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| I'm very interested in exploring a relationship within the D/s dynamic. I'm a liberated thinker and would love to explore with someone in hopes that more may blossom. Please let me know if you are interested.
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Also, I didn't fill out interests because I didn't want to seem like I have a shopping list. I'm extremely open minded.
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Is a relationship--or what I constitute as a relationship--even a plausible, possible and tangible thing? See, I'm on here because I find people easier to talk to and more interesting because "the mask" at least seems to be slightly askew or even off much of the time. A bit fucking ironic for a culture that largely embraces hoods, uniforms and roleplaying, but I like it.
On the other hand, I'm not exactly what a dominant woman is looking for. In a roundabout way, I like the ideas and concepts of submission, but I'm simply not someone's doormat or an empty vessel only capable of mindless pandering. Don't get me wrong... I'd like to be. I can't. I can submit, but I can't get rid of the knowledge and some, at least the tiniest modicum, of wisdom that I like to think I hold.
So I need a relationship that is both intellectually and sexually beneficial. Oddly enough about the latter... when I look back to when I was happily married (eons ago), I don't recall the sex or kink at all. I remember the concept of having a team; some sort of shield or force that connected and protected us both from the insanity of life's banalities. And about the former of my first point, that of intellectual connection, we aren't even talking about some earth shattering conversations regarding science and philosophy--simply the ability not to hate the other person's completely illogical and awful thought process.
I don't want a fairy tale. I just want to find someone who I can co-exist with and be the better part of things that I'm not. At least in some ways. I'm getting old; I have a chronic but non life-threatening condition; I'm skeptical of love and many things and I'm finding out that I'm quite a bit more mortal than I had hoped. I'm fortunate in many ways; I'm at a vast misfortune in others. I don't expect anyone to arrive on the scene perfect, either.
What I do want is someone I can be myself around. Someone smart enough to be above the glitter and haze of our world's trifles and who can still find resolve in commitment, connection and mutual understanding. Perhaps that is what you can translate as love, but I have trouble with vague concepts that can seemingly exist as entities despite the fact that they are directly dependent on such things as the aforementioned.
Before I'm dead, I really hope I am bestowed one last chance to look at someone and feel the serenity of our time together. I wish and dream that I can look into someone's eyes again let all these worldly fears and anxieties die away in a moment of passion. It's not a cure for the world; it's a well-conceived distraction from it.
Then again, I really can't see it happening again. It seems that the void is in love with me, and while I don't much care for it, it has quite a grip. Those thinking things: thought, abstraction, existentialism, ontology, physics and mathematics... and I can run them over and over with the best of them. But I'm tired of being smart (or thinking I'm inching towards being such). I want to be in love--contradictory to the fact that I barely grasp or believe in the notion in the first place.
The sheer length of this proves I'm a fool, and seemingly all over the place. Truthfully, I want something so profoundly bad that I can't even coherently describe it. I don't know; I need hope, but I seem to hope for the worst.
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When you're 30, you bullshit yourself that you're practically a twenty-something year old on the prowl; however, when you're 31, you realize that it's probably a good thing you enjoy reading, video games and being alone. |
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