Myers-Briggs INFP.
I'm at a point in my life where I seek the kind of intimate connectedness that I’ve only experienced in the BDSM context. I believe that the connection needs to be mental and emotional, and that the physical is a way of expanding and expressing the things that lie deeper.
My greatest need is intimate knowledge -- exploring my own dark recesses and those of my partner. Pain, bondage, humiliation, role play ... All of those things are means (which so many others claiming to be in this lifestyle confuse as ends in themselves). To me, all are different kinds of touch that arouse different parts of the soul (and belly). For me, it's about the process ... About learning each other's needs and not necessarily following a script or making any one or another practice into a deal-breaker.
Master and slave are not unequal, just two faces of the same coin. A Master cannot exist without a slave, and vice versa. The slave's needs are every bit as important as the Master's ... As a treasured possession, concern for the slave's growth and well-being has to inform every decision and every demand the Master makes.
I want us to create something that will allow us to touch each other deeply, share completely, and grow unceasingly. There's so much inside me that needs expression ... I can't even begin to find the words to describe it, other than knowing that I need a complement who will open herself up completely to me and allow me to do the same. There will be times when we will encounter barriers and blind spots, but I want us there the help each other get past them.
If there's one conclusion I’ve come to, it's that she will have to teach me how to be her Master, just as I will have to teach her how to be my slave. This is knowledge we can only start to attain after we’ve begun to learn each other. Over time, I’m hopeful that we will find our own way of being Master and slave.
In fairness, it should be understood that I am married to a vanilla woman, and am in a sexless (although not loveless) marriage. She is aware of my needs and desires, but chooses not to honor them. As a result, I have made the decision to pursue those unmet needs on my own. At present, she is not aware of that, and, I would like, ideally, to find someone in a similar situation, or who can accept the limitations of my present circumstances.
As with all else in life, things can change, however. If that's a deal-breaker, better to understand and accept it now, and continue to go our separate ways. If you can live with those limitations for the moment, then I’d love to hear from you.
