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| I have written and rewritten such profiles, each time trying to reveal a different layer of myself, not often succeeding. For now, I'll simply say that I don't want just any man, nor does the one meant for me want just any woman. BDSM "play" is empty for us both, a deeper connection is desired. Shared interest, true bonding, a level of commitment that takes some time to develop. We both seek intelligence, sound reasoning and a desire for self improvement; neither of us could be considered stupid, lazy or complacent. We're both willing to work for perfection instead of settling for "good enough". He is my guide and mentor and staunchest supporter. He takes pride in both my service and my accomplishments and that knowledge only spurs me to greater heights. Something is missing without him, hindering my progress in reaching my full potential but I know he's coming. For all else, right now I direct you to my journal entries and list of interests. Hopefully, both will let you decide if I could be one you should speak to and serve as an opening for our conversation.
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Ok, I haven't written in forever... no questions, no advice, not even a rant.
So here's a simple thought, let's see if I can get feedback.
One trend I see again and again (in the few messages worth reading & responding to) is some version of "I like this and that about you. You're great. We should talk."
Sometimes that's more elaborate... sometimes it's three sentences but the point remains the same -- someone else stated I've captured his interest in some way.
What surprises me is that I rarely see what I consider to be a natural follow to that (if not even more important)... why *I* should be interested in him.
A male friend of mine says this comes from the male thinking that makes men happy and mildly surprised whenever a woman expresses interest in him without any prompting on his part... and that this being the case for him, he thinks women would also respond happily when someone expresses interest in her.
I have a hard time believing someone would only see something in such a one sided matter. I think some small attempt at a version of "here's why you'd want me" should be natural.
What does everyone else think?
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"Most people never take responsibility for their lives. They live in
fear and waste the gift of this life by living it without thought or
passion.
I will not do this. I will live well and die well."
The words above are the truest I've seen in a while.?
It is said there is a lot of room at the top.? There's a bit less at the bottom and a whole lot less in the middle.
Why?
Because most folks are ok with average.? They want to "get by", "make it", "just survive".? Anything else is too hard or too much work or even worse, something they just can't do.? They believe they're too old, too young, too fat, too poor... or they aren't smart enough, beautiful enough, well connected enough or in some other self inflicted way not good enough.
Mediocrity, fear, blame, doubt, insecurity...? they pile up, taint our minds and form our own self imposed prisons.
Years ago, I started to break free from this cycle.? I accepted that I am responsible for the outcome of my life, not luck or fate or chance.
I set a goal and work to achieve it.? I imagine that any Dominant I pick would help and encourage me along my path, that as partners, we would co-create the amazing life we want to live, leaving behind limiting thoughts of what we can have or achieve.
He will adore me and I will worship him.? He is strong and fit and willing to engage in many types of physical play.? Since I'm not a masochist, he's probably not that much of a sadist... instead we play at the edges, we play with the mind, we control (by force often) the body.
He can bring me to my knees, quickly, even if I were to fight back.? He can move me, physically any time he wishes, even if I balk.? He can leave me shivering in fear or anticipation with only a word and no threat of physical violence.
He has studied and mastered my mind... and so he owns my heart, leaving my body as the victor's spoils.
One day, I'll meet him.? One day very soon.
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What do you do when you just don't know what to say to someone?
When several little things have combined to make you uneasy... yet no one thing has come along to kill your interest?
Apparently, in my case, procrastinate long enough that the point is moot. It's true that I *was* busy this week... and annoyed and frustrated... but that's more excuse than reason.
*le sigh*
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It looks like it's set to be a rainy, dreary day, at least that promises cooler temperatures!
Today, interaction, communication and getting to know someone is on my mind. I had a long conversation about this with a male friend last night.
When I find someone interesting, it's based on something he has put out there for me to see... a descriptive profile, journal entries, perhaps combined with his list of interests (I scan through them for "vanilla" interests we have in common). Then comes the hard part, I have to figure out how to tell him what I saw that interests me, why it did and essentially why he should care, in other words, why he should also be interested in me.
Admittedly, it does require some thought and once in a while, what I see is too vague and I decide not to write at all.
If we do end up talking, I quickly seek to establish common ground. Find it, build it, spread out. Relationships (whatever the type) are built around similar goals and interests. (For a D/s relationship, it is preferable that we have a similar philosophy on life but that's another story!)
I will be the first to admit that this is often difficult and sometimes no matter how much I might want to, a connection cannot be made or sustained -- but I try.
I recognize that everyone I find interesting will not also take an interest in me -- and I live with that.
I'm also silly enough to believe other people have come to this same realization.
Instead, overall, men seem to stop somewhere at the "this woman interests me, let me find out more" stage.
Since it's so common, maybe it works for most. I don't know. Do other women stop what they're doing and happily answer a string of close ended personal questions or discuss the weather and the life of someone they don't know?
I really don't know, so I have to accept it's possible and I just can't help but wonder how other women usually handle this.
Personally, when I'm sitting at this computer, I'm usually doing something. I'm reading a paper, I'm writing, I'm researching, answering email, browsing journal entries, watching a movie... the list is endless.
Instant messenger stays up whenever I'm at the computer, rather the same way I keep my cell phone turned on. Pretty much the only time I turn IMs off is if I'm in the lab (and sometimes I forget then). But it feels like someone expects that I'm sitting here bored (it happens but rarely) just looking for someone to talk to and it doesn't matter what is discussed.
Ok, long entry, but I've just got to hear from other people (especially the women) how THEY go about this.
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A well written response to an earlier journal entry that I felt deserved to be shared.
In my experience and observation, there are two very different sorts of
people doing BDSM generally:
On the one hand there are folks like you, for whom it is part of their self-actualization. The surrender of the submissive (or slave) in such a case is a conscious and deliberate act that doesn't come out of a sense of psychic deficit, and (hopefully) they attract dominants/masters who appreciate being with another adult.
On the other, there are subs/slaves who are very broken, and need to use this BDSM experience to play out their brokenness. Of course, there's a cover for every pot (old Yiddush expression) so there are doms/masters who like that sort of thing, too.
What happens is that often the second sort of dom is too unconscious to see that all the women don't fall into the second group. His modus
operandus is being bullying, overbearing, presumptive, etc etc etc - and when done to the first sort of sub/slave (like you) it just pisses her
off.
If you step back and look at it from a distance, it is pretty damn funny actually - or pretty damn pathetic - depending on whether you see life as a comedy or a tragedy...or both.
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You are not called to be a canary in a cage.
You are called to be an eagle, and to fly sun to sun, over continents.
P.S.
Remember the U.S. Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness.
You have to catch it all by yourself!
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I choose to submit.
I am rather strong willed. I have a fair amount of self control & discipline (could use more but I'm working on that). I'm straightforward, well educated and have little tolerance for foolishness.
I choose to submit.
I also choose who to submit to.
I feel the need to point this out because there seems to be this common widespread belief of a submissive's place or attitude or even capabilities.
Some of us are just as intelligent, sharp and capable as any Dominant. We are not lost or broken.
We choose to submit.
There is freedom in submission. Release and pleasure and security. It is warm and comfortable and scary and exciting. It is always, always, intense.
It is *not* a destructive, abject craving but instead a strong desire that, when fulfilled, makes everything else easier, brighter, and just... click into place.
And I miss it.
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To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...
This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...
And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...
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Quote for the Day:
"Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself you have built against it."
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Ok, so while it did seem a bit sad as one of those fellas was extremely interesting and pleasant company, a fellow submissive gave me the best reminder and advice in the world!
Always speak your mind because those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind!
How true!!
My equilibrium is restored and there's a smile on my face again.
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Ugh! Humans!
Warning: I apparently have an annoying habit of telling the exact truth (as I see it), so it's best to be sure you want someone who's honest if that's what you say you want, not someone who's honest unless they tell you something you don't want to hear.
If you ask me if I'm interested in you, I'm going to tell you! Even if the answer is I'm not sure.
If that upsets you, then I have my answer.
And you probably shouldn't tell me it's ok to speak my mind, that honesty is preferred and then get upset the moment I do!
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Perhaps because I was awake much earlier than expected, I find myself lost in thought.
The keyword for the moment is, respect.
The way I see it brandished about by potential Dominants reminds me of unruly teenagers or Italian mobsters in some B movie.
"Are yous disrepectin' me??"
I've been told the idea is akin to "I command respect and I will not be treated like everyone else."
I feel like Arsenio Hall now; that's one of those things that make you go hmmmm.
For surely if you command a certain level of respect, it is naturally given to you as you've earned. Anything else suggest *demanding* a certain level of respect. Which leads to the next part of that idea...
An interesting stranger, be they Dominant or submissive, is still just an interesting stranger at that point. So, then, would they not be just someone, anyone else in the world?
Ah well, I saw a profile say this site is not a kinky version of Match.com. Well I wish it was or that someone would make one!
Because I want to get to know someone and find that -person- interesting. I want someone to get to know me, see what makes me tick and decide if we have common ground.
If someone decides to apply a "submissive test" during this process, I will fail -- utterly.
That's not how I walk around the world.
I will show who I am so you can decide if I am who you want.
Please do the same for me.
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I'm generally not a fan of small talk and I will never just answer question after question. Only a real conversation will appeal to me (which is probably why I tend to ignore "hello" or two line messages but I digress).
So, by now, I accept without question that most people find me hard to
approach/talk to.
I accept it now because there's simply no use trying to change it. I'm just not for most people.
Any friend or partner of mine strays from the norm and the tried and true. They are unique, astute, have a variety of interests, quick minds and generally well educated... and that's the beginning of what makes us such good friends.
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So today someone writes me a strange, nonsensical message about Canada and moving north for jobs, the wonderful first impression I made and other things.
I write back a few questions and point out that we've never spoken before... and he attacks my communication skills (???), tells me I've never earned an engineering degree (I'm apparently a drafts person?? imitating an engineer... even though there's no drafting in my field) and blocks me.
So... my journal entry for today was another look into the vanilla side of me today and posted on #fet$life# instead, same username.
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Cue Pomp & Circumstances, baby!
I did it! I'm DONE!
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I have a decidedly spiritual bent that is more Eastern than Western.
This does not generally come up in any introductory conversations. It is part of what makes me a bit more serious about my choice of partner and what I do than many others.
And knowing that this view is not shared by the masses keeps me cautious.
Gems, crystals, meditation, qi gong, energy work... such things are as familiar to me and at times as big a part of my life as kinetics, electon transport and polymerization methods.
That I should be working for continual self improvement is a fundamental core belief of mine. So is the idea of both self control and self mastery having more importance than nearly any other task or ideal.
I am a rational, skeptic engineer AND an occasionally far sighted, questing mystic... and find no conflict in that.
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"Little girl..."
Oh how those two words can send shivers through me, spoken in the right tone, from the right man...
Ahh but I am often a busy girl, and picky... and candid! I want somebody, not just anybody. Someone... I trust. Someone that I look up to. Someone that values my skills and mind just as much (or more) than any other trait or gift I have to offer.
Someone who can still consider himself nurturing even though he's Dominant. Someone who considers his submissive's happiness and pleasure as well as his own.
Someone willing to grow and build... someone who is usually calm and confident, willing to make hard choices and take a deeper look at life than most...
Someone who melts the normally self sufficient, practical, ambitious and forceful woman into a helpless little girl, who misses and needs her Daddy.
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Time for another question. This time though, two for the price of one!
What is the most satisfying thing you do each day or week?
and...
When in your life have you felt loneliest?
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If you could temporarily freeze the world and everyone in it (except yourself), what sexual things would you do, and to whom?
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Ahhh! Today I bought my cap and gown.
Graduation is near and I am bright and happy!
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For all who ask:
Reconsidering -- meant I was (and am) reconsidering whether or not a lifestyle relationship is worth seeking (especially in this way) at this time.
I have no desire or interest in playing to the least common denominator. I will not dumb myself down or address someone I barely know and have not agreed to serve as sir, Dominant or Master. I am also not impressed with someone who feels the need to tell me some version of "I"m not like everyone else".
Neither am I!
I"m a strong woman in my own right, carving out my own brand of success in the world. To possess and own me is to have that strength, intelligence, loyalty, creativity and dedication as your own to call upon -- not to diminish it.
Deep in my heart, I will always miss and want my Daddy.
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Ahhh but people still never cease to amuse me! They are so quick to assume they understand instead of listen.
Which is ironic given that everyone can be considered the expert on themselves.
So... it's a beautiful day out today.
Make it wonderful!
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Beyond tired of the fleeting nature of relationships in the lifestyle.
Think in terms of years and commitment even when something upsets you, training doesn't really -start- until I've done something that needs correction.
Temporary is one thing but fleeting is another entirely.
If your relationships tend to be measured in months, readdress what you're doing *before* you seek me out.
I certainly will avoid such a mistake again.
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Tell me what it means...
Tell me what it means to you to take on a submissive...
What you think it means to be Dominant, Master, Daddy...
Tell me about, not just your privileges and rights, but your responsibilities and your duty.
Don't tell me how submission is a gift to be cherished, so is the attention, guidance and experience of a truly concerned and loving Dominant partner.
No, tell me how you protect what's yours.
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Ahhh but people are funny.
This process is one I've never liked and I'm returning to it changed, cynical.
But I didn't need to be so radically changed to flatly refuse a dinner date after two short emails and five minutes on yahoo.
Do I look that hungry? Or perhaps I have nothing better to do?
Economics lesson -- a free meal isn't actually "free". There is a term called, opportunity cost. It acknowledges the spending of resources outside of dollars and cents.
My time is a valuable resource. Don't ask me to spend it without helping me see it would be worthwhile. I've given away entirely too much of it as it is lately.
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Rethinking, reevaluating, second guessing... everything.
Especially my attempts at a meaningful relationship with me submissive to someone who owns my heart.
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I will admit to my love of a well written journal.
And when I find a Dominant who has displayed such skill in communication and taken the time to express his thoughts and feelings well... my heart smiles.
My heart was wrapped up with concern and naked desire for a man who liked to shroud himself in mystery and never shared whatever thoughts and feelings he had, for me, or in general.
One result of that is my utter distaste for the many short and meaningless messages I receive.
Attempts to treat letters (for it's letters we receive in the mail) as instant messages will probably be ignored, as will random, one line compliments.
Why would I want someone else with no desire or ability to even talk to me?
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Most of my detailed writings are best found on **f etlife**, same username.
I'll try to remember to put some here as well.
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| Age: 34 |
| London,
United Kingdom |
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