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I am the slave in an O/s relationship, here on CM to find friendship and like-minded folks in the area. Always interested in conversation, looking for folks who would like to meet at Grand Forks area munches.
I don't mind talking to people on either side of the slash, but please be literate, kind and respectful.
Life is what you make of it. :)
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Many apologies for my apparent inability to maintain an up-to-date journal. Life has been flying by, and i can barely keep up with my RL contacts before tackling the 'net. i'm still devoted to Sir (was there ever a doubt? not from me), still learning, still playing. He's still working long hours away from home, and while i long for Him and lust for Him, i've really tried to curb my desires as to not bother the poor Man. Really, when He's have been on His feet all damn day, seeing His slave in heat when He gets home makes Him want to collapse on the couch and pretend it is the bed.
i was allowed to buy Him a gift this year for Vday, and i was so excited it made Him smile even before it arrived. And thankfully, He loved it and was appreciative of my thoughtfulness. Yay!!
Hope everyone is weathering this cold cold winter. Stay warm, y'all .. it's a good excuse for cuddling under the blankets. ;) |
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Finding solace in slavery...
Sir works major overtime during the autumn. This last weekend i didn't see Him other than when He crawled into bed at 12:30 in the morning and crawled back out at 5:30 the same morning. Last year, i couldn't take it. i cried, i sniped, i pouted and behaved very badly. This year, it's gone much more smoothly, due to me shifting into the proper slave mode. Focus on Him, and all things will fall in line. Once i really thought about how my behavior is affecting Him, i realized how badly this is for Him. He worked so hard to provide a better life for Uus, and all i could do was bitchwhinemoan. A slave should never ever behave in such a fashion to her owner! i was so ashamed.
So this year is different. This year i shower Him with special attention, trying to make this grueling two weeks as easy on Him as possible. And the end result is that He is not so emotionally exhausted and now has the energy to respond to my attention and give me a little boost when i start to feel lonely and lost.
'Focus on Him and all things will fall in line.' i've decided to make this an affirmation. |
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So i was speaking to my best friend, the only friend i have left from my childhood, and mentioned that Sir was mulling over the idea of bringing a house slave in to help me out with my somewhat heavy house and child rearing load. She laughed and asked "What the hell will she get out of just working and giving her check over and raising someone else's kids?!"
And that was when it hit me. i'm totally beyond BDSM. i've entered the murky waters of TPE, i'm totally in love with my slave designation, and no one but Sir and i thinks it's anything more than a fantasy.
i offered the rebuttal to my friend, that perhaps the girl might be looking for training, perhaps she is searching for a haven to find herself...or *gasp* she has that deep desire to serve, and would find the situation in our house to be the perfect outlet.
She didn't think such a person exists, and wished me good luck.
i hadn't known the sting of hearing that my reality, my life was a fantasy until now. It doesn't hurt much more to hear it from my closest friend (aside from Sir)...i greatly respect that she has the compassion and strength to tell me as (she thinks) it is. But when i kneel at His feet and swear to serve Him with all my heart and soul, wear His collar and praise His name, i can't help but wonder why i'm "living a fantasy".
Seems pretty real to me. More so, it is natural.
What's the point of this post? To tell others...don't believe them. Believe your reality...it's definitely subjective, but WTF do we have to lose? It's our reality! i am a slave! and i love it! That will never change. |
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Well, here goes!
i've started this journal as a way to vent my feelings specific to my M/s lifestle. There are precious few people in my life that are aware of and understand it, and sometimes the big triumphs and unfortunate lows are hidden from my surroundings. Who would understand when i describe the thrill of kneeling at the feet of my Owner, the rapture of waking up and stealing glances at His sleeping face? Or the pain and frustration of not controlling something undesirable to Him, failing Him in some way?
In most nilla relationships, these feelings are very muted, if there at all. Some of my friends can't comprehend why pissing off Sir is very upsetting to me, why i don't tell Him where to go if He says "no" to something. Here, i hope to meet others that not only understand, but feel the same.
Mind you, this is a friend-only search. At the moment, this house is a one-girl household (oftentimes i think i more than make up for it), but We would love to meet likeminded people and discuss the challenges and tribulation that is this way of life!
And for anyone who thinks about jumping over me for not doing Capitalization in this W/who W/we crap, remember this. i know my place, and it isn't at someone else's feet. It's at His. He is capitalized, and other people may become so as they prove worthy. It isn't a guaranteed thing just 'cause you have a Lord or Master or Daddy in front of your name. i'm just sayin... |
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