My experiences...well I hope you have time time to read since this may take a while. :) I have been in the "lifestyle" since I was 21 years old....I started my junior year in college. I have been in it ever since and have not regretted any moment of it. This is not to say that there have not been bad times, but there have been more good. And as long as there is that balance then it is all good. I can empathize with your experience that it is hard to find someone with the right fit in this world. When I first stared out experiencing everything BDSM and D/s had to offer I will say that I was more interested in the sex and the thrill of it all than establishing a deep relationship. I think that served me well since it allowed me to figure out what I wanted and did want out of this life. But with experience comes knowledge and higher bars. Some of the things that I have learned from my experiences are: that I do indeed have limits as to what I am willing/wanting to do to/with a woman, thaat education is important in a submissive, that a submissive is a very strong person, I don't need a submissive to make my life better but that I want a submissive so that we can make our lives better, sex is amazing but so much better when you are emotionally connected with the person.