making myself crazy with jealousy and mistrust, i do not know. Why does any woman stay with a man who she doesn't fully trust? i wish there was an easy answer. i wish it was easy to pick up and leave them.

i don't know why we stay (i have some opinions but that is a whole other discussion), but, at least once in our lives, we all do. And his actions tear you up inside, yet he tells you that he loves you. But then you catch him in another lie, or notice more patterns. And it all starts up again.

my sister, i can only hope that going forward, that you TRUST YOURSELF first, more than what any person tells you. We have our "women's intuition" for a reason, and we should always listen to it! Maybe he's cheating on you, maybe he's lying to you. Or maybe not. Either way, your instinct, your gut feeling, your intuition is telling you to RUN and there's a damn good reason why, even if you don't fully know what that reason is.

my heart breaks for you, to be going through this insecurity and pain for so long. i wish i had seen your messages sooner, i wish i could message you now. i wish that i could wrap you up in my arms, supported, loved, believed. i wish that i could tell you to FUCK THAT GUY and get with someone who you feel safe with. Someone who treats you as you wish to be treated. Someone you can relax with and trust fully.

in solidarity,
pomonagirl


3/23/2023 1:17:31 PM

excerpt from a letter to a Dom who talked to me about negotiation and enthusiastic consent, but did not negotiate with me

 

i'm writing because i did want to get some things off my mind about the time when we spent the night together, i know it was a long time ago but it's been on my mind.

i feel like you didn't negotiate with me much and/or tell me what was going to happen, which was surprising to me since you really seem to be highly invested in negotiations and "enthusiastic/informed consent".

i guess it was really naive of me to think that there wasn't going to be sex....but you had only mentioned doing rope and impact play with me, and letting me sleep in the air conditioned hotel room. i know we had talked about sex during conversations, but never negotiated for it for that night.

Also, back then i was just barely learning about all of this stuff...about negotiation and even about the fact that engaging in BDSM scenes without having sex was an option (i may not even have learned that yet). Honestly, at that point in my BDSM journey, i would go through the sex part with Dominants, not because i wanted to have sex with them or enjoyed it, but because i thought i had to do that to be able to do the stuff i wanted to do (impact and bondage).

i honestly DID expect us to sit down and negotiate/go through what all would happen before things started up that night, especially since you are such an advocate of communication, negotiation, enthusiastic consent. Even though i didn't like the idea of doing negotiations (not used to doing that since i had come from vanilla background) i was looking forward to it and was surprised when it didn't happen.

Honestly, if we had gone through things more thoroughly, i would have been able to tell you that i was not enthusiastic to have sex with you, especially not me being on top, and especially not you cumming in me/having sex w/o condom, doing oral sex, and me having to wear a plug during dinner (that was so bad and uncomfortable and it kept falling out. was not fun mentally or physically).

i did like you and respect you but just wasn't sexually attracted to you/didn't feel comfortable enough to want to have sex with you/exchange bodily fluids (not to say that attraction/comfort would not have developed in time, but it wasn't there for me at that point). i also had zero experience with a person with piercings which made the experience extra strange/not very comfortable.

Anyway, i know it's been a long time since that happened, and i apologize if i already brought this up to you in detail, but it's been on my mind lately and did want to tell you clearly. Not out of meanness or anything, but so that you might understand how it blindsided me, and that you might be able to be more careful in the future, especially with newbies who aren't used to negotiation or clear on what they want/expect from a session. i do feel like you are a man of integrity and i figured that you would want to know/care about it/take it seriously.


3/21/2023 6:15:57 PM
Normalize Treading Lightly: Thoughts on Personal Safety in Kink/BDSM

In my six-ish years exploring this world, i've had some incredible experiences, and some harrowing ones. And some that seemed incredible at the time but on later reflection, weren't good and i am lucky to have survived in one piece!!

i think there are two main things that have saved me from going through even worse/more bad experiences:

  1. my natural inclination to not be super trusting/super open with most people
  2. diving in to attending events (not just play parties, but a variety of classes, discussion groups & munches as well)

As i stick around the events and party circuit, eventually i hear more and more stories of people and places to avoid...at one point last year i began to wonder: "If i stick around long enough in this scene, will i eventually hear something bad about EVERY ONE and EVERY PLACE?"

As i reflected on this thought, i couldn't help but think, yes....yes i probably will. You get enough people and enough venues and enough time and SOMEONE is bound to have a bad experience with someone. Sometimes, maybe it's a one-off. Other times i hear from multiple people about crappy things happening with the same person or venue.

It's a lot to take in and weighing the potential risks can become a heavy burden to bear.

So what do i do? Do i automatically believe everyone that tells me a bad story about a person or venue? Do i automatically put that person or venue on my "Shit List"? If i did, eventually there would be absolutely zero "safe" venues and very few (if any) "safe" people.

my answer, at least for now, is the concept of "TREAD LIGHTLY"

For me, this basically means:

  1. i can go to a venue and not automatically become a "cheerleader" for it...jump into attending every week, become a member or volunteer.
  2. i can meet a person and not jump into a relationship, power exchange or private session with them.

i can "TREAD LIGHTLY"---go and explore things while trying to keep myself a bit apart. Be more of an observer and try to enjoy things on my own terms, for what they are. Keep my own personal boundaries very high in order to keep myself as safe as possible. Take all the available information---good and bad---and use it to help form my own opinions and risk profile.

We all can get caught up in things and even though it can be so incredibly amazing/erotic/fun/meaningful/intense, we can easily find ourselves in over our heads with the wrong person or group.

i wish i had the ability to judge a person or venue perfectly: to see them how they truly are, at a glance. How much safer i would be if i could do that. But until then, i will try to trust my gut instinct, "TREAD LIGHTLY" and always try to remember these things i learned at BDSM Classes when i was a newbie:

"Do not run towards danger"

"Advocate for yourself, because no one else will"

"We are here to help each other"

lightly,
pomonagirl


3/18/2023 9:46:29 AM
birthday!

so for my birthday last month, i went to a Spanking Class at the new Dungeon in LA, Legacy Studios.

it was so great to attend a Kink event for my birthday festivities. made even more special because my vanilla guy came with me!!

it's not "his thing" but he said that he found the class presentation very "interesting"....which is a totally fair assessment for anyone who just attended their first Kink event. He did say that he picked up a few pointers and techniques to try out (YAY) and he enjoyed a lot of what the class instructor had to say about consent and negotiation.

after the class we poked our heads into some of the Dungeon rooms. wow, what a beautiful space!!! i am definitely looking forward to attending a play party there!


1/29/2023 4:00:16 PM

i need to play again soon! 

can't be waiting a year and a half between sessions again!!


1/16/2023 2:32:51 PM
making a change pt 1

Each step, each experience, leads me to where i am. Teaches me. Shows me what i do, and do not want.

After the amazing scene i got to have on New Years Eve...coming home to find my panties soaked...i had forgotten that my body could do that.

i miss that. i miss getting so turned on like that.

Although my relationship with "my vanilla guy" is amazing in so many ways, the sex isn't all that it could be. For me, at least. For him, it's amazing, and honestly, it was amazing for me as well in the past. And still is fulfilling sometimes, on some levels.

But after that experience on New Years Eve i was reminded of how much more it all can be.

Reminded of what i truly need...not just what i've come to expect and accept in the bedroom.


Last night was date night and i knew i had to do something. Start to make a change.

After years of settling into the routine of me servicing him...he gets so many orgasms and pleasure. i get pleasure, too, don't get me wrong. But a true and utter, devastating type of physical and energetic fulfillment...

Not in a long, long time, with him. Maybe years.


So as i prepare myself for his arrival i think on it. Things can be different. Although "vanilla", he is an open and engaging lover. i know that he cares about me and wants me to feel as good as he does.

i know that the scales can tip.

But how?


10/11/2022 10:54:20 AM
Dungeon East Open House

Written in October 2018. It's been 4 years almost to the day that I first stepped in to a Dungeon!

We are walking down the hallway, my bestie and I. As we get nearer to the appointed door, I notice her falling behind. I turn and see her face, screwed up with consternation, her cheeks red and getting redder by the minute.

"It's ok", I tell her, smiling broadly, calmly. "It'll be more like an art gallery reception than anything, you'll see. And if either one of us is uncomfortable, or gets freaked out, we can leave right away."

Her eyes are wide and a little glassy but at least she is breathing again, looking into my face, seeking to find assurance there. I try to exude a calm authority but really...I don't know what the heck we are walking in to, either. I mean, I've done my research, read tons of posts and articles, talked to old timers, and combed through event listings for months, before selecting this event. My first Dungeon event, and my bestie's first Kink event, of any kind.

By now we are both stopped completely in the hallway. I don't show it but her nervousness is causing the butterflies in my stomach to start doing somersaults as well. But I have the advantage here; I've gotten here with baby steps. She is the real brave one, coming with me on a whim, without any real introduction to all of this.

We stand facing together and again, I do my best to adopt a calm, zen-like demeanor. "Let's just take a few breaths" I say, putting my hands in mudra position and taking 3 deep breaths like in Yoga class. Between my words and the breathing, something works, because now she is moving again.

Once inside, we both scan the room and relax. It is much how I imagined, just smaller, more intimate. A nice open loft space, the old brick and wood so much like the art galleries in my home town. The finished walls are painted white, along with all the furniture. The furniture!! Things I'd never seen in person. A St Andrews Cross, a spanking bench, a bondage table, a few cages. A big locker, open and full to the brim with all kinds of steel and leather gear. A sleek rack along the opposing wall, lined with hanging floggers, canes, paddles, crops.

We move towards the bar and snack table (sooo much like an art gallery party!!) and meet the proprietor. Then, wine. Wine will make it all better.

Cups in hand, we turn and survey the room again. There are three Dommes set up at their "stations", with their toys set up. The attendees, mostly dressed casual/cocktail attire, mingled amongst themselves. The Dommes, super friendly and approachable, answering questions, laughing, happily playing "show and tell". Occasionally they'd give someone a demonstration; we'd watch as someone got tied in a rope harness, or straddled the bench for a light paddling, or got some slight shocks via electro play.

I'm standing watching a demonstration with bestie when I hear a familiar voice Meow behind me. Who is it but, RebelKittyKat

, who I had the pleasure of meeting at the caning class two weeks ago. "RedGyarados

 is over there getting electro play" she said, smiling. "I hate electro play so was looking for some friendly faces!" We embrace warmly and I introduce her to my bestie. A few minutes later RedGyarados

 came back over, smiling big from the demonstration and good vibes in the building. It was really, really cool having real live, actual friends here and I appreciated their companionship and conversation greatly.

Bestie and I stayed for a while, it was super warm in there (also kind of like an art gallery party) but there was lots to see and like I said, it was all very good vibes. We got to speak to two of the Dommes in attendance and even got to experience some electro play (it was pretty enjoyable, we both got a kick out of it!). We also go to see a flogging scene, which was really interesting (kind of hot but mostly interesting) to watch.

This was at "A Night To Explore Kink" held at Dungeon East

 in Los Angeles. This is a lovely private play space that I would recommend anyone interested in checking out. They also offer a wide range of classes and workshops!


10/8/2022 7:19:01 PM
when

when the conversations are so nice, and you've become comfortable, and given some personal info that you don't normally share.

when you start to piece it together. his age, his skill at speaking with women, his worldly experience, his focus on "online only".

when it all clicks and it's time to ask if he is married.

i hope she's out there, in the digital world or the real life world, getting hers, too.


10/2/2022 10:17:52 AM
missed connections: dungeon edition

it was only my second time visiting a Dungeon, and i had gone without any intention or expectation to play.

but then, i saw You.

________________________________________________________

it was in the main room, about 30 minutes after the play party portion of the evening had started. i was walking through on my way to the patio. walking with my head held high, feeling confident and looking sexy. i was walking along the long wall that is lined with low couches.

that is when i saw You.

You were sitting on one of the low, long couches; i saw You, and the large black duffel bag on the seat beside You.

i looked down and saw You--and it happened.

i was struck--like running into an invisible wall. the intensity of Your gaze stopping me in my tracks. sitting there, so casually yet with a focused intensity that told all who happened to pay attention, You were here to play.

You were here to play, with me.

as my mind began to digest this fact--i took you in:

Your dark hair and eyes shone against your olive skin; dark blue silk shirt like a deep blue pool that i suddenly wanted to touch. Your gaze, unabashedly fixed on me as i paused, wide-eyed...

in that moment it happened--the power exchange--the shift within myself.

suddenly, i was overcome with the urge to take the seat next to You, on the long, low couch. to be near You, to hear Your voice. to feel Your presence. to see what, exactly, was in that large black bag.

to yield to You; Your will and design. to give myself to You and Your desires.

it is only a second or two but it feels much longer as my brain reels. torn between my self-imposed propriety and this new, unexpected feeling of surrender and submission.

alas, the moment passes, and i continue my path, picking my way through the crowded play stations and small groups of people quietly chatting.

i break the eye contact and the spell is broken.


but not completely.

i still think of You; Your gaze, Your focus. the quiet, burning intensity of Your Dominance that flared up like wildfire in that moment.

i still think of You; darkly handsome, warm, inviting.

i still think of You; and all that You told me, in that fleeting, silent moment.

i still think of You; and wonder what was in that large black duffel bag.

________________________________________________________________

hopefully our paths will cross again; next time i will answer your unspoken command.


9/29/2022 12:31:39 PM
Big Dog vs Little Dog

Last night at the bar...

i walk in, it's crowded and really noisy. i wasn't expecting so many people on a Wednesday night. i'd come looking for a little peace and quiet before heading home; the unexpected crowd and din of shrill voices makes me almost turn around and leave.

Instead, i figure, awww well, i'm already here. i pull up to one of the few open seats at the corner of the bar, next to two men who are there chatting and having a good time.

Almost immediately, the man immediately to my right says hello and introduces himself. He is very chatty, friendly, obviously very intoxicated. He is polite though, so i don't mind. i'm never opposed to some fun banter and respectful company.

He introduces himself, and his friend (he is TJ, and his friend is John). Once my drink arrives, TJ clinks glasses with me in a "Cheers". He makes sure to tell me about his recent divorce. He makes some lighthearted conversation about this and that. He flirts with me but it's also lighthearted and fun.

TJ says something to John, i don't quite catch it but John says, "Yes, but she is making eye contact with me."

John wasn't wrong.

Although TJ is the one i'm sitting next to, and he is the one chatting me up, John is the one i am eyeing.

TJ is striking me as kind of like a Chihuahua...high energy, somewhat amusing, but loud and needy.

John on the other hand...maybe more like a Great Dane. Quiet, stronger, more in control. "A man of few words", TJ says. But you just know that he is a man of action and takes pride in keeping himself and his household in order.

It doesn't hurt that John really reminds me of my ex. i don't really have one type...i have a few types...and he is definitely one of them.

TJ continues talking to me, making me laugh. Not because he is particularly funny or witty, but because it's amusing. He fist bumps and cheers' me many more times.

He says, "I can tell you have a dark side. I want to see you with your hair down." i laugh, full and throaty. If only he knew.

TJ & John finish their last drinks and they get up to leave. TJ turns to me to say goodbye. He's definitely dropped hints (more than hints) about exchanging phone numbers...leaving together...

But as the two men go to leave, it's John who i make eye contact with, waving goodbye from the corner of the bar.


9/28/2022 1:45:09 PM
Dungeon Rummage Sale: A (Single) Tale featuring DarkWillow & pomonagirl

 

written 6/19 by pomonagirl

So my good friend DarkWillow

 & i were at the Dungeon Liquidation Rummage Sale* yesterday.

We got there early just in case there was a line up but the gates were already open!!

First things first we went and pillaged the impact toys & bondage gear.

DarkWillow scored some nice leather collars and cuffs, and a cool selection of impact toys. She got some great things especially since she is just starting out dipping her toes in BDSM. She got a riding crop, a cane, and two small floggers (one leather/suede, and the other stingy silicon).

i gotta admit, i absolutely adored the way her eyes lit up when i picked up the silicon one and said, "Oh...this will REALLY hurt."

She is a born Sadist!!


As for myself---i managed to find a nice looking riding crop (the tongue needs to be replaced but my leather guy should be able to do that for me)...a unique braided rope (or maybe it's paracord?) single tail, a cane, and a couple small handmade floggers.

OH YEAH and some type of whip/crop thing that is taller than me!! **

Our friend SexyPanda couldn't make it (darn day jobs!!) but i told her i'd keep an eye out just in case i saw something she might like. And when i picked up the red suede mini-flogger DarkWillow & i both knew that it was TOTALLY her style!!

Once we were done with that section, we had fun looking at the other odds and ends that were available. DarkWillow scored a really nice long mirror and i got a few trinkets/souvenirs...a skull candle holder and two blue glass vases. When i see them on my shelf every day it will be a nice reminder of my "home dungeon".


*"That moment when you said BDSM Yard Sale but made it sound fancy!"

**i looked it up, it is made by Wonder Whip and is a horse/dressage training whip!


9/25/2022 12:08:47 PM

he is kneeling before me, this strong, handsome, charismatic man, head bowed and intent upon his task.

he is slowly unzipping my high heel leather boots.
gently, lovingly, cradling my foot and leg,
coaxing the zipper all the way down past my ankle, zipper down fully, he slips it off my foot and calf.

he then removes my thin black sock, with such tenderness I can feel, radiating from his core. holding my delicate, shapely foot in both hands, dark blue pedicure contrast against my pale skin.

a few strong strokes along the top with his strong, large hands, and then again on the sole.

i almost speak aloud, to ask if he will kiss them as well, but I do not.

this small act stirs in me such emotion. kneeling before me, he looks up from my feet and smiles. i bask in his smile, his posture, his tenderness. for this moment i am Goddess and he is worshipper.

i lean forward from my seated position above him and meet his warm mouth in a passionate kiss.


9/24/2022 3:30:50 PM
a safe situation leads to a new experience pt 4

"When you put yourself in a safe situation, little one, you will be able to more fully enjoy subspace." --Sir MJ

Eventually, the embrace ends. The aftercare, done. R-- offers to walk me to my car and i graciously accept. But in reality, i'm really not feeling like going home yet. i feel a bit...fuzzy...and it's still early, anyway.

i take a few steps and that fuzzy feeling hits me. Nothing like i'd fall over but, more like, just a bit lightheaded. Lightheaded in a good way, but still. The cool night air of the patio helps but as we reach the table where people stash their toy bags, i confess to him that i'm not feeling well enough to drive just yet. He's putting his floggers back in his suitcase (he had brought in a full suitcase, with another waiting just in case in his car trunk, he told me, and this is just the collection he travels with), and i ask if i can see what else is in there. He laughs. "It would take about three hours to show you everything that is in here!" i see a corner, patched up with duct tape from the strain, i don't doubt it. "Well then, how 'bout just the highlight reel." He laughs and nods, hefting the case from the wooden table and wheeling it back into the side room.

This time we are both standing, facing each other. He places the case on another table/bench and unzips it. As i expected, it is packed to the brim. i smile, sights like this always warm my heart.

He begins to take some things out, pausing to show me certain things and give a few words on them. A lot of floggers, crops, paddle-like instruments in various sizes, shapes and configurations. Since we are now standing face to face, the exposed cleavage of my ample chest gets a sampling of several of the instruments. There are more things, many more...both typical and a-typical and i can see that this man is a true sensualist and quite experienced at his craft.

There is a hairbrush, but it has really long bristles and is a unique shape, kind of like a spade. Maybe it is for horses? i don't know but as he strokes the bristles against my skin, over the now-pink flesh of my cleavage, i get it. There is also a metal wire thing, that i've seen in some bourgeoisie gift shops. It kind of looks like half of a whisk or egg beater and as he applies it to my scalp, wow, i get that, too. i start to melt and purr and almost ask, if i can lay back down on the table so that we may start all over again.

But i keep this thought to myself and soon the tour is over. i'm feeling a bit more back to earth and a bit tired too; ready or not i should begin the long drive home. Again, he offers to walk me to my car.

He holds my hand as we walk, and gives me his phone number. Once we arrive to my car, he hugs me, and asks to kiss me. Tells me to drive safe and text him when i get home.

Epilouge:

What a great first experience with playing at a dungeon. i feel really lucky and glad that i waited for an opportunity where i was comfortable and at ease.

i am especially grateful for everyone who has given me advice, and encouragement. Pushing me while letting me know, that it's ok to go at my own pace. Sharing with me their wisdom and experience while letting me listen to my own instincts. Without them; i would not be where i am today and i am so grateful.

To those of you that may be new, or new-ish, or looking to expand on past experience. Remember that there is no right path or right way--only the path or way that is right for you. If something does not seem a good fit, think about it, but don't feel compelled to do it. A good push is ok but if you are being forced or manipulated--it's probably not a good time for you to do that certain thing. Maybe it will be, in 6 months or 6 years, but there is no need to rush into situations where you feel uncomfortable.

Your right time may look different than my right time; your set of experiences my look different than mine. As long as your time and experiences are good and positive for you--that is all that matters!!

"Intensity in all things, little one. Not foolishness, not recklessness, but intensity..." -- Sir MJ

9/23/2022 3:29:07 PM
a safe situation leads to a new experience pt3

 

"Do you like your hair pulled?" This, i do remember. "yes, R--" i answer. i know he will not be too rough with me. i know i am in good hands; that i am in a safe environment. His hand wraps around my hair, close to the scalp. He pulls me up to a standing position, i feel his body pressed behind mine. i hear his words, whispered into my ear. i feel his tongue and lips, so lightly gliding along my ear, my neck. i feel him guide me back into position, bent at the waist and flush against the smooth leather top of the long, wide bench.

There is more...the heavy tattoo of the flogger against my ass and back. Sometimes, my thighs. Sometimes, between my legs... gently...but i do not move to spread them further. At certain points he switches, using his floggers (he has a matched pair laid out, as the class was on 2 Handed Flogging), or his hand. A funny moment as he tugs on my lacy black panties...i think maybe part of the garter belt has slipped but after a second he confesses that he thought i was wearing two pair of panties (these are "fancy panties", black lace with a "v" of grey-toned leopard print down the center). There is an "ouchy" moment as he bites down on my ass cheek (those that know me know i'm not a fan of "bitey"); but this man is a Master and reads me like a large-print edition...i squirm and twist away, and the action is not repeated.

He takes me up--building up speed or intensity--and brings me down. Flogging, and spanking, touching and caressing. i am somewhat aware of sounds of other scenes in the main room, or people chatting and the smell of cigarettes from the patio. But, mostly, it is red out; it is kind of like how i thought it would be like. It's kind of like being in a yoga class: how especially if you are new you might be feeling shy or anxious--after all, you are doing fairly intimate things in a room full of strangers. But when the class begins; and you begin focus on your breath, or balance, or drishti. The room, and all in it, begin to fade away, as you focus on yourself and your inner experience. A good teacher will tell you, when you notice a distraction--to notice it, and let it go (this was an especially good lesson the time i studied at the studio right next to the train tracks). It was similar to how i felt in that side room, in the dungeon. Occasionally i am aware; but honestly, i couldn't say how many people may have walked through, or if any stopped to watch.

Eventually, after a "build up" period of bare handed spanking, there is one good slap on my ass and i crumple a bit, moaning. i fall a bit further against the leather; my legs buckle a bit and become askew. i take a breath, and slowly begin to raise myself up. i don't know how long it's been but i feel like i've reached a limit, or at least, a good stopping point.

i stand, and turn to face him. i'm smiling; i must be beaming. i take a step towards him, into his open arms.

"Thank you R--, for that, for giving my first experience at a dungeon...it felt...amazing", i purr, my head buried against his neck, our bodies intertwined. i feel his energy shift. "Thank you, for trusting me..." he says...he strokes my hair, and holds me. "Thank you for trusting me..."


 


9/22/2022 7:57:53 AM
a safe situation leads to a new experience pt2

"When you put yourself in a safe situation, little one, you will be able to more fully enjoy subspace." --Sir MJ


i smile and say hello. He is at the opposite end of the room, facing me squarely. It is just he and i in the small side room. "This is no coincidence", i think, but his calm demeanor causes no alarm bells to go off.

Again, he asks about my friend, where he is...."He left," i say. "I thought you two were going to play...?" i laugh, nervously. "Well...he wants to, but i just don't feel comfortable to play with him." We start talking, and eventually he leads me to sit beside him on the large leather (bench? table? cage?). We talk about ourselves--vanilla stuff and kink stuff. i tell him a bit about my journey with all of this, and my experience level. As for himself, he'd found BDSM through swinger lifestyle, and had been going to dungeons for nearly twenty years. He radiates a calm, unhurried vibe. He makes me feel like a real person and when he asks to see, then use, my flogger...it is without hesitation that i bow my head and say, "yes".

Blushing, i hand him the heavy suede instrument, and stand up. Suddenly i'm feeling a bit awkward and i'm grateful when he touches me, gently taking my arms and helping me in to position, partially bent over on the leather bench. i plant my hands shoulder distance on the soft leather, rolling my back and shoulders a bit like i've learned in previous flogging classes.

The first touch is by his hand. i feel his fingertips, all five, gently but firmly against my skin, on my upper back where the black dress leaves me exposed. He repeats this action, again, again, a touch, gentle pressure. i feel his fingers slowly sliding down. Touching me. Establishing connection. Eventually, when his hand is replaced by the soft, teasing touch of the suede falls of the flogger, i'm already halfway into subspace. Retreating to a place of stillness and quietness i so rarely get to feel in my life.

i'm less and less aware of the sounds from the adjoining main room, and from the patio. Vaguely, i hear the door to the patio open; vaguely, i hear voices: the people that had entered, and a quiet, whispered response from him. A moment later and i hear his voice again. i hear it but do not respond; i figure he is addressing whomever he had just uttered the greeting to.

He laughs gently and draws nearer to me, nearer to my ear. "Are you in subspace already, girl?" It is at this point i realize he must have been speaking to me. Between the meditation-like descent into subspace, and my not-so-great hearing, i'd had no idea. i say something, i don't recall what. i probably just giggle and apologize. "That's alright, i will let you enjoy your subspace" he says, his rich, mellow laugh quelling my momentary embarrassment.

A few more light, teasing strokes with the flogger...the long suede falls caressing my back. Then, the first strike. A solid, thick "thump", again on my upper back. Again, and again. A solid thump, now mixed with the teasing, slow draw of the falls down my back. i let myself descend into this meditation; this sub-space; this realm of deeper dreaming.

The strokes become harder, faster. The regularity and pacing shows his experience. He works my upper back, and i relish each hit. There is no pain, not even pleasure, really. Only sensation, and submission.

Eventually, i feel his hands on me, again. Guiding me into position, forcing me to lay flat against the wide bench. i remove my glasses, spread my arms and hands, until my cheek is pressed against the leather. i feel him lift my dress, exposing the lacy black panties and the tops of my thighs. The straps of the garter belt and the tops of the fishnet stockings.

More touching here; caresses, and spankings...then a pause as he again picks up the flogger...

There is more, much more, but the details are lost in the swirly, comforting fog i have now fully descended in to. Sometimes there is pain, but mostly, there is pleasure; pleasure and sensation. Sometimes he leans forward, leaning in, close to my ear. Asking me something, telling me something. i answer each time; i do not remember most of what is said.


 


9/21/2022 4:59:11 PM
a safe situation leads to a new experience pt1 

written 6/2019

"When you put yourself in a safe situation, little one, you will be able to more fully enjoy subspace." --Sir MJ


Sooooo….i had another first!! Those of you keeping score know i've been going to kink events....classes, newbie nights, community nights at dungeons. i'd been to one dungeon a few times recently, for their Friday night class and play party night. But i hadn't played at all, preferring just to take part in the class, socialize and watch some of the play. Until my most recent visit, that is!!

As usual, i'd gotten there early to sit in on the program of classes. It was a quiet night there with the classroom only about half full.

The class was cool and afterwards i drifted around, got some coffee and chatted with my friend, who is a member there. It wasn't til later, when i was seated by myself at the long table in the patio, when He approached. A quick introduction followed by the question; where is my (male) friend? "He's somewhere around..." i reply, vaguely. i'm a little disappointed as He quickly retreats, i'd seen him in the class and i still feel fairly awkward and like an outsider; it would have been nice to chat with him a while.

A while later and my friend has left. i spend some time watching in the main room, just relaxing in a comfy chair and soaking up the good vibes. Eventually nature calls and i get up to use the bathroom in the adjoining side room.

As i exit the bathroom, who is there, but him.

 

9/14/2022 12:08:32 PM
Are You happy, Sir?

"You're smiling." His voice, clear and calm, cutting through the semi-darkness. "Yes Sir, because I am happy", I respond, stretched out on the black bed sheets, luxuriating in the newfound warmth running through my body.

"Are You happy, Sir?"

"I am thrilled to death." A slow smile begins to appear, accentuating His chiseled good looks. I feel, more than see, His gaze shift from my face to my body, drinking me in, large eyes shining. "A beautiful young woman, naked on My bed, and every time the tip of My crop touches her nipple, she arches her back and begs for more."


9/11/2022 11:06:18 AM

ever since the very first time...the act of watching you remove your belt...sends shivers through my body and makes me wet instantly.


would it be the same with another man? or even, with another belt? I doubt it. it's you...your personality....sensuality....essential male-ness. and it's your belt....plain, utilitarian....black, leather, matte, wide with a double set of holes and tines.


I suppose it's also...what I know...will come next....

turn off the lights if you must...but please...wait til after the belt is off.


9/1/2022 9:00:55 PM
a bedtime fantasy

In my fantasy, I am waiting in bed when you approach.

You are dressed in a night shirt and collar.

Without saying a word, with just the steel in my gaze, I command you to strip.

You lower your eyes, and shyly pull off your shirt, exposing your fine, naked body.

My slight smile and the lines around my eyes indicate my pleasure.

You crawl into bed, nude as you should be.

You rest your head on my chest.

I stroke your hair.

And you sleep.

Sometimes the most erotic words, are the most tender.

Thank you Sir, for sharing this beautiful bedtime fantasy...

humbly, yours


8/29/2022 1:12:59 PM
the path

I come to a fork in the forest path. The mild dose of lysergic acid diethylamide courses through me, I feel...lucid...awake...calm yet aware. I am alone, I feel the import of each action, of each step. The path is dark and dappled with moonlight, shining brightly through the trees.

I choose the higher road, more dramatic, winding close to the mountainside, the boulders protruding, the cool breeze caressing me. The echoes of the sound system and noise of the revelers fades as I begin my ascent.

I pick my way slowly, steadily, with great intent. Underneath the calm my senses come alive. I think of where I am. The history here, the spirit here. Those who came before me and those who still live here, passing down the old ways. In my third eye I see a brief vision, of this land, in the old days. A coyote runs across the path, coat shining in the moonlight. The trees thicker, no roads or paths yet cut. I shiver, humbled by it all. My life, so small, so insignificant, so fleeting in the grand scheme of geological time. Life and death, the endless cycles of nature.

The path is darker now, the trees thicker, hiding the moon. An outcropping of large rocks and boulders obscures my view of the path ahead. I catch my breath, suddenly feeling the weight of this moment. I pause, for a moment, unsure. But I hold my head high and continue.

This night, I have opened myself with the intent to receive. So it is without fear when suddenly I feel a presence, ethereal yet as real as any physical body. In my heightened awareness, I feel the presence, I feel the warmth, the kindness, the protective energy radiating all around me. Enveloping me, walking alongside of me. And I know it is Him.

"I have taken a part of you, and keep it as a treasured possession"

As I remember His words, my heart swells with emotion. Even now, miles apart, He is watching over His possession. I feel stronger, more secure, knowing I am worthy of such a high honor. Knowing I am worthy of being cared for and protected. Knowing that a part of me will always be in service to Him. Knowing that a part of Him will always be there with me, through the miles and the years and the cycles of life.

Post :

How I do miss His physical presence. The times He chose to use me for His pleasure. How it felt to submit to a man that truly deserved it. How it felt to be at once honored and defiled. The bliss and contentment in following His simple, precise instruction. The faith and security of trusting Him. All the things He taught me and showed me, about life, about aesthetic, about Dominance and submission.

How many times can I thank Him, how can I express to Him how much it all meant to me...means to me. How grateful I am that He found me, that He chose me. How grateful I am that I was open to receive. How can I tell Him that His influence impacts me, daily. I know I can not, so I try to show Him, by serving Him as I can, by living the best I know how. To hold myself to His standard, even in His absence. I would never want Him to be anything less than proud of me.

Many Doms and Masters before Him had told me I am not submissive, or "truly submissive". I had begun to question myself and my path in this world of Kink and BDSM. My heart was growing heavy and I was about ready to throw in the towel, go back to vanilla life and seek whatever romantic or sexual pleasure I could. But then He found me, and I understood. My submission, my true and deep, pure submission, can't be given to just any man that gives himself a title or role. This pure and deep part of myself can only be brought out by a man that is worthy, that is a compliment to myself, that is greater than my equal. This type of man that I do not find very often. This is the type of man I will follow into any situation, this is the type of man with whom I have no limits. This is the type of man that can own me, possess me, dominate me, use me.

This is the type of man that I can feel, hundreds of miles away, protecting me, nurturing me, holding me, even as I walk alone, meditating on the moonlight and the forest and my small place in it all. I feel Him there and am made stronger in my submission and service.


7/27/2022 2:02:00 PM
following His lead

suddenly I feel His hand in my hair, drawing my head back as His other arm encircles my throat. drawing me to Him; pressing my body against His.

"Do you feel my fucking heart pounding?" His voice, raw and sexual in my ear.

"yes, Sir M--, i do..." i manage to say, just above a whisper...

He continues to draw me back, one hand in my hair, other arm around my throat. forceful, but not painful. He starts to move--leading me towards the bed? i'm not sure and struggle a bit. not out of fear but out of--habit? uncertainty?

after just a few steps what i am doing registers in my conscious mind. in this strange and new position--Him behind me, binding me, forcing me forward--i fight my instincts and try to make myself limp, yielding. letting Him lead--showing my trust and submission through my body language and posture. i take a deep breath, trying to still my mind. not think, not anticipate. just follow.


how special, how sacred, how frightening and fulfilling it is, to be led. to be led, physically and mentally. how i need it, long for it. how i fight it, once it is right in front (or behind) me.

...the beauty when i let go of the fight. when i acquiesce to His Will; further becoming a vessel for His pleasure, a canvas for His delights...

...when i follow His lead...


3/8/2022 1:09:45 PM

Once i found myself seated in a dark, cavernous space.

The dim lighting showed various wood & leather furniture apparatuses, most of them adorned with writhing, semi-naked or naked bodies. People of all shapes and sizes cavorted about, some in Latex, Leather, Lingerie, or even Animal Cosplay!

Screams of pain and delight echoed through the large room.

A tall, mysterious person, clad head-to-toe in black, flowing garments caught my eye from across the large room. After a little while they approached me and asked if i wanted to chat.

We ended up talking at length, there on the old, worn-in leather couch in the corner of the large dungeon space. They told me many things but the one that stood out the most was:

"Go to as many events as you can. Eventually, you will find your people." 


3/3/2022 11:21:18 AM

February 2022: Back to Kink Life! Part 3

 After the scene i emerged from my little "cocoon" to a play party getting in to full swing. The place was now very full with several people playing and lots more socializing. SA was cleaning his toys and i gotta admit, one of my favorite parts of the whole scene was when he put his arms around me and helped me down off the high table. After a few hugs and finishing up cleaning the station, we parted ways, both glowing (at least i was, and not just my rear end!).

i've never done two scenes in one night and didn't want to push myself, so was very content to relax, socialize and observe the rest of the night. i gotta admit, it really made me happy to see SA doing his thing and playing with others. It's rare that i get to see the look on a partner's face as he is practicing his craft. So i just loved seeing his big smile as he flogged and whacked another willing victim, co-topping and giving some advice/tutorials to a newbie.

At some point i ran into a friend from my local munch group, and got to meet a few of her friends. i also got to talk with some interesting characters. Even though we are all in the same space, due to our common bond over BDSM and Kink, we all come with our own histories, in different parts of our journeys, and with different interests, play styles, and goals.

i did see the downsides to the space which some people had mentioned to me.

Since there wasn't really a designated, separated social area, the play room was super crowded and very loud with people talking (there was also a live DJ and sound system). Although there was an outside patio, it was super cold!! So i can't really fault people for staying indoors. i wonder if in the summer months people use the outdoor patio for social area---this would definitely help give the play space more, well, space, and a bit quieter/intimate atmosphere for those in mid-scene (or even those that wish to quietly observe).

i'm definitely more used to Dungeons with a more "traditional" layout of multiple play rooms and designated social areas, and more strict guidelines about no loud talking/socializing in the play spaces. But in the spirit of supporting our local Dungeons, exploring new groups and spaces, and generally "getting back into life", i am super glad that i went to both parties and would definitely support and attend both groups in the future.


3/3/2022 11:20:27 AM

February 2022: Back to Kink Life! Part 2

The overall sucess of the House Party lead me to again comb through the online event listings. i found a few interesting looking parties for the following weekend and settled on another one i hadn't been to before---SAKE's Lunar New Year Party. i'd heard overall positive things about their parties and was excited to finally attend one and explore a different Dungeon space.

"Paying my dues" is all well and good but i did know that i might burst if i went to this party without getting to play (a girl can stand only so much "tension" after all). So i put on my "big girl pants" and decided to be proactive. i messaged the Dom (nickname "SA") i'd met at the house party (the "one that got away") and was so pleased to find out that yes, he would be in attendance, and yes, he was enthusiastic to negotiate a scene with me!!

Even though i usually project a lot of confidence, asking for play, negotiating scenes...it's still really hard for me. i know in some ects, "girls have it easy(er)"...but rejection or the possibility of rejection is hard for everyone. Even in this lifestyle (or, especially in this lifestyle...), it's hard to be vulnerable!!

SA told me he'd be there early so i planned to arrive not to long after him. It was so nice to walk in to the mostly-empty space (a few other early-birds hanging around and chatting, some looking around nervously) and see him sitting close to the entrance waiting for me. After a warm greeting he gave me a tour---which was very short! i had been told that the space was kind of small, but i'd never been to a Dungeon which only had one play room. But what it lacked in space it made up for in eccentricity (i won't give away all the details for those who haven't attended yet) and a welcoming vibe.

After the brief tour and a visit to the ladies' room i told SA i was ready to go!! But he was waiting for the music to change...somehow, light disco/house made him think more of going roller skating, than flogging (go figure!). But as more people began trickling in, we settled on a play station and i put my claim on it (sat on it!!) while he laid out all his implements.

The scene was great---i did struggle a bit with my position (i was on all fours on a padded leather medical exam table---am more used to being able to really lean into a stable spanking bench, table or cross) and dang, was it ever cold in the semi-open warehouse space. But at least my bottom quickly warmed up due to the spanks, strikes and caresses from SA.

He used a wide variety of instruments while checking in on me every so often. i think his "medium" is my "ouch that really hurts", but i know there are a lot of factors involved. Just the fact that it was my first intense/long scene in almost two years is a lot to process!!! Then add in the fact it was our first scene together, in a new space (for me), and the less-than-perfect furniture and cold temperature putting a little added stress on my mind and body.

But overall i greatly enjoyed the scene and am so very grateful to SA for negotiating with me, working with me, showing a lot of care, communication and deference to both my limits and my desires. It was really special and all worked out like it was supposed to.

Funny how when we try to do things in "a right way", with integrity and treating people as people, that usually happens.

 

 


3/3/2022 11:15:28 AM

February 2022: Back to Kink Life! Part 1

Earlier this year i made a decision to start getting back in to "life" again. Although i'm still dragging my feet in some aspects, i did make some strides in others!

i'd LIKE to think that all the COVID stuff will continue to become more manageable but wow. All these waves after waves of variants has really taught me that i need to seize those moments between variants/spikes in cases. i used to take it for granted, that the "Kink Scene" would always be there when i was ready. But now i better realize that nothing should be taken for granted and things can change in an instant---sometimes quite drastically.

So it was with this in mind that i found myself checking out the upcoming event listings online. And i couldn't believe my luck when i found a rather innocuous looking listing for 'BDSM Play Party'...in the neighboring city of Ontario, of all places! And, the venue was listed as "Lugosi's Lounge"---how can anything named after Bela Lugosi be bad...!!!

It was a private house party---a new experience for me. i was a little nervous but after chatting with the hostess a bit via email i felt very confident about attending. And besides, with it being so close to my house, and with the focus on BDSM (as opposed to a "Swing & Kink" party), i figured, what's the worst that could happen. If i walk in and it is just completely not my style, i could always leave without the feeling of having invested a lot with traveling, ticket price, etc.

Even though it was a small group (attendance was capped around 20 people), and most of the people already knew each other...i felt very welcomed and was able to talk with most of the people there. The hostesses were super awesome and everyone i got a chance to chat with was really polite, friendly and forthcoming.

But once things got started, i quickly remembered all the good---and bad---things about attending play parties: doing "show and tells" with toy bags (super cool to see what people bring and getting some clues of what they are into/their aesthetic)... newbie or not-so-newbie men that kind of "attach" themselves to me (a polite conversation does not mean i want you lurking over my shoulder all night)... people socializing in the play spaces (honestly, hard not to do when it's a small space)... seeing all kinds of different play scenes (some of which i like, some of which isn't my style)... meeting lots of new people and sometimes running in to familiar faces (usually one hundred per cent totally awesome)... being around all kinds of different people expressing their Kinky Selves without fear of "scaring the vanillas" (n to attending play parties. And i knew that not playing that night was just part of "paying my dues"---admittedly i'm not the most bold when it comes to directly asking a Dom or Top about playing...and i do know that just being consistent, attending several parties and munches...showing my face and taking a bit of time to get to know people will serve me well in the future, anyway.also totally awesome).

Throw in the drama of "the one that got away" (we were so close to getting to "negotiation" til a newbie came over and asked him right out of the blue for a full on rope lesson) and the "tension" i feel when i leave a party without getting to play...it was quite a night!

Other than dealing with feeling all tense for a few days afterwards it was a wonderful re-introduction to attending play parties. And i knew that not playing that night was just part of "paying my dues"---admittedly i'm not the most bold when it comes to directly asking a Dom or Top about playing...and i do know that just being consistent, attending several parties and munches...showing my face and taking a bit of time to get to know people will serve me well in the future, anyway.


2/9/2022 10:13:13 AM
on spanking

written a few years ago. who else can relate?

So I've been exploring BDSM for just over one year now and occasionally I am asked, "Where did this all begin for you? What made you realize you are kinky?" or, "What drew you to this lifestyle?" There is no one thing or incident in my life; no grand origin story or childhood event that triggered my aberrant sexuality. Overall, I think it is just my natural personality that is drawn to, and desires to explore the more outré, hidden aspects of life. There are, however, lots of small things that lead me where I am today. Like building blocks, these past incidences and experiences have laid the foundation for the burgeoning BDSM Lifestyler I am today.

One of these things is when I realized, that I was more likely to orgasm from sex if I had been spanked beforehand. Remember now, I spent my whole life sexually adventurous but in a vanilla world. So I was dating vanilla men as I slowly made this realization. I'd been in a monogamous vanilla relationship all throughout my 20's so once I was free of that, I began to date and experience other men. Being given a few solid swats on the ass before being taken from behind quickly became a highlight of these trysts. Eventually, the correlation being made in my mind...then getting brave enough to ask for more. More spanking. Just the spanking, then the sex, please. For like 15 minutes. Um, at least. Some men would get it (maybe they were closeted kinky folks, or just happy to oblige); others didn't. But boy, do I remember the sensation during, and after, my first prolonged spanking session.

Of course these were all done in a "vanilla" context and not very severe. By this point in my life I'd started my own education, reading loads of erotica (much of it having to do with Kink or BDSM), and chatting via IM on a few sex/kink chat sites. I learned some things, at least theoretically. I'd read about different types of spanking and spanking scenarios--discipline, role play, etc. I don't know where it was the first time I heard the term, "Maintenance Spanking", but that was the one that got to me. Not discipline--for all my outward "toughness" I like to be a good girl and am very sensitive to anger or harsh action. Not role play--I didn't crave any artifice to enhance my need for this. But "Maintenance". That sounded right.

Throughout my 30's I had a few boyfriends and lovers who were kinky in various degrees, and I learned to ask more for spankings, as well as for other things. I bought basic bondage and impact toys at basic sex shops and would have my partner use them on me whenever I could talk them into it. But this past year and a half or so, has marked the first time really getting spanked, flogged, etc. Not by vanilla guys, or even by kinky guys. Spanked, flogged, whipped by true BDSM Lifestylers: dyed in the wool, dedicated Spankers, Masters, Sensual Doms, Daddys, Sadists, etc.

Gaining these experiences has made me infinitely more aware of what I like and don't like about spanking...as well as how much more I have to learn about it. I have learned that Sadism is valuable, and important. Maybe even as much as the more erotic, sensual touch. I have learned that with the right technique and pacing, I can take so much pain, more than I ever would have thought possible. I have learned that if he goes in too hard, too fast, I will be calling red (or close to that point) much too quickly. I have also learned that, a spanking too slow or too gentle does not do the trick for me.

Most importantly, I have learned that for whatever various reasons, I am more likely to orgasm from sex if I have been spanked beforehand. And, even if the play or scene does not include orgasm or sex...I still need it, sometimes.

Umm, well. Often.

Maintenance Spanking, after all. :)


2/3/2022 11:49:57 AM
topping from the bottom OR teaching your top?

So, a few years ago, before all the covid stuff started, i met a Dominant at a local munch. Of all the chances, he lived very close to me---like, walking distance close! He said he was a "newbie" but did have some skill with rope bondage. We had some vanilla things in common too, so once we got comfortable with each other it seemed like a "no-brainer" to let him get some practice on me.

Doing the rope together was cool. i never felt any power exchange or subspace from it---he would be talk, talk, talking about whatever, incessantly, while he wound and knotted the rope (He was quite a talker!!). So the vibe really was more like a lab, or like a practice session.

We had also talked about impact play and shared some common interests in that, too, but honestly, his technique with floggers, spanking, paddles wasn't as good as his technique with rope.

As we got more comfortable with each other as friends and play partners/practice partners, i devised a scheme to take him to the dungeon on a night where they had an impact play class, followed by a play party!!! What a great set-up, for both of us, i thought.

We would both get the fun of attending the dungeon and doing a scene together there. And with the class....hopefully he would pick up some techniques which would also benefit us both: i would enjoy a scene with him more and be more willing to play with him more often. And he would learn some skills that would make him more desirable to other potential play partners (the more you know!!).

So we arrived at the dungeon early to sit in on the class----it was an overview class on various types of impact instruments and techniques. By his body language, i could tell that he was fully engaged and mentally "taking notes"---it seemed like my plan was working!!!

After the class we enjoyed the "social hour" for a while then went to find an open station for our scene.

And wow---what a difference!!

First he applied some rope on me, then bound me to a piece of furniture in preparation for the impact portion of our scene. He really had been paying attention because the difference was night and day.

i was able to relax more and enjoy the scene much more than our previous attempts with impact. For me, i rather "enjoy" the spanking, flogging, etc. than merely endure it...of course it's a balance of pain and pleasure, but it's got to be that "right kind of pain" and good technique helps with that.

All in all i think he enjoyed the experience as well---of attending the dungeon, class, and doing the scene together. i know he had good intentions of being involved with this lifestyle and figured he would benefit from the class.

We ended up going to two different dungeon nights where they had the impact class/play party nights, and each time, his technique was better.

So yeah. Maybe not all "topping from the bottom" is bad? Or maybe, Dominant-types need some instruction and technique sharpening, and sometimes it's just up to a wiley sub-type to get him to the class.


2/1/2022 10:42:20 AM
a trap of D/s: why i "bottom"as opposed to "submit" 

i had lunch with HIM yesterday. It was so nice to see Him and be able to spend some time with Him.

i want to ask Him, so badly, if we can play again. But i know i shouldn't.

So i just take what He can offer me---friendship, some affection, some attention.

But if i had my way, there would be so much more.

So for now, i take these opportunities as i can, quietly reveling in the enormity of His presence. Enjoying the easy conversations that we always have---catching up on vanilla life, sharing stories about this lifestyle. Enjoying the sight of His handsome face and lean body. Knowing what is under the tight black jeans. Sneaking a look at His boots and leather jacket. Reveling in the memories of our times together.

i wish i could at least have "one more time" with Him, even though i know that "one more time" would never be enough. But better than no more times....


It's so painful to have experienced a taste of this deep bond and fall in love with someone who can't follow through with it. i can't say that i regret it---without the experience with Him, i wouldn't have the understanding of what D/s or M/s is, or can be. And i wouldn't have had the courage to begin attending BDSM & Kink events.

Going through the relationship with Him---caused me to be aware of my limits in a way i wasn't aware of before. Now i know the trust and bonding (to me, this more or less equals "love") required in D/s or M/s, and i know how painful it is when the person can not give that "love" back.

This is why, on other sites, i generally have my role as "bottom" (and would have my role as "bottom" here, too, if it were an option). It's much safer for me to protect my heart & emotions than to be trying to find that deeper connection.

Maybe someday i will come across a man who i desire as a Dominant or Master, and He can/wants to fulfill that role too. With all the obligations of caring for my heart & emotions that come with it.

But until then, i hold off on the D/s or M/s, not wanting to bond so deeply with a man who only views me as something part time, something disposable, something that He can't be in love with or give priority to.

If that's all i am to him, i'd rather just do scenes with strict limits and negotiations, in a place where there are rules and staff. So i can get some of my needs met too, but not have to become so vulnerable as to go through the bonding/trust process of D/s.

 

1/24/2022 9:29:15 AM
Open

i'm kneeling on the big black pillow that He has placed in the middle of the large, sparse space. hands bound behind my back, the red blindfold covering my eyes.

i hear Him step away, then return. sightless, i gaze up at Him, adoringly. waiting, peacefully and with perfect trust.

i feel it first on my cheek, the rough edge of the tip of the crop. caressing and teasing me, He slides down my face, to my neck. to the tops of my breasts, straining against the too-tight red bra.

the tip leaves my skin--just for a second--then He brings it back down. hard. not too hard but, hard enough. a pepper of quick smacks on one breast, then repeated on the other.

"Open", He says. i open my mouth.

i feel the thin shaft of the crop against my tongue and teeth. "Close." i close my mouth, holding the toy in place.

He steps back, and for a moment...i peek...(is it a kink to sneak the occasional peek through blindfolds?)

i am rewarded with the sight of His body: His muscular, golden brown torso, ending in the ubiquitous tight black jeans. i watch as He unbuckles the fly...i watch as He takes His cock--His glorious, thick, long, hard cock--in His hand. rubbing it, admiring His work.

"Open."

the toy is taken from between my lips. again, i feel the tip of it, now tracing my breasts, down to my stomach. up along my sides and back. again, i feel it leave my skin, and come back down, hard. again, and again.

He is a Master at His craft; and i, His willing canvas. submissive and Dominant, in perfect harmony.

"Open."

i open my mouth. this time, it's not the thin shaft of the crop i feel, but something much larger, and warmer.

i open my mouth wider to accept the head of His cock. without sight, or the use of my hands, i am truly at His mercy. i wrap my lips around it, and try to relax.

He nudges it in, slowly. i try to make my mouth supple, elastic, as He begins to thrust. He is moving slowly--so very many things i admire about this Man; His restraint, His timing, chief among them.

am i thrusting back, against Him? i'm not sure...i am lost in this moment, blind, and bound, existing only for His pleasure.

He withdraws.

this time, it is His hands on my body, slapping me, striking my breasts, my thighs. the feel of it hurts more than the crop, i think. the sound it makes, as it reverberates through the hundred year old brick and hard wood, is different.

"Open."

again, the thin, metallic shaft of the crop. He steps behind me, crouching low again, He unhooks my bra. my hands are still bound--i cannot help as He takes each strap from my shoulders, pulling it down. freeing my breasts.

"Open."

i open my mouth, the toy is taken from it's holding place. my now-exposed breasts are peppered with strikes from the crop. am i smiling? i start to feel giddy.

"Open."

this time, i feel it before the word is fully out of His mouth. His cock. i open to accept. how i adore the feeling, of His cock in my mouth. how it conforms to His shape. how the whole entire world just slips away and i am warm, and wet, and He picks up speed, never thrusting too hard though. no gagging tonight; just acceptance.

"Open."

again, the sharp sting of the crop, again, the quick flurry of blows. He is above me, then behind me. He crouches low, circling me, landing the crop with His experts' touch. in my minds eye i try to picture it.

over and over again--the crop, His hands, His cock.

"Open."

such a simple word, to denote a simple physical action. but is anything so simple, with Him?

"Open."

i open for Him; my mouth, my body. my mind, my trust, and heart.


1/18/2022 8:10:49 PM

Every Dominant that you meet, talk with, or develop a relationship will be really different.

They will all have vastly different rules, expectations, communication skills, play styles, levels of commitment and levels of availability.

If a Dominant is telling you things that don't appeal to you, you don't have to enter into a play scene (either online or in person) or a relationship with him.

Some Dominants will say... "I know what is best for you..." and yeah, hearing that when you are new is incredibly hot. But nine times out of ten it is not true...

Only YOU know what is best for you.


When i was new to this lifestyle, my first real exposure to it was through signing up on fetlife. i only had the vaguest notions of BDSM (mostly through reading erotica and a few online chatrooms).

i allowed myself to be treated poorly, with disregard and disrespect, because i was naïve enough to think that any person with the title "Dominant" was a good person to give my trust and vulnerability to.

i allowed my eagerness and naivete to cloud my judgement and i found myself in some not-so-great situations.

i allowed my longing to be able to trust someone to override seeing red flags and problematic behavior.


It's only natural and it happens a lot...a lot of us "newbies" have been longing for this type of thing our whole lives. The extreme sensations that masochism, bondage, fetishism provides. Or the intoxicating rush of Power Exchange.

Stepping into this strange, exotic world...it's powerful. Hypnotic. i felt as if i was in a foreign country, not knowing the language or customs.

And like being a visitor in a foreign country, i stuck out like a sore thumb...the words "easy mark" emblazoned upon my head like neon.

Even though my judgement was clouded, there were times in which a Dominant approached me with such extreme propositions that i could not overlook the red flags of his behavior...when i would say "no", or draw back from him, or ask to talk about it...

i'd invariably get called a "fake sub" or "not real".

And in my naivete and ingrained need to please...hearing these things was hurtful. Sometimes i could hold my ground, cease communication with him and move on. But it was always a rattling and hurtful experience. i began to second guess myself and feel bad about myself.


What i didn't realize was that the next man to have the title "Dominant" would be totally different. And that eventually, i would meet one (then, others) whose ideas, personality and practices did resonate with my own.


1/18/2022 8:09:56 PM

a few words of advice to newbie submissives Pt 2

**If anyone reading this is new or with a little experience under their belt, please remember:**

 

Just because something is "correct" BDSM for one person--does not mean it is "correct" for you. 

 

Don't feel like you have to put up with/accept things you do not like/can not tolerate/seem like red flags just because the Dominant wants things that way. 

 

It's not so much that you are not a "real sub", or that he is not a "real Dom". It's just that he is not the right Dom for you at this part of your journey.

 

Someday, down the line as you progress in this world of BDSM, some things that seem completely crazy and over the top for you now might become some of your favored activities...but a Dominant who is right for you will be able to meet you where you are and work with you at your level. 

 

Of course any Dominant worth his salt will push you...but to "force", coerce, manipulate, or to throw you into a situation that you are not ready for is not a good pattern of behavior.

 

*****************************************

 

i wish i had had more realistic notions going into this...but i am grateful that i eventually saw the damage that was happening to my body and psyche, and was able to stop what i was doing and reassess my approach to being a part of this incredible world.

 

If your experiences in BDSM are causing you harm...causing you to feel bad about yourself...causing you to second guess your instincts or what you think is good and positive for your health (mental or physical)...

 

PLEASE reach out to other submissives or people that you consider real friends (i mean real friends as in a person that does not want to get into your pants). 

 

Asking Dominants or Mentors is good too, but a fellow submissive with some experience will be more likely to tell you the real deal.

 

********************************

 

written, as always, from my own perspective and experience.

 

take care of each other and seek to gain knowledge from people that you trust. work on getting a wide range of perspectives from different types of kinksters and above all, listen to your own instincts.


1/15/2022 12:36:59 PM
Sir, please whip my pussy

"I know, I'm using you hard tonight, little one" He says, His voice serious, yet not without a slight trace of empathy. From my kneeling position on the hardwood floor, i look up into His face. His handsome, chiseled features calm, yet stern in the half light of the big, sparse loft. i say nothing, i don't have to. my eyes say it all. i take this brief moment of respite to breathe, and relax.

As He takes a step back i try to keep myself in this relaxed, composed state. My vision filled with Him; lean, muscled silhouette, belt looped and gripped tightly in one hand.

The instant before the next set of lashes rains down on my breasts, it hits me, how gently Master has treated me, in previous sessions. How much He held back, giving me just a small dose of the pain, sensation and intensity that now threatens to devour my mind and spirit. In this gentle, restrained way, He has built me up, preparing me, testing me...in this instant i realize, what i thought were symphonies, were merely preludes...

i breathe deep and lower my gaze as He takes a step forward, belt arching through empty space, only to land with a mighty "CRACK" on the reddening flesh of my exposed breasts.

Over and over again the belt falls. Master pausing only to change position, or when He sees my composure start to crack and panic setting in. "Breathe, little one", or "Kiss the belt"...His voice, the commands, the actions, grounding me.

"Can you get up on your own?" i smile, and test myself. i'm kneeling on the big pillow in the middle of the hardwood floor, wrists bound behind my back. i struggle a bit and Master extends His hand, gripping my arm, helping me up.

"Lay down on the bed and spread your legs." Wordlessly, i obey. Scooting up on the black bedspread, i lay down on my back, spreading my legs wide. Feet propped on the edge of the mattress, exposed to Him. Once settled in to the pose, i feel the belt. It slides across my belly, slowly, down. i try to breathe, and keep calm. Sir knows my limit, surely He will not... the thought is broken by His movement. Rearing up, poised to strike. This time, not my ass, legs or breasts. The belt falls, once, twice, on my exposed pussy. i try to keep still but i am shaking, my legs closing, as if of their own volition. i try to regain composure and still my quivering body. More blows, i don't want to disappoint Him..., repeating like a mantra through the mounting panic in my mind. i can't, and in a pause between strikes i speak up.

"Sir, please, i am so scared."

Master pauses, studying me thoughtfully. "What are you scared of? The pain?"

i think for a moment before responding. "Y-yes Sir, the pain, i am so scared to be struck or whipped there."

"But you love the pain."

"S-sometimes, Sir, i do."

"You love the pain." Sir repeats.

"Y-yes Sir, mostly i do..."

"You love the pain." Repeated once more, with a finality that i can't help but understand.

"Y-yes Sir, i love the pain" my voice small, trembling.

"Little one, i may hurt you, but i will never harm you.

"Now repeat after me:

"Sir M--, please whip my pussy."

The import of this moment hits me like a ton of bricks. For one dizzying moment, i am high on a wire like an aerial artist. Balanced, but just. But action is needed, Master is waiting. From the wire, suspended over nothing, suddenly, everything tips: my need to please Him overrides the fear that has been triggered inside me; my trust in Him supersedes my base instinct to call red, to run, to shield myself from the panic, pain and tears.

Everything tips and i fall helter skelter as i hear myself say, quietly, clearly,

"Sir M--, please whip my pussy."

With His deep tiger's growl of approval He falls on me, full of passion, desire, lust. His lips meet mine as His hand finds my pussy, rubbing my wet, engorged clit with a fervor and skill that makes me melt. The tension of the previous moment gone; replaced by pleasure, and i before i sink farther into the bliss of it all my mind registers the lesson Master has deemed fit to teach me tonight.

In the days and weeks that follow, i will think back on this lesson. But for now, i allow myself to be possessed, by this man that i call Master. Bending to His will and His desire with perfect trust; my one desire to submit and serve Him fully...


1/14/2022 2:55:50 AM
at His feet

"may I confess, Sir MJ, how I long to once again sit at your feet..."

"Your desire to serve pleases me, little one. I will be in Pomona this evening. If you are free, you may indeed come sit at my feet."


and now i am here, in the 2nd story loft space...His space. He has finished His work for the night--His pleasure at my presence this evening is evident in His voice and actions. To be near Him--is both humbling and bolstering to my spirit.

Sir takes His seat on the low couch, black fabric against black clothing. He places a large pillow on the hardwood floor, between His legs.

"You may take your place, little one."

Eyes wide, cheeks flushed, i sink to my knees. Sir diraspects me to remove His boots. i do so, humbly.

Sir tells me to close my eyes and keep still. On the count of three, a light slap on my cheek. I open my eyes and gaze up at Him.

"Good girl" he sighs.


Now, it is time.

Sir guides me to adopt a comfortable position on the pillow on the floor between His legs. i arrange my legs, covered in lace stockings, and twist my body so that i am pressed against His denim-clad leg. Slowly and with intent, i lower my head and upper body to rest upon His lap.

"Yes, you may touch me, little one", His answer to my silent, questing fingers. "This is exactly where you wanted to be tonight. Relax, little one. Just be."

my eyes spring with a film of tears; i am glad to be faced away from Him. He knows, anyway. He must feel it in the way my body freezes--then relaxes--deeper into Him.

"I can ascertain your moods, little one, because I pay attention to you."


i settle myself slowly, in degrees, letting myself become small, and vulnerable.

There are many layers to go through but Sir is patient. The dark room is quiet and peaceful, and as His hand starts to caress and stroke my hair, i am almost overcome again;

to feel this fierce tenderness in His touch...to be safe and secure, here in my place, at the feet of my Master.

written by pomonagirl, 2018


1/13/2022 1:36:35 PM

"A Masochist/Service Sub Version of Massage Exchange" 

 

There's so much that i miss about my time with Him. 

Having a desire to serve someone i admire and care about, along with my entrenched masochistic tendencies, i really miss what i came to see as our version of "massage exchange". 

Typically our sessions would begin with Him instructing me to remove His boots, then to massage whatever part of His body that was hurting. 

His hands and arms was typical, or His back, shoulders, neck. i always enjoyed this time. Being able to make Him feel a little better, at least for a short while. i really loved His clear, consise direction (somehow, being told exactly where to touch was empowering, not limiting). i always put my best effort in to it and try to remember what made Him smile or melt. 

After serving Him in this way, what happened next would vary---but there would always be a portion where i got my massage---at the receiving end of a flogger, crop or cane (sometimes all three, if i was lucky!). 

i think the day that this concept of "masochist massage exchange" hit me was a day when i was on my period and still going through some cramps and lower back pain. 

He would never cancel on me if it was "that time of the month"---simply work around it. As for myself; i knew i was in good hands and never gave it a second thought. 

So, this time in particular, when we began the session i was feeling tense and sore. myy flow was minimal but still the cramps and body aches lingered. i don't recall everything that happened during this session but i DO remember how i felt afterward, when He announced that the aftercare portion of the scene had begun, and i began to relax in to His arms. 

For the first time in days, i felt warm, relaxed, and pain-free. 

"Thank You, Sir MJ...You whacked the cramps right out of me!" i purred.

 

Best massage i ever got and i think He enjoyed it, too. 


1/6/2022 11:25:58 AM

"I thoroughly enjoyed the time today, though I used but one toy."

Reading His text, I close my eyes and smile, letting the images flash through my head. The toy...the long, thin crop/cane...how He applied it, in ways I had never before experienced. The breath and depth of sensation He can give...

I exhale, relishing the memory. But then something else pops into my head and my brow furrows. "Sir, I hate to disagree, but wasn't Your Belt Toy #2? And I thought I counted as a Toy as well Sir..."

His Belt...I squirm a bit in my seat as I recall the sting and crack of it against my exposed buttocks. The width, thickness, roughness of it as it encircled my throat.

"More an of opportunity, the belt."

"And you are the canvas upon which I paint my dark desires..."

Another Lesson from Sir...my cheeks redden with lust and I feel my panties suddenly wet once more....

For Sir MJ, with gratitude and humility


1/4/2022 1:11:19 PM
a sketch of my submission and how i view my differening roles within it

bottom--i can, and enjoy, bottoming for scenes. scenes where i am being submissive, but there is no deep level of "power exchange" going on. these scenes are nice because it allows me a safe outlet to sort of "scratch an itch". to be spanked, or flogged, or tied up, is something that i need from time to time. i respect the Top, of course, as i hope He respects me. but, His control of me, or the situation, reaches no further than the time limit of the play, and the boundaries that have been pre-negotiated within it.

for this to happen, i need to be completely at ease with the Top that i am negotiating the play with. even if we are not to engage in any sort of relationship or even communication beyond this scene...i am aware. of His words, and His actions. how He looks at me, how He carries Himself. if even one thing seems off---the scene is a no-go. because, if I can't fully be at ease with him sitting across from each other and talking, how on earth can I be at ease with him bound or otherwise at His mercy?

submissive--when all the good things come together: the Kink, the play, the chemistry, the sex, the friendship, communication and mutual respect, i find myself feeling quite submissive towards the Dominant. whenever W/we speak, there is some level of etiquette or protocol. when W/we have a scene, there is power exchange going on. even though i may feel submissive towards a Dominant from the moment (or close enough) we begin to talk...this submission will grow, naturally, over time and consistency. in this sort of relationship or dynamic, i feel the power exchange not only when W/we are in a scene. but whenever W/we communicate, or are in each others' presence. given enough time and cultivation, i feel it in every decision that i make; in every waking (and sometimes, sleeping) thought it is there. He is there: His Dominance and good influence upon me permeates my every thought and action.

for this to happen, all those good things have to be there, as well as His (and my) consistency. He needs to understand the submissive mind and needs and know how to cultivate it, just as I need to understand the needs of His masculine and Dominant self, and cater to them. He needs to have shown me, over time and his actions, that He truly does want the best for me. "I may hurt you, but I will never harm you." i have to believe that to my core.

slave--now this is a concept that i had not heard of prior to signing up here on fetlife. it is something that at first, i could not even gr or fathom. but now, almost 3 years later, i feel like i understand it more. even though i have never had the honor to be "slave" to a Master, i have begun to feel the stirrings of it in my heart. like submission, this is something that can only be brought about within myself, with time, patience, and building upon all those good things that bring about the first levels of power exchange. since i have never fully experienced it, i do not know how, exactly, this role would play out. but i imagine that it would be well-rounded, catered to and cultivated for His, and my, needs (yes, i said, it, my needs; one of which is to be in service to a Man that is a Master and who needs me as much as i need Him).

for this to happen, i need to trust Him, implicitly. not only His honesty, integrity and skill, but also His overall style...His goals, His aesthetic in both BDSM and vanilla life. if this is a Man--a Master--that i choose to give so much of my life in service of, i must be sure in all areas that He is worthy of such.

this is something i hope to feel again, someday, with a Dominant Master that can, and will, reciprocate it. to be a slave--to be owned--my interpretation of this may be different than yours, and it is an interpretation that will most likely change over time. but it is something that i do hold in the highest esteem.


1/2/2022 7:26:55 PM
innie or outie?

When dating in the vanilla world, when do you typically bring up Kinks or Fetishes?


Quite a few years ago, when i was still in the vanilla world, i was working at a "big box" store that had lots of employees. It was really my first time ever being offered or accepting dates from male co-workers (none of which i should have accepted but, you live, you learn).

One guy, i enjoyed working with him (we worked in different, but overlapping departments). He was very knowledgeable about the job, professional and friendly, charming in a bit of an eccentric way. He was good looking too. i didn't really have any major sexual attraction towards him, but had enough of a friendly/light crush and curiosity about him that when he eventually asked me out for drinks, i accepted.

We met at a local watering hole that i knew well and was comfortable in. The place is small and gets quite crowded/loud on weekends, but on weekdays it's very quiet, perfect for a "get to know you" date and chit chat. When i was out in the dating world i would use it often on weekdays for this purpose.

Over a couple drinks we talked (well, mainly he talked about himself, which was fine with me), but there was absolutely no flirting, touching, sexual banter, body language, etc. Nothing that made it seem or feel like a romantic "date" to me. Which was ok---i mean, not all first dates result in attraction or fireworks.

It was this total lack of any "date-like" behavior from him that really threw me off when we went outside to leave.

He walked me the short distance to my car and, maybe we hugged, i really don't remember. There certainly wasn't any sparks, tension, or a try for a kiss.

But what i do remember clearly, is that there in on the near-empty street, he confesses to me his secret belly button fetish!!!

A million things ran through my mind. i was still very much in vanilla-world (even though i knew at this point that my sexuality was "different") and had never heard of such a thing.

But mostly, it just seemed so weird that after such a platonic (and honestly, boring) "date" he would confess such a thing, and ask me if i was into it.

i REALLY did try to keep a straight face and not be disrespectful (after all, i'd have to see him at work all the time). But i just couldn't keep a poker face and, giggling, i made a crack about "innie or outie?"

As i drove home i laughed it off, but honestly the huge disconnect between the tone of the "date" (extremely platonic and as normal and plain as two work friends having an after work drink) and the sudden confession of his sexual fetish was the biggest turn off and disappointment of the whole experience.

Of course i kept his secret and remained on friendly terms with him at work. But wow, what a bizarre experience that was!


1/2/2022 2:05:32 PM

The Mask 

So many messages i get just say, "I love the Mask"!! Which is nice, i'm glad you like it. i like it too, that's why i purchased it!

Here are some facts about the mask!

 

It is handmade by a well known BDSM Leathersmith in Los Angeles, Paraphilia Toys. He can be found on various Kink & Vanilla social media sites, Etsy, Patreon, and also has a website. 

It does not have a gag attached. Which is great for me---gags are ok but i am not a gag fetishist. 

i am actually not a Mask Fetishist! i just always wanted something from this Leathersmith and this piece was so unique, timely (purchased early in 2020) and in my price range.

i took the photo myself! Yes, it is me.

i do not post any other photos of myself here because in my previous profile, i received too many unwanted, rude, crass messages and comments.

It is extremely adjustable, with lots of straps in the back. It all comes apart for cleaning and care, too.

The leather is black and the hardware is brass.

There is even wire around the nose, making it very adjustable and comfortable. 

It is hand stitched from very soft and luxurious French Goat Leather.

It has some breathing "holes" stitched in the front but is also designed so that it can accomidate a filter. 

i do not wear it in vanilla spaces. From the front it is fairly passable but the back (all the straps and such) would attract...unwanted attention.

i have only gotten to wear it in a scene once so far! Darn COVID has killed most of my desire to get out there and play. 

If all you have to say to me via message is "nice mask" or "i love the mask", thank you! But no need to send that in a message if that is all you have to say to me.


Thanks for reading! Now go and support your local Leathersmith!


12/25/2021 3:16:21 AM
Are You happy, Sir?

"You're smiling." His voice, clear and calm, cutting through the semi-darkness.

"Yes Sir, because I am happy", I respond, stretched out on the black bed sheets, luxuriating in the newfound warmth running through my body.

"Are You happy, Sir?" I ask.

"I am thrilled to death." A slow smile begins to appear, accentuating His chiseled good looks. I feel, more than see, His gaze shift from my face to my body, drinking me in, large eyes shining.

"A beautiful young woman, naked on My bed, and every time the tip of My crop touches her nipple, she arches her back and begs for more."

for Sir MJ

2018


12/18/2021 12:54:12 PM

In regards to attending BDSM or Kink events, something a lot of people are concerned about is:

"What if I see someone I know?"

Well, that happened to me and it was a very positive, very cool thing!!

It wasn't my first BDSM event, but it was my first time at a public Dungeon. It was one of the nights where it was open to the public, and they offered a program of classes, followed by a Demo and then a Play Party.

i was nervous, but excited!!

i got there just a few minutes after 8pm (when the first class was scheduled to start).

"Is it too late to attend the class?" i remember asking the person at the door.

"Not at all," they said with a welcoming smile, and they gave me directions to the classroom area.

Deep breaths as i walked past the foyer and "stumbled" into the classroom, which also served as the Dungeon's main room. There was a smattering of people on chairs and couches surrounding a stage area. On the stage area was the instructor, and a spanking bench with some books on it.

i took a seat and began to take it all in.

The first class of the night was "BDSM101" and the instructor was going over the Dungeon rules, etiquette, safety, membership, and similar topics. The books on display were some that he recommended: "Screw The Roses", "SM101", "The New Topping Book", etc.

It was a really cool presentation and i was hearing LOTS of things that i had never heard before. Things like how to help keep myself safe, and how to advocate for myself.

It was all very enlightening and very positive!!

But as i sat there listening, something else was nagging at me. The class presenter looked familiar, and i found my mind wandering as i tried to figure out if i knew him.

It was probably about halfway through the presentation when he said some things that REALLY made it all "click" in my head....Yes, i did know him, we actually had worked at the same place before!!!

It was a big place, and had a lot staff and departments. We worked in different, but overlapping departments so my interactions with him were few and far between. But there was something about him which always appealed to me.

In a nutshell, there was something about him that always seemed...different. It was in the way he carried himself. i could tell that he had a great work ethic and could only imagine that it crossed over into his personal life.

Even though our interactions at work were very limited and sporadic i always admired him and held him in a high regard.

It's funny, here is a stereotypically "disastrous" thing that people seem to fear. i had seen someone i know from "real life" at a BDSM event.

BUT---it was a person that i had always admired. It made total sense that he was involved in this lifestyle, as a class presenter no less, given the integrity and good ethic i had observed from him at work.

Rather than being embarrassed, or feeling ashamed of myself, or scared that he would recognize me...

i felt that i was at EXACTLY the right place that i needed to be.



12/18/2021 12:45:33 PM

i think my previous short story got cut off!! so here is the remainder of Part 1. enjoy! 

The Professor Pt 1 (conclusion)

 

The Professor continues in the fashion, giving His student a slow, easy, erotic spanking, alternating harder smacks between more gentle ones...taking a few moments to caress the reddening skin... The Professor gauges her responses in the small, unconscious movements of her body...the arch of her back...the low moans and coos that escape her lips. Once her pale cheeks have achieved a rosy glow, He lets His hand trail down, lower. she exhales sharply as He suddenly grips her smooth-shaven pussy over the now-soaked black cloth of the skimpy panties. "Very good, little one. The wetness here" (now He punctuates the word by placing a firm slap against her suddenly-aching pussy) "confirms My suspicions about your potential." she melts in to the table a little more, smiling at hearing the evident pleasure in His voice.

Next, His fingers move the small scrap of fabric over, and He is stroking her dripping wet lips, teasing her throbbing clit. she moans as He slides in one finger, then two. He fucks her like that, thrusting with His long fingers a few times before withdrawing. With His other hand, He reaches forward, and taking her hair in His hand, pulls her head up off the desk. "Open your mouth." she does, and He slips His fingers in through her lips, past her teeth. Instinctively, she sucks and licks His fingers, eliciting a moan of pleasure from the Professor.

"Excellent, little one" He growls. His voice has changed. It's lower, thicker. Somehow, more animalistic.

"Stand up. That's right, very good." Slowly, she pushes herself up off the cool surface of the sleek black table. Underneath the red silk blindfold, she blinks. But before her conscious thought starts to return, He is there, hand gently at her side, voice in her ear.

"You have excelled with the training program even better than I could have anticipated, little one" He says. "T-thank You, Professor", she mutters, dazedly. "Now, turn around so that you are facing Me", wordlessly, she does as she is told. "Very good. Now, remove your shirt and your skirt." her face turns as crimson as the red blindfold but with only a moment's hesitation, she beings to shed the outer garments. Clad in only her plunging black bra and matching lacey thong, she faces Him.

"Very good, little one. you are beautiful. Now, kneel.

 

12/17/2021 1:36:34 PM
The Professor Pt 1

"Come in," He calls from behind the desk in his private office. Opening the door, she pokes her head in, nervously. "You said, that you wanted to see me, Professor? Is now a good time?" His face remains inscrutable as he waves her in. "Yes, perfect, R--. Come in and have a seat."

she enters the office, nervously. Typically a confident young woman, something about the Professor made her feel a bit nervous, or off-kilter. she takes a seat on one of the simple, sleek high back chairs facing His desk. she starts to feel the involuntary blush creep across her face as she meets His hazel-gray eyes.

"Do you know why I asked you to come by my office?" "N-no, Professor" she stammers, looking down. she feels the warmth of the blush deepen. "Simply put, R--, I feel like you have...untapped potential." "Huh?" she thinks, shaking her head in confusion. The involuntary movement causes her to drop the bookbag she'd been holding, causing a few pens to roll out of the open pocket.

Embarrassed at her uncharacteristic clumsiness, she sinks to her knees to gather the spilled contents. A moment later, looking up, she gs. He is there---standing above her. "When did He get from behind His desk to here???" her brain barely has time to register the thought as He extends His hand down towards her. Unaccustomed to this sort of chivalrous behavior, she pauses a moment, before shifting her backpack into her other arm, and accepting His hand. she's so flustered as she sits back down in the chair, smoothing her skirt down on her lap, she fails to see the amused smile that creeps over the Professors face.

she's never been so close to Him, and if she'd felt nervous in His presence before, right now she felt downright dizzy. He hadn't moved from His standing position and was uncomfortably close to her as He leaned back a bit on the desk and continued to speak. "I have a training method that I think may be beneficial to you, R--, to help you fulfill the potential that I see" He continues, his voice sonorous and clear.

she sits in the chair, stunned. Too nervous to look up into His face, she keeps her eyes downcast, directly at His black leather motorcycle boots, so close to her own modest black pumps. she becomes aware that He has stopped talking. she wills herself to respond. "T-thank You, Professor."

"Excellent, R--. We will start immediately, if your schedule permits?"

"Y-yes, Professor..." she says, dazedly. she seems to be floating outside of her body, watching this strange scene from a corner of the ceiling.

"Very good. Now stand up." As He speaks, He moves back behind the desk and opens one of the drawers. she stands, as if in a dream. she can not bear to meet His gaze, so she watches His hands, as they reach into the open drawer. her eyes open wider and mouth turns to a silent "O" shape as He pulls out a long red silk scarf, fashioned into a blindfold.

she waits, breathlessly, as the Professor walks back around the desk. This time He does not stand in front of her, but behind her. she feels His lean, muscular body close against hers. The tension is palpable. "Close your eyes" He says, bringing the red cloth around to the front of her face, covering her eyes. Tying it firmly around the back of her head. "Now, reach your arms out in front of you, bend forward and lay over the desk. That's right," He says, gently helping her in to position. "Bent at the waist, arms reached out, palms flat on the desk." she feels a strange sense of calm as she allows Him to help guide her into position. her mind empties of all other thought, simply allowing His touch, and voice, to guide her.

"Excellent, little one." her whole body warms at the sound of the unexpected pet name. "you look beautiful stretched out like this over My desk. Spread your legs a little more....yes, like that....perfect." A moment later her whole body shudders as she feels His hands upon her hips. Slowly, He lets His hands trail down, along the black fabric of her form-fitting skirt. Once He gets to the hem of it, He grs the edge of the skirt with both hands. Slowly, methodically, He lifts it, pulling it up until it is bunched up around the small of her back, exposing her curvy, pale ass, clad in only a skimpy, lacy black thong. she feels incredibly exposed, yet incredibly safe, as she hears the appreciation in His voice.

"Simply beautiful, little one." Now His fingers slightly trail along her exposed skin, sending shivers down her spine. "Stay still, and breathe. Do you understand?" "Y-yes, Professor" she manages to squeak. His fingertips leave the curve of her ass before coming down again, firmly but not too hard. "Oh!!" she cries, more out of surprise than pain. she starts to move from her position but then remembers His instruction, to remain still, and to breathe. she settles back into her pose and breathes deeply. Again, His hand leaves her skin, only to come down again, this time harder. "Ooooh!" she cries. There is some pain, which quickly turns to warmth. A warmth that spreads across her cheek, down between her legs. she finds herself squirming again, but this time it's not from pain.

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