Hey there, sorry i havent wrote much (for those of you who do read all of these and leave me lovely messages).  I really do love seeing all the positive messages i get, and makes me what to write more. 

Well last two weeks of the semester are majorly stressful, and i haven't been feeling like normal. I did end up dropping one of my classes, poetry if you are wondering. I pretty much have no idea why i been so eh the past few months. I do have so good/happy days but normally that involves me spending money on clothes, shoes, or craft supplies. Money unfortunately doesn't grow on trees and job hunting has been a nightmare. The worst part is the fact i need the job asap, because at the end of ma i'm out of money... and my car payment & insurance isn't going to pay itself, and neither is gas for my car, or my cell mins, but those 2 are not as important. 

So to keep up with the updates, I do have a boyfriend now, well since March 22. He has been chasing me since junior year of high school. the main downside is that he is Dominate, but i love the way he treats me outside the bedroom. So i'm stuck in a sticky part, so i try to get him into being more dominate, or do i just let him be himself. There is a few other minor things like his weight and dick size. He can't be on top of me because he crushes me, and i hate being on top. and his dick size is smaller than my toys, and most of my toys aren't that big. I dont want to break up with him over those 3 things, but the thought does pop into my head. I also thought about talking to him about me having a Dom, which is what i need. I need a man i can push around, even though my personality can turn very dominate if no else is dominating. I blame it on my natural leader role, but to be honest in the bedroom, i would like to take a break and just follow like a sheep, rather than keep leading the pack. Being a leader is stressful and takes a lot of work, because you are responsible at the end of the day for everyone and everything. 

Lastly, sorry if i seem so bitchy in this post, i been stressful and i tend to use this journal as my little ranting column. Its my life and i dont live in some sugar coated world. I have a roller coaster ride like most humans.

I came home yesterday to find my great dane not barking, i open my bedroom door and she was not standing there wagging her tail. She was laying motionless, her tail stiff, her mouth wide open. I lost my best friend my rock, my everything. I cuddled with her and everything. I loved her more than most of my exs. She knew my darkest secrets, and my favorite memories I just wished it warmed up enough so i could of took her on a car ride and to the park one last time. I Love my dog, and I hope she will remember me when I make it to heaven later on. 

Since posts about college get positive messages, I thought I would write more. No, I will not give out the name of my college, teachers, or the full name of the class. 

Just a little update on college since its week 4 now. 

• History:  I currently have a 73% C, I skipped a 30 point assignment. I have yet to turn in (and start) my paper planning. 
• Sociology:  I currently have a 82% B, there is no graded homework, only tests and I think a midterm and final paper. 
• Math: I don't know my grade because the first set of homework inst due till tomorrow. I can tell you I'm behind on homework. I should only be working on the section that we covered that week... 
• Poetry: right now its showing only a 60% D but after my teacher finishes grading it should be a 73% C. (I forgot to respond to my classmates posts and my teacher took off major point.s)

Am I happy about my grades? No, not at all! There is still 12 more weeks to work on my grades. It doesn't have anything to do with the material or teacher at all, it me that's the problem. Its my lack of effort, and my skipping of homework, or skipping parts of homework. Its me pushing aside math because i don't want to do it. Its my attitude towards the amount of homework, that creates the negative vibe for the homework. The problem is me! I do write down my homework in my planner, and I plan to do homework. I just don't stick with it. 

In one of my classes this semester the professor is highly suggesting (sure sounds like forcing) us all to have a study buddy. First, I would like to point out there is 21 students in the class so either a study trio, or a study loner will happen. Second, I am the only one in the class on deans list, so in a nutshell I am most likely to care about my grade and be in class. Third, going back to my logic, I am the one who is least likely to gain anything by having a study buddy, but the other person, gets to gain a lot. This puts me at the whole 1% thing if I choose to be the study loner which is only fair. I shouldn't have to study with someone who isn't on the same academic level as I am. I wish more students cared about their grade. If you are in college, a C should be your lowest grade, not what you aim for! But I thought about asking the one person I have my 2nd class that day with, because of the fact we have 2 classes together just in case i miss a day which is unlike me. I love going to class.

I have a lot on my plate, and I will be so glad once the new house is finally done. I am pretty sure caveman could of built it faster. On the plus side I am so ready for classes to start next week, just wish there was more male instructors.

My goals for this semester: 

-Deans list again! (My college has no president's list)

-Never get behind in homework in any class

-Stay Organized 

- Go to bed/wake-up at a reasonable time

Yes, I am still looking for a Dom, but I realized that its not the most important thing to me. Doms may come and go, but my grades wont, and I am not blowing off my lovely scholarships because of Dom searching, or because of a Dom. My education holds a very high value to me. I am a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman, and being a sub does not take that away from me, and it will never take it away from me. 

You know your on collar me a lot when...

• when you type in the letter C into your web url box and google finishes typing collarme for you.
• you check your collar me message before you check your email or the news 
• its the only journal you actually keep up with. (I have a pretty hardbound one i neglect.)

Anyone know anymore to add to the list?

I am feeling better. I met with my advisor yesterday, I do have to repeat my math class. Luckily it takes the same book. leaving me with just 2 books to hunt down and buy, since my online class ships the book to me. I am thinking of taking all online in fall, but then again I think being on campus helps me socialize, and i LOVE seeing cowboy boots, and work boots on the guys. I just really hate spending close to $500 just on gas each semester. thats almost half of my car payments during the same time frame. My advisor had to tell me I destroyed my 4.0, my only response was, I still have a high enough gpa for the honors program. She just glared at me. Pretty sure my advisor wanted me to keep my 4.0 because it makes the school look good. i just want challenging classes, 3 of my classes were easy A's and another i only got a B in because i skipped all the homework besides the papers. as far as my Math class goes, i just got bored and started day dreaming during class, other than that i would of had a good grade. 

Don't take it personal if I'm not responding to your message. I been on my ipad a lot recently because I don't feel like leaving my bed. I don't feel like myself at all. Death and depression along with finals coming up don't mix so well. I do read messages, and I will try to respond but don't expect a long reply. 

Sorry, I haven't been writing. I have been extremely depressed lately. My grandma passed away, I knew my grandma was only getting worse but I still thought she would make it to my little sisters graduation. To top it off,  I'm failing 2 of my classes. Though the one is almost a C. It depresses me so much because I have a 4.0 and my advisor is breathing down my back that I am ruining it. I went to 3 different math tutors and i am still lost in my math class, and math normally is easy for me. I also have been trying to a ob, but due to the whole healthcare reform bullshit and my lack of experience I am not making past turning in an application. Its not my lack of effort, at all. I want to work, rather than try to take out loans to cover what my parents can't provide for me. I'm turning 20, I want my own place, and I want to decide if i eat pizza all week or not. (I LOVE pizza). Well, my Dom could tell my otherwise but you get my point. Having a Dom has been the only good news lately. I love him to pieces, but I fear I love him almost only vanilla. I hate texting him first majority of the time, I feel like i am being annoying. Then again I was bullied all through school, and got called annoying anytime I tried to make friends. Long story short,  I have no friends, and I am not sure I know how to build and keep a friendship. It depresses me so much that I have considered suicide so many times. If it wasn't for my fear of blood and heights I am sure I would of been dead by now. I'm a train wreck emotionally, and at times i feel like just one little comment is going to make me explode. I just wish I could be normal, but it seems normal has ran away from me a long time ago. 

I HATE when people message me, i message back, fast forward a few days and then they never contact me. 

I am still looking for a Dom. I would prefer close to me (around 0-30 miles away?) because I do want real life, if we click. 

I do not share a picture till after we share skype. 

Laying in bed bored. just got my new flash drive in the mail. i'll be spending like all tomorrow on homework for my thursday classes. I love 3 of my 5 classes. More homework than i expected but its college. A college budget is sooo not for me, specially since retail therapy is needed. Can't wait to have a cozy corner office that other females envy. 

On the side not, please don't message me complaining I don't always write about kinky things. I write these for my beloved readers. Though a handful of people say they think I am more of a Domme. (Not sure how to take that comment)

I haven't been around lately because I been busy with college and moving. Still Domless, but i haven't been focused on that. Well see you all later, though If you are a math teacher/wizard I could so use your help!!!

Time for a new journal entry! I have been thinking of topics for awhile now but this one is going to address concerns i have after reading messages. 

• I really hate when someone vanishes on me.
• If you are above 30, your message gets to my bulk folder. Please stop demanding a reply.
• I do not want a play partner. 
• I have no intentions of rapidly increasing the number of guys that fucked me. 
• I do not want a paid play partner or relationship. 
• Gifts are nice and i wouldn't turn them down but I am not a prostitute.
• I will never pay for sex, or get paid for sex. 
• If you haven't got the message I don't want to pay or be paid for sex.
• I do not to be paid or pay to spend time together. 
• I have ZERO attentions on having someone control my money (or lack of).
• I will not go buy items just to tease you or etc.
• You will NEVER control my bank account and/or cash. 
• I don't understand why i get messages like these. 
• I'm not here to be that dream nerd that turns into a sexy woman in 10 years. 
• I am not into illegal things period. 

Sorry this is mostly a vent but I get concerned and what sort if image guys must get of me based off the messages I get. I do love getting comments ya'll read these. though i am trying to keep you from being able to pinpoint me out in public, while making an interesting journal entry. 

Sigh I was almost done typing a new journal entry when I accidentally hit the undo button and it erased the whole post. Ugh. I really need to get me a iPad keyboard case, but college and my car are hogging my whole budget. Job hunting sucks and the last one I had fired me because they didn't have the money to train me. I am still pissed off about it. I got a cashiers job down in 4 days without ever working or using a cash register before. I don't think management is for me. I don't see myself as bossy enough, my inner submissive side can't stand it. Don't get my wrong, by saying side. I have that don't fuck with me redneck tomboy side, that protects the inner submissive in me. I don't let people walk all over me like a rug. So what I actually wanted to make my journal entry will be up later today, when I am on my laptop. Let me know if you read this, and if you like reading them. If I write too much or not enough. Ps. I plan on doing a fetish photo shoot do I can have a profile picture. Thinking of fishnets and my camo boots, or my other boots. Not sure. No face picture, sorry. Though if we get close I do video chat to show I am a real person. I also love voice chatting.

I realize that I been neglecting this journal but life happens and there are far more important things than this journal. 

Upon the questions I get the most common one is what am I looking for. This is the standard answer I give: A Dom that wants a loving, caring, loyal, sub. Can handle me being a tad sassy, I will keep Him on His toes, but would never dare step over the line. With sassy being defined as; lively, bold, and full of spirit, cheeky. But for this journal I am going to expand on that a bit more. 

what is it that I am looking for?

• Able to communicate via voice, video, and tying to one another, with the chance of meeting in real life (if it works out)
• 6'0ft or taller, maybe shorter if the height difference is still good 
• Caring, Loving, and Understandable 
• Able to discipline/punish without letting anger control him
• Be able to train me 
• Have patience 

Would also prefer:

• Same side of politics, as I can be very political at times
• Anti Abortion 
• person to be attractive to my body type/size. (I'm not "fat" and also not skinny, i am in between and call it curvy. )  ( more like that, not | | and not {  } )

Thats all I can think of for now. If you have any suggestions for future journals just message me them. Also I want to see who is all reading this so If you are mention something from this journal post or my list of facts about me. I know some do read this and others seem to see it as too much to read. 

This weeks journal post will be up tomorrow, but for now I'm going to answer a few questions. Y'all can call me zippy till I feel comfortable giving out my first name. I got it as a nickname when I used Zip disk as a username for many years. Before I started with nerdylady though I might go back to using it, I miss it lol. I'm a tech nerd. I like technology. I hate Anime and cosplay. It's childish. On the side note its raining right now and the breeze feels great.

50 Facts  About ME!!

1. I LOVE tall men, like 6ft and taller. 
2. I'm always barefooted but if i must wear shoes I reach for my boots. 
3. I love bright colors, specially lime green.
4. I have a thing for limited edition colored cars.
5. I'm a ford girl, f350 diesel is like eye candy to me.
6. I can not stand dark color pop. (coke, pepsi, root beer, rc, etc)
7. I drink a ton of Coffee, I know I'm beyond addicted.
8. Vanilla caramel lattes are my drug........
9. If I am not drinking coffee, its definity Mountain Dew that I'm drinking. 
10. I hate typing I soo much, and I am terrible at 3rd person...
11. I do butcher chicken about every year.
12. I do use a log splitter every year. (Yes I do pick up the extremely every logs before splitting them)
13. I have never smoked, snorted, whatever you call it, any drug.
14. I have never smoked a cigarette.
15. I have never drunk and alcohol, I'm not even 21 yet.
16. On my 21st birthday I do want to try all sorts of strawberry alcohol drinks. My mom will be my designated driver.
17. If you have not guessed it already Strawberries are my favorite fruit, then bananas. 
18. I may of figured my way around the kitchen but never have me cook on a grill. 
19. I hate being alone, every little noise bugs me and i don't ever sleep till daylight. 
20. I do have my license, got them shortly after my 18th bd. 
21. I have zero tattoos.
22. I have zero piercings. 
23. I at one time had my ears pierced but my sister ripped them out.
24. One of my ears has a split in the bottom of it because of #23.
25. I tried to re-pierce my ears but the split on swelled up and i hated them.
26. I never want to have my ear sewn to "fix' the split, I have actually forgot about it till someone pointed it out.
27. I am terrified of needles yet i donated blood. (1/2 gallon so far)
28. I can't stand the idea of walking or running for exercise, it feels pointless. 
29. I have walked to & from work before, because I couldn't find a ride and didn't have gas money. 
30. I LOVE my quad its like a jumbo vibe for my whole body, I feel completely numb after riding her. 150cc baby!
31. Though I help sell scooters, I can't stand riding them. 
32. I really want the iPhone 5, so I started saving up for it, but my coffee addiction spends it all. 
33. I can spend 20 minutes easily at the gas station trying to decide on a pop, and doing price comparisons on snacks. 
34. Retail therapy is the only therapy I like. Not just shopping but seeing how many coupons and promotions I can use to get the item(s) as close to zero as I can. 
35. I am majority in accounting, and I want to continue on to become a CPA.
36. I have a thing for puzzles and math games, since like forever. 
37. My dream man would be tall, country, and kinky instead of tall, dark and handsome. 
38. I only prefer white males, not looking for any chocolate other than what's on the store shelf.
39. I like peanut butter and chocolate mixed together specially with bananas. 
40. If I could only eat 3 types of food it would be meat, fruit and desserts.
41. I love chinese and mexican food. 
42. I hardly ever wear make-up or paint my nails. 
43. I have tried my own cum before, luckily it was after eating a lot of strawberries earlier that day so it was SUPER sweet. 
44. I do watch porn, and yeah a lot of it. though I prefer to read bdsm stories as they are better quality and I can picture it with me and whoever else in it. 
45. I have a wild imagination, and I am very creative. 
46. I am a do it yourself kind of person, so I have a lot of craft supplies.
47. I am not a hoarder unlike popular belief. I only collect things I plan on using and do semi-annual clean sweeps. 
48. I been told I clean up nicely, though when I am at home I wear pjs all day long.
49. I have a indent on my leg from where a jumbo bee went up my pant leg and stung me. 
50. I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters, and I am 6th born. 

So I gave this whole journal thing a thought or two. I will be using it to not only vent but tell how I feel. I been called a bitch and other words many times. It doesn't really bug me. So the next post is going to be a list of 50 crazy facts about me. I plan on at least once a week adding to this journal, and everytime I meet someone off of here in real life. So if we ever meet up you have now been fair warned that a journal post will be made about you. I may or may not name you.

***This is mostly a VENTING post but also has great info in it***

The first time shouldn't be full of heartache but mine was. We met too soon, and like the girl I am, I let my emotions get to the best of me. I feel for stupid things, that honor grads shouldn't fall for. I should know better.... But hormones and emotions was so high that my knowledge was buried. It was my first real life experience. Finally rl, I was soo happy at the time, that it was all I could see. 

Looking back, I should've waited. Should of did this and that and that thing too. But I'm not blaming you, and not blaming myself either. I'm blaming us. Yes us, it took two people. Though with You being a Dom, I should of been able to look up to you. But it seems that isn't the case.  

I don't normally compare Doms to one another but if another fits the one I just talked about its not going to work. He set the bar for the lowest. I felt used and thrown aside like trash. Like i am nothing but ground he wants to walk all over. I'm not sorry to say that I will stand up, and not let you get the best of me. 

I am person, with real emotions, real feelings and a family that is close knit. I'm not letting my fear of getting hurt again stop me in my search of finding a Dom. Not just any dom, but one thats a great match, a great lover, and my everything. I don't have the time or energy to have both a Dom and boyfriend. I prefer to have both roles filled by one person. when I fall in love, I fall deep. My Love is real, and I hope the next Man is a real Man.