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| I am in training. I belong to Master Ty and simply have no interest in any other Doms! The time he is investing in training me, teaching me, and loving me is more of a gift than any other could possibly give to me.
I will strive in every action to make him happy. I will learn quickly how to become anything he desires. I will be his whore, his child, his chef, his maid, I will be his table to eat off of if he sees fit. This is what I was meant to be.
Master has allowed me to have this page to express myself through this journey and to talk to other female subs/slaves. He monitors ALL aspects of this page. No messages are read prior to his screening. No messages are returned without his approval. I am gratefull for this because I know it takes up his time and saves me from sorting through a lot of the BS. THANK YOU DADDY!
I am being taught with love and trust. I am being taught with patience and understanding. I am under strict supervision and I am well aware that if I step out of line there will be discipline if needed. I am being taught the core base of a Dom/sub relationship and not the sexual side of it at this point. Love, trust, power exchange, obidience, servitude, respect etc....
But I must admit.... I can't wait for the rest!
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Friday can't come soon enough. I can't wait to see Master!!! Just thinking about it makes my heart race!!! But so much to do....
I went out on lunch today and got things I needed to make his gift for him. It is sort of sappy but I hope he likes it because it really comes from the heart.
I simply can't get him out of my mind. Today in particullar! I find myself daydreaming and thinking of all the things I need to do to get the place ready for him, to finish his gift, and to prepare myself for him mentally and physically.
Come on FRIDAY!!!! |
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Bitch got her first real punishment tonight. I thought that I was doing a good thing buying some toys for us to play with... When I told Master what I had done though he was upset with me.
I was so stupid, I know better. I should have asked his permission first. I guess some of the worst mistakes are made with the best of intensions, this being a prime example. In my attempts to do something good I disobeyed. I have a lot to learn!
so punishment... About fifteen minutes of toothpaste smeared on every bit of my pussy. Then only allowed to wash it off iwth water. Soap would have been appreciated! |
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I recently received a message regarding an opening for a sub/slave. I am in no way interested in serving anyone but my Master and I want that to be clear.
But I did appreciate something that was included in the message. It was said that "on again off again" relationships can be hard.
I know that I express the ups and downs in learning how to serve my master but please don't take that as me saying at any point I have stopped serving him or been released. That is NOT the case.
He has forced me to take time to think about things if I have acted up. It was the best thing he could have done. Providing me with time to reflect on how much he means to me and that I don't want to go back to being lost again as I was before he accepted me.
I'm sure as any expereinced sub knows, you can all understand that not having a Dom/sub relationship before, never having been trained, this is a very raw expereince for me. It is a barrage of emotions that at times can feel overwhelming and are always intense.
A little bit of venting or expression on here though in NO WAY means my devotion to Master Ty has faultered or been in questions.
I am his property and loyal servant. That is not going to change. All that is happening is that I am growing as a sub and learning by his guidance. Serving Master makes me beautifull! I will learn to be his bitch, his whore, his child, his wife. I will be anything he desires me to be and will do so with love in my heart and always with the best of intensions.
He is the most wonderful gift I have ever received. |
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Daddy had me cleaning for him today. I did a good job for him, floors, etc... Now I get to play on here for a bit and watch a movie...
Stretching my ass for him again though. I love serving him. I love doing this for him but I have to admit it is uncomfortable and I want it out! Half an hour seems like ages sometimes. I need to keep myself busy and occupied so that time will fly. And as a distraction... |
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 Sitting at home alone on Halloween... Happily I should say.
Daddy is having me work on stretching my little ass to get it ready for him. Plug inserted, laying on my bed, waitting for him to call after he receives the pictures.
Such a lucky girl!!!!
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I have not lost my Master. He is still being forgiving and patient but firm and strict. He is explaining things to me and teaching me.
I continue to serve him! |
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Sad and lost... Deleting pictures. |
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See, right now I'm supposed to be texting Daddy,letting him know that I am up (even though I don't think I slept more than five minutes maybe fifteen) and that I am taking my niece to the ferry shortly.
Then I was coming home to get th e place ready for him. Cleaning, I had already got some groceries last night to cook for him. Yeah, already planning meals to make him. Then I needed to run to the crafts store to get what I need to make his surprise. Which isn't a surprise or happening anymore. :(
I'm so sad.
I do feel though that I gave as much (more) than any reasonable person could in four days. Passwords, cell phone access, email access, etc... my heart. Every hour I seemed to be closer to him than the hour before and now.... nothing. I'm just numb again. |
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I guess this one should start Saturday and still awake since I couldn't sleep at all last night. I frustrated, confused, and upset!How can my entire life be expected to change in FOUR DAYS?!?!?
Every day I was opening up more to Daddy, I was giving him more, he was teaching me and helping me become a beautiful submissive. I was so happy and I was so sure that he was the perfect Master for me.
Even things I was uncertain about the day before seemed reasonable and I was willing to do the next day. BUT THEN... I can't throw away my old pictures. I don't keep them dwelling on or living in the past, but they are memories and they are important to me. Having pictures of an ex boyfriend from years ago isn't disrespectfull to Daddy because I'm pretty sure he has a past as well. It is just that though A PAST! It is called the past for a reason. If I wanted to, I would still be with ex boyfriends etc... I want to be with Daddy. But I can't have him say after four days, throw out 33 years. Toss it in the trash.
I need that time to build trust with him. I need time to see through actions that he would never abuse the power and control over me and THEN I can keep giving him more. Eventually I know I could be his perfect little pet. I can't be in four days though. Photographs can't be replaced. They can't be retaken... Daddy is gone over something this small because he couln't even begin to understand why or how this was so important to me... What would he have left for later? Then not only would I have been left feeling empty and lost again but I wouldn't even have the "things" that I do now. And when that is all you have had for years it is terrifying to just let someone tell you to throw them away. I just needed more time....
Daddy tells me I'm like his child to teach and protect but tells me not to be scared. That is what a child is, scared. I have not had a Dom/sub relationship before so it is new. I know I have the heart of a sub. I want one perfect Master to serve and please. I want to spend every thought and action striving to make him smile but I am not a slave. I may desire extreme control, to be monitored closely, and to have a strict Master but I have feelings, I have needs, I have fears....
I also have limits. You can't take away my past as much as you may want to. Just because a picture gets thrown away doesn't erase it from being my past. My past is BEFORE now, BEFORE my future but it will still always be there. My bank account... well it is just that MY BANK ACCOUNT. Monitoring spending habbits yes, passwords and debit cards, no. Not that he had gone that far as to ask for the bank info. But those were the two things, I knew I couldnt do yet.
So sleepless night number one I guess. It sucks and I miss him. |
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Awake on a Friday and missing Daddy. Stinks that I won't get to talk to him much tonight! I love that we are growing closer each day and that every day I am able to open up more and surrender more of myself to him. He is teaching me so much and I appreciate his time and patience. |
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Please do not speak ill of Daddy. If you do, I will instantly delete and block! He won't have to waist his time doing it for me! |
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I am truly blessed to have Master Ty own me!!! I am the luckiest sub in the world! |
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Awake and excited to see what lesson I will be learning today! :) |
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I think that I am learning quickly. At least a few things that is! Daddy does not accept Umm Huuu as an answer to anything. Simply do not allow this phrase or response to be in your vocabulary.
Also, I have noticed when we are talking, and going good, he is Daddy. When he is being very serious but not upset he is Master. When I know he is unhappy with me and I feel badly, Sir. In general though, he is becoming everything.
My idea of discipline is not exactly the same as his either. I have yet to experience actual discipline and am working on avoiding the need for it at all. Wish me luck here as I think I'm going to need it.
I have never been broken, never found a man that can control me and I have waitted for a long time. It is reassuring, exciting, and nerve wrecking all at once to believe I have found all I desired.
So far to go!!!! |
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| Age: 43 |
| Canada |
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