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AeonMalleus
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I like to flirt with disaster.
Then I like to wrestle disaster to the ground and make her my bitch.
I am Brilliant, Brash, Insouciant, and "Intense" -- whatever that means.
I have high standards and great expectations. I don't settle, and I don't do compromise. I want what I want, and I generally get it.
In exchange, I offer strength, sanity, stability, and loyalty like nothing you've known. I'm an expert problem solver, and I eat other people's drama for breakfast. I am fearless, unshakable, and can wear your "baggage" as a fucking necklace.
Above all: I will think so that you can feel. And if need be, I will think for you so you can live. I will teach you how to be independent because I don't need you to obey me, but I'll always be there so certain of the correct path that you'll simply want to.

If you are an intelligent and attractive female who appreciates the value of this offer, I want to hear from you. All sincere inquiries will receive a reply.
3/7/2014 1:22:02 PM

How tolerating the rape culture is keeping your dick dry

 

This post is addressed to the dudes in the crowd. All you ladies might want to leave the room, because I’m going to try my best to talk to these guys just like I see them talk to each other in the movies.

OK dude, have all the ladies left?

Good. Ahem

You are a fucking moron!

~
No shit, you are actually making things harder on yourself and every other guy out there who is trying to get laid.

Yeah, YOU!

Every time you are a misogynist, an angel closes her legs.

Every time you think to yourself that the careful etiquette that women (and men) are trying

 to create in order to combat the rape culture is just a bunch of feminist nonsense, women everywhere are that much less inclined to go out, and that much less likely to wear something sexy when they do.

Every time you fail to make eye contact

 with a woman you are sexing up, every time you fail to notice that a woman isn't having such a great time, somewhere a woman decides that she just isn't that into sex.

Every time you whistle at a woman walking down the street, or grab ass on someone without getting permission

 from her lips (or at least from her eyes), every time you speak to a woman like she owes you sex, or take the easy way and make a really bad rape joke at the expense of your audience member (Yes,Tosh

, I’m looking at you), somewhere else a woman says no to a man, gets an unexplained headache, or asks to be taken home early.

Eventually, that man will be you. And you will believe that her rejection of you is unjust, and you will probably think, or even say, unkind things about her to your friends, or even to her face.

But YOU, you fucking moron, YOU are doing this to yourself.

And I can already see you thinking to yourself all manner of absolute childish tripe and justification after sophomoric justification about how this is "just how women are":

  • "They are aloof, they are cold, they are callous, they enjoy breaking men down and making them beg."
  • OR: The "1 in 4 rape statistics is exaggerated

    , it’s really 1 in 14." As if it matters which terrifying statistic is true. Like semantics is going to somehow make it all OK.
  • OR: "They are confused, they don't know what they want, they need a big strong man to make the decision for them."
  • OR: "They just don't like sex as much as men do, so you have to trick them into it or you'll never get laid."
  • OR: "All they had to do was not walk

     in that part of town, dress in that slutty outfit, count to ten and spin around three times."
  • OR: "They all want sex but are ashamed to admit it, so they need you to convince/coerce/cajole them into it so they can be relieved of the responsibility of wanting it." See? You were really raping those ladies for their own good. What a generous guy.

Even if any of the above is true, you can't do something about other people can you? But we CAN do something about ourselves, and we are lucky enough to be the gender that everyone seems to look to to make the first move.

So, I am going to do you a favor right now.

Now this is only a favor if you can be man enough to shut the fuck up, sit down and read this as if you cared to understand what it is really like for a woman.

Men, you overpower women by sheer muscle mass, your general weight is 60 lbs heavier by average, and as a combat specialist for 10 years I can tell you the honest truth about fighting: weight is almost everything.

Some women walk around scared. Every. Fucking. Day. Now I am aware that you all walk around a bit scared

 too because, whether you admit it or not, you are scared of being rejected or humiliated, since you are EXPECTED to be the one to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable. But women--the lucky bitches--women get approached all the time! Right?

Women get approached because they are viewed as targets!

As in: men like to hunt them. Usually the hunt ends in a conversation and a nice time, but sometimes it ends in blood

. Lip blood, vaginal blood, sometimes dead cold drying blood.

Yes, that is what it’s like for a woman

. Some walking around terrified

 all the time that a man might just arbitrarily decide to hurt you, and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it. But all of them have the itch on the back of their neck that tells them that someone might just apply their own idea of who they are to them and the rest of the room won't bat an eye. Because telling a woman who or what she is, that's a cultural imperative. An aspect of which is the very rape culture I am talking about.

Women LONG for a man, partially for protection, but EVERY man is a threat until proven otherwise, and all they have for weapons is their social intelligence, a rape whistle, and a hope.

Now, why the fuck should you care?

Man, even if you are the most shallow guy in the world who just wants a pussy, ass or mouth to wet your dick in, you should care. Because the rape culture is making women afraid of you, and of sex in general.

Imagine a world where the CULTURE dictates that men who see any sort of misogyny should put a stop to it right away.

Where any man who sees some sort of excessive force takes action with equal force to put an end to it. Where fucking cops

 don't spend their efforts convincing women it’s not worth fighting for justice.

Where the reaction from friends and family is not accusation and disparagement

 ("Are you SURE that's what happened? You're not just overreacting/dramatizing/mis-remembering? This is a man's life we're talking about here!).

Where a woman’s character is not pilloried because she was unlucky enough to be victimized. ("She was wearing a MINI SKIRT

." "She had been DRINKING." "She flirted with him in front of everyone!" "She slept with half the neighborhood, why should we believe that lying slut?")

In that world? IN THAT FUCKING WORLD?!

In a world where those who have the most power actually exercise it by--at the VERY LEAST--refusing to stay silent when they hear some dude telling a woman she is a bitch for not sleeping with him. All it takes is four simple words:

“That’s not cool man.”

In THAT world, you would get laid all the time.

WHY?

Because women LOVE SEX

.

They actually love it more than you do. They want men (or women

) to fuck them. A lot. And IN THAT WORLD, many of them would not even be all that picky about a quickie.

And even though most of you reading this are not rapists and most have not even accidentally misunderstood a signal and gone too far; it’s not your actions I am talking about here. It is your inactions

 that are REALLY fucking things up.

So why make a change?

1) Do it for the children.
Some reports show as high as 70%

 of all rapes are by an immediate family member. By making rape not OK anywhere, you give more options to those who wish to report abuse by their own family.

2) Do it for your fellow men who are raped
Yeah, even men are raped

 and a culture where people look the other way allows that to happen to anyone.

3) Do it for your mom
If 25% of women have been sexually assaulted in some way, then there is a decent chance that your own mom has been raped, Dude. Your own mom. But let’s say you hate your mom. What about your little sister? Or your second-grade teacher? Or your best female friend from elementary school. Chances are, some woman who has made a positive impact on your life has been or will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. Chew on that for a while.

4) Do it for your self-respect
You know what is right. Just because you’ve spent a lifetime kowtowing to whatever Alpha attitude happens to be running the table at the moment, doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it. Want to sleep better than you ever have? Want more genuine self-confidence? Put a stop to an injustice and stand up for your convictions.

5) Do it for your penis
Have you been paying attention? Not only will changing the culture make women more likely to spread their thighs for you, changing your attitude will do the same. That’s right, being RESPECTED is a serious turn-on, and integrity is fucking hot.

So the next time I see even one of you assholes make another disparaging comment about women, or ask what they were wearing when they say they were raped, or fail to stop an asshole from making another woman uncomfortable, expect me to step in and stop you.

Because honestly, Asshole: you’re fucking it up for me.

Be like these guys:
http://austin.culturemap.com/newsdetail/07-12-12-14…


http://www.pcar.org/men-against-sexual-violence-mas…


http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/teenage-rape-victi…


http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/hmar/


http://www.rapeis.org/activism/prevention/menagains…


http://www.mencanstoprape.org/


http://marcnc.blogspot.com/

Yeah, that’s right, the fact is that plenty of men reading this are already doing their best. And we really need you in order to stop the real evil predators

 out there.

And some of you could do more. I find more that I can do all the time. Even just in writing this I've learned a few more things I can do. But I, alone, making a change will make no difference if you go out tonight and let your friend tell another dumb blonde joke.

The culture is shifting. Be ahead of the curve. Re-read the 5 points listed above, go out tonight and put a stop to it.

Like a man.
3/6/2012 9:11:57 PM

First, skim through this article: http://www.slate.com/id/2286240/



If you are annoyed by the assumptions being made there about female sexuality, you’re in good company. But let’s take a closer look at why those assumptions are annoying and what can be done to alter them.

The assumption that a woman, to be accepted, feels she must be ok with sex acts that she is not, watch porn when she of course hates it, and have sex more often than she wants to. We’ve all seen movies, those assumptions are just obvious right? 

How about this assumption: Since those same movies direct us in our “life imitating art” paradigm, it is equally obvious that women secretly love all those things and have to claim to hate them. 

Since these two assumptions are clearly in contradiction, the question haunts social scientists: Which assumption is more relevant to contemporary female sexuality? And how can either of these assumptions be accurately tested?

The Department of Psychology at the Florida State University did oodles of tests on various aspect of “sexual economics.” Namely sex as a female resource for exchange in heterosexual interactions

http://psr.sagepub.com/content/8/4/339.short



The problem with this is, ironically, the same as the competing assumptions above. They are being asked the questions with the full weight of social expectations upon them. In an effort to assert individual thought and personal ethics, your average person will find subtle ways to defy expectation where it feels wrong to do what is expected. Yet since these expectations are continued as such, they will be overall more likely to fall in line with the norm due to social pressure.

As a rule, most of the time, people do not think, they don’t need to, actual thought all the time would be inefficient and draining. If you take an individual with a mindless tick, such as a mild form of Tourettes syndrome, you will see that they are able to stop doing the compulsive action when they focus on doing so. But when they go to interact and relax socially, the repetitive action will often appear. They will mindlessly repeat the action until they notice it, and then stop themselves. This is in part what has reveals a truth about all of us, we all make use of a kind of hypnotic state - which acts on us - just so that we can get through our day. 

This hypnotic state has a particularly interesting effect on a person’s interaction with a group. Such a state can be seen as having naturally evolved due to its acceptance of the norm. This could be because when people appear calm and successful, that tends to be a sign that they have chosen the “correct” path, and thus set a positive example for others to follow. In short, it as much as forces individuals in groups to act towards the benefit of a group without all that pesky, free will and thinking getting in the way of the group aim. 

In this hypnotic state that you and I call “going about our day” actions will continue without thought until there is a reason for thought to come into play. It takes a path of least resistance (including internal resistance to exterior force) it will act accordingly, without thought. Which is reasonable given no danger. 

For this reason a simple positive outlook and calm statement of how things should be, stated as if a factual account of what will be, actually brings about the largest change in a group. It allows for positive hypnotic response without activating the need for thought by bringing fear or tension into it. It is the best catalyst to group change due to having little internal dissonance while tapping into that hypnotic state in a positive way.

So, again, enacting positive change by simple statements of facts as forgone conclusions, then confidently acting as though one has made the best possible choice in order to set a good example, has the most impact.

All that being said, a period of thought always occurs. Whether it happens after or before the impulse to act (and it is often after due to the above) the thought allows for a reassessing and reworking of what signs will be considered “dangerous” enough to warrant actual thinking in the future. 

In light of this, these studies on sex as economics are both obvious and nonsensical. People, on the whole, know what they are doing. These articles call women’s ability to simply get by into question, let alone assess their actions outside of their own hypnotic states. 

The overall idea is known already, sex is exchangeable, as it is a desired commodity. People, and particularly women, (since testosterone and gender roles makes men want sex more often) will use sex as leverage in social interactions, and will do so without much thought, as an automatic, sub-conscious response to social barriers. But the specifics listed in the studies in no way prove that women are dsince they--as the resources in heterosexual, patriarchal, monogamy--must be afraid of or fear other women who can steal their prized purchaser), then we as human beings could enjoy a genuinely friendly, equal, and strong sisterhood. And everyone would be better for it. 

So what does that take? A lack of fighting between sexes or within sexes. A calm acknowledgment that there are differences in the sexes and those differences are enjoyable but mostly those differences do not go very far beyond sexual differences and minor emotional tendencies. A mutual respect and encouragement by both genders to encourage boldness, thought, reason and rationality. But, mostly, it takes a relaxed and confident assertion that these things are already getting better, and that we are already on this path while individually making sure we live up to it ourselves. 

We are way beyond these articles already. The people who are writing these articles are vacillating on a spectrum from responding to the social paradigm to fighting against the social paradigm. It is a ride we can just step off of.
3/6/2012 9:10:53 PM

Can poly relationships last?

 

In a recent podcast (#224 I think) Dan Savage said something that I think was meant to be funny:


"I've been to a few polyamorous weddings, but never to a polyamorous 3rd anniversary party"...


Dan (even if he wasn't really making a point) has a point.  It is nearly impossible to properly do a monogamous relationship well.  Even after excising the apocryphal "50% of marriages end in divorce" claim you still find that close to 34% of people alive who have married have been divorced. 


That is all percentages from monogamous couples.  Parse through this for more info if you want to:


http://www.census.gov/prod/2005pubs/p70-97.pdf


It doesn't matter whether you are poly or mono, the chance of divorce is just statistically high.  The way to not be a statistic is to avoid what married people fail to avoid on average.  Things such as bottling up resentment, not communicating what you want honestly, manipulating your partner into getting what you want, lying and so forth.  Not to mention the more palpable issues which create the stress that exacerbates other issues such as money or health. 


That said poly throuples (or whatever permutation they happen to be working with) have a few added things working against them:


1) For a relationship to work you need the right mixture of tension/excitement that makes for that spark and chemistry; things you agree on and enjoy doing together; things you can do separately; mindset that allows for distance and closeness matching the other person(s); generally the same amount of money or similar value/station (whatever that means to you); sexual/physical attraction and compatibility; and so forth.  That is hard enough to find with two people.  So to find that with 3 much harder.  Normally you only need one person to meet one set of requirments per person.  With a triad you need 3 people to meet 2 sets of requirements per person. 


2) Because of the above, people have usually been searching so hard to find that third that once they are found they take them whether it is a good idea or not.  It is easy to settle when you have been waiting years already.  Thoughts of compromise pensively allow you to come to terms with the initial warning signs and bask in the glory of success.  


3) Everyone has reactions to things, little persnickety psychosis which, when agitated cause us to lash out.  In a relationship with the wrong person (or even the right one sometimes) those reactions occur far more frequently. An extra person increases the chance that one of the people is going to be set off easily by another.


4) Similar to the above is the fact that more "crazy" in the environment creates more "crazy" overall.  Basically a person will often react internally with the expectation of their reaction which was placed upon them by another.  You see this most often in couples at that point where a fight is just about to start and everyone can feel it, and then the first person to talk will often speak as if the other is already doing what they are attempting to stop them from doing.  This is also made more likely with 3 or more people. 


5) If you chose badly, and it really is not easy to choose well even in a mono situation.  You will find that the third person will actually drive a wedge between you two without it being obvious that is what is happening.  The simple statements or If we account for the number of marriages occurring) might actually have POLY lasting longer than Mono relationships. 


But there are SO MANY poly commitments that end in the first few months that the mean and mode average (esp if 1 year or less is it's own category for mode) of breaking up would definitely be higher in Poly relationships. 


While I have no proof, I have some evidence, as the last year has been spent attempting to find even one single functioning and living together triad. In that search I have found a total of 5 in this state, along with MANY stories of break ups. At least 40 stories of break ups after attempting a live in (marriage style) triad.  It is the living together that seems to precede the most strife actually.


But I say:  "fuck it, never tell me the odds!"


Success is not really measured in outlasting time.  It is better spent eking precious moments out of right now. 


In a recent podcast (#224 I think) Dan Savage said something that I think was meant to be funny:
"I've been to a few polyamorous weddings, but never to a polyamorous 3rd anniversary party"...

Dan (even if he wasn't really making a point) has a point.  It is nearly impossible to properly do a monogamous relationship well.  Even after excising the apocryphal "50% of marriages end in divorce" claim you still find that close to 34% of people alive who have married have been divorced. 

That is all percentages from monogamous couples.  Parse through this for more info if you want to:
http://www.census.gov/prod/2005pubs/p70-97.pdf

It doesn't matter whether you are poly or mono, the chance of divorce is just statistically high.  The way to not be a statistic is to avoid what married people fail to avoid on average.  Things such as bottling up resentment, not communicating what you want honestly, manipulating your partner into getting what you want, lying and so forth.  Not to mention the more palpable issues which create the stress that exacerbates other issues such as money or health. 

That said poly throuples (or whatever permutation they happen to be working with) have a few added things working against them:

1) For a relationship to work you need the right mixture of tension/excitement that makes for that spark and chemistry; things you agree on and enjoy doing together; things you can do separately; mindset that allows for distance and closeness matching the other person(s); generally the same amount of money or similar value/station (whatever that means to you); sexual/physical attraction and compatibility; and so forth.  That is hard enough to find with two people.  So to find that with 3 much harder.  Normally you only need one person to meet one set of requirments per person.  With a triad you need 3 people to meet 2 sets of requirements per person. 

2) Because of the above, people have usually been searching so hard to find that third that once they are found they take them whether it is a good idea or not.  It is easy to settle when you have been waiting years already.  Thoughts of compromise pensively allow you to come to terms with the initial warning signs and bask in the glory of success.   

3) Everyone has reactions to things, little persnickety psychosis which, when agitated cause us to lash out.  In a relationship with the wrong person (or even the right one sometimes) those reactions occur far more frequently. An extra person increases the chance that one of the people is going to be set off easily by another.

4) Similar to the above is the fact that more "crazy" in the environment creates more "crazy" overall.  Basically a person will often react internally with the expectation of their reaction which was placed upon them by another.  You see this most often in couples at that point where a fight is just about to start and everyone can feel it, and then the first person to talk will often speak as if the other is already doing what they are attempting to stop them from doing.  This is also made more likely with 3 or more people. 

5) If you chose badly, and it really is not easy to choose well even in a mono situation.  You will find that the third person will actually drive a wedge between you two without it being obvious that is what is happening.  The simple statements or evaluations offered by a third party create an attenuation of the connection between the couple because they now have to deal with the truth value of these other assertion offered by the third party about your partner.  It is made worse when a relationship is involved and an expectation of privacy is expected. 

So, if it were true that there is no such thing as a 3rd anniversary for poly people.  I would not be surprised. 

What is cool is that it is not true, there are poly families which have lived for longer than most married couples and are super happy.  I know of 2 who have posted on this thread alone. 

There are not a lot of them.  So the chances are not high. 

But I say:  "fuck it, never tell me the odds!"

Success is not really measured in outlasting time.  It is better spent eking precious moments out of right now. 

 
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ritareal11
 Age: 26
 New york city, New York