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| Life on "the farm".
Let's start with basics..... One part of our life will and must be concerned with running the house, keeping the bills paid, making sure we have the things we need to live well and safe, eating well, and so on. This is obviously a full time ongoing endeavor, and it makes good sense to me to solicit a partner who is an actual partner in helping me take care of the mundane so that we have time and freedom to pursue and enjoy the sublime. What "partner" means is that I am NOT looking for a princess to put on silk cushions and adore, cater and pander to, but someone at my side and sharing mutually in the obligations and rewards of making and keeping a home - OUR home and sanctuary and safe harbor. Whether you have it in your nature to become my Goddess or my Slave, my Muse, or just my plain ol' vanilla gf... in all aspects of whatever relationship we negotiate, my vision is that of partners, side by side, a team, 2 minds and one body.
Another part of our life together will be concerned with our mutual exploration of the above mentioned sublimities - not just the pursuit and gratification of our pleasures and perversions, but the more indefineable inner states of experience and spiritual unfoldment as we learn and grow, both in the study and pursuit of our "art", and as spiritual beings. What this all means in translation is that I have no interest in just "hooking up" for fun & games and casual erotic encounters. To my thinking bdsm is much more of a spiritual journey than anything else - an exploration of the secret rooms in our psyches, an unlocking and unblocking of our latent desires, needs, and creative abilities. Who we are in session, imho, is much more the REAL person than the avatars we assume to work our jobs and negotiate the intricacies of our day to day lives.... One is an example of us just going through the motions of an artifical life and lifestyle, while the other is who we really are deep inside ourselves.... My proposition, and my seeking here, is that of working to explore and liberate our true inner selves, to bring them out of the psychological cellars of our spirit, and bring it all up into the light and fresh air, just to see if it's really all we think is is, or if it's really not for us, or whatever. Either way, there are many things to be learned... and equally many to be UNlearned if we are to make progress within ourselves and along our life journey of self discovery and self realization.
Think of this as an experiment in cooperative living.... like a "commune". First and foremost we BOTH are "submissive slaves" to the house and when IT needs something we MUST comply, and as mentioned above, a part of our energies must be directed towards those everyday tasks.... Everything else that happens between us is up for negotiation as far as I am concerned. I am not so set in stone about which role - dominant or submissive - is right for me. In terms of everything that I do day to day, it is obvious to my observation that I am BOTH at different times and in diverse circumstances, depending on who is around me, and so on. Although from the point of view of considerations about "power" and "control", I would say that I have little desire to actually control or dominate another person.... I DO want someone to "belong" to me, and serve me with all their heart and mind and spirit, BUT I do NOT want them to do so because I have "dominated" or manipulated them in any way.... I want someone to want to stay with me because THEY wish it, and because my "world" is the right and best place for them to be, and they never want to leave. And if being at MY side is NOT the best place for them, and they don't need and desire to be there, then MY WISH, out of simple love of humanity, is that they go and keep looking until they DO find the situation that is "rightest and bestest" for them! I don't want someone to stay with me out of fear, dysfunction, or simply not having anything better to do, but because their spirit finds & nourishes itself here within the framework of the world/home/life I seek to create in my own image and according to my understanding of the ways things SHOULD be in a proper and successful home and household. I want someone to give themselves to me without holding back, but NOT as part of playing a role, but because it comes from their true heart - AND most importantly I want someone to make such a gifting because I am genuinely worthy of their devotion and love and gift, and again NOT because I have "trained" or conditioned, or "enslaved" their mind, but because I helped them set their mind FREE, to have the strength and confidence of spirit to be able to make such a gift. I will not TAKE anything from you, but instead want you to give your everything.... because it's the right thing for YOU to do.
As far as any of my submissive tendencies are concerned - I have them for sure. Aren't we ALL like that? Having a trait AND it's opposite trait, both in measure, makes us what we are as humans, flawed, lopsided, out of balance... and wonderful and beautiful too. As the saying goes, the rose also has it's thorns. We are what we are. In any event, I DO want to explore and experience being submissive in bondage... I have a fetish for it, and am also willing to help you experience it also if such is your wish.... Submission to me means that if my partner needs something, needs help working through her own feelings and psychological blockages, then if able, I would want to "play my role" and help her explore and expand herself and her horizons - the more I can help her resolve her inner conflicts and move beyond that which holds her back will translate into a better partner for me... and even if there were NOTHING in it for me, still I'm all for helping another person find inner freedom, become a more capable person, and so on. Anyway, what all this means is that I'm new enough to these things that I am open to exploration and suggestion.
All of that said, I am a quiet type by nature. I don't care for a lot of noise and party scenes or any of that - it's why I sought out this "farm" at all... where I could have space and quiet and nature around me. I'm fairly well educated, and can get along well (when I have to) among civilized society and scholars, or cavemen, with equal aplumb. Born and raised in a major city, I retain my country boy sensibilities - I like looking at stars, and smelling the earth, and feeling the rain on my bare skin - even when it's cold. I'm a dreamer, an inventor, a warrior, and a child.
I might update this later... or might decide it's not worth my time as I already have enough spam in my life. To anyone who happens to pick up this message in a bottle and UNDERSTANDS, then nothing more need be said, while to those who are attracted to the role play over the substance, there's probably nothing I could say to help them understand anything deeper than that - water always seeks it's own level. Anyway. Thanks for looking and best wishes in your search.
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Seeking a seeker
There is a life of which you so far have only caught a glimpse... you know it's there, you know it's real. Most everyone you know will deny the possibility of anything more meaningful than prada and 300 premium wide screen HD channels, and you were indoctrinated into that myth also... and then one day you blinked and caught a glimpse (of the real world of possibility), and then blinked again and it was gone - and you've been looking for it again ever since.
And now we've both ended up here... what took you so long.
I'm trying to make sense of all the information available for study here on this site - it's really quite an awesome data stream, something for everybody and then some. BTW - Have you noticed how EVERYBODY has dominant AND submissive in them... depending on circumstance, the other people around them, and so on. Nobody is anything 100% of the time. And have you noticed how EVERYTHING in our lives and relationships with others has always been on one level or another, a struggle for control, assertion, having things OUR way instead of someone else having it theirs. We've been playing out power games our entire lives, trying to walk the line between our conflicting wills to dominate and/or to serve others. The same thing occurs to me about nominal dom/sub relationships, that however we identify ourselves, the reality is that we serve one another.... if the relationship is REAL. Show me a case where the arrow of service only points in one direction and I'll show you a case of spiritual/ psychological parasitism or vampirism - technically this is a "real" relationship and unhappily for the human race it happens all too often - chances are that every one of us on this site was raised under some variation of this particular dysfunctional domestic dynamic... but just because it happens all the time does not make it "real" in the sense of a "real relationship" which is about 2 people being reciprocally nourished and nurtured. Ask yourself how many times you've seen a happily married/partnered couple, who are satisfied with each other, and where their mutually reciprocated love and union is cherished and celebrated and honored. Of course we've all had a conversation with someone not of our world at one time or another about the merits of a "vanilla" lifestyle vs one based on or inclusive of our love of kink... We all can see where vanilla's not real either, just different people playing different roles, just another fantasy, but vanilla is easier - it's always easier to follow one's programming about the way things are "supposed to be" than it is to think, feel, and live according to one's own heart and REAL desires.
Let's talk about the glimpses you've had of the way things could be - if only. And happy new yr. |
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Fans ask.... "How's the renovation going?"
Not bad - thanks for asking. I got the hardwoods redone and am currently working on fixing some termite damage under the kitchen cabinets, and then redoing that floor, and then replacing the counters, etc. Also got the electricians about 80% done with upgrading everything... so I'd say it's going pretty good. I'll probably hunker down for the winter (I'm gonna replace the heat system too), and see what spring looks like. before deciding to do more - such as replace the windows and roof, landscape the place, and so on... whew!
And how's the world serving you m'dears?
Anybody wanna help?
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8/21 Ok Babies.... Here is the update to my life all (ie both) of you have been waiting for...
I was out driving one day - had closed on my house (sale) and had no place to live - Yikes! And happened to drive by a place, and out of curiosity, pulled into the drive..... And fell in love! I bought it and moved in and am now living happily ever after in the promised land. Is this Iowa ... or Heaven? It's a sweet place, 1/2 acre of land and only 15 miles from the epicenter of civilization and culture for the entire tri-county area - downtown Ral! Oh JOY!
Anyway I am now in the process of fixing the place up and turning it into Xanadu - redoing the hardwoods, putting a nice porch on it - I hope. AND best of all - I have a 16x30 cement slab out back where I'm going to put up a block building - as a "workshop", and whatever other utility can be had. It's a good 100ft from the house and very quiet and private - I might make myself a little man-cave out there and let tenants have the house!
I have the space, and the opportunity here do do some serious exploration into b&d, dom/sub, and such fun and amazing stuff! Anybody out there looking to have an adventure, and maybe start over in their own lives, and have some fun, and all that good shit? The place is big enough that I can have a nice garden, and a greenhouse, fishpond, and the city ordinances even say I can have chickens! Ha! I LOVE this house and plan on having myself a little "farm" - and I will sure need a live-in hand around here! What we do after the chores are done - as far as I'm concerned that's all up for negotiation!
I had promised to offer some data on the art & science last time, but with the move and such things have been too hectic. Anyone who really wants a change in their life, and to open their mind a little and find out more... All you gotta do is ask and I'm happy to correspond if that's all that seems possible. |
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The story so far....
I have reached a point of change in my life... my "friends" who have known me many years, have actually NEVER known me at all - They tell me that it's just my age, that everybody goes through it. That could be possible I suppose, but the way I put it is that I have finally gotten sick of all the meaningless bullshit and drama that passes itself off as "the rich pageantry of life"... This isn't living, it's madness. From the grinding monotone of our jobs, to the affairs of our hearts, even down to our sexuality - everything we've ever known is a distortion and caricature of what COULD be, and what we all secretly desperately want to be, IF we could only be free to be who we are and who we need to be. As is, we - ie everyone - live our lives as avatars, pretending to be what we are not and pretending not to be what we are, pretending not to feel as we really feel, pretending not to see as we walk over the terrain of our our lives as they are "supposed to be". After a lifetime of empty handshakes, duplicitous compliments, outright lies, and fake love, one is compelled to wonder : Who is real, and where do we look? Here maybe?
In any event, an opportunity for life change has presented itself and I have accepted the challenge and adventure.... In fact I'd say I had no choice but to accept it, that "a change" is just what I have been hoping for, waiting for my chance to grab the brass ring IF it ever swung within my reach . I have known for a long time that there MUST be something more, and better, than to spend the rest of my life working a meaningless job and watching my friends die slow deaths trapped in their loveless, passionless, and unconnected "marriages". But I don't have to tell you do I - you already know many such people as they're everywhere, their name is Legion.... Unable to rise up into the light of their higher noble selves, and afraid to even admit to having lower selves, people spend their entire lives trying to maintain the artificial middle, hoping they can fit in, and longing to belong, and so they end up trapped in a limbo of nothingness, walking around inside their avatar as it goes thru it's endless routine, alien and artificial.... THAT is the real MATRIX - the world of make believe.
Anyway, I'm starting over in my life.... perhaps for the last time. I won't be this healthy, this "pretty", or this charming again - and this free from encumbrance, and whatever I choose, or whichever way these events lead me, will certainly influence and impact the way I live for the rest of my 'useful' life.... Therefore it behooves me to search the haystack carefully to find the right needle and at the same time hopefully avoid all the other pricks therein. I'm in no hurry.
What is happening is that I'm selling my house - I have the contract in hand and expect to be "homeless" by the end of the month (July). I AM going to find SOME place to live - obviously - and so after reading MANY MANY of the posts on this site, I thought Why Not?! Because of my personal interests (and fetish) for b&d, I thought that M A Y B E there might actually be someone REAL out there who could make good and worthwhile use out of someone such as myself and this opportune situation.... and just m...a...y...b...e find a few answers, have some fun, and so on. I have to think that finding anyone who really "got" me and also understood anything about the beautiful art dance science of bdsm has got to be the longest long shot in the world... All the scammers, liars, cheaters, users, losers, takers, fakers, players...predators by any other name... I'd probably have better luck playing the lottery... And of course IF I ever hit the lottery, well, no doubt I'd find someone to love and adore and cherish me!
Next time I want to say more about the art & science of dom/sub, bnd, and all that interesting stuff... At any time - till the end of the month anyway - I can be contacted direct at bndsub@nc.rr.com. No doubt I will be charmed and delighted to make your acquaintance! |
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