Let us first define what a "Dom" is. A "Dom" or "Dominant" is the male or female who takes the controlling role in a kink relationship over another person.

The Dom's role is to take care and to instruct the "sub" or "submissive", and this role should be taken very seriously. There is a lot that comes with assuming this role. You must remember that someone is looking to you for guidance and attention.

Let's talk about some of the traits to look for in a Dom:

1.                  The Leader mindset-this means that most Doms are born with the mind of a Dom; it is something that is innate.

2.                  Self-awareness-this type of person knows their strengths and weaknesses. they know who they are and what they   want.

3.                  Communication-A good leader is always a good communicator.  How can they lead if they cannot convey what they expect   from their sub. People are not mind readers, nor are subs.   Good communication leads to better understanding of what   each participant likes and dislikes; what their "kinks"   are, what frightens them, what turned them on, and what   lines that should not be crossed.

4.                  Honesty/integrity-If a sub cannot trust his or her Dom, the relationship will not be successful. The foundation of   any relationship is trust and honesty. You must be a person that the sub will believe that will uphold a high   moral standard always. A sub needs this for them to be able to give themselves freely to their Dom.

5.                  Compassion/Humility-A Dom should care about the opinions of the sub. They should understand that a sub is a human   being and can be vulnerable to everyday life and need   someone to understand what they are going through. And   on the same note, a Dom should be humble enough to know   that they are human as well; they should be able to   admit their faults and when they cannot live up to their own standards--Aftercare falls within this trait!

6.                  Responsibility-A Dom must realize that they are the ones responsible for the sub as well as themselves. They are to   maintain schedules and make sure that everything is in   order.

7.                  Patience-Since the Dom is the support system for the sub, they should know that it may. take time for a sub to meet   their expectations. Their needs and growth may take time   to overcome and achieve.

8.                  Control-A Dom must understand first, that control is earned not taken by force. If all the traits listed   above is applied then the sub will eventually give   themselves over freely to the Dom.