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| I'm a fun loving guy and a self-starter who has absolutely no intention of committing murder. Let me take you into my magical world of not murdering anyone, ever, for any reason.
The first thing people usually notice about me is my absolute lack of threatening cues. People are like, "I feel so safe and comfortable around you,” and then they usually follow it up with, "I really couldn‘t imagine you ever murdering me,” at which point I tell them that they are ONE HUNDRED PERCENT RIGHT !!
What kind of things do I like to do? I’ll tell you this right up front: Certainly not murdering ANYONE, least of all you. Beyond that, mostly digging. I'm also really good at sublimating my atypical desires.
I have a deep interest in others and spend a lot of time thinking about what it would be like to wear someone else's skin (in a metaphorical sense).
On a typical Friday night I like being seen by plenty of people in plenty of different places, such that I always have an alibi in the INCREDIBLY UNLIKELY event that I come up as a suspect in a murder trial... WHICH WILL/HAS NEVER HAPPEN[ED].
If anyone ever tells you I once picked up a female hitchhiker off of I-95, handcuffed her, beat her; strangled her in my murder-shack, then fed her to my dogs; they would probably just be joking... my friends are like that.
I use to wet the bed, but hey, didn't we all.
I often cry during sex... I try not to, but the mace burns so bad...
In retrospect, I suppose "supercalafragalisticexpialadocious" wasn't a great "safe word"
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