I am here to find a slave. To me that means a lifetime relationship commitment, one we can grow old with, have fun with, and do our way (meaning My way, of course!) One that includes a lot of kink along with the other adventures of life.
I am a well-educated professional, a bohemian outlaw, a maker, and an adventurer. I am also an older woman who tends to stay within a decade of my own age, at most, for partners. I like sharing some common history with my partner and being in the same stage of our lives. And yes, my slave is my partner, the other face of my coin.
I am a sadist. Well, sadomasochist, to be correct, but my sadism is very much ascendant. I will hurt you, and smile while I do it, and enjoy the hell out of it. But thats about play, not punishment. I do not mix the two up, and expect to punish rarely, if ever. I am not interested in domestic discipline. For that matter, I am not into any particular fetish, I am a broad-spectrum kinkster. I would prefer my slave to be adventurous like that, too. A person who sticks on one primary fetish would not be a good match for me.
Did I mention I am a bohemian adventurer? I plan to spend much of the next couple of decades living in a motorhome, working over the internet, and travelling. I have not accomplished that dream yet, but I am well on the road to it. I spent much of my 20s living that way, without the internet and other amenities of a modern motorhome. I know the lifestyle whereof I speak, and am serious about it. If being the slave of a wandering sadist appeals to you, drop me a line.
If you do, here are some pointers
Do not call me Mistress, Goddess, Miss, or any other title. If you need to use Maam to feel polite, thats fine, but otherwise I am Ms. V. Or just V, if you are writing for some other purpose.
Write a letter that shows me that you are literate and know how to write a letter. Yes, thats important to me. Much of my life is spent around the written word, in one way or another. I want a slave who can share those aspects of my life with me.
Write like one human writing to another. A sub male and slave are of equal human value to anybody on the planet, and whoever you are, you are not Mine, and I have not consented to behaving like your dominant, so do not behave like my sub. Be a person first.
Write as though you are interested in me as a person, and write as an interesting person yourself, and tell me where our interests intersect.
That means do NOT write to ask permission to write. That is incredibly annoying. Do not waste my time. Do not send me one line small talk emails. I am not looking for a pen-pal, and make a very bad one myself.
Do not ask me for cyber, or long distance. I am not moving anybody to me until I have gotten to know them in person, so if you cannot travel often enough to my location in a reasonable amount of time to really get to know each other, do not expect a long distance relationship. And if you are not a permanent US resident, it is not happening. I am not into years of red tape with immigration. No.
I am not interested in sissy maids, roleplay, chastity, cuckolding, female supremacy, goddess-worship, or any fetish that is a consuming interest to the exclusion of other things. No obsessions, no addictions, no drama.
If your profile picture is your dick or your butt, I will hide your profile. I like those parts, but they do not make a good introduction, and somebody who thinks they do is not compatible with me. If your profile picture is butt plugs or a chastity cage, why? Do you think we do not know what they look like? If your biggest interest is in what toys can be used on you, I will not be your fetish provider.
I am interested in scifi and fantasy, historical fiction, and dabble in many other genres. I do a wide variety of crafting, and am currently in a polymer clay phase. I love dragons. I have 3 dogs and a cat.This will be my last cat, but I will always have a dog. I live alone in a cabin in the woods, and commute too far to work. I like spicy food. I love Thai curry, but not Indian. I like purple. I listen to heavy metal, and like Bach and Schubert, and Buddy Guy. I am a freestyle Wiccan. I am a liberal leaning independent with a gun.
I am very direct, blunt, and practical. I try to see both sides of things, and predict problems so they can be solved in advance rather than wait for things to go wrong. Sometimes that comes across as negative. I am working on that, but be prepared to deal with it. I am really not a negative person, I am very laid back, sometimes grumpy but almost never angry, and generally pretty easy going. Just do it my way and everything works out fine!
I am often in the male-submission chat room associated with this site on the weekends. I rarely respond to requests to private chat here, one chat at a time is enough.
**The pictures I have posted here are my own photography (except the ones of me, of course), the floggers and cats are things I made myself, the dungeon is my own, the bondage was done by me. Please do not use any photography or writing from my profile without specific permission from me.
2/23/2018 3:13:39 PM
It's baffling why some guys start an email by saying they've read a profile, and immediately make it obvious that they haven't. Or that they have little or no reading comprehension. Do you think we're so stupid we won't notice? You know everybody can tell who has looked at their full profile, right? You can't read all of mine without looking at the full profile, so I KNOW IF YOU HAVEN'T. Not to mention there are things in there placed there specifically to see if it's been read.
Do you think there's nothing in there you might need to know? Do you think a dominant just wrote it for fun and it doesn't mean anything? Do you think "getting to know a dominant" might include reading what she writes? Do you think lying about it will make a good impression?
If you want to get to know me and maybe serve me some day, the first step is to PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT I SAY. Starting with the profile. The second step is to NEVER LIE. I mean, seriously, this is not rocket science, guys. Anybody past ten years old should be able to figure this stuff out.
1/27/2018 7:16:20 PM
How do you guys choose the pictures you post as your avatars? Seriously, we women wonder, often, what in hell you were thinking, many of you?
What women do you know who are attracted a nude cell phone shot in a mirror? If you're trying to be honest and open about who you are, then honestly, we usually meet first with clothes on. Most people prefer to get to the nudity in our own time, not when saying hello for the first time. Yes, this is a kinky website. But we all know we're kinky. That has nothing to do with cell phone nudes in bathroom mirrors. That isn't kinky, and it sure isn't sexy, it's just cheesy.
We know what butt plugs look like, along with most other toys. We don't need to see pictures of them, it tells us absolutely nothing about you that can't be better said in your Interests. Unless you custom make something unique, and make it well, a picture of sex toys does not make a good profile picture.
Stolen porn does not make a good avatar. We know it's stolen porn. It's usually designed for a guy's tastes, not ours. No, we don't need to see a picture of your fetish. Put it in your interest list. If we want to see porn, it's not hard to find. We're looking for a person, not a stolen porn shot.
Look at the background in your photo. Somebody claiming to be a service sub with a photo that shows a messy, sloppy, dirty background does not inspire confidence in his service, or his word. Somebody drunk in a bar does not inspire most women to want to own him.
Think about the person you want to attract. What is she likely to want to see? NOT what you want her to want to see! Do you want fantasy or reality? Then think about real women, not porn stars. What do women look for in a potential play partner/lover/sub/slave on first greeting? Somebody interesting, with good taste, humor, intelligence. Not another cock in a mirror.
6/4/2017 12:19:40 PM
It seems really weird to need to say this, but I LIKE COCK. No, I do NOT want a picture of anybody's penis. But I do want a partner who has one, is not ashamed of it, doesn't want to lock it away or pretend it doesn't exist, and enjoys making use of it and having it used! We can work around functional issues, but if your attitude is about getting rid of it or locking it up or punishing you about it, we are not compatible. Sex is a good thing. So are dicks. Not wanting to stare at random specimens all the time doesn't mean I don't like to have fun with the ones I own.
For fuck's sake, NO, this journal post does NOT mean I want to know the size of yours, or trade foot play for penis play, or anything else penis centric. I want my future sub/slave/partner to have one. But the "sub/slave/partner" part comes first, and is not penis-centric either. This is not an invitation to every penis that is otherwise completely unsuitable.
The point is to get your brain away from your penis, either for or against. Nobody will ever care about it as much as you do. Focus on something else for a while.
2/21/2011 7:52:21 PM
Fair warning. If the first thing that comes up on your profile is a picture of your ass, I'm going to figure you are one, and put you on my "hide" list, because I am just not interested in looking at an asshole when I load the site.
2/15/2011 3:16:28 AM
Sometimes I'm really amazed by the ideas some guys get in their heads. Have they not noticed just how easy it is for a woman to find a guy who wants to get laid? Have they not noticed that there are very few men who don't want to give oral? Given that these are not rare commodities, but commonly available to the point of massive over-abundance, why the hell do guys expect women to see them as some kind of fantastic catch because they "love to give oral for hours"? What makes them think a male sex toy is a rare and valuable commodity? Why are they so very disappointed and confused when some hot fetish model hasn't snatched them up for extreme face-sitting within hours of them posting a new profile? And since when is getting laid submissive?
Don't get me wrong, I love sex, a lot of sex, in a lot of ways. I love oral, and require it often, though not for "hours". In fact, I've only run into a couple of women in my life who like oral for hours. It's pretty much a male fantasy, and even they usually find it's better in their minds than in reality. But I do love sex. The thing is, sex is available from pretty much any man out here. It's not special. It's not rare. It's not what most women are looking for. Offering yourself for nothing but sex is not any more likely to get you anywhere in the kink community than it is in the vanilla. In fact, probably less.
You see, most of us kinksters are out here for OUR KINK, not just sex. We can get that any time. And if you're submissive, we aren't here for YOUR kink, unless it happens to be one of ours too. So your best bet is to actually pay attention to what the women are asking for, instead of just figuratively yelling, "SEX SEX SEX SEX" at the top of your lungs all over your profile. We already know that part. How about something that's not available everywhere? Like a guy willing to actually pay attention?
12/27/2010 5:51:13 AM
Warning, slight rant ahead.
Okay, since I say I'm looking for a slave, I suppose I should say something about what a slave is and is not, to my mind. (These opinions are mine, they have nothing to do with anybody who disagrees with them, you're welcome to your own opinion, but if a 'slave' wants to consider me, this is what I think.)
First, here are some things I do NOT consider slavery:
If you're looking for "sessions", you're not a slave.
If you're looking for part time or long distance or webcam play or phone sex, you're not a slave.
If all you want is kinky sex, you're not a slave.
If you're only interested in obeying when it's fun and convenient, you're not a slave.
Slavery is ownership. If it isn't mine to do with as I will at any time for any reason, I don't own it. If I can't decide where it should be and when it should be there, I don't own it. If its primary focus in life is something other than me, I don't own it.
I don't expect to reach that level of relationship with anybody quickly, but if you aren't looking for a live in, 24/7, devoted, open, no holds barred relationship, you aren't a slave for me. I don't expect brainlessness, I own my slave's opinions and knowledge and skills and abilities along with the rest of him. However, it's up to me when and how he expresses and uses those things, just as it's up to me how any other piece of property I own is used.
There is NOTHING wrong with enjoying kinky sex and play and part time relationships and full time Domme and sub relationships and any other kind of thing that works for you. But when I say slave, I mean slave.
4/12/2010 1:26:09 AM
I just returned from my first major kink event of the
season, but far from my last! I plan to attend no less than 4 major events this
year, as well as a group kinky camp-out nearby, and my own weekend party in
June. It will be a wonderful year, I'm sure. If the rest are as enjoyable as
KinkFest was, it will be a fantastic year!
I packed up my toys and shipped them ahead, which made life
much easier. My boy and I met up in Sacramento and headed to the airport.
Generally when we meet up away from home I hand him a small silk pouch and he
heads to the bathroom to put on his "lower" collar. Later in private
he kneels and I lock his more usual collar around his neck. This time, his
collars went through airport security in my purse. Right after security, I
handed him the pouch, so he wore my collar before we left town. :)
The trip was uneventful. My boxes were there ahead of us
with no problems. Somehow we got booked into a room with 2 full-sized beds,
instead of the king I reserved, but we made due as the hotel was full. We used
one bed for sex and the other for sleep. ;) Nobody got stuck with the wet spot
and we cuddled even more than usual.
So, after thoroughly investigating the bed situation, (Hey,
it had been a month!) we went down and registered for the event, greeted a few
old friends, and wandered through the vendor mall. There was a woman there
doing waxing, so I got an appointment for steve for the next day. I drooled
over Victor Tella's whips, as I always do, and said Hi to a few other folks. We
went to dinner at the in house restaurant which actually wasn't bad,
thankfully. Steve and I are both foodies, especially when traveling. Then up to
the room to get dressed for the dungeon party that night.
The dungeon was set up across the parking lot in the "Trade
Center", a large area with a gratifying variety of equipment available for
use. There were of course the obligatory crosses and benches of various
descriptions. Also a number of suspension points made of steel framing set up
in huge X's, a Whip Alley partitioned off to avoid accidental strikes, a couple
padded areas for rough play, a couple cages, and a long row of medical exam
tables set on plastic for blood play. There was even a saddle. No, not some
kinky bench thing, but an actual western riding saddle cinched onto saddle
We were also happy that there was a DJ working for both
dungeon parties. The music was well done, a good selection and reactive in
volume and beat to the crowd levels and energy. There was a good amount of play
going on. The place wasn't packed the first night, and we were there early in
the evening, but it was busy enough to be worth walking through a few times
between playing. There was a whip thrower trying to pop balloons that were
fastened strategically on a bottom's bottom. A poor sissy was tied to a chair
in all his pink ruffles and ribbons, looking very very not happy, with a sign
on his chest saying, "Please tease me!" There was a kitty in one of
the cages, playing "swat at the toy" as her owner dangled things
through the bars.
I did tie steve to a rope frame and beat him up a bit.
Nothing truly spectacular, but a nice flogging, a few clamps, my really nasty
new pointy leather slapper. I gotta take a picture of that thing. Anyway, we
were both pretty exhausted for a variety of reasons building up before the
trip, so we called it quits fairly early, went back up and *ahem* made use of
the beds again. Oh yeah, with some cheesecake from the restaurant. Cheesecake
is a really great thing to take to bed with you.
The next morning, I ordered breakfast from room service. I
love breakfast from room service. It's one of the most wonderful parts of
traveling, especially when the food is actually good. Then I jumped on my boy,
just to see if we could finish before breakfast arrived. We didn't. We had fun
After breakfast we got dressed and scurried down to the
first class of the day. We went to a class called, "The Magic of
BDSM". Unfortunately it wasn't what we thought it would be. It was
actually a good class on how to initiate and build an energy and dynamic that
goes beyond just swinging the paddle and fucking, how to set up a mood and
build on a mind-fuck over time. It wasn't, however, quite the magic we were
looking for. She didn't quite have enough material to fill the hour and a half
class period and started asking open ended questions at the end, letting the
folks who seem to be in every class take off with irrelevant verbal ramblings,
and we ducked out the back.
It was time for steve's appointment, anyway. I had his
shoulders and back waxed. It was great fun! Anybody who sets up a waxing booth
in a kink festival has to have a touch of the sadist about them. steve is a
hairy guy, and it grows in odd patterns. It was nice to get his back clean and
smooth without having to trim it myself, and fun to watch him come off the
table...lol. After that he got his boots blacked by a lovely tattooed and
pierced leather boi bootblack. He enjoyed it thoroughly as she massaged his
feet through his boots. The bootblacks raised over $1400 for a crisis center
for gay victims of domestic abuse.
The hotel had an indoor pool and spa, which were rather
interestingly situated in the central court. The center area of the building
rose to a roof several floors up, and was visually divided in half by a
stairway with a high wall on one side and a waterfall on the other side, while
the upper floors were open air to both sections. On one side was a lobby area
with the restaurant, bar, and conference rooms opening off of it. On the other was
the pool, with a patio dining area around it outside a wrought iron rail, and
the spa in an alcove. The entire area was designed to give a feel of being
outside without going over the top in trying to fake it. It was a nice change
from the usual plexiglas-and-tile gym motif of an indoor hotel pool. So we
spent the afternoon hanging out in the spa with a good friend and her new
partner, a new good friend, (Lady Papillon and Spicy) instead of going to more
After dinner we took a rest. Sort of. Then we got dressed
for the dungeon party. I put on a floor length burgundy skirt and a black
leather corset over a black and lace bodysuit. He was in black jeans and black
t-shirt. (I am really working hard on getting that boy some fetish clothes.) I
had to accessorize him a bit. I added a hangman's hood, a leather blindfold,
and a leash. I handed him the toy bag, and led him blindfolded by the leash
through the hotel, down the elevator, outside and across the parking lot to the
Dungeon, through stashing the toy bag, and an entire circuit of the dungeon.
And the dungeon was packed that night. What an awesome night for wandering and
He did really well with following me blindly, so I took off
the blindfold for a second circuit of the dungeon. Michael Sol was doing a
cutting on an acquaintance of mine. I enjoyed watching that for a bit. Our
friends from the hot tub were playing also, and it was nice to watch them for a
bit. Another friend and fellow flogger-crafter, PantherProwls, was florentining
singletails on a lovely bottom.
I strapped steve down to a massage table and got all
sadistic on him. A nice handful of my favorite little hair clips all over his
cock and balls got his attention. I alternated playing with the clamps and
strapping him with that nasty pointy strap I was telling you about. It's
interesting, after that handful of evil toothy things has been on there a
while, he can no longer distinguish exactly how many there are or exactly where
they are. And after I sort of massage them around for a bit, he's willing to do
or say just about anything to get the damned things off. It's truly one of my
favorite ways to play with him. After much screaming and cussing and begging
and even a touch of anger (I love it when I push him far enough to actually get
pissed at me. ;) ), I let him up. He got dressed and we put the toy bag away,
gulped a bunch of water, and headed around the dungeon again.
A really odd laugh needed investigating, and turned out to
be a guy wearing a plastic cow mask while getting tickled by two people
finger-painting in his blood after some needle play. It was shortly after that
when steve fucked up. A couple lovely girls were walking through the crowd
offering big buckets of red licorice. Steve, being the thick-headed half-sub-spaced
pun fan that he is, said, "Thanks! That's the best whipping I've had
I looked at him. He took a bite of licorice, caught my look,
and suddenly had trouble chewing and swallowing. Then he dropped to his knees.
I explained to him that I didn't appreciate publicly losing in comparison to a
licorice whip. Then he crawled after me through the dungeon. He crawled for a
long time. I did forgive him before we had to rethink that bed thing, though.
More room service the next morning, and some shower sex, and
packing up again. Check-out time was noon, though there were classes until 5.
We had the front desk check our bags and take the boxes for shipping, and went
and strolled the vendor mall again before taking a table in the lobby area and greeting
friends and watching people.
We went to our second and final class of the event just
before it closed down. It was Bondage for CBT, and was a truly great class. The
guys who taught it had so much fun it was impossible not to grin along with
them. They taught 5 different ways to tie up a guy's junk. The first and most
complicated one the teacher had a big problem with, before getting it right
eventually with a different type of string. The original hemp was too kinky. ;)
Some cotton clothesline worked much more smoothly. Personally, I ended up using
Then we had a last dinner at the hotel restaurant before
heading back to the airport. He spent a lot of time shifting around in his seat
from all those tiny slivers that jute leaves behind. He swore he still had
"holes" from the teeth of those clamps the night before, too. Poor
One more night in another hotel, and a nice breakfast
out the next morning, and it was over. We drove off our separate ways once
again, and here I am. Waiting for Shibari-con!
11/10/2009 8:18:55 PM
Okay, ladies, fess up. I find sub after sub after sub who professes to have had "intensive oral training".
Who's doing it? What exactly are they being trained to do? Does this
involve like, tongue exercises, training in extended breath holding?
Perhaps an anatomy and physiology lesson? Is it something you have to
send a sub to, or does anybody have a curriculum for doing this
training at home? Might be interesting....
So many of them have gone through this intensive training, somebody's got to know something about it.
7/1/2006 9:20:56 PM
Would you believe that last little rant about empty profiles netted me a lovely submissive? Don't know where it's going, but I at least found my boy for now. And I actually found him here on collarme! Throw a fit on a personals site and see what falls in your lap. :)
3/29/2006 12:46:02 PM
How do you boys expect anybody to find you (if you actually want to be found) when you don't fill out ANYTHING on your profile? Come on, give us a clue about you!
3/2/2006 11:29:47 PM
It's been a long and eventful winter, and I'm truly looking forward to spring. I moved into a wonderful new house with lots of privacy and lots of potential play space, indoors and out.
Hoping to find a guy who is in the right place on the sub-slave continuum to fit with me. Lots of work to get done around here this spring!
11/6/2005 9:25:25 PM
Ok, please ignore the music selections listed on my profile. They seem to change at random whenever I hit the "save selections" button. I love blues and rock and roll. I like jazz and bluegrass and folk and classical and heavy metal and show tunes. I dislike rap and hiphop. Everything else is on a piece by piece basis. I'm also not interested in raves or gambling.
9/20/2005 2:54:50 PM
Things to remember before you write to me:
1. BDSM is not an excuse to cheat on your wife.
2. Prodommes are very different from lifestyle Dommes. Different wants, needs and priorities. One gives you what you want in order to get your money. The other you will have to actually figure out.
3. Telling you how to jack off over the phone or on cam is not you serving me.
4. Saying you will do whatever I say from 5000 miles away does not make you a slave, outside your own fantasies.
5. I'm not here for your fantasies.
6. This is not a porn movie. Dommes do not live in leather and lingerie 24/7.
7. Read the profile. If I say I'm not interested in your favorite kink, I won't change just because you're desperate.
Good luck, and try using the upstairs brain now and then.
9/11/2005 9:06:09 AM
Folsom is almost here! Taking my sister along to have fun with the at least equally twisted. I hope to buy a good single-tail there, at least, and meet up with some friends, and meet some friends.
Fall is turning into a truly lovely season for me this year!
4/7/2005 5:37:17 AM
There seem to be so many HOT male subs on the east coast. It's a shame I have no desire to live there. Still, many nice specimens here. A new toyboy to try my new toys on. I'm thinking it's a CBT week coming up.
3/11/2005 8:05:01 PM
I love watching the "New Members" list after a popular new movie comes out. You can almost predict the names that will show up, usually in several variations.
2/22/2005 2:04:55 AM
New toys, new toys, just need a new sub to try them on. Bound to be a good one around here somewhere. I've met some lovely ones in the area, but not the right one...not yet. Still, fun is fun. Next???
2/10/2005 9:26:45 AM
Guys, when your friends tell you that you look young for your age, they don't mean 10-20 years. Really. I'm glad it makes you feel good, as it does me, but if you're 52, don't put 42 on your profile and then post a picture. Be real. Please. You really need to realise that the picture of you and the woman really isn't going to help you attract another woman, either. Last little piece of advice, for now. If you say you're looking for 24/7, don't send letters to people on the other end of the continent. Yeah, long term relationships are possible, but not all that often, and the first impression I get is that you are looking for the safety of playing at 24/7 without actually having to give anything of yourself up. Won't work.
1/8/2005 12:24:30 AM
I was asked, very politely, to update a couple of things mentioned in my journal, so here it goes. Yes, I did actually go through with getting my nipples pierced. I'm quite happy with them, though they are still rather tender, some days more than others. I'm still talking with and occasionally meeting subs. I've enjoyed the search, and made a few good friends along the way. Finding one who suits my particular needs, schedule, and location is not easy though. Given the quality of lovely men that I have met so far, I do still hold out hope for the future. In the meantime, I'm having a great deal of fun crafting toys!
1/3/2005 3:33:23 PM
It amazes me how many subs around here are certified personal trainers and professional chefs.
12/26/2004 4:31:21 AM
Things are still good. I need to make a note, to all the subs out there...I am NOT looking for an on line sub, and I DO NOT want to direct you by cam. Thanks anyway.
12/12/2004 7:28:30 PM
Ahh, life goes on, and it seems to be going fairly well. I've joined a local BDSM club, and look forward to meeting them all soon. My toy collection has rapidly outgrown its box, and I'm trying to decide what to replace the box with. Tomorrow I intend to get my nipples pierced. We'll see how that goes.
11/25/2004 1:31:36 AM
I'm pleased and rather amazed to say this site occasionally works. I've had a number of nice and interesting conversations with members, and no more dross than could be expected. I've also recently met a sub near me that I am so far very happy with, though it is very early yet for both of us. I've also met a few people I've learned from, and expanded my understanding of some of the areas of BDSM that I don't practice. Always good to learn more. I hope it continues!