OK, so this is a journal entry concerning my entering this lifestyle when I was a young pup of 20.

When I started this journey into who I am I was a submissive. I truly knew nothing of what this lifestyle was about, only that I was fascinated by it.

I found a Domme, but not a...good one. That's one of the things you have to look out for...there are a lot of people in this lifestyle just looking for a naive newling to use and toss aside. Thankfully, very few are like that.

She taught me nothing of what I was meant for. there were no ground rules, so I failed. And there are few things worse than the knoweldge you failed your Dom/mme.

You see, she expected many things, but cared not to explain the reasons behind them, or the history. She marked me for life with a brooch heated over a candle and burned it into the left side of my chest. I was tied down at the time, and could do nothing...the pain was so severe that I couldn't even cry out. Every nerve was on fire, as though they had turned into lines of power, all leading from and to the source of that searing heat. Had I been prepared, perhaps it would have been different. That is something that can never truly be known. However, she could have easily killed me, for she placed it right above my heart, and that kind of jump in pain could have stopped it as readily as an electric shock.

Afterwards...she grew tired of me and I was tossed aside. At the end of this f month excursion, I still knew as much about the lifestyle as I had at the beginning. Perhaps less, for I was left with a skewed view of how things were done. Luckily, I discovered a group that taught me the proper ways of doing things.

I am no longer that wide eyed newling questing to be a sub. I stopped being that a long time ago. I finally found who I am as a Dom...a thought as alien to me when i started as breathing water instead of air, yet the transformation was made and i am all the happier for it.

Even now, some 16 years later, I am asked -from time to time, who the fuck I am to question what is right and what is wrong with what my Domme did or did not do. My answer? I am a being of emotions and thoughts, of touch and spirit. To learn and grow is a human condition, to not do so is to stagnate and become a husk. Yes, even in the lifestyle, there are rights and wrongs. Limits must be discussed and followed, as well as many other considerations. Who the fuck am I? No one that matters in the grand scheme of things, but I am also of importance. I am not an object to be used and tossed aside. But, I must confess, if not for her, I would have never ventured into the world of BDSM...and never fully understood a part of myself.