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PossiblyMaybe
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| All that I need is a muse to inspire and drive me further into the depths of creative madness. In such dark places, I shall have no want for food nor water. In the emptiness of chaos, I will find peace and inspiration. Passions are the fuel for living, and life is to be lived. Can you inspire me? Can you drive me to dance in the midnight rain? Can you drive me to find the wisdom of fools? Such essential questions ...
I am this guy creature...
Re-evaluating, reprogramming, reconditioning; I am currently in the process of altering my personal evolution. From Malkuth to Kether, I climb that I may walk through the veils and return home. I'm sure of who I am and wish to be, but one might say as I've yet still forgotten I already know my Name. As always, living for the now like that book by Boccaccio and eyes yet on the horizon.
My geekery is timeless, born with my memory. I've always read voraciously and enjoyed discovering new things. I had a Commodore 64 as a kid. I design and build websites, as well as provide online marketing plans and community management services, for a primary living. I've written my own roleplaying game. I study psychology and religious studies because they intrigue and amuse me. I bounce around my house singing "parody" songs by a pair of history teachers. I read Kierkegaard and de Unamuno because it's fun.
Otter rage and the urge to smack skulls like clams upon my tummy passes by from time to time. Sometimes I vent it with a little touch of snark. On the other side of things, "The Book of Life" is a pretty hammy existentialist film by Hal Hartley; it's awesome, in part, because it features the Eternal Goddess PJ Harvey. I love her voice so.
All in all though, I possess quite the soft spot for existentialist art and media. I especially have a soft spot for absurdism, surrealism, and just about anything from No Wave cinema, especially Cinema of Transgression. There is something entirely irresistible in the moral that we can create meaning from meaninglessness, no matter the madness and mayhem of the world. We are the lord or warden of our own palace or prison, whichever we so choose and will. The bittersweet complexity of it all is unmatchable; it sings to the flicker of my flame.
"I am a spark, born in the dream of life."
Things that make me zoom
Education! I am constantly pushing myself to learn new things and explore new ideas. Literature, of both the academic and popular fiction sort, is an endless time-devourer. Learning, growing, evolving; all lifelong pursuits I've no intention of abandoning until the shadow of death covers every last speck of light.
Cognition and perception fascinate me, along with memory. They are all strangely pliable. Experiences can be rewritten, even created from whole cloth. Context means everything. Which eyes behold make the difference between a monster and the perfect companion.
Friends and lovers are those who set fire to my bones, who sing to my marrow. The human potential is unimaginably vast. The folks I most adore are those that I see the greatest potential in, the clearest spark, or perhaps a distinct flame. That zest of individuality is what attracts me to all people that I care to spend time with.
Things that hum in my bones
I have a very distinct sense of what I need, want, and desire. I've spent a lot of years and a great deal of time considering my nature. I listen to my bones and blood and the songs they sing of the people around me. I would call it neither so-called intuition nor seeming awareness; I'm fairly sure it is paradoxically both more irrationally and sensibly founded than either.
I am a hungry angel, a mind of angles and light, passion and reason. I want to devour and nurture, which do not stand in tension. I seek to tear away the leaves, prune dead branches, and churn the soil; it can be a tumultuous and unpleasant process, but nevertheless results in a lush, well-formed tree that delivers fine fruit.
And know that I disregard the common notion that submission is a "precious gift" that must be earned through a series of tests and proofs. I understand the concept of using a bit of sense and reason in choosing partners, as well as the idea that we each need certain types of partners. However, beyond that, it seems to me a poor idea to begin a power exchange with the control, power, and authority on the ostensibly opposite side of the slash. You want me? Make it clear to me. Pursue me. Call after me. Show me you're interested enough to warrant my attention and interesting enough to warrant my time.
Be aware that I do not believe that I owe my property any respect, kindness, equality, or any other such common notion of fairness or appropriateness in partnerships. That doesn't preclude me from being kind, romantic, respectful, or any other such thing. I am a human being and I rather enjoy human company. They are just neither required nor guaranteed. They are earned; everything is earned. That said, I have my romantic and comforting inclinations.
For the obligatory kinky stuff, what really thrills me is a sense of control and command. When I am zapping someone with a TENS unit or painting sensitive areas with essential oil, it is not so much that I am a sadist in the normative sense. Inflicting pain does little for me as an end in itself. Someone suffering pain for me brings an entire multiverse of goodness. The responses, body language, visible results, sensations I know my partner is experiencing... all of that, all of that and more occurring because I want it to and in essence, in a variety of ways, playing a partner, in times both pensive and playful.
Here, have a few random thoughts
I yearn for people that value and know who they are underneath everything else. None of us possesses perfect self-knowledge, but a strong sense of one's fundamental nature and being is a practical goal.
My "faith" is a complex thing. I am basically an atheist, though I have a rationalist deist view of things. Everything we observe is more complex in combination and practice than the underlying rules. Therefore, the universe as a whole is more than the mere total sum of galactic and intergalactic energy and matter, according to the consistent, observable laws and patterns of said universe. It is probably most accurate to say I believe in "Tao" or a principle of universal order, but not necessarily in a mystical or unifying principle sense.inextricably tied with my spirituality and spiritual practices. Even if they are not explicitly discussed, they are a part of my romantic interactions and dynamics.
Individuality and self-knowledge are invaluable gifts. Discover who you are underneath the pretense. Tear away your self-delusions and illusions. Then fight; fight to become just that! Celebrate yourself. Delight in your individuality! Exalt your personality! Dance with the stars and faeries. Sleep at peace with yourself.
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Mind control is hot
So, you want to learn how to mold a person. You want to discover the secrets of brainwashing and behavior modification. You want to learn about conditioning and training. But, you don't know where to begin.
I'm not going to recommend anyone in the scene to you. I'm also not going to recommend any particular kink books. Those recommendations are a dime a dozen and while some are particularly excellent (such as, The Forked Tongue by Flagg), they are still best for brainstorming and understanding some D/s structure. If your real interest in the malleability and flexibility of the human mind, I suggest looking at psychology texts about the topic. You'll get a lot more bang for your buck and a lot more meat out of them.
Not for the lazy
First, two brief caveats.
There is no easy way. Nothing I can recommend to you makes it simple to sculpt the human mind. It takes serious dedication and buckets of blood, sweat, and tears. If you're not willing to put in truly hard work, there is nothing I can do to assist you.
That dedication? The subject needs it too. They need to trust you. They need to believe in your authority. Informed consent is also important. That doesn't mean you need to open your black box for them. It means you need to make sure they understand what they've signed up for and that they assent to the agenda and methods you've laid out. Buy-in is necessary for long-term success.
The recommendations
If you don't have a much grasp of psychology or its practical uses then I'd recommend getting your hands on The Complete Idiot's Guide to Psychology and Counseling Skills For Dummies. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Breaking Bad Habits is a solid read for getting the basics on pattern breaking and habit changing. I'm not joking. They explain things accurately in a very easy to understand format.
If you want some intro material beyond the very basics, you can get cheap used copies of Reynold's A Primer of Operant Conditioning and Skinner's About Behaviorism. They're a bit dated, but the information is solid and just about every modern psych book on the topic (both pop and academic) is deeply rooted in them (and sometimes even based directly on them). Cognitive Behavioural Therapy For Dummies is another introductory text that I'd highly recommend.
Moving on to the meatier in-depth stuff, Behavior Modification: Principles and Procedures is just rocking. While it can be a touch on the pricey side, the 4th edition had a pretty crappy print quality so copies can be had for <$40. If you've got a few extra bucks to drop on it, I can't over-recommend The ABCs of Human Behavior: Behavioral Principles for the Practicing Clinician. It's a gold standard textbook and worth the money if you're actually interested in the topic. Behavior Modification in Applied Settings gets a little technical at points and presumes a decent psychology grounding, but it is another truly excellent book.
Closing thoughts
If you take the time to read, digest, and put those books into practice, you'll know more about the topic than most community experts. If you combine them with other psychology resources, you can just about work miracles. Of course, that's dependent on you putting in the unwavering determination and damn hard work it takes to create real change in another human being.
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Hypnosis
Psychology
- A big list
of open access psychology journals
- CogPrints
is a wonderful archive of cognitive science papers
Mind Hacking
Social Engineering
Other
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Oh no, there's ugly stuff out there!
Listen, there's a lot of things I find just vile that are perfectly common. There are things I would never do with my property because I find them disgusting and unappealing. If you do them and it makes you happy, rock on. Become aware of the facts. Understand the risk. Make sure the other people involved also do the same.
If everyone wants to rock on at that point, then let everyone rock on and find their way to the happy. Don't bother me, I won't bother you, and everyone lives how they like.
I can loathe you and support you
I don't have to like or approve or condone your inclinations and actions in order to tolerate them. I tolerate the things I don't like; I put up with them. I don't embrace them or find some beauty in them or anything like that. I will defend them when competent adults giving informed consent are being lectured about the wickedness or dangerousness or so on of the way their live their lives.
Your right to shit
That's even true when I find what they do to be repulsive. It's human decency and respect. If you want to roll around in poop, bless your heart and have at it. I want no part of it. I don't particularly care to really hear too much about it either. You did it. It was fun. I'm good with that. If everyone there wants some poop action, it is not my place to judge or meddle in your personal lives to tell you what to do or not do.
It's absolutely disgusting to me. Still your right. Fling your poop with liberty! Feel free to plug and play most any other repugnant but informed consensual activity. It's the concept that counts.
Oh no, I'm so evil and a bad kitty
I want to own people. I want to twist them up, bend them down, crush them in, and remold them altogether until they are mine, through and through. I crave after those who want that. To be owned, to be possessed in many senses of the word.
If they want it and consent to the tools at my disposal, both of us knowing the risks and complications involved on many levels of the relationship and general health of those involved, then that's what we both want. We crave the reality and sensation of owner and owned.
Best and proper are not universals
That is what is best and deepest for me. What is best and deepest for you may be something similar or something else entirely. Doesn't matter, because that's what's best for you. I will do what is best for me. Let's us both do what is best for each of us and leave the other be. What's so complicated about that?
Ethics, morals, honor, and other pretty trinkets
It's all very straightforward to me. Did everyone involved give their informed consent as a legally competent adult in control of their faculties? If yes: HAVE SUPER GOOD ULTRA HAPPY FUN TIME!
There you go. That simple. No need for complicated rules and red flags and lists. Let adults be adults. |
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As you are reading this, my profile probably lists me as a "Dominant". That is only for lack of a more accurate label in the choices. Sometimes I'm in the mood for "kinkster", because I feel a little disconnected from M/s. Generally, I'll roll with "Master", because it sort of conveys the gist of things to other people and I tend to find like minds in M/s circles. Also, I did identify with the label for quite a while. However, after a lot of self-reflection, it just doesn't fit.
Table of Contents
I. Who I am NOT
- I am NOT a Top
- I am NOT a Dom
- I am NOT a Master
II. Who I AM
- I am a Romantic
- I am a Monster
- I am an Owner
Who I am NOT
There are some common slots that I clearly do not fit into. When taken in themselves, they are pale and lifeless. That is the core of why I am not these things.
I am NOT a Top
Certain things are fun to me. Other things are pretty and/or fascinating. However, topping in itself does jack-all for me. My "kinks" are not very attractive as isolated activities and images. I would not only say it is boring, but downright irritating. So, I am especially not a service top.
I am NOT a Dom
I joke around about being a "domleh dom" and all that, but that is about the extent of it. I just do not identify with or really "feel" the whole culture of dominance and submission. I do not care about being dominant as an end to itself. I also could hardly care less about submission. It's nice and all, much like compliance and other related concepts. However, it's not a value or independently desirable behavior. Submission can be a rather empty thing.
I am NOT a Master
"Master" comes closest of the three to describing who I am. Most of the people that I most closely identify with label themselves M/s and/or are active in M/s community circles. Over time, however, I am finding that the dynamic I crave fits neither the common perception of M/s nor the general cultural values of Master/slave dynamics.
Now surely, many would say to hell with what others think; my M/s doesn't have to be their Master/slave ideal, and so on. I reject that relativism. Words have meaning. Cultures and cultural values exist. I and my relationships do not exist in a vacuum. If who I am, what I need, and the things I crave does not fit well with the general scheme of M/s, it is less confusing and more honest for me to simply reject the label and embrace another.
Who I am
So we come down to who I am. Through sorting out a lot of my past experiences in life, reflecting on past relationships, meditating to watch my thoughts with detachment, cognitive behavioral & existential therapy, and just a lot of serious thought, I have rediscovered myself. Perhaps I should say I am rediscovering myself and, should I live as a living man, I shall never cease rediscovering myself.
Every moment I die and another one of me is born. Who I was, is not who I am, and yet the infinite incarnations are continuously threaded, coherent; all of the many men that are me are not unlike the words, phrases, sentences, and chapters of a book. If that all makes sense to you, then sweet damn you're hot.
I am a Romantic
I like pecking with kisses. I like physical closeness. I love lounging about with people I am into. I enjoy delivering gifts, ranging from TENS unit pads to flowers to hot sauces to herbs to heavens knows what else. The specific gifts depend on the person and random happenstance. I'll meow. I'll be normal relationship silly. I like sharing closeness, friendship, and experiences with my partners. So, you could say that I am a romantic in some sense. I am affectionate. However, being quite honest, I am so because it pleases me. I am not so to earn favor, because I am a marshmallow, or because I am a slave to infatuation.
The clear line that delineates my general affection from vanilla expressions is that I do not believe that those I own are due affection or love. I feel absolutely no obligation based on ideas of fairness, reciprocation, love-over-all, or so on. Nevertheless, being affectionate and sharing a bit of life is quite simply fun and energizing. Just do not confuse it for some chivalric, gentlemanly, or moral impulse.
I am a Monster
Picking right up from the last point, it is because I am a monster. I am selfish. I am demanding. I will use whatever tools, however unsavory, are at my disposal and within the boundaries of good sense & consent to manipulate, guide, and reshape those I would own into those I own. I am a complete bastard many times. Few things are hotter than when someone is my puppet, my instrument, my toy. When I am free and in the perfect pace to "play" a person, teasing or torturing or using or whatever the case may be... fantasies are weak stuff to that reality.
Do you want me? Do I find you desirable? Then be warned: I want to fuck you up, twist you up, and force you to evolve. I am going to crush you. I will devour you whole without regard, restraint, or respect. I will consume and tear away all that displeases me. I will push your buttons. I will covertly plant seeds and thoughts. I want you to face the Abyss and throw yourself across it in surrender. I want you to fall with such wantonness into surrender that you leap, even though you are sure that you will end up on the rock below as a broken body. And I will laugh at you. I will find delusional, hilarious amusement in your fear, suffering, and confusion. Even more so, nothing will appeal to me in the same way as the will to surrender despite all of that.
I am an Owner
Everything I care about boils down to a few simple things. I love controlling a person. I love, even more, reconfiguring a person. I love, with every fiber of my being, utterly infiltrating a person. Without that essential geist, not a damn thing I do matters to me. I could beat someone a dozen shades of blue, leaving them a happy quivering wreck and getting out lots of aggression & sadism. Without that je ne sais quoi, I would not only be unsatisfied but also downright frustrated and unhappy. I want to hold, possess, own. If anything is my kink, that is it: ownership and possession.
Compliance is not my priority. Obedience is not my priority. Protocol is not my priority. I know that sounds weird for someone who is all about what fits into the broad categories of total power exchange and internal enslavement. Nevertheless, none of the traditional values and trappings fit quite right. Those are all hollow men, in my reckoning. As stand alone items, they bear little to no value for me.
Compliant servants and deeply submissive slaves are not uncommon, in my experience. Someone may comply with unwavering obedience and flawless grace, yet be utterly unsatisfying and displeasing to me. I do not give a sweet damn about their submission. I hunger for their surrender, the utter capitulation to my will. Show me the will to be consumed by mine. If I dig you, that will make my motor hum like a jet engine.
Perfection and performance scoring are also not my priorities. I do not expect anyone to know me overnight. I also do not expect a person to join with me in pure, limitless trust from start. Relationships take time to cultivate and grow. My prime considerations are the potential I see and the desire to be owned. With potential and will, surrender is possible.
The eschewal of self-sovereignty in abdication to my will delivers all of the compliance, devotion, and drive to perform that I could ever desire, as well as the framework that provides substantive meaning to all such things. And that is merely candy topping that makes my life nice. The real joy is bringing someone into my arms, delivering me into their life, spending time learning their nature, planting seeds in their mind, tending the crops, and joyously harvest the bounty when they desperately seek surrender. To have a person need my ownership as the drowning hunger for air! What could possibly be more beautiful than that?
Or at the very least, so it seems to me; I am an owner. |
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I need you to tell me. Tell me everything. Tell me anything. Be honest with yourself. Be frank with me. I need you to tell me.
Tell me about some stupid dream you had last night. Freaky-deaky punk rock rodeo clowns chasing Toyota hybrids screaming about hippies while purple unicorns rained from the heavens or whatever? Totally fine. As a somewhat feline fellow, I've a natural curiosity about what occupies your mind in the odd hours of the night. I just need you to tell me.
Tell me about something that happened during your day. It could be important. It doesn't need to be. Really, you can tell me what you had for lunch just as much as vent about some frustrating work call or relate a funny anecdote about a co-worker or whatever. Let me see the world you live in. I need you to tell me.
Tell me if I weird you out or make you uncomfortable, but especially tell me if I truly wound you. For the sake of all, I need to you to tell me. I cannot undo what has been done, but even worse I cannot fix what I do not know is wrong. However, I also cannot help if I don't know why it went wrong. Even if the reason is irrational or senseless, I just need you to tell me.
Tell me about random thoughts that go through your mind, silly or serious. The sharing of idle thoughts can be such a wonderfully intimate thing. It's made up some of my finest memories and loving moments with friends and lovers alike. So, share with me the strange tides of your mind. I need you to tell me.
Tell me when I make you happy, feel good about yourself, or have hope for the future. To be our joy, it must be shared. Whether you're head over heels or merely enjoyed a simple moment of laughter, happiness is happiness. I just need you to tell me.
Tell me everything. Tell me anything. Be bluntly honest with yourself and openly frank with me. Share a life with me. I need you to tell me. |
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I'm poking my mug around again. We'll see who I bump into.
*meow* |
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Life. It's something. Sometimes it's something to gush about. Other times it's something you wouldn't express an honest opinion about in polite company. Either way, it's great to know you're alive, to feel alive.
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To be clear upfront, please do not feel any need whatsoever to call me "Sir", "Master", or any other title. You probably don't know me, and I almost assuredly don't own you. If I'm a stranger, treat me like a stranger and get to know me first. Treat me like some interesting guy you met at a coffee shop or in the neighborhood. Do not treat me like someone who's earned your respect ex nihilo.
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Yes, I am alive! (Though healing some broken bones due to a silly accident.)
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Life has been insane, but it moves on and on and on, whether or not I decide to move with it. So, I'm attempting to ride the river, instead of sleep on the riverbed. Which way will the river flow, which way will the wind blow, before I find my way home?
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Wheels and angles. Lines and lodes. Interesting how you encounter people when you most need the reassurance their existance is to yours. This can be as small as a pleasant stranger on the bus, or a vast as yearning for the eternal reunion.
Holly's last gift to me before her season ends, perhaps? Given the signs of things, that is more likely than not. |
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I'm pretty cheerful at the moment with the site. I've come across some fascinating profiles and more than a few intriguing folks have sent me mail during the past week. For the record, by all means, YES, if you want to send me mail just to chat you're more than welcome to do that. I'll rarely turn down an opportunity to spark up conversation with an interesting person. Feed my text hungry brain! |
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I find it fascinating that some people can claim to be willing to do anything to prove their desire to serve someone they barely know.
Point is, BDSM is not a purely sexual thing to me (though there is no disputing it's involvement with sexuality).
Covering the opposite end, if all you want to talk about is BDSM and sex, you're likely not the person I am looking for. I rather enjoy unique individuals and getting some taste for your sense of self and personality will go a long way into securing my interest. People have a wide variety of pursuits and interests in life, and I expect to see that reflected in my discussions with people.
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| Age: 19 |
| Stoneville, NC,
North Carolina |
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