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| I'm submissive in private, especially in the bedroom, but dominant in public.
I'm slowly pushing my barriers as I know this is what I need. I'm finding ways to go to the next level and to be the best submissive for my eventual Domme as I can. It's a long journey but in time I'll get there and with your help you can mold me into the sub I was destined to be for you.
I enjoy pleasing women whether its going down on you for hours at a time, having you roughly use me to take out your frustrations, or performing tasks for you.
I fantasize about having a Mistress own me, where we are monogamous with a normal public image but in private she is in absolute control.
Some would describe me as a switch as I can also play the dominant role in private but I am more comfortable being submissive. So far every relationship I've had the woman has wanted me to top though this has generally meant they topped from the bottom.
- Moral Hazard
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What should I put in my profile?
What does every Mistress want to know that I'm not being forward enough with?
What would you like to see?
Is there anything I've written which is a complete turn off?
I'm looking for any sincere critical feedback I can get. Thanks! |
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The subtype that fits me best
It wasn't until I read someones profile on here, that I even considered that there might be different subtypes. Well, the site below has attempted to type us, and I think they've really done well.
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Lifestyle/sub_types.htm
In that spirit, the following, is my subtype.
No 4. The True Submissive Non-Slave
Really gives up control (only temporarily and within agreed-upon limits), but gets her/his main satisfaction from aspects of submission other than serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsbility. Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seek mainly her/his own direct/pleasure (rather than getting one's pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant). |
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What's with all these fakes?
(or what's with all these people who want to go on cam/send a photo of their penis to me?)
I think its our naturally repressed nature.
I was once in this group of people...
I have a reasonably repressed and controlling personality. I don't like to show weakness. However, while I am extremely dominant in public, and in most of life, I'm a little girl when it comes to sex, and that part of relationships. I denied this for quite some time, and in fact, to this day, I get Dommes/Mistresses telling me that THEY would like to submit to me, mainly because of my dominant outward personality.
By denying it to myself, I find myself without the ability to hit on, and attract someone. So, I'd end up being celibate, with only my hand to comfort me. Eventually, though I'd deny it, this would get to me, and I'd be driven in search of a woman to control me. I couldn't stop, even if I wanted to, but I sure could rationalize it away afterwards.
When I'd come on, I'd go hard, fast, super submissive, doing anything, to get what I needed. Which was usually to cum, in some way, perform, for someone and feel their presence above me. This would get me off so hardcore, it was amazing. I'd cum harder, faster, and better than any other time. But, I would repress myself, recoil, and hide soon after.
If you're getting people continually hounding you, saying things like "Do you want to see me wank on cam?", then you're likely running into people like myself, with incorrect perceptions of themselves, what they "need to be", others, and whats expected.
I hate it. I guarantee they hate it. But they're desperate. They need to get off, or go crazy.
These days, I just pity these people, even though I haven't progressed that far from them myself. |
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Serendipity
HOLY FUCK. Not 1 minute after I posted my last journal entry, on the incorrect perceptions people have, and the troubles it causes, I was schooled by a woman on .
I've been falling into this exact trap, by fighting real life meetings, and restricting my view of "true domination" to that which I see on forums, and read about.
This is likely a source of anxiety with regards to the lifestyle myself. Something I must correct, and which might only be done via getting out there. A scary and challenging thought. |
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Emotional Intelligence
(or lack thereof)
I'm one of those emotionally retarded individuals that can basically stand amongst a group who hates him, and not realize. You know that kind of guy, he almost does whatever he wants, without regard for others.
However after I discovered this about myself, which was hard to be conscious of, I started to notice that a lot of what was said, didn't represent with any reasonably accuracy what people felt.
I see this problem on here, almost more than anywhere else, on both sides of the life. We've submissives reporting to be insanely submissive, and dominants reporting to be insanely dominant. No one is like this. We are not the one dimensional polarized characters we wish we were. These people do not exist, and if they did, they'd likely be intolerable to be around.
Instead, we're many different people, we're submissive at times, dominant at others, we give, and we take, depending on the context, the time, our energy, how we feel, etc.
If you believe others aren't like this, or you believe that you aren't like this, you're fucking wrong. I'm sorry, but that's the simple truth of the matter.
You should also realize that this affects others, regardless of whether or not you or they say it. So you can say you only want a 100% 24/7 submissive, however you will never get that, instead the best you can hope for is a partner, who suits this definition, as much as possible.
Also, if you are finding many submissives running away from you, or if everyone seems "fake", it's probably due to this. Both or one of you, being too aggressive, jumping in too quickly, and not having an accurate perception of the situation and yourself, will inevitably have these problems. Both or one of you will get anxious, you will work this issue up in your mind, and eventually, you will snap. There is no other way around this. I've been apart of it, and seen it time and time again.
Unfortunately, even with this knowledge, I often only see it in hindsight.
Be conscious of your true underlying emotions, feelings, and similar, else you will never find anyone.
On this site, or elsewise.
Denying it, shifting the blame on to them, or rationalizing it, will not change the outcome.
So if things keep not working out, its time for some deep introspection! |
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Crossing Barriers On My Path
I've always been unable to swallow my own cum and its been requested of me a few times. I guess because its so degrading that its often used as a do this before hand.
Usually I cum, look at it, am disgusted with myself and can't go any further. I also loose my sub drive and basically can't submit any more.
Well just before... I did it! I came into a large glass. A lot came out because I kept thinking "OH NO! DON'T CUM SO MUCH!" which made me cum more. So I put a fair amount in that glass had it sitting in front of me then eventually drank it all. It tasted fucking disgusting.
Afterward I had the usual fight or flight feeling, however it subsided when I drank it and I fell back into a sub mindset.
I consider this a huge barrier which I crossed and am quite pleased with myself.
Over time I look forward to completing increasingly hardcore and extreme tasks, until such time as I can truly feel free and happy.
Thank you for all the encouragement.
Now whats next? |
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Consider this an open call for criticism, what am I doing wrong? Tell me why you don't like me, just from seeing the little box, or clicking on my profile. Please.
The more I come on here, the more I am made aware that nobody clicks my profile, nobody is pursuing me, and nobody cares.
Let alone receiving a message. |
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I can barely understand what it would feel like to be a woman. To be pursued by somebody, passionately, such that they hound you continually. As a man, I believe that experience is few and far between, we are scarsely pursued, and the most common form of pursuit, is to tantalizing us to pursue them. Hardly a reversal of roles.
Even on this website, on the whole, men are the ones pursuing, and women are the ones being pursued. This can be seen in the continual complaints of women on here, where they almost seem to have too much interest in them, yet this somehow annoys them.
It's an odd world we live in, I think I've written about this a few times, such that even on here where the roles are reversed (in my case), the roles are still firmly in place, and only a guise that they have changed exists.
I wish that one day, I may be pursued by someone, who is so gripped with passion and sexual need, that they stick with it, and perpetually attempt to force themselves upon me.
Then, I believe I will be truly happen.
I don't know why I write these, scarsely anyone views me. |
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The lack of power exerted by most women.
Please read the whole thing before responding, and please respond, I want to know what you think.
I've noticed, that even on here, most women restrict themselves from using the power they have. Primarily I mean physically, but even in other senses.
For instance, the few women I have seen in a submissive context, stand back and try to bark orders. While some have some force behind them, none have physical force behind them.
I have seen this in porn at lot as well. Almost no femdom porn is very physical, the man almost always moves himself into a position, and waits for the woman. While this certainly is still domination, it lacks passion. It's like watching robots. In comparison, while some maledom porn is like this, most is extremely physical. The best being where you see the want in the dom, being forced upon the submissive.
Now, I've talked to some people about this, and the usual answer is (and this comes from dom women) "Well men are bigger and stronger". The argument is always over size/strength. While this is on average true, that really has nothing to do with it. Your perception of size/strength, is the only thing stopping you.
When you exert force, physical or mental, in any situation, the main reason you're able to, isn't because of your size/strength. It's because there is an understanding, between these people, that this is okay. Only the most extreme fight or flight style situations, does this become an issue. Before any interaction reaches this point, you are able to push that person quite a lot.
If you slap him around, you'll find he doesn't fight back. Drag him by his hair, he doesn't fight back.
Even in extreme circumstances most people aren't sure how to fight back, and many are inhibited by their ability to commit to the situation. You see this in street fights a lot, the weaker of the 2, is generally uncertain about committing to the fight. In his mind, he has already lost. Regardless of size.
So then, what is it?
I believe the only thing left is your perception of the situation. The fact that so many of you have instinctively described the problem as "But they're bigger/stronger", shows that your perception stops you from doing what you want. Assuming of course you do want this, and I've yet to hear this, but maybe that's the reason.
So what do you think?
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Are you truly driven to your position, such that time after time, no matter how much you repress it, this is the natural state you are drawn to?
From time to time, I find I try to be vanilla, but I just can't maintain a relationship that way. I need the power play to be in a relationship. I've had several long term BDSM relationships, but I have never managed to maintain a long term vanilla relationship and in fact, if I look back on it, I don't think I've even been in one.
Do you have insecurities, or fears, or needs, which drive you to your position in life?
These are what drive my position, no matter how much I fight it, it's rooted in there. I switch from normal to submissive, when the time is right.
It's a force, which the rest of my personality inevitably drives, I do not want it, I do not desire it, yet it is there. I have as much control over it, as I do the Sun.
I am insecure about my body, this has been drilled into me time and time again. I can not escape this fear and more than anything it drives me to the bottom, where I live happily as a submissive. I hope only that you will accept me and because of this you know I will not stray. While in regular life I am often described as an alpha male, in private I am a bitch to be used. I find this works for most Domme's.
The only question is, will you take what is yours?
I've found only those who have the same natural force applied to them, but for dominance, will truly be able to take what they need.
The others, stand idly by, or wait for the submissive to message them. They send messages with pleasantries, they go soft, and almost feel like what they are actually looking for, is a regular relationship.
If you're a dominant and you're waiting for a submissive to find you, then you are looking for a submissive who wants to top from the bottom.
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My dominant side of me is a lot more visible to people and I take a lot more risk with it. Most likely due to its greater "acceptability" in society.
For some reason, western society has primarily deemed it a social faux pas to be less than dominant.
Such that, young men, and even women, read many books on "becoming more dominant", "getting what you want", and similar. This is a ridiculous proposition as it assumes that a relationship is a zero sum game, that when someone is a winner, someone is a loser.
Which is completely false, as both partners must benefit more than they would if they were to be apart, to stay together. Also, it assumes that there is something wrong with submission, that service is somehow less than commanding, when in actual fact both are perfectly fine goals and (as discussed before), benefit both partners.
Lastly, it assumes that there must be someone to command and someone to obey, in a M/s relationship, this is "more" true, however in any other relationship this is blatantly false.
Which is a really good point, which more people need to understand. Especially since, those who attempt to play a role they are not suited for, find themselves not fitting in... anywhere. They aren't Masterful and they aren't submissive, they attempt to become a different personality by suppressing their unconscious, which results in them being disingenuous.
When the unconscious takes over, forcing them further into the position they didn't want to be in.
The Id wins. |
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We need a BDSM framework. Something which has resulted from rigirous philosophical thought, and allows people to understand how a submission contract must be derived.
From my experiences I have defined a set of ideas on creating the "set" of a scene:
One must verbalize what will happen.
You want to cover yourself legally, you want to push them beyond their limits before they meet you, and you want to build a huge psychological wall which they must climb over to get to you. This will eliminate the fools and increase the dedication of those that cross it.
Once they have dedicated and crossed that wall, they will find themselves needing to rationalise crossing this, and dedicate more to the ideas they held, reinforcing them, to your advantage.
This also sets a circumstance, where you can be sure that if they made it this far, that you can push them as much as you want.
The more you push, the more likely they are to accept you.
This controlled and informed aggression is what defines a Master and slave relationship, as opposed to a voluntary contract.
This will also benefit the Master/Mistress in that she need not worry about the relationship between them, and can act without hesitation.
Additionally, the aggression or threat of aggression, is necessary for this exchange.
This is rooted in economic and psychological theory, somewhat derived from other behavioural theories.
This was developed by a certain someone out there who forced me to think about this. Thanks for the help! :-) |
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