New study suggest that BDSM might be correlated with better mental health

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XgeTCJ5Uwg

I must admit that I have been thinking of editing some of my posts because I have been contemplating constantly and deeply on the idea of humility, submission and pride and my ideas have evolved. I have also been doing so on the idea of being a good dominant man. While the search within myself for a deeper understanding of human behavior and BDSM righteousness/morality goes on, I have found that some small details of my post might have been too general and could possibly be misunderstood. However, The general idea of each post is still absolutely correct.

These profound thoughts and the fact that these writings have been so well received have led me to idea of writing a book to bring people personal evolution within the lifestyle. I am hoping that if I do write it, it can bring all of us involved in this community to look at ourselves from another perspective. One that is much more rational and fulfilling. One that looks at love and happiness as ultimate goals, instead of short term pleasure. Many of the ideas of morality within the lifestyle would have a touch of utilitarianism, existentialism and Kantian ethics, however, these ideas would form its on moral theory.

I want to thank all those people that have messaged me being grateful for the posts and those that have had such kind words to say. I am glad I can provide a bit of knowledge to many people that feel a bit lost out there :)

I love this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYil-x1wAtE

“It's okay to disagree with the thoughts or opinions expressed by other people. That doesn't give you the right to deny any sense they might make. Nor does it give you a right to accuse someone of poorly expressing their beliefs just because you don't like what they are saying. Learn to recognize good writing when you read it, even if it means overcoming your pride and opening your mind beyond what is comfortable.” 
― Ashly Lorenzana

What is the Difference Between a Dominant Man and a Master?

The question "what is the difference between being submissive and a slave?" is asked very often and there are many articles out there that discuss this issue. I have yet to write one about it but I decided to go with the differences between a Dominant man and a Master first because it is not questioned very often.

First of all, the word Master can be taken in two ways. It could mean "a man who has people working for him, esp. servants or slaves" or it could mean "a skilled practitioner of a particular art or activity". If a dominant decides to have his submissive call him Master, he should explain to her in what sense she will be saying it. She should be aware of what she's saying, especially if you have few skills.

I describe a dominant man in my profile quite well, because that is what I consider myself. If you must know, I do have the almost impossible goal of becoming a Master one day (Although I heavily dislike the sound of the word).

A REAL dominant man is independent, charming, respectable (in every sense), stable, integral, strong, honest, intelligent, educated, imaginative, has a healthful amount of self esteem (unlike most here), has control of his life and has the ability to control his emotions and to guide and inspire his submissive. He should always have the safety and benefit of the relationship and the general safety of his submissive as indispensable requirements for every one of his orders and decisions.

A Master is a dominant man who is skilled in BDSM, therefore, In order to be a Master, you must be everything that I previously mentioned plus the following skills:

Bondage: This includes all or at least most forms of rope bondage there is.

Psychology: This is probably the most important skill you can have and the most difficult to obtain. Personally it is the one I enjoy the most and the one I work at the hardest. Understanding how the mind of another person works is vital to maintaining a healthy relationship. If you are unable to open the mind of a submissive, it is highly unlikely that you will ever be able to teach her anything, much less keep her with you.

Reprogramming: Many submissive women have been fed monumental amounts of bullshit from many online sources or other people in the lifestyle that continuously repeat erroneous ideas that simply sound noble but have absolutely no logical base. You are going to have the oh so simple and delightful task of teaching her the right ideas and getting rid of those wrong ideas that she holds dear to her heart. You must also become an expert at behavioral modification in order to be able to properly train someone. This includes conversational hypnosis, anchoring, cognitive behavioral therapy, neuro-linguistic programming or NLP (Although I'm not a huge fan of it), among many others. This takes many years of education and practice, don't expect to be an expert from an online course. A Master must always use these scientifically proven methods for reprogramming during training in an ethical manner.

Lie detection: I suppose this could be part of psychology. You must be able to read your submissive like a book. How can you have control of someone if you do not understand how they feel? How can you control someone if you don't even know that they're lying to you?

BDSM terminology: How can an accountant teach someone else what a balance sheet is if he doesn't understand what assets, liabilities, equity, debits, and credits are?

The many different power exchange lifestyles: This includes those that you're not even remotely interested in... You want to be a Doctor? You hate chemistry? Well... too bad. you still have to take it.

Experience: This is pretty obvious. I don't care how good you were in college. When you got that first job with your degree... on those first few weeks, everyone was better than you. Why? experience. Want to be a Master? It takes years. Be patient.

Proper use of toys. Whipping, floggers, canes, among many others can be very dangerous if not used properly. A Master can use and has control of any of these tools as if they were part of his body.

I am sure there are many more necessary skills but hopefully many submissive women will start asking self claimed Masters if they mean that because they already own slaves or submissive women or because they are extremely skilled and educated in the liy do answer that they are skilled, please question such skills.

Proud to Be Submissive? Then You're Not Submissive!

Many people in this website claim that they are proud to be submissive but this is a self contradiction. I would like to remind people that the core of submission is humility. The moment you say you are proud to be humble, you are no longer humble. The moment you become proud of your submission, it is goodbye submissiveness. As matter of fact, if you go on Google.com and you type the words "Define humility" you will realize that submissiveness is part of the synonyms that show. Furthermore, if you click on the down arrow, you will see that the ONLY WORD listed as an antonym is pride.

Let's start by defining Humility. According to Google, Humility is a modest or low view of one's own importance. Please note that it does NOT say that humility is a low view of one's value. It does not matter who you are. You can be a famous singer, a doctor, a teacher, a parent, or the president of the united states, but if you are humble, you understand that your importance as a human being is equal to that of any other human being. No matter who you are, you are under the same social contract and you have the same "rights" as anyone else.

Imagine a submissive person for a moment. Imagine all their personality traits, all the virtues that come from being submissive. The heart of being submissive is selflessness. The reason why they do what they do and the beauty of submission is that they love or care about someone so much that they put them before themselves. This is humility! Can you imagine this person as proud? I'm sure you can't and the reason you can't is because you cannot have a submissive person without humility, just like you can't have an egotistic person without pride.

A submissive woman kneels in front of another person because they understand this does not make them more or less valuable than the person they are kneeling for. As a matter of fact, they understand that this action does not make them more or less valuable than anyone in the world. It is a way of saying "I accept you as my authority, as my guide and I submit to your will, I put your happiness and joy before my own". A submissive woman understands that kneeling is not a way of saying "Your life is more valuable than mine" neither is it a way of saying "I am more valuable than most women because I kneel in front of you". Do you realize how contradictory and paradoxical that sounds? The action of kneeling shows respect, appreciation, submission, selflessness and over all things, it shows that you are humble, if you are proud of it, then kneeling in front of someone is completely MEANINGLESS!

“Humility is like underwear, essential, but indecent if it shows”
Helen Nielsen.

The same goes for saying that your submission is a gift (This was discussed to a deeper extent in my previous journal entry). I would like to ask these women if their humility is also a gift to mankind... Talk about pride.

"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left."
Oscar Levant.

Real submissive women understand that a good Dominant man or Master uses humiliation in order to remind them of their place, not to make them feel worthless. He is also able to explain how extremely humiliating actions done to them must be looked at in order to make them grow instead of making them feel worthless and useless.

“Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Being Irish isn't a skill... it's a fucking genetic accident. You wouldn't say I'm proud to be 5'11"; or I'm proud to have a predisposition for colon cancer.”

George Carlin.

I believe that submissive women should be proud of their achievements but must be humble in their opinion of themselves. She should be proud of achieving a doctorate, she should be proud of achieving a big goal her Master or Dominant man gave her, she should be proud of finally receiving her collar after years of hard work, but she should not be proud of her submission. You can be happy to be submissive, you can be glad that you are able to experience this beautiful part of life, but don't destroy it by being proud of it. If ever felt proud to be submissive, then you are not submissive, you are egocentric and kinky.

Submission is NOT a Gift

Once again I am baffled by one more of these ideas that sound so beautiful when written on paper but when analyzed and put under the microscope of rational thought, it just becomes ugly and undesirable.

It seems like this is the new trend on the BDSM lifestyle. It seems to me that someone comes up with these stupid, irrational ideas that sound politically correct and everyone else adapts this new belief based on the broad view of it. We may be past everyone writing the word "doormat" on their profile and what is now "in" is calling submission a gift.

Let me start by saying that when you provide someone with a gift, you are doing so out of the kindness of your heart, not because you are expecting something in return. This is not the case with a healthy BDSM relationship. If you are giving your submission as a gift, then you shouldn't expect your Dom to take responsibility over your well being in any sense. Whether it is in a vanilla relationship or in BDSM, both parties need to provide to keep the relationship stable.

If you are looking at submission as a gift then there is a big problem because you're undervaluing what your dominant provides, and that means setting up your relationship for failure from day one. You believe that your submission is more valuable than his domination (real domination). While I do agree that submission is something very valuable and meaningful, it is not anymore meaningful than what a real dominant man can provide. While you are providing him with stability, comfort, pleasure and more, he is also providing you with exactly the same by taking responsibility over you. Let's not forget that submission provides as much pleasure to the dominant as it does to the submissive and the same can be said for domination.

Once again, please analyze your ideas deeply, and especially, analyze those ideas given to you, before you adapt them as your own belief. Just because something sounds right, just and noble, does not mean that it is.

Let Me Get a Side of Consistency with That, Please!

As I continue to learn more and more about the extreme ego and low self esteem of women, which is often reflected in their defensive mind set and personality, I have come across the inconsistency in their beliefs.

If you were to ask every woman about equality, almost everyone of them would jump up and immediately agree with it. Yet if you were to ask these women if they enjoy their man paying for the bill and treating them with a lot of care, they would also agree with such.

What most do not realize is that part of feminism, (second wave to be specific), asks men to "stop treating women like children." If such was to happen, men would expect you to be paying for the bill and to not have to treat you as if you are vulnerable and delicate.

Equality not only means that you get the benefits that men receive but that you get the disadvantages as well, such as going to war in the front lines when the country requires.

We are living during an era where women not only have the same rights, but many more advantages than men. I will go as far as saying that socially and legally, women have much more power than men. This is all due to the pursuit of two politically correct ideas that contradict each other, yet no one has the courage to analyze them and confront the current belief system.

The first politically correct idea is equality, which states that women are equal to men and therefore they should have all the same rights. What they fail to mention is that those rights should come with the same responsibilities.

The second politically correct idea is that women are to be guarded and protected because they are fragile and vulnerable. Many women have taken notice that the law tends to see them as vulnerable and therefore they are typically believed to be telling the truth when making domestic violence or rape claims. In fact, many men have been jailed for many years after being falsely accused of such crimes and it is only rarely and after a long time that women actually come clean. They know that this is not heavily persecuted. They know this would only put them in prison for a few months when found guilty, making it easier for them to make the decision to commit such atrocities.

The idea of equality and the idea that women are vulnerable and therefore should be guarded and protected are evidently mutually exclusive. One idea would state that women must go to war in the front lines, the other says that they must not, yet, the benefits of both sides have been fused together and given to women, while the responsibilities and disadvantages of both have been thrown at men.

As a man, I can tell you that I do not think men are women are equal but I am for justice and I believe that every legal circumstance should be investigated in a completely impartial manner. It should never lean towards one or another because of gender. I don't believe women should have to register for the selective service. I don't believe women should be in the infantry (not only because they should be guarded but also because it would be a really bad idea strategically speaking. Men have natural instinct to protect women, therefore putting women next to men in the front lines would affect them psychologically and would hold them back when attempting to attack enemy troops.)

On a much more personal note, as a Dominant man, I believe women are to be guarded and protected because they are much more vulnerable. I also believe that men should be the head of the household and should be the one to make the final decisions but ALWAYS with the best interest of the relationship and/or her best interest in mind. He should never make a decision where she is put at risk of harm for an utterly selfish reason. I believe, that under the right conditions and under the right circumstances, and as long as these guidelines are followed, a man should be able to discipline his woman.

I believe men have the natural protective and possessive instinct towards women because that is what we had to do in order to reproduce during evolution. If we didn't have such trait, we couldn't reproduce. Other males would "steal" her from us or would kill her. Today we cannot just throw that to the side as it is part of our genetic makeup. What we can do is control it and use it in a much more positive manner.

Again, this is very personal, it is what works for me, which may not be what works for you. Perhaps you are pansexual or gender blind and believe in complete equality. Perhaps you believe that women should be forced to register for the selective service and be put in the infantry just like men. Perhaps you believe that men should not treat women with a protective attitude. This is all fine, as long as you maintain a certain level of consistency and stand for what you believe in at 100%.

I believe most women really need to analyze their beliefs a little more. Perhaps, those groups and ideas that they think they belong to, they don't. Please question them.

Real Dominant Men Do Not Earn Anyone's Respect

I may be putting myself on the line here but I believe it is worth it. I hope to put an end to this ridiculous idea. There seems to be a belief out there that real dominants "earn" respect or "earn" someone's submission. I also don't think that submission should take a long time before it actually occurs. Before you start tracking down my IP address to try and crucify me on national television, I advice you continue reading instead of defending ideas that were placed in your unconscious simply because you read it somewhere and they seemed politically correct. Real dominant men do not earn respect and they do not earn someone's submission, and I have a good argument to support my claim.

Let me start by saying that the definition of respect seems to be used by people in two different forms. The first meaning would be that of "regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others"... This is typically what people mean when they use the word respect in the sentence "respect me and I will respect you." from here on, when I use the word respect in this manner it will have a [1] next to it.

If this is what you mean when you say that Dominants need to earn your respect[1] first, then it might be a good idea to stop insulting everyone that tries to have a decent conversation with you... Just a little advice... But let's say that this is the case, let's say that a dominant, in order to be real, needs to earn your respect[1], before you stop attacking and insulting them... Well... Let me ask you this...

If a man approached you and you found him so pathetic that you felt like he was too little for you, so pathetic that you just feel like degrading him and insulting him. Would you consider such man to be a dominant man? Of course you wouldn't. But let's say that this man, in time, even though you still find him to be someone lazy, undisciplined and pathetic, earns your respect[1] by treating you well, helping you when you needed assistance and he is well... overall a good person, someone you simply don't feel like you want to insult... Would you consider him a real dominant man now because he earned your respect[1]? I didn't think so.

Let me remind you that when you use to word "earn," you are also thinking about the time factor. You must first perform an action before you earn something.

Respect[1] should not be earned when it comes to this meaning of the word because if that is the case, what you are saying is that the other person needs to behave in a manner or do a certain action BEFORE you treat them politely and that just makes you an ignorant egocentric sociopath. If I have not done anything to you, and I am just standing around there is no reason for you to disrespect[1] me.

Respect[1] in this case should be given mutually and at the same time. It is not earned, it is automatically GIVEN unless you are being disrespected or you are, like I said before, an ignorant egocentric sociopath.

This type of respect[1] does not make you a real dominant man, this type of respect makes you polite. It is good to be polite but it is also good for a dominant to stand his ground when necessary. You cannot be a real dominant man without being respectful[1], but you can be respectful[1] and respected[1] without being a dominant man. Therefore, we can conclude on this part of the argument that real dominant men do not earn respect[1] but that real dominant men have regard for the feelings, wishes, right or traditions of others.

The second meaning people tend to give the word respect is "a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements." I will use [2] when referring to this type of respect

This is where it get's interesting, because this seems to be what people THINK they are trying to say when they blur out those words that lately seem to destroy my eardrums almost as much as the king of the overused, under-analyzed words... "Doormat."

How can you not feel this kind of respect [2] for someone that has all these respectable qualities? You may say "it takes a very long time to know if someone has respectable qualities" but the reality is that it does not. You, as a woman, know very well, that when a man is an under-achieved, ill-mannered, unskilled, pathetic bum, you can find out in less than a couple hours that he is in fact an under-achieved, ill-mannered, unskilled, pathetic bum. As a matter of fact, when you see a man walk in to a place like he owns it, has charm, people are immediately drawn to him, and talks to you like he doesn't need to get into your pants because he knows he could get any girl in the world he wants, you can almost immediately tell that this man has something going on for him. He seems to be a REAL DOMINANT MAN. later as you talk to him and find out he has manners, he is the owner of his own financial company, and has political power, he treats you very well... you feel somewhat intimidated but in a nice way, you find out about a few of his skills and hobbies, he listens to you and after 20 minutes of talking to him he walks away and leaves you breathless.

This man did not just earn your respect[2] in 20 minutes. As soon as he walked in, and you saw all his confidence and charm, you had already respect for him.

A dominant man does not earn respect[2], he EVOKES respect[2], and the same way that he evokes respect[2], he evokes submission. He is intimidating and you somehow feel a bit of fear our of respect but all of this is mixed with all his charm and all of this results in you desiring to submit to him, asking him for a chance and him considering you.

By the way... "Dominant" men in this website need to stop asking submissive women to let them consider them, the whole idea does not even make any sense, it is retarded. If that was the case, she is actually the one considering you, and that makes HER the dominant and it makes YOU submissive.

What people REALLY do mean when they say that a dominant must earn their respect is that they will not follow through with your orders until they know you well, which I believe women say because they don't know themselves very well and it is the job of a man to understand her better than she understands herself. I believe that the compliance emotion in a woman is drawn by the man. If you are a confident, strong, independent, skilled, successful, etc, man (dominant), then you will appear to have an authoritarian energy that will be hard to resist.