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am a soul in turmoil of sorts. There is a part of me that is very spiritual. By spiritual I do not mean religious. I do not except any dogma or doctrine. To me there is a deeper more rewarding method, and that is direct experience with Spirit through consciousness. To me spirituality is to interact with principles and not teachings about principles.
That being said, in Spirituality the ultimate Principle is love. Yet I desire to see and interact with women who are bound and gagged. My secret desires are abduction, forced sex, not really into pain. It is more the bondage and the power to force her to do what I want sexually. I love the hand over the mouth, the demanding her compliance, and the the tying and gagging. That is such a sexy site to me. To see her struggling to get free and the sexiest sound in the world is her muffled screams. It is such a turn on to see her shake her head trying to dissuade me from having my way with her. Someone suggested that I add the words consensual though to me that went without saying.
So how do I reconcile such desires with Principle? This is my turmoil. My life has been about coming to terms with my desires and my Spiritual convictions. It is not that I think it is a sin, I do not use such terms. How can sex be a sin? It is beautiful, fulfilling and such a wonderful connection between two people ? notice I say people and not specifying genders. I am strictly straight but I do not go along with people trying to tell others what to do sexually. Yet I am in turmoil. All my life I have felt separated from others and isolated. Most guys when they look at women they undress them mentally. Me I tie them up mentally. I have lived with so much guilt and shame. As boy of six who associated with the bad guys on cop shows I learn this guilt and shame. There was no internet back then and no way to communicate. I was an only child so I had no brothers or sisters to confide in. I heard words like ?sick? and ?demented? associated with bondage activities. That made a deep impression on me. Surely I was ?defective?.
Is it possible to be both Spiritual and Kinky? Is it possible to have a loving heart and still want to tie and gag someone? This is the battle within my soul. I realize this is not going to be very attractive to the female kinksters out here, but it is real. I am about being real. This is why I changed my intro. The other said nothing about who I am. It was just your basic, ?hi I?m into bondage? type of thing. I think most people can figure that out just by my presence here.
When I am loving, I am very loving and attentive. But in the bedroom I am a dominant, and will tie and gag you and rip your clothes off and force you to please me. I am both lion and lamp, my quest this lifetime is to find a way that the lion and lamb can lay together peacefully.
I want a submissive woman that is obvious. But I also want a woman who is nurturing, understanding, and spiritual. One who respects all belief systems and understands that there are many paths to wholeness. I can be very romantic, and love holding hands in the moonlight while sitting by the river. I like cuddling up to watch a good movie at home. I like candlelight dinners and long soul bearing talks. I like someone I can bear my soul to and not be judged and she can have the same comfort and confidence in me.
I am looking for playmates to role play and maybe that one someone for the LTR.
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