DENIAL-DELAYED GRATIFICATION-ORGASM CONTROL
WHEN ASKED HOW IT FELT TO BE DENIED OR EXPERIENCE DELAYED GRATIFICATION
My reply: I have never tried to convey this to anyone online before, But I will do the best I can to answer.
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So, denial and/or delayed gratification... How does it make me feel.
-Well, it makes me feel many things depending on how far "in" I am and what it is I am waiting for, and how I am being made to wait.
This is my experience---ONLY mine
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-first there is want- I want something, it would be gratifying in some way to have it
****denied
-then I feel dread - this used to be because I was told "no", but now it is because I know that I'm expected to behave in a certain way and if I don't----- I will be denied longer or maybe permanantly
****denied
(Note:I have never worried about being permanantly denied sex or such- that is grounds for breaking a bond)
-next I feel determined- why, because I still want what I WANT. But the want has grown, it's now full on desire and longing. I *must* have it, whatever it is, it's consuming me, the mind starts calculating and ineviitably always concludes... Expectations must be met...compliance at this point is crucial
***denied
Eventually I am desperately needy, inside. NEED, NEED, NEED. It is INTENSELY physical, but it is mostly deeply, deeply mental, it's distracting and it's incredibly hard to not to be overwhelmed. I usually feel like the world has slowed down around me. Although the tension has not left my body, i'm on some cloud of auto-pilot. Ansy yet maintaining. "tasking" at this point is almost impossible, But this almost always the point where he will push my limits. This is where I often falter. my body and mind are fighting this---
****denied
Now- comes ~~~~~~focus ( this is the big AH-HA ). My mind eventually stops thinking about what---I--- want and starts thinking about what HE wants, not my needs, not why he is doing this, not anything else....just "what does he want" ----- The dilemma here is the body is desperate----VERY MUCH. I am acutely aware of this, it's excruciating. My body needs! BUT my brain only thinks of him! Again, sensitive, desperate, aching need in the body--- HIM IN MY HEAD.
If I stay focused, so very focused--
------CONTROL has been achieved now, atleast on the topic of patience, denial, delayed gratification not just from the TOP but also from the bottom
I often have failed to maintain my control all the way to the end. But iIhave gotten so much better at it. He both expects me to fail AND to succeed at this. Either outcome has it's consequences.
Lastly, that was a generalization, because the intensity level varies accordingly.
--- orgasm control--- pisses me off.... I LOVE IT ! I HATE IT ! I LOVE IT! I can't stand it! but I love it! ( lol )
