3/23/2012 2:08:24 PM

One of the trickiest bits about being new to this lifestyle with someone you've been with in a more vanilla way over 30 years is that you run into mental issue with things like degradation, pain, and just playing being dominant. This last week has been more difficult for me because of this. It's a case of having difficulty getting my subconscious to accept that the woman I love really wants me to do these things to her. On a conscious level I am able to understand and accept things readily. I fantasize about various kinks we will be engaging in, etc. I've always done that, but now we actually do those things and my mind is confuddled. But then she said something that stuck with me. I'm paraphrasing here, but it was something along the lines of, "treating me that way makes me feel loved." Hmmm. Now, I know that people have a tendency of giving love in the way that they expect to receive it (which is probably one of the largest cancers a relationship can have, besides communication), but L and I have always tried to be cognizant of the fact that we need to give what the other needs not what we think they need. And that was all well and good until L opened up to me to explain her true feelings. And so, for now, I still have some difficulties doing some of these things because there is a lot of repetition of all those years to overcome. The good news is that I like this. It's new, fresh, different. It's taking our relationship into a new direction where we are getting to know each other all over again. And while this exploration goes on, we're also getting to know and accept ourselves too. When I first started on this site I wondered why all these women were looking for "experienced doms" as if it took some magical elixir. I'm dom, I would think, so what's the problem? Well, now I know. It takes a lot of practice and work to really open up and understand that domination has very little to do with sex and very much to do with everything outside of sex. Yes, sex is important (at least to me it is), but it's the non-sexual aspects that really determine whether or not one is dominant. That's the experience that I am in the process of gaining. Now, that said, if there are any **ladies** out there that are looking to learn together, by all means contact us. Don't worry, I'll be (mostly) gentle. ;)

3/22/2012 6:04:50 PM

Erotic reads I've read a few romance novels and always get bored. They are the same thingoverand over again, and they hardly even change the names. Then came Thea Divine. I'm not sure how I came to find her books, but somehow I did and now I think Iownthem all. I will stop short of calling myself a crazed fan. Some of hermorerecent books are not as amazing (too much storyline, not enough sex), butIreally love her initial books. The problem is I'm not sure how much of what'sinmy memory of them is reality and how much is fiction. I have them allheresitting on my desk and I thumbed through them just now in preparation forwritingthis post and I don't recognize them all. And I don't see the one Ithought I hadread (maybe it's just a fantasy I attribute to her?). Maybe I shouldjust readthem all again. The ribbon that runs through them all is a dom/sub theme. The sex isusuallypretty intense, and the locations are usually fun and interesting. Thestoriesare not always fantastic, but are OK. The women are always gorgeousvirgins, andthe men are always handsome and wise. Sometimes demons and vampiresfind theirway into the stories. But again, it always just comes back to the sex. I definitely think it's time to start reading them again. -L

3/18/2012 8:09:03 AM

On anal sex J and I have been together since we were 13. The whole time I've known him, I've known he's an ass-man. Asses are to him what breasts are to most men. The problem is that I grew up in a very repressed, religious home where it was wrong to even think about sex, never mind to touch yourself and learn your own body. The couple of times I remember doing it I remember it not feeling good and just feeling guilty afterwards.? J always wanting to play with my ass made me uncomfortable. Over the years we tried to incorporate ass-play into our relationship, with varying degrees of success, but mostly failure. The handful of times we had anal sex, 90% of the time it left me injured and mentally scarred. This wasn't his fault, is my point. If I had known my own body I would have known how to prepare for and enjoy anal sex.? It seems to me now that to have great anal sex you have to be mentally prepared. You have to be relaxed. You have to have supreme trust in the other person. And in my case, as submissive, you have to have the extreme desire to serve the other person's desires.? In addition to the mental game, you have to have the right kind of lubricant and you have to use a ton of it. We've tried lots of lubes over the years and initially found the most success with an anal-injector where we deposited tons of KY Jelly internally prior to the act. Now, though, we've found a lubricant where the injector is no longer required. For us, the one that works best is Climax H2O. As I said, we've tried tons of them and this one seems to work best. It's not too sticky, and it glides for hours (we've proved it!). The third aspect to great anal sex for us is ample anal foreplay. It takes tongue, fingers, and then multiple fingers to get the muscles used to accepting a foreign object. We've tried toys for foreplay before but I've found they do not help me get ready. I need a warm body part! Cold toys do not get me loosened up and ready. Put those three things together -- a solid mental game, the right lube (and lots of it), and enough anal foreplay -- and we now have fantastic anal sex.? At this point I can say that I absolutely LOVE anal sex. I love the dominant aspect to it (of course), and I love serving my husband in this respect (of course), but it also just feels wonderful to have him fully-hard and fully-inserted in my ass! I love being possessed in that way by him. I have the most awesome orgasms during anal sex, more so than just vaginally. There are two caveats, though: (1) Cumming in my ass must be saved for special occasions. The reason for this is that fluid acts like an enema, which causes frequent bathroom trips, which can cause rectal issues for me, which can then delay anal sex for up to a week while I heal. It's not worth having to wait a week between bouts of anal sex just so he can cum inside my ass every time. (2) Anal sex is an extremely personal thing and the person receiving MUST be able to speak up if it just is not working out during that particular episode. Again, it's not worth injury just to "finish". If, despite all the preparations, it hurts or otherwise doesn't feel like it's going right, stop it and try again another day. Injury will get you nowhere.? It took me over 20 years to learn all of the above, and hopefully some of these tidbits of information will help someone else, too. I also welcome any suggestions of your own that have helped you enjoy anal sex. -L

3/14/2012 10:14:20 PM

We tried play-rape tonight. The idea was to talk degradingly, gag her, fuck her roughly in both her pussy and her ass, and to just general act like it was a rape. It didn't go all that well. We learned that sometimes fantasies are better being fantasies. The bottom line is that I love L too much to treat her that way. While I certainly felt dominant doing this, that's all I felt. I don't like that. I like the emotional connection that we have when we are playing. I like making love to L in a dominant way. Looking into her eyes as I fully enter her ass in missionary position. Watching her gasp as I reach my full length in her. Kissing her passionately. It's the mindset and the reaction that makes for an M/s relationship for us. Prior to the play-rape we dabbled with watersports and I soaked her hair and face. We both enjoyed this greatly because it was erotic. She felt submissive and degraded and I felt dominant and a bit sadistic. But, again, it was erotic. I guess that's what I'm getting at...there was nothing erotic about the play-rape. One of those fun to think about type of things that I never want to do again. Ever.

3/14/2012 12:49:34 PM

I have never seen L so happy. She absolutely loves serving me, and I gotta say that being served doesn't suck. I'm not a lazy person, so I only have her take care of the things that are pesky and get in the way of my ability to focus on more important things (to me). At first I felt kind of bad about this because I've always been of the mind that couples should share responsibilities 50/50. After seeing how happy she is to do all of these things, though, I'm slowly becoming more open to the idea. It's still somewhat baffling to me that I find it erotic that she serves me in non-sexual ways. Seriously mind-boggling at the moment. ;)

3/11/2012 12:27:27 PM

I have been reading tons of pieces of information from both CM and FL and I have had to ask myself the following question: Am I a true dom? The issue with this question is that it depends on one's point of view. Some pieces of info point toward an alpha personality where a person scowls a lot, is always serious, likes to argue (not debate), enjoys seeing others suffer, etc. To me this is more of a sadist than a dom, but to each his own. Things I know about myself are that I have always been the guy who ends up running the show wherever I work. Even when I was just starting out I would rise up the ladder quickly, before ever having a degree. And when I am not in a position of given power, the person in that position often asks me for advice as to what to do and how to do it. Now this could just be thrown to expertise, but it happens in all walks of life: relationship help from friends, help with life decisions, help with business decisions...hell, even when I join a new team in sports (I play ice hockey), it's only a matter of time before everyone is asking me what to do in order to beat a particular team. Do I know all these answers? No. But I have a solid intuition of how people tick, what they need to succeed, and what buttons I need to push to make it happen. In short, I am a natural born leader. Always have been. But, again, does this make me a dom? The other pivotal issue is that I care a lot about people. I want people to succeed. I want people to be happy. I want them to grow and have adventure and wonderful experiences. I find no pleasure at all in keeping people down. That said, I know full well that it often takes trials and tribulation to make a person grow. Sometimes this hurts. I get that, but ultimately if the outcome is one that betters that person, I am all for the pain it takes to get there. Learning can be fun, but it's bullshit to think that it's always fun. We learn from our mistakes (hopefully) and we grow from being pushed. I like to push people into things that make them grow. I like to take people to the edge of an experience and push them to the point where they must either grow or fall. But I DO NOT let a person fall without being there to help them get back up. Sexually speaking, I love being in charge. I like to get what I want and I like to see my lady squirm. The more she squirms, the more excited I get. Plus, when she learns something new and she begins following that new path, that makes me feel pleased. I don't see it as some mind-game that has no purpose, but rather as a bonding experience that strengthens my position as Master as well as strengthens her position as slave. I don't see a slave as being weak. I see it as a strength to have the balls to own up and live in a way that you truly believe you were meant to live. To me, anyone that sees a submissive or a slave as a weak-minded person doesn't have a full grasp of things. So in a nutshell, I care. Sure, I have my moments of being an asshole...who doesn't? But the bottom line is that I care about my slave (and people in general). I don't just assume because someone out there is a slave that they are my slave. That's bullshit. If I haven't built trust with someone and they haven't built trust with me, why the hell would I want to engage in something so personal and emotionally driven? Again, knowing all of that about myself...am I a dom? I fully admit that I am still growing in this lifestyle. I continue to study with an open-mind and I try new things and see how they stick with my personality. I will never change who I am simply because somebody states that one must act in a particular way to be considered dominant. If I disagree with whatever that item is, then I won't do it (and I suggest to all subs/slaves out there that you too be true to yourselves!). The fact is that I am a leader and a mentor. I have a strong will and I don't like to lose (as long as it's fair). I won't change who I am for anyone unless I agree that the change will make me a better person. Thus, I will have to answer that, yes, I am a dom. Growing each and every day, sure, but still a dom at heart. -J

3/7/2012 5:00:33 AM

I was reading through some of the messages on the boards this morning, and I just gotta say...one of the things that I find sad is that some doms/femdoms don't seem to give a shit about their subs/slaves. I get that part of the play for some is that feeling that they don't count, and I suppose it could be that I'm putting my beliefs on others, but I just couldn't see not caring about how people in my stable feel. Slave or not, this is still a person! One of the posts I saw was about a slave who had to go to the hospital. Did master go? No. What the fuck? Look, I love making my slave squirm. I love that she feels completely happy serving me in each and every way. Frankly, I demand that she does as it's what it best for her. And I can be pretty cruel in my thoughts when I want to be, even if I have yet to enter that realm with my slave. We're still growing, so in due time... But if she were to suddenly fall ill or experience something in life that crushes her, I would be there for her. Period. I guess my point is that I'm a Dom, not a douchebag.

3/7/2012 2:43:55 AM

Rules I *live* for rules. Rules guide my everyday behavior and help me to know I'm doing my part to please my husband. Some of the rules are sex-related and some aren't, but it's the non sex-related that make me feel the most sub. Here are some of my rules (many of which I suggested, because he shouldn't have to do all the work of coming up with them). Non sex-related: 1. I must keep myself free of all body hair all the time. No stubble. 2. When we go out to dinner, I may only eat a salad. This has nothing to do with my weight and everything to do with focusing on his pleasure only. 3. But speaking of weight, it should be kept between 155-175, no thinner and no fatter. 4. Say "I love you and I love being owned by you" each night before sleep. 5. Keep bottles of lube stocked and available in every area of the house, so that he may take me anally whenever/wherever the mood strikes him. 6. Send at least one "HPOTD" (hot pic of the day) email to him, including a description of what I like about the photo. 7. Keep my hair dyed black. It brings out my eyes, he says. 8. Get my nails and toenails professionally done. 9. Keep his favorite foods stocked in the fridge and pantry. 10. Point out other women whom I think he will admire, so he may fantasize about them. 11. Wear collars/chokers at home as evidence of being owned. 12. No underwear or bras are allowed to be worn in the house for any reason at any time. 13. At any time while at home he may command that I remove ALL clothing. The purpose is not sexual, it's simply to be reminded of my place in the household. 14. Look for opportunities at all times to make his life easier. Put gas in his car, etc. Never tell him the things you do for him, as that would appear to be asking for a 'thank you' which is not deserved. 15. Never discuss concern for budget when ordering/buying anything for sex (toys, lingerie, etc). Money is no object when it comes to his sexual pleasure. 16. Speaking of lingerie, wear it. Sex-related: 17. Greet him with a blow-job each day when I get home. Whether he chooses to cum or not, when he finishes I will say 'thank you' for the opportunity to service him. 18. Each time he does cum, I am to eat it. Scoop it up, lick it up, swallow it down. It belongs in my stomach, no matter where he chooses to deposit it (or in whom he chooses to deposit it). 19. Offer myself to my husband Every Single Day, no exceptions. He may refuse, but I must ALWAYS offer. 20. I must always ask permission to orgasm, and if permission is granted, may not do so until something is in my ass (his cock, fingers, or a toy, etc). 21. I must always be wet for him. Always. Period. If he reaches between my legs, he will feel wetness indicating my constant desire for him. 22. Never talk back, argue, or act rebellious (or non-enthusiastic) in any way at any time, or there will be punishment. 23. If he cums in my mouth, I must hold it in my mouth until he is completely finished and then I may swallow it all at once. I am thinking about suggesting a new rule mandating the amount of time I must look at porn every day. The problem is that I love looking at porn and could easily and happily look all day. This would not make for productivity in other areas of my life, though. Is two hours too much to mandate? Time here on collarme counts, so maybe it's not too much to require. I welcome all suggestions on other rules to put into place. There can NEVER be too many rules. -L

3/6/2012 4:52:17 AM

We had some growing pains that I wanted to share. Last Friday night we were having sex and I began to notice that L wasn't all that into it. If anything her enthusiasm was pretty dismal. This is difficult because I was not sure what to do. Being relatively new to the dom side of things my thoughts were that I had to push through and make her perform regardless of her interests...to do otherwise would mean that I was letting her control the situation. I did so, but it was less than fun and I was not at all happy about the situation. We didn't say anything about it and I went to bed somewhat angry at her. She said her normal, "I love you and I love to be owned by you" before going to sleep, but I rather felt that in the morning we'd have a talk and be back to our normal ways. In other words, the brief stint was over. Honestly, I wasn't all that surprised. What was surprising was the next morning. I awoke to find her climbing naked onto my side of the bed. She was all snuggling up and stroking my skin as if nothing had happened. Now, in the past I would have pushed down my feelings and just let things simmer for a few days until I finally told her how I felt. But not this time. This was the showdown for me. Either I was dom or I wasn't; either she was my slave or she wasn't. Here is where we would find out the truth. I said to her, "You owe me an apology." She replied, "I sent you an email about everything." We began to talk, but that wasn't enough for me. She needed to be punished for this. The strangest thing is that I TRULY felt that way. It was like my dom side was growing. I pushed her head down and had her give me oral as I began detailing how she had made me feel the night before. She is a huge fan of breath-play, so I made sure she was fully engaged when I talked at her. Next, I had her lay across my lap, on her stomach, and I literally spanked her...hard...and said, with each slap, "Don't ever do that to me again." Her ass was rather red. In the past I would have been cringing at this, but not at that moment. No, I felt that it wasn't red enough. I had her then get up and walk seductively around the room and told her not to look at me. Finally, I told her to go to the window, facing it, and begin fingering herself. After a few minutes, I got out of bed and walked over to her. I pushed her up against the wall, so she was facing me, and put her hands high above her head. I pinched her nipples and pulled them. She began to squirm as I looked into her eyes. My anger was finally fading as I saw the physical pain she was experiencing, and, more importantly, I could see in her eyes that she felt terrible about how she had behaved. Without my prompting, she said, "I really am sorry." I kissed her and replied, "You are forgiven." This is amazing because I honestly felt that way. There was no more lingering anger or grudge or anything of the sort. She paid the penance for her actions. It was a surreal feeling. We then went on to have the best sex I can recall having in years. Let me tell you that it was a catalyst for the next few days too. Our relationship has never been this powerful. We talk for hours on end about everything, not just sex (although there is a lot of that too). We're like new lovers all over again. I know that I have a lot of growing to do in the realm of domination and she has a lot to do in the world of being a slave, but we're in no rush and we are having the time of our lives in the process. -J

3/5/2012 10:27:06 PM

On being submissive I hate it when I hear the question, "so just what do you *get* out of being submissive?" You never hear anyone ask a leader, "so just what do you *get* out of being a leader?" It is assumed that everyone must want to be powerful and strong, but what I get out of being submissive is making my husband powerful and strong. He's already a natural leader, I am simply giving him my servitude as a sign of respect and admiration. What I *get* out of being submissive is an overwhelming sensation of powerlessness. I am giving myself to him completely -- without reservation or caveat. He can do with me what he will. His command is my desire. It's really quite simple when it comes right down to it. I want to do anything and everything to keep him happy and satisfied. I've always wondered what my purpose is, and I think I have finally found it. My existence on this planet is for his pleasure. This brings me supreme and utter happiness. That's all there is to it. My only thought is of him. I am happiest on my knees at his feet. THAT'S what I get out of being submissive, and it's all I've ever wanted. -L

3/5/2012 5:26:44 PM

As our profile points out, we are somewhat experienced with basic domination and submission, but we are pretty new to the master/slave dynamic. How new? Leap day, 2012. Now, to be clear, over the years (30 of them...we've been together since our early teens) we have tried a plethora of different paths. We have even switched a few times and also have had a single threesome. It was all fun, sure, but we never really found a nitch for ourselves. Interestingly, through the entirety of our relationship we have both always known the same thing: she loves to follow and he is a natural leader. There were a few times where we even experienced this during our sexuality, but, again, not seriously. Over the last few years a few of our highschool friends passed away from various ilnesses. During that time we both took a look at our lives and realized that there's not a lot of time in this world. We decided to make changes in our careers and other areas of our lives so that we could at least TRY to maximize whatever time we end up with on this blue marble. L came to me a few months ago and said that she would like to be submissive to me, sexually. It was fine with me, but I just didn't like the idea of having to "act" the part all the time. So I told her that while I wanted to make her happy, I also needed to feel that things were real. That meant that outside of the bedroom she would need to be submissive too. I don't mean wearing a leash when we walking around the mall, but rather just nuzzling up against me when we're out, giving me hugs now and again...essentially showing me that she looked up to me and wanted to be actually submissive. At first she was apprehensive, but as time went on it became more and more natural for us both. So much so that last week she opened up fully for the first time since we have been together and told me everything she'd been feeling. She wanted to be more than submissive. She wanted to be my slave. I felt a wave of emotions. Was she being serious? Maybe this is just a phase? Is this something I want? It's a lot of responsibility, after all. I decided to put things to the test. I started out explaining that I needed to start working out again. I'm not really out of shape, but I could stand to lose 5lbs and tone up some, but mostly I mean in order to get stronger and feel stronger. So I put her in charge of making sure I had all of my veggies and shakes, etc. Nothing major, mind you, just the basics. She started out okay, but then she started complaining a bit. I had a feeling that was that, and then I got an apology email. She explained that she was wrong to have said anything and that she would do better. Hmm. Since then she has done a lot better, and so, I believe, have I. We've decided to move nice and slow as we progress in this lifestyle. One never knows what tomorrow brings, but for the first time in years we stay up talking, we flirt with each other, we have mind-boggling sex, and we are more comfortable with ourselves, our jobs, and our surroundings than any time in our history together. I'm proud of my sweet honey for having the courage to tell me the truth, and I'm proud of being in a relationship with a woman that I dearly love where we can be our true selves. -J