I have seen several profiles with people not interested in meeting or befriending married people except those in open relationships because the person is dishonest and can't be trusted. That got me thinking...can I really not be trusted?
Anyone engaged in kink, but particularly a sub, puts herself in a vulnerable position when she is at play, and for her to fully explore her limits she must trust her dom. And of course honesty is one of the core attributes that helps lead to trust.
I would like to consider myself honest. In my work and home life I am honest almost to a fault, I own mistakes and accept criticism without dissembling. I have a job where being honest is frequently contrary to the interests or myself and my organisation but honest I am.
But I am not honest to my wife about my pursuit of a kinky lifestyle. I feel tremendously bad about it but it is clear when I've tried broaching the subject either in conversation or by being a little more adventurous in the bedroom she is entirely uninterested in anything kinky and moreover is critical of those who are. So for me it is simple, if I tell her of my interests nothing good can come of it - it will lower me in her eyes while making her realise that I want more than she can provide which will hurt her.
Does that make me untrustworthy as a dom though? I don't think it does. I would say the reverse. My sad descent to becoming an inveterate liar is wholly because the person I am lying to is kink-unfriendly and I am unprepared to face the consequences of them finding the truth. But with fellow kinksters I need have no inhibitions about sharing my interests. We don't all have the same kinks but pretty well to a man (or woman or other) we recognise and tolerate the legitimacy of all other kinks - consensual and lawful ones of course.
While I know some people have careers and lifestyles where they are free to be 100% open with all friends, family, colleagues, I suspect that is a minority. Is it only the married who are dishonest about their sexual preferences and practices? I simply can't imagine us married types are in a bubble of dishonesty that those single or in open relationships have no similar experience of.
I think that one of the greatest attractions of sites like this is being around people you can be honest with. I am a liar, no doubt about it, but I don't want to be. And here I am not and it is such a relief. Indeed it is almost more of an attraction than the possibility of meeting partners for play...almost. Do the unmarried not share that feeling? I wouldn't seek to jeopardise that freedom I find here to be dishonest with potential partners I meet here, that would be perverse.
There are lots of reasons not to get involved with a married partner; meeting is difficult, communication can be sporadic, and unless you are so wonderful it is going to convince him to divorce (not impossible but wildly optimistic) you won't get monogamy. And of course you may find that such a brazen lie is simply too immoral for your taste. But to rule him out on the basis that because of the lie he tells his wife he can't be trusted on this site? To my mind that means rejecting a lot of people who would be completely honest and trustworthy with a partner found here. |