Yes, I have a pic. No, I won't post to my profile; I have to be discreet. Yes, I will send it to you.

Red Flags and Dating Tips for Kinky People

“Red flag” is a term to describe a personal trait or behavior that is common in people who are harmful to their partners. When getting to know someone online it is very important that you look for these red flags. When you see these red flags slow down or stop the relationship. Understand that none of these red flags alone are definitely a sign of a bad person. They only tend to be an indicator of a problem situation. The more you see these red flags, the more you are at risk. Many of these red flags can apply to both unhealthy Dominants and submissives.

These recommendations are to help you avoid getting into an abusive relationship. If you think you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship please visit NLA’s Domestic Violence Project web page at: http://www.nlaidvproject.us/

Red Flags:
• Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community
• Avoids talking about personal details. Gets mad when you ask or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions.
• Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to. Gets angry when you ask for references or ask around about them.
• Is inconsistent with details about themselves. Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time.
• Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets mad if you try to contact them at other times.
• Criticizes the BDSM community and refuses to participate, especially if they never were part of it.
• Consistently breaks promises. Always finds excuses for not meeting.
• Always puts blame on others for things going wrong. Does not take personal responsibility.
• Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members.
• Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do. Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts.
• Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast.
• Falls in love with you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you.
• Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned.
• Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough. Says that you are not a “True” sub.
• Loses control of their emotions in arguments and regresses to yelling, name-calling and blame.
• Puts you down in front of other people.
• Turns instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat.
• Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next.
• Goes to great lengths to get revenge on people.
• Lies or withholds information.
• Cheats on you or is overly jealous.
• Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like. Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship.
• Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions. Belittles your ideas. Blames you for your hurt feelings.
• Abuses alcohol or other drugs.
• Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you or others.
• Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm.
• Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt.
• Monitors your communications (emails, phone calls, chats) with others.
• Only interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role-playing. Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations.
• Never shows you their human side. Is emotionless. Hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role.
• Has multiple online identities for interacting with the same communities.
• Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation.
• Is rude to public servants such as waitresses, cashiers and janitors.
• Never says thank you, excuse me or I am sorry to anyone.

Safe Dating and Correspondence Tips

Before meeting:
• Do not give out personal information to strangers right away. This includes your name, phone number, address, place of work or email addresses you use for other purposes. Set up an email address that you use only for BDSM. There will be a time when you will share your information so they can be safe too. However they do not need the information until preparing for the first meeting.
• Do not send money to your online interest. There are online users that earn a living by faking love and pretending to run into hard times.
• When you do make telephone calls, make sure your phone blocks caller ID or call from a public phone. Do not call collect. Your number will appear on their bill.
• Exchange multiple recent nonsexual photographs to avoid embarrassment and hurt feelings.
• Get a background check before meeting. There are several services that will do this through the Internet.
• Make it clear you are not going to engage in any BDSM activity on the first date.

During the meeting:
• Meet in public places, preferably with a friend. Do not let your date pressure you into going somewhere else even if the date is going fine.
• Try to make your first date a daytime event.
• Drive yourself to and from the meeting place. Relying on them for transportation can put you in an unsafe position.
• Establish a safety net complete with safe calls and details on your date. Tell your safety net your date’s information, where you will be going and what to do in case you do not make your safe calls. Make sure your date knows you have a safety net set up. It is a great deterrent.
• Bring along a cell phone on your date and do not become separated from it.
• Do not drink alcohol on your date or leave your drink unattended.
• Never engage in bondage during your initial BDSM session if you are there alone.
• Do not leave your wallet or purse unattended. Your date may dig through them to find out information you do not want them to know.
• If you are traveling to the meeting, do not let them meet you at the airport or bus station. Use cabs or rental cars for going to and from the public meeting place. Do not stay with them or let them make arrangements for you. Do not let them know where you are staying.

Be aware that safe words, safe calls, contracts, negotiations or gut instincts will NOT fully protect you from a real criminal. Take your time and be sure what you are getting into. Criminals have less patience for difficult targets.

Moderately Amusing:
http://www.jizzhut.com/videos/fuckjeans-155534.html

Thinking of changing my profile. Keep your eyes out.

New vid... I'd like to do this to a sub sometime.

http://www.jizzhut.com/videos/sexualy-used-forced-orgsm-and-fucked....-2201791.html

I like this scene.

http://www.jizzhut.com/videos/hazel-painful-buttfuck-crying-175931.html

Another vid link. The girl is pretty, but the scene feels a little lite on the fucking:
http://www.drtuber.com/video/7642?aid=25

I don't make love. I don't have sex. I FUCK.

So there's a lot of people I faved with no contact or explanation. I'm going through my list of contacts to fix that.

Another CollarMe member posted a link to this video. It caught my attention:
http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=a7d01d9c3279a3e043ff



Two observations:

1. Whats with the accents? And their references to some obviously vague and contrived plotline?

2. I play rough, but what hes doing seems like rape. I dunno though, I'm no legal expert.

But still, I find it somewhat inspiring. Overwhelming a "Domme" through strength of Dominance.

So I've established an account on a certain other f et i sh site as well, under the same username.  I think I'll be spending more time on that site from now on...

There is a physical/sexual side to domination, and there is an emotional side.

At this stage in my life, I'm leaning more towards the former.

If I favorite you, its because I genuinely like your profile for some reason. I also do it to "save" profiles, if for some reason I cannot message you right there and then.

Seriously... it seems like everyone is either owned or "under consideration." And how can someone be under consideration for two years, anyway...

Thanks to PuppyHeart for letting me repost... A guideline for subs when checking out a dom.

The Acid Test!

Test #1: When in doubt, throw it out! Don't waste your time with people that make you feel uncomfortable. Even if the guy was a real Dom, if his personality makes you feel uncomfortable, he's not going to be fun to play with.

Test #2: "You'd better call me Sir!" is the mating call of a HNG or control freak. Real Doms don't have to ask for titles, we earn them. Most real Doms will say things like "Please, call me Mike..."

Test #3: "I want you to take my collar before you play with me." This is another common demand of fakes, most often made by control freaks. They have to isolate you from other people and their advice, and sometimes a little ole "cyber-collar" is just the thing! Cyber-collars are worth less than the leather required to make one.

Test #4: If you get an Instant Message that says something like "On your knees you [slave, slut, bitch, whore, etc.]" This person is an HNG. Use some common sense here. Why waste time with somebody that's not even polite? There's a time and a place for these endearing terms, and it isn't online!

Test #5: "I don't have to answer that question!" or "It's not proper etiquette for you to ask a Master that." These are examples of some the dangerous lies that control freaks and snerts use. This is the Acid test I personally think is the most important! A Dom had better be ready to at least try and answer every question you have, and honestly at that! It's literally your ass that's on the line! Never forget this!

Test #6: "It's my way or the highway!" or words to that effect, are the mating cry of the common control freak. Doms can have limits too, but it's your limits that count FIRST. Don't let any would-be "Dom" tell you differently. Don't let any of the wannabe subs tell you differently either. Where Male Dom/fem sub play is concerned, it's always lady's choice!

Test #7: Don't bother with online collars. Don't make decisions about a prospective partner based on his online play style. It's a very simple test if you think about it: Would a real-life Dominant waste much time on cyber sex and cyber domination? Please take my word for it; The answer is no. Forget it, once you've done the real thing, cyber is just too damn dull.

Test #8: Ask your prospect if he's ever made any mistakes during a scene. If he says "no," run for your life! If he says, "very rarely," at least be suspicious. Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are experienced and skilled. Sometimes submissives have limits they don't even know about, and even the most careful and skilled Dom in the world will trip over these occasionally. Remember, according to our good friends of the Christian faith, the last perfect guy to walk this planet got nailed to a tree for his trouble. So expect competence, but not miracles.

Test #9: "I'm a [bank president, captain of industry, combat photographer, self-made millionaire... yadda yadda yadda.]" Wouldn't it be nice to meet a rich Dom too? Sure it would! But use some common sense. How many captains of industry have hours to spend in an AOL chat room? Also, think about this personality profile; If this super successful, always-in-control person is really into BDSM, he's likely a submissive! Worse yet, it could very likely mean he is a control freak. I have met a lot of submissives that fit this ambitious profile, but not one Dom yet!

Test #10: "I'm 33 years old, and I've been a Master for 15 years." Gimme a break! What are the odds? When you ask about a Dom's level of experience (and it's a good idea to do so) remember to do the math as well. 18-year-old boys don't care about the intricacies of BDSM; they want to get laid. Trust me on this one Ladies, I was an 18-year-old boy once! I personally believe that people do become what they are (be it gay, straight, Dom or sub) very early in life, but it takes maturity and training to be a Master. What are the odds a person became a Master when they were still using Clearasil?

Test #11: Ask for references! Especially if he claims to be "very experienced." Talk to the references on the phone. Lots of HNGs have female screen-names set up to act as "references" for them! I notice that a lot of newbies seem to have trouble with this concept. Which is understandable since in the vanilla world it's considered rude to talk to a guy's ex-girlfriend. However, in the BDSM scene it's the opposite; experienced Dominants should accept and accommodate this kind of request gladly.

Test #12: "I have three real-life collared slaves right now, but you can't talk to them." OK, when you consider the ratio and all, this sounds possible. What makes this an acid test failed (and failed miserably at that) is the last part. I have met couples (and even triads) that really were looking for an extra person to add to the mix. This is not uncommon at all in the scene. But these couples were looking together. If a "Dom" has anyone already collared to them, you probably ought to talk to her first!

Test #13: "I don't need safewords." Well of course he doesn't! If he said this he's likely a snert and therefore he's never really been in a scene! Of course he might be a predator too, and then he wouldn't need safewords either. Need I say more?

Test #14: "My slaves trust me to set their limits for them." If you hear a "Dom" say this it's most likely because these slaves only exist in his mind. Or worse still, his "slave" is simply the victim of spousal abuse. Even so-called TPE (Total Power Exchange) and other sorts of 24/7 (i.e. full time) BDSM relationships should involve careful and thorough negotiation.

Test #15: "I'm married, my wife can't know about us" If I have to explain this one to you, you've got problems. I have played with many married submissives in my time, but only with the express permission (and more often than not, participation) of their husbands. Safe BDSM requires complete honesty. You can't build a good scene on lies. There are plenty of people that will be willing to tell you differently; but please note, they will all turn out to be adulterers (and hence, liars) themselves.

Test #16: Insert your own Acid Test here: You will learn much from your mistakes and missteps. If you form an online contact with a "Dom" that falls through, analyze why it fell through. Don't make the same mistakes twice if you can help it.