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I'm Alexa ;) I'm a 34 year old married lesbian mom who is very happy with her life...most days... but the nights seem Very long sometimes.
I have a wonderful wife who is a skilled lover and will one day be an excellent Domme.... but she needs time to grow into it at her own pace....and I don't want to rush her through the Journey.
But... 10 years ago my first Mistress showed me how much I craved to be submissive, a trained and pampered and petted and disciplined and punished pet. She taught me how much happier, more balanced, more centered, more capable and stronger I am when i kneel and bend and obey. She showed me how contented I am when I am ordered, bound, led, leashed. She showed me how amazing it felt to rise to each challenge she set me.. She showed me how much free-er I felt when she stripped away my ego, my pretensions, my insecurities, my doubts, my fear, my shame. She delighted in my manners, my wit, my intellect but never allowed me to forget that it was the delight one finds in a particularly treasured possession. She showed me that my blushes could make me wet, that my desires were broader and darker than I knew.... but everything I needed. She taught me how happy I was as pet, and toy, and baby girl. She let me discover how beautiful i could feel covered in my badges of marks and words, trembling and weeping and breathless. She taught me how graceful I could feel once I had learned the poses she favored.... she opened my eyes and helped me flourish.... and though years have passed and life moved us far apart, her Mark is ever upon me, for even though Her brand is fading....her Touch will never go away. I miss the...simplicity of being "pet" whose only goal was to Please her Mistress. So simple....once i got passed all the ridiculous mental and social blocks i seem to continuously allow to grow into obstacles for me. It wasn't love, it wasn't a "relationship" in the common way it is used...it was Belonging...it was fulfilling a purpose that was so much clearer than the complex ones i faced outside her doors. And i miss what i felt under her command, waiting upon her pleasure, striving to please... i miss the pleasure and the pain and the times I couldn't tell one from the other. I miss the conquest of my mind, my thoughts....always the hardest won battles for anyone....but She was one of the few who succeeded.
In the years since, I have Played with a few lovers (some experienced, some just learning)a, couple of couples *laugh*, and two member-groups...and i have learned a great deal about myself that builds on the lessons Mistress taught me.
I knew my wife wasn't ready for me to be "pet" to her...not yet, but I never thought that years would pass without my being able to feed that wicked dirty blushing proud pet.... but it has... and it's hard.
So I am coming here... not entirely sure I'm willing yet to step outside my marriage...but knowing I need to find some option, some way to be me again...until my wife can collar me...and mean it.
Thank you for listening ;)
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i finally posted some pictures. Yes, they are of me. Yes they are current-ish. They are about 5 years old (the last time i Played) but other than hair length -which is almost waist-length now- i look about the same. Yes, i was getting decorated as an angel-cake *laugh* BDSM isn't always all leather and canes and crops (oh my!) sometimes it's about cake! :) |
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